link1. NEW YORK CITY
Median Income: 3.5 credit hours
Idealistic Hopes And Dreams Crushed Per Day: 1.4 million
Cost Of Living Like Friends Back Home: $2.5 million a year
Number Of Old Bags In Rent-Controlled Apartments Who Need To Just Die Already: 11,078
Rockettes Per Capita: 0.000019
Number Of Residents Under 30 Living In Dream Brownstone Apartment In Greenwich Village After Making It In The Big City: 0
3. SAN FRANCISCO
Median Rent: Hooboy
Wi-Fi Strength: -50 dBm
Number Of Apps It Takes To Get From One Part Of City To Another: 4
Weather: Mild climate softens blow of living on the streets
Earthquakes: Constant in your mother’s mind as soon as you move here
Environmental Initiatives: City recycles 90 percent of failed startups
Best Neighborhood For Young People Just Starting Out: 28 miles outside city limits
5. YOUR HOMETOWN
Average Number Of Unbearable Interactions When You Leave The House: 2.54 per outing
The Mall: Depressing, inexplicably comforting
Number Of Promotions Former Classmate Has Earned At Local Supermarket Since Being Bagboy Back In High School: 2
Pace At Which 10 Goddamn Years Of Your Life Pass: Just like that
Unshakable Sensation That You Both Belong Here And Are A Stranger Here: Inescapable and oppressive
Cost Of Living: Admission of defeat
