The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Antonio the Sixth]

"impossible, but not unlikely"

[RINO Tom]

The emptiest spaces on earth includes most of Antarctica and Ljube's skull.

[heatcharger]

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this forum was completely fake. I honestly can't believe that some of the people here are actually real.

There is at least one known computer posting on Atlas.  And considering his name is Computer 89, we know there are at least 89 of them.

How many time have had to explain I chose that username  cause I was likely going to be a CS major then so I chose computer then I chose 89 through a random number generator .

Thank you for sharing your username generation process, computer89

[Antonio the Sixth]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=256973

Best. Poll. Ever.

[Crumpets]

Context: Have you met another Atlasian?

Yes, Sunrise.

when

in the morning, duh

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Context...

I think he just really needed to poop. That's a classic "I need to poop" face.

Until I checked the context, I thought he was commenting on Trump's official White House photo.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

You forgot these two options:

(Winfield’s option) This thread is disgusting, and should be reported for using the word “sex”

(Reaganfan's option) Some people would answer that it depends on the type of sex you’re having.  Is premarital sex a big enough social problem that it needs to be addressed by the popular culture?  And will Hollywood inevitably push children into having more sex with today’s entertainment?

It wasn’t always like this.  Conservatism wasn't always at liberal expense. You would have sitcoms that would air "Very Special Episodes" about the dangers of drugs, drinking and other pressing social issues without resorting to liberalism. Hell, even I myself, born in 1988, remember watching "Just Say No" VHS tapes in grade school a decade after they were made, with Ronald and Nancy Reagan telling kids to say no to drugs and terrifying PSA commercials aired during my Saturday Morning cartoons featuring the dangers of drug use. You remember the PSAs. "Hey Tommy, look what I've got..." as a child held a handful of small white rolled joints with sinister music in the background. Talk about ruining your Saturday bowl of Fruit Loops.

Skip forward nearly 30 years and you now have children watching prime time television shows that glorify drug use. You even have some Americans voting to legalize it. In many ways, it is a victory of liberalism and a nightmare for traditional Americans.

When my mother was in high school, she was one of the so-called "popular" girls in school, and even dated a star football player.  I don’t actually know how much sex she was having, but it did not detract from her education.  She knew about the world around her, in a way that students of the present day do not.  She knew who Reagan and Bush were, and even what the Soviet Union and Communism were.  She knew of television programs such as The Dukes of Hazard and Dallas.  Does the present generation even know why we celebrate the 4th of July, or who shot J.R.?



Now, some would say that I’m not even addressing sexual activity among people of the same gender.  Does that make me homophobic?  When I was in school, a student once said "I think homosexuality is wrong."  Today, that student would be punished severely.  They would be suspended from school, and forced into sensitivity training.  But I ask you, was that student a homophobe?  Am I a homophobe because I want to date women rather than men?  Am I a racist because I don't like rap music?  By today's multi-racial, hyper-progressive standards, I might in fact be considered racist.  But by the standards of the 20th century, I would not be.  How could I have been racist when I was watching the Cosby Show?



Now, to conclude on the subject of whether sexual activity is positive or not, I would like to highlight a crucial moment from “Family Ties”.  Alex is talking about finding a girl to date and telling his mother that he was going to have to "pick a date off the girl tree." Despondent, she said, "ALEX! The girl tree?" to which he sarcastically replied, "Oh...sorry mom. The woman tree." Again, there was no claim of a fictional "War on Women" or any outcry. In fact, one could claim that the audience, which by the way included the President of the United States, would applaud Alex P. Keaton's sarcastic tone against his liberal mother.



And so one can only conclude that if sexual activity is conducted according to the heartland values of an Alex P. Keaton, between an 80s man and an American woman with big hair, then it may be a freedom activity.  However, if it’s conducted according to the values of the “War on Women” feminists, then it’s a horrible activity.  I still see a country where the former is possible.  I still see a country I love.

—

Anyway, that’s what I think Winfield and Naso would say, respectively.

[Pheurton Skeurto]

OBAMA SUCKED!!! HE WAS NEVER MY PRESIDENT... ALL THE PEOPLE THAT DON'T LIVE IN THE U.S. AND ARE FROM OTHER COUNTRIES (LIKE THE UKRAINE, FOR EXAMPLE) NEED TO SHUT THE HELL UP BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIVE WHERE I DO AND HAVE NO CLUE ON WHAT IS GOING ON AND NEVER WILL... At least Donald Trump went to a Black Sabbath concert which all can google for the info. He also admitted to liking Heavy Metal, unlike Barrack Obama that likes Hip Hop and possibly gangsta rap. Obama has no love for Metal, so why should any Metalhead like him? If I'm wrong, then name one band he ever invited over to play in the White House... I seen nothing but radio corporate musical no talent pop and rap artists at his inaugurations.
Donald Trump is hated because he is a trash talker and offends only people that don't like him... But the media lies and says he hates everyone... However,
OBAMA GAVE OUT MORE WELFARE, KEPT THE TROOPS IN THE MIDDLE EAST (JUST LIKE GEORGE W. BUSH), DEVALUED THE U.S. CURRENCY, RAISED TAXES ON EVERYONE'S PAYCHECK, SUPPORTED THE RIOTS/VANDALIZING/HATE CRIMES AGAINST POLICE AND ALL WHITES, RAISED THE NATIONAL DEBT BY TENFOLD, FORCED AMERICANS TO PAY $50 TO $500 A MONTH FOR "AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE" AGAINST YOUR WILL OR GET FINED, WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE FOR NO REASON (BEFORE BEING PRESIDENT IN EARLY JANUARY OF 2008), DENIED EQUAL REPRESENTATION OF ALL NON-BLACK AND WHITES IN THE U.S. MEDIA, DEPORTED MORE IMMIGRANTS THAN ANY OTHER PRESIDENT, AND HAS DIVIDED THE HELL OUT OF THE U.S. (UNLIKE ANY OTHER U.S. PRESIDENT IN HISTORY). OBAMA IS ONE OF THE WORST U.S. PRESIDENTS OF ALL TIME!!! GOOD RIDDANCE HE IS GONE!!!

Stay poor vote Democrat. Support the rich people of Hollywood (that want the poor to keep making them richer) vote Democrat. Believe the lying media and don't think for yourself vote Democrat. Don't be proud of who you are (and your background) vote Democrat.

Don't even get me started on Bernie Sanders that believes only Black lives matter not Whites, Hispanics, Asian, Native Americans, or Middle Easterners. He said this during one of the Democratic debates in a video. The only reason teenagers kiss his butt (his biggest followers), is because he promised to make all colleges free. However, that idea requires 100 times higher taxes on your paycheck. The purpose of going to college is to make big money in the future not give it to a Socialist like Sanders.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Lol:

[Crumpets]

Context: The "How many siblings do you have?" thread

I think this should be merged with this thread.

[RINO Tom]

If you added Winthrop Rockefeller to this list, I might have gone with Winthrop - the most left-wing Governor of Arkansas.

Not really, at least economically.

Yeah, that's just a crazy claim.  Faubus was literally a socialist, wasn't he?  The fact that he was a racist doesn't exclude him from being left-wing, though that's always oh-so-hard for our forum Dems to come to terms with.

But, but, I was told in school that the two parties switched places!  The Republicans were liberals and the Democrats were conservatives!  Modern political labels apply perfectly to the 19th century!

Everyone knows that political ideologies are basically just grab bags of assorted policies that never change, regardless of the historical context. Andrew Jackson was a conservative visionary opposed by leftist Northern Whigs (we know they were leftists because they supported "big government" and fair trade). Then, in 1932, FDR got elected and said "let's all be liberals now!" The Democrats traded platforms with the GOP and remain the party of Hamiltonian progressive Marxism to this day.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

George W. Bush is the reason I'm a neoconservative!

This is like someone becoming a social democrat because of Francois Hollande.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

I know you want to say Jesus in the subject but feel like you already know the answer, so you have to resort to something else. What I am unsure about is why FDR over opebo?

excellent and hilarious point


opedo wouldn't sucker punch someone though as he and manual labor are not on speaking terms.  He would pay a just barely post pubescent teen boy to do it.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Credit where credit is due

There are so many misconceptions in this thread. The Democracy Index is a fascinating and good metric. The downgrade isn't because of Trump nor is it because they are trying to make Trump look bad - they literally say the downgrade would have happened even if there wasn't a presidential election in 2016 at all

Here's the white paper going into detail on their numbers this year:
http://www.eiu.com/public/topical_report.aspx?campaignid=DemocracyIndex2016

I'm pretty sure the downgrade would've been a bit bigger if that happened.

[Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God]

"Human": [shares something on Facebook about #NotMyMarch] "This is so important."
"Me": [in my head] Nothing's important.

How do the rest of you deal with the absurdity of your fellow "man"?

I gave up smoking precisely because coughing to death with a breathing tube in my nose while these civilization-wreckers persisted was unconscionable. Otherwise, sher.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context:

No grade, just six months of in-school suspension and a good spanking.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Oldiesfreak Meets Malik Obama would have been a way better story.

Yeah, here goes another opportunity to get Malik Obama to join the Atlas Forum

LOL, I can just imagine it.

Malik Obama: "Trump isn't anti Muslim, I would know!"
ag: "So you'll be a field marshall like this guy?"
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erhard_Milch

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context:

Inside Kim's stomach.  That's the only thing they offer to tourists, you know.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Some may consider this outfit an act of terror

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

ftfy I'm a grammar nazi a member of the alt-write

ftfy

[Pheurton Skeurto]

There goes the summer vacation in Fallujah.

[heatcharger]

[Mr. Smith]

I had an airport layover on the Town Hall board once.  Does that count?

[Figueira]

I'm sorry, but this is amazing:

Dinosaurs were here when the continents were connected and they came from Africa across to South America.

Ice Ages happens and mammals began to form and dwarfism from a chimpanzee happen"per darwin." Lucy, a black woman came alive in Africa. And the cave man came from continent of Europe.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I'm sorry, but this is amazing:

Dinosaurs were here when the continents were connected and they came from Africa across to South America.

Ice Ages happens and mammals began to form and dwarfism from a chimpanzee happen"per darwin." Lucy, a black woman came alive in Africa. And the cave man came from continent of Europe.

He has spoken!