Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[Јas]

I'd trust you, but if everything you said were true, McCain would be up like ten points, so...I don't trust you.  We can still be friends

[Hash]

This was too good:

undecided between Conservative and Liberal

Believe me, you're certainly not a Harper Conservative voter. Definitely not. PC maybe in the good old days. But not 2008 Conservative. You're either Greenie or Liberal.

The Canadian Conservative Party is the most moderate/progressive Conservative Party in the world.

[Keystone Phil]

With amazing rises like Palin and Obama, my bet is on Georgia State Senator Virgil Fludd for 2012:

[Sensei]

I don't really care anyway.  I'm not going to ask, and if someone tells me, then I'm going to beat their ass, plain and simple.

And is it just me, or does anyone else here not want a bunch of fairies defending their country?  "Oh, I broke a nail.  Let me borrow your mascara."  The limp-wristed bastards.

I'm not trying to question the motives of gay soldiers, but what better way to get some wang than to take advantage of someone with post-traumatic stress disorder?

Please, everyone.  Let's get serious.  All soldiers have enough on their hands.  They don't need to have a bunch of queers running around, giggling and playing grab-ass with each other when they're under enemy fire.  Until gay soldiers can prove they're up to the task, they're not allowed in the Army.  Plain and simple.

[??????????]

brittain33, this is a question more out of curiosity than anything else.  Which one of you is the 'man' in the relationship?  Or do you switch roles?  Do you cook and clean one day, and watch football the next?  Do you both have lisps, or just one of you?

[Brittain33]

brittain33, this is a question more out of curiosity than anything else.  Which one of you is the 'man' in the relationship?  Or do you switch roles?  Do you cook and clean one day, and watch football the next?  Do you both have lisps, or just one of you?

I love me some Vander Blubb.

[Јas]

Wait, McCain plans to attack Obama even more?  What is he going to do?

The only way this is possible is if he literally attacks Obama.  Pulls a gun out at the next debate, blows his brains out, and says "there, he's dead.  You can't elect him over me anymore."

[Joe Republic]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

[The Mikado]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

Is that only funny because it adds up to 100.12%, or do you think the prediction's funny too?

[Keystone Phil]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

Is that only funny because it adds up to 100.12%, or do you think the prediction's funny too?

I think the point is that he said Obama would lose after breaking 50% of the vote.

[Хahar 🤔]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

Is that only funny because it adds up to 100.12%, or do you think the prediction's funny too?

I think the point is that he said Obama would lose after breaking 50% of the vote.

Obama's campaign is "we" to him now?

[Keystone Phil]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

Is that only funny because it adds up to 100.12%, or do you think the prediction's funny too?

I think the point is that he said Obama would lose after breaking 50% of the vote.

Obama's campaign is "we" to him now?

Who the hell knows? I guess. He clearly shows Obama as the one breaking 50%.

[Хahar 🤔]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

Is that only funny because it adds up to 100.12%, or do you think the prediction's funny too?

I think the point is that he said Obama would lose after breaking 50% of the vote.

Obama's campaign is "we" to him now?

Who the hell knows? I guess. He clearly shows Obama as the one breaking 50%.

Meaning he did his math badly, which is part of the humor.

[Joe Republic]

Haha, I didn't even notice the bad math, so yes, that does add to the humor.  What I found funny was the overall nonsensical content.

[Keystone Phil]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

Is that only funny because it adds up to 100.12%, or do you think the prediction's funny too?

I think the point is that he said Obama would lose after breaking 50% of the vote.

Obama's campaign is "we" to him now?

Who the hell knows? I guess. He clearly shows Obama as the one breaking 50%.

Meaning he did his math badly, which is part of the humor.

Nevermind

[Tetro Kornbluth]

The only way for Republicans to win in 2012 is with a Santorum-DeWine or a Santorum-Allen ticket.  The country, plagued by public man-on-dog assault everywhere since Obama got in, will rejoice at the chance of a 2006 do-over.  DeWine lost by more, but Allen is more famous, so it is too soon to say who would be better for a do-over.  The election could be broadcast as Celebrity Do-Over 2O12, and all proceeds could go to charity.  It would do a lot to bring the country together again.

[Mr. Morden]

I think we will break 50%, but I also think he will lose

Obama 50.22%
McCain 49.14%
Others .76%

Barr will be lucky to get .5% and Nader to get .2%

Is that only funny because it adds up to 100.12%, or do you think the prediction's funny too?

I think the point is that he said Obama would lose after breaking 50% of the vote.

You can break 50% of the vote and still lose because of the electoral college.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Chinese food, eh?
So I guess Meeker has some sort of ESP:

I believe it's a dog allergy.

Oh, btw.

Best part - Very attractive young nurse (not much older than me). I need to visit the ER more often. 

Just keep ordering whatever you were having at that restaurant... bound to happen again sooner or later.

[Јas]

Did she ever figure out which newspaper it is that she reads?

That attack would actually work if she didn't already explain it to Carl Cameron.

Allow myself to explain why I didn't, in an interview, know the papers, of which I had before me, to find information. It's all about job creation, doncha know?

You betcha! *WINK*


Got a heck of a used car to sell ya - We call's it the Maverick Mobile, eh!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Very very true, but also made me laugh:

Enough.  Seriously, shut up.  Gore lost, deal with it.

yeah, that is pretty gross.  thankfully Ben doesn't actually believe it and instead is just trying to appear "moderate" and "pragmatic."  there was a time when I wasn't much different.  maybe in a few years he'll evolve into a cynical nihilist.

I don't believe Gore lost the election?  In a democracy, sometimes you lose a close race; you don't then spend the next 8 years whining about how the election was stolen; you try and win the next time.

And I'm already fairly cynical.

lol, not convincing me

Why do you believe I'm altering my opinions to fit an image over the internet?

I don't really want to psychoanalyze you, as appealing at that sounds.  but you just show far too many of the signs.  you want to be respected.  you want to be a USElectionAtlas Moderate Hero just like Gabu, Joe Republic, and some other blowhards. 

[Хahar 🤔]

Said it better than I could've.

[Sensei]

Now Sensei, that guy's a moderate hero.

Bask in his presence.

[Sensei]

Yes, this did happen. I texted Tweed about the score of the Phillies game (during the brief period of time in transition from the waiting room to the actual ER) and jokingly told him to inform you guys of my condition. I said that my last wish was to see a Santorum Presidency and, as my life flashed before my eyes, I saw McCain winning PA to put him over the top for the Presidency. 

I was eating Chinese food ("THEY HAVE GREAT FOOD!" - Mike Naso) and I notice my throat starting to feel soar. It came on all of the sudden. I didn't think much of it. Then I feel bumps on my face. Again, didn't care. I started to wonder what the hell was going on when I noticed that my eyelid started to swell and my throat felt like it was closing. It became pretty obvious that it was an allergic reaction. I ended up going to the ER. Thankfully, there is a hospital literally up the street (about a thirty second drive). Unfortunately, this place doesn't have the best reputation especially when it comes to being quick.

As I'm walking in with my Mom, a bunch of people were hysterical. There were cops around, too, so I'm guessing someone died in an accident or something. I go in, don't wait very long (shocking) and get called back. Basically, they gave me some medicine and checked my vital signs. I got to watch the Phils lose from my hospital "room."    I waited forever to get a prescription. In the period of time, someone else must have died since they put up the curtain across the area where I was sitting as they wheeled someone by. Sad stuff.

I guess I had a reaction to what I ate tonight. The sad thing is that I get the same meal from the same place all the time. Ironically, I refuse to go anywhere else because I'm so used to my place and I get sick when I eat other stuff from other places. I have to go to some specialist to see if I'm allergic to the food. I think it just happened this one time because my meal tasted a little like shrimp. I'm not allergic to seafood but I guess however they cooked the meal tonight made my sick.


Anyway, thanks for the concern, guys. 

Thank the lord you're alright.

To think that the night I was out dancing with dozens of women, Keystone Phil was in the hospital...it's just not cricket.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Clinton is still seen as unsuccesful in the eyes of the voters, and Perot is not that there is the "change" candidate in this scenario.  Gingrich excites the Republican base, and the pick of Kean gains some support in New England.  When the dust settles, Speaker Gingrich eeks out a narrow win:

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Reminds me again why I have this red avatar.

Exactly!

The party of ignorance shows its true colors once again.

j/k