The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Beet]

Im driving on the fuc*king roads of america right...

NEW YORK, MANHATEEN, QUEENS, CONTTECUIT

THE FIVE I&NG BOROUGHS

THE FIVE BOROUGHS

WHAT THE FUC*K IS THIS FUC*KING sh**t...MY HEAD JUST HIT A BIG, LONG, FUC*KING POTHOLE...

OBAMA....BUSH....CLINTON...MOTHERFUC*KING CLINTON

YOU CIGAR SMOKING MOTHERA

WHY CANT YOU FIX THE FUC**KING ROADS...WERES THE TAX MONEY MOTHERF*UCKER

WERE IS THE TAX MONEY

WERE IS THE TAX MONEY MOTHERF*UCKER

PEOPLE ON I*KING WELFARE...MAKING MORE FUC*KING MONEY THAN ME AND I HAVE TO SLAVE LIKE ITS THE 19 FUC**KING 50S

AND IF ANY MOTHERER SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT MY NEW HAIRCUT...I KNOW...I WENT TO A NEW BARBER...AND I TOLD HIM TO SHAVE THAT SH"IT OFF SO HE DID

[Beet]

How is that funny?

[Beet]

Well yes, I try to look at the candidates and facts objectively, same as I always do. I'm nobody's hack or worshipper.

[Beet]

Unless watching the movie is necessary to secure a date with a sufficiently desirable woman, I probably won't.

That wouldn't be an awkward first date at all.  Girl who wants to see Fifty Shades of Grey on a first date, guy who used the phrase "secure a date with a sufficiently desirable woman.  And, then they actually go see Fifty Shades of Grey on a first date...  Jesus Christ.

Came here to post this.

[Beet]

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That's what I mean by in your face. Their celebrations have to be public. What is the purpose other than to taunt people?

[Beet]

Look, guy, I'm sorry that you care more about the feelings of beltway hacks like Jonah Goldberg and Charles Krauthammer than you do about the well-being of working Americans who are desperately crying out for a champion, who understands them and their issues, the working Americans who can't write a $5 million check to Jeb Bush's Super PAC every time they need something. These people have no voice, and Donald Trump is finally, FINALLY giving them one. Donald Trump is the great American success story. He worked hard, got great grades, and then he went out and made a fortune, a tremendous fortune, a fortune that bozos like you probably won't even be able to understand when he releases his disclosures. Unlike Bush, who is an unemployed loser, let's be frank, Donald Trump isn't beholden to anyone. He's not going to open the borders and let in another forty million illegals like Jeb's idiot brother did, just because the Wall Street fatcats told him to.