The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[patrick1]

does a lot of fitness in Italy

Haha, so many gems from trolling Bushie tonight.

[Lief 🗽]

Hahah I was skimming and totally missed that. What the hell does "doing fitness in Italy" mean???

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

From: I left my heart in the back of the cab

> I'm proud to say this is one horrible forum trend/meme (though
> I'm sure it originated elsewhere) that I have never participated
> in even once. Especially since it's really just a pretentious way
> of avoiding the person being replied to's point and basically
> saying "haha you're stupid, I'm right and you're wrong."
>
> F[inks]ing terrible in all circumstances and should be killed with fire.


I'm old school, so for me '>' will always mark quoted text in an email or a Usenet posting.

[retromike22]

I hope he can now finally come out... and then accept me as his boytoy.

[Lief 🗽]

least like me is probably one of the right wing populists such as al.

[Sprouts Farmers Market ✘]

Neither of these MIZZed the target!

md is guarntd, wi, il, pa, oh, nh are necessary to a DEM win.

No. NHH in firewall already. Path to vic. includes wi faingold, il Duckworth +1 woman, pa Sextak, oh w/sensible liberal Strcklan.d, and MIZZ. ultra liberal hagen as a backup in nc and chance bozman go down in ar b/c unpopular hutchinson dynasty.

[🐒Gods of Prosperity🔱🐲💸]

Hillary Clinton

From this:



To this:





SOOOOOOOO SAAAAAAAAD

[Antonio the Sixth]

T_host is the best poster in the history of Atlas.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

I didn't know there was anything wrong with Mr. Daves' maps. The color thing is confusing enough for the leisure inhabitant as it is, and now, he expects more will help, who? Why?

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2015/03/19/obama-floats-making-voting-mandatory-calling-it-potentially-transformative/

MAYBE, he's thinking of using this incentive. oh wait, I see that word mandatory, hum... What "is" universal voting?

[Oakvale]

Probably a nice and well meaning guy IRL, who is knowledgable and articulate, but his support for genocide, regicide and massacres makes him a HP.

Precisely. Being ok with mass murder is a deal breaker.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vince_Foster

[politicus]

Those Muricans amirite! Always grabbing their guns and Big Macs, and then slicing open women's wombs! Typical yanks hahahhahahhhaahaha

[Antonio the Sixth]

 The extended deadline for Islam/Iran to eliminate, to forget about it; death to Israel, death to America, western culture of infidel’s must convert, are, the years of ideological requirement, denials, expended human and currency resources for its quest of a nuclear bomb, must be renounced on the 31st of March 2015.
 
 On behalf of the Obama ideal, the Democrat progressed premise, John Kerry – a Vietnam War Veteran has negotiated your presence.

 What is your order of importance? Not negotiable at the top thru negotiable at the bottom. Where is your red line?

 It is assumed that the Kerry-Clinton/Obama/Jaret/ team have something to negotiate with. What will it be that Islam will accept/take and Honor not to build the bomb and recognize the standing of Western Culture?

 You Have One Week to Think About It +4.
1.   Guilt
2.   Food and Shelter
3.   Netflix’s
4.   National debt
5.   Night Court
6.   Sexual Identity
7.   Toilet Paper
8.   Entitlement
9.   Weaponry/Ammo
10.   Vengeance
11.   Craft Beer
12.   Education
13.   Republic Governance
14.   Chocolate
15.   9 Point Touchdowns
16.   Combustion
17.   Rap
18.   Communication
19.   Love
20.   Speech
21.   Gitmo
22.   Environment
23.   Ideology
24.   Law
25.   Grand ol’ Opry
26.   Mutual Destruction
27.   Faith
28.   Drugs
29.   Unions/Bureaucrat’s
30.   Courage
31.   Currency Reserve
32.   Health
33.   Natural Resource’s
34.   Trust
35.   Language
36.   Neighbor
37.   Skill
38.   Property
39.   Commitment
40.   Happiness

 April 1st, having your order in order helps when the joke is on you. This year’s joke likely is going to be a bomb.  Kind of deep, in reality, when the disruptor appears, arrives - - - you’re late.

[Morning in Atlas]

Well, guess what guys, I'm a Democrat. 

Congratulations!!! Have you come out to your family yet? If they're accepting, would you bring a Democrat home? If they're not, just remember: you were born this way, this wasn't a choice you made. So happy for you!!

No, I haven't, but I know my dad will support me through this.  And I will most definitely be bringing a democrat home for christmas this year.

[Mr. Morden]

Why does the US seem to have such a high number of women cutting open the wombs of other women to steal their unborn kids ?

Women steal other women's unborn babies to protect them from the Krampus.

[Kushahontas]

The health comments I can understand.  I don't understand the childish comments.

you went to see Fly Me To The Moon in the movie theater.

No, I did not.  I saw Journey to the Center of the Earth.

[politicus]

What is Cruz selling? Just anger and fear. Is this the best that Texas do? Really scraping the bottle of the barrel with Cruz!😲

The State of Texas has nothing to do with it.  It's the fact that there appears to be no other Texans interested in running.  The nation was genuinely blessed with another Texan some years ago.

[retromike22]

And, we all know Cruz is going to be an amazing debater.  There are going to be some great pieces of film where he goes after the front-runners.  And, make no mistake, he's going to make people look silly a few times.  Just imagine Cruz vs. Rick Perry on the debate stage arguing some point, that would be like Floyd Mayweather vs. a Leukemia patient in the boxing ring.

[Sopranos Republican]

You can't expect him to buy healthy food on the same day that his dipstick broke.

[TNF]

To all HP voters:

I have an EXPERIMENT for you all to conduct. WOOOOOO

Stop reading this and go get a pencil/pen.

Seriously, go do it.

Stop reading this.

STOP IT

STOP

STAAAAHP

OK now you've got the pencil. Or pen. Now go ahead and place it between the middle and ring fingers of your right hand (IT HAS TO BE ON THE RIGHT HAND OK JUST DO IT.) Now use your other hand to squeeze the aforementioned fingers around the pen(cil).

You might notice this REALLY HURTS and it's kinda like when your FOOT ITCHES except it's not an itch it's just PAIN and it's on your HAND. CONGRATULATIONS THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR VOTING HP ON DEADFLAGBLUES.

Stolen from an episode of Zero Punctuation ORIGINAL JOKE, DO NOT STEAL

Also, if the exercise mentioned above actually gives you any pain then you have a promising career ahead of you as a huge pussy.

[Illuminati Blood Drinker]

Ugh...

Because he is a fellow Baylor alumnus, I actually have access to his mailing address and contact info and it makes me really want to just find someone in China who can sell me a bulk order of dildos that I can then mail to him on a daily basis to totally f#$% with his mind until I run out.

He comes home from work? Dildo in a FedEx box on the front porch. He comes into the office in the morning? "Mr. Paxton, there is a package for you." Dildo. He's walking out to his car at the end of the day? Dildo on the hood of the car.

Eventually Ken Paxton will be found naked, crouched behind some bushes in his neighborhood, muttering, "Dildos...dildos...dildos everywhere!" to himself. The authorities will get involved. Mr. Paxton will quietly resign for personal reasons. His traditional, heterosexual Christian marriage will disintegrate. His children will be ashamed of him.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Why does the US seem to have such a high number of women cutting open the wombs of other women to steal their unborn kids ?

Women steal other women's unborn babies to protect them from the Krampus.

That is retro's only good posting.

[Mr. Smith]

WalterMitty is the only left-winger on this forum, unlike right-wing populists like TNF and Snowstalker.

[Flake]

Obviously a super HP and I really don't know how this is close.

I mean let us consider what the Mechaman has actually said on this forum:

• Racist paddies who lynched black people deserve our sympathy from a historical perspective largely because they were poor and starving and "victims" of capitalism while the brave industrialists who helped fund the persecution of the Confederacy all the way to the end do not.  In fact, they deserved to be hated largely because they were a hypocritical class who made many people work and starve to death.
• Organized crime and political machinery are the natural results of clauses found in the previous point, as well as a reaction against a moralistic Puritanical regime in the highest echelons of power and influence that went out of their way to persecute the poor and the unprivileged.  See, it is not really the fault of the criminals themselves, it is society's fault!  Seriously, what a shameless libertine bastard this man is.
• Jokes pretty openly about how he likes pre-ops and tried to claim he is not a closet case because they have "breasts" or some sh*t.  I mean this is the 21st century and we are all enlightened people, but come on obvious closet case is obvious.
• His timelines are full of people who seem to be overwhelmingly racist, homophobic, sexist, and just all around sh*theads.  I mean yes, he is depicting people in the privacy of their own homes and conference rooms, but please a little PC Mechaman?  Not to mention that his character driven timelines seem to include a ludicrous gibbs amount of sexual innuendoes, references to sexual activity, and a lot of the women in them seem proud of their bodies and okay with sleeping with dudes.  This alone should be an easy HP vote.
• Gets on here regularly, sh*tfaced, and makes love songs to people.  Namely Teddy and Inks, both of which are no longer with us.  I would like to think that Mechaman's traumatizing attacks on them had something to do with it.
• Going back to point one, regularly touts his supposed "Irishness" (come on Mecha, really?  How Irish are you?  What's that last name of yours again?  Ha yeah right!) as a reason why he would not be a huge fan of the Federalist, the Whigs, and even the Republican party.  Really seems like a cop out to vote for a bunch of black hating racists if he lived in the 19th century, just my personal two cents.  Not a surprise given that a lot of historical rants seem to be more about how the "enlightened" (word almost always put into quotation marks to indicate that he is mocking the word) northern industrialists totally ignored the conditions many white ethnic faced while being truthfully concerned about the exploitation of blacks in the South.  Truth is, anyone who is a true anti-racist and a fan of equality should not ever vote Democratic, regardless of the cynical falsehoods that Mechaman and others try to sell on people.
• Going further off of that last note, he seems to go out of his way to defend the previously mentioned states rights and small government activists were somehow to the left of the parties of tariffs and industry.  Now granted, this is a contrived troll act and by now I am contradicting some earlier key aspects of this character, but what people thought was "liberal" or "conservative" back then really should not matter.  What matters is who was right and who was wrong.  And frankly, government intervention is a fundamentally liberal concept with the idea of improving society and results are also left wing, so he is just being an idiot loser.
• Regardless of how many political shifts he has experienced on here, he seems to laugh in the face of polite language and manners.  He says the f word and the s word almost without abandon (despite promising Dave Leip he would stop) and he says ethnic and homophobic slurs like it's not a big deal.  Of course he could defend himself on this latter note, noting that he is writing these words in educational threads and in alternate history timelines, but really it seems to be an inner white middle upper class need to call something a racial slur and get away with it.  To make matters worse he often gangs up on people for calling out others for using mean words, which suggests that he realizes what he is doing is wrong and is so adamant in defending himself and others of the obvious aggression they are causing others that he ends up mocking those he wishes to "correct" (sorry couldn't resist).
• And despite his left wing political shift, he seems to beat up more upon rich and affluent liberals more so than he does conservatives!  Of course he could claim that he is only doing this because everyone else on the forum beats up rich conservatives so it is unnecessary for him to do so and something yada yada class consciousness, but at the end of the day he seems hell bent on attacking New Democrats and other establishment Democratic types than he does addressing the far right Tea Party and other elements of the Republican Party.  Seems a lot closer to a mypalfish than it does to a genuine socialist, don't you think?  A real socialist would at least support Hillary Clinton, realizing that in this political system to do otherwise is a waste effort that only emboldens the money men.
• His mocking of any and all decent moral standards is also condemnable.  Regardless of your political position crime should be seen as crime.  Mechaman doesn't think so.  IN fact, in his world crime seems to be almost an act of self defense from the working class against the rich "elitists" (whoever the hell that may be) and that sex is something that the government should stay out of entirely unless it involves someone getting it who does not want it.  He goes even further to state that if a man receives anal sex he is not gay (again going back to the part about trans porn, he seems to be coming up with excuses to get away with his very obvious closet gayness) if it is being done by a woman or even a dude.  Supposedly sexual orientation is not about what you like being done to you, but about your personal and emotional connection to the person who is doing it!  I mean really, OUTRAGE!  NEXT THING YOU KNOW HE WILL SAY THAT CATS SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH DOGS OR SOMETHING!

With that stated, super solid Horrible Person right here.  By virtually most standards on this forum.

People who voted FF need to really access their priorities.  I mean really.

[King]

i ain't reading all that sh**t

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

If I was Joe I'd demand my name be removed from this thread.  Other than his posts, very few are funny.

[King]

Reaction from ISIS:

Oh Crap

Reaction from JCL:

Tea Party in the hizzau