Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[Хahar 🤔]

February 30th, 9:00 PM, President Johnson addresses the nation from the white house. The speech opens a new plan for the peace aggreement in the Vietnam War. The President talks about the history of the country and vietnam. He minchens Kennedy and Eisenhower and what they did with Vietnam. He asks the country to come together and support this peace package.

As he gets to the end of the speech, he knows that it is time to talk about the election. President Johnson ends his speech with the following...

"With America's sons in the fields far away, with America's future under possible attack by a country far away, with America's hope and future in jeporady more every day, I do not think that I should spend an hour or a day of my time to any personal partisan causes or to any duties other to this office-the Presidency of your country. Therefore, I shall not seek and I will not accept the nomination of my party for another term as your President."

My word...he can get any worse?!?

You're clearly unfamiliar with "ReaganRepublican Campaign HQ". All of the threads have been deleted, I think.

Oh no, I'm very well aware of that comical thread. His policy on Affirmative Action still cracks me up!

Come on - I think dating something February 30th is about as special as one can get. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/February_30

Of course, he doesn't use Wikipedia.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

I just heard (on NBC) that Gov. David Paterson (D-NY) will speak on Tuesday night.

I can see that being a truly visionary speech.

[YRABNNRM]

Mike Pence

I'm really surprised he isn't mentioned more. A year ago I expected him to be the number one candidate for VP on the GOP side.

Some no name congressman from Indiana was the top choice?

(Yes I know he ran for Minority Whip or something but he lost, so it doesn't matter.)

if you are going to consider representatives for vp...they should be titans...like chet edwards.

[Sam Spade]

She's kind of hot.

I could never get into black women.  I did get into hispanic women at one point.  but, never again.  nor should you.  bad mistake.

[Sensei]

Huge FF. Now if only Christians actually followed what he preached, America would be a better place.

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Guess this confirms Gandhi was a moron

[YRABNNRM]

INSANE HILLARY SUPPORTER ON CNN

Somebody just lost their ghetto pass.

[Verily]

Polls have now closed in Alaska (except parts of the Aleutian Islands).

It will take a while for the dogs to deliver the ballots though.

Do they ever get held up by grizzlies?

Now that's a way to rig an election! Ambush the ballot collectors with grizzly bears.

Or in Ted Stevens' case, ROBOT BEARS:



*Drawing not to size*

[Conan]

INSANE HILLARY SUPPORTER ON CNN

Somebody just lost their ghetto pass.

racists.

[YRABNNRM]

INSANE HILLARY SUPPORTER ON CNN

Somebody just lost their ghetto pass.

racists.

[Conan]

INSANE HILLARY SUPPORTER ON CNN

Somebody just lost their ghetto pass.

racists.

yea right, little things like hur hur.....all black people are ghetto....hur hur.........aren't racist.....just little jokes!!! hur hur. disgusting

[YRABNNRM]

INSANE HILLARY SUPPORTER ON CNN

Somebody just lost their ghetto pass.

racists.

yea right, little things like hur hur.....all black people are ghetto....hur hur.........aren't racist.....just little jokes!!! hur hur. disgusting

[YRABNNRM]

Obama Speech Stage Resembles Ancient Greek Temple

I think it's cool.  He should wear a laurel wreath on his head and a toga for the speech.  The short one that wraps only around the waist and lets you see his manly chest.  McCain should then one-up him by riding out in a chariot pulled by a team of horses.  Dressed in Caesar reds and wielding a big, heavy sword.  Then McCain dismounts and swaggers past a dozen hungry and snarling, but chained, lions, and steps in front of Obama, symbolizing the cultural and economic ascent of pugilistic Rome over democratic Greece.

"Friends and countrymen, I come neither to praise nor to bury George Bush, but to kick Obama's ass."

"Oh, yeah?  Want a piece of this, wonder bread?  Caveat emptor, bitch." 

And the crowd goes wild and demands a McCain-Obama wrestling match.  To the death.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

I'm sorry if I don't automatically assume "all black" means "worst"; I must have skipped that day of sensitivity training.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

I can think of a few other things that just shot up in the air...

[Јas]

BRTD's defence to being ignorant about most things...

I know a hell of a lot more about iPhones than anyone else here.

[YRABNNRM]

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---

I smell a set-up...I starting to think that NONE of those mentioned to be gathering in Dayton is the VP pick!

You're right. While they're there, a portal to Alaska will open, and Sarah Palin will step through flanked by angels of the Lord to accept her rightful place by John McCain's side.

[Хahar 🤔]

I see you've caught on to the fact I somethimes give up on these things half....

Of course, I can hardly complain as I have a hab...

[© tweed]

http://marcambinder.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/08/cbs_palins_parents_told_to_wai.php

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Baby #6.

[Sam Spade]

McCain has always said his number one criteria for his running mate would be someone who could step right into the Presidency.

To think that Palin, a total political lightweight, far too inexperienced to be on a national ticket in this day and age, and a complete token pick, if she is picked, has the capabilities to step into the Presidency of the United States is laughable.

If McCain picks Palin, McCain can kiss the election goodbye.

I didn't know McCain was that stupid.

Obama has Biden for goodness sake, a tough, experienced Senator, with impressive foreign policy credentials, who has the qualifications to step into the Presidency.

On the upside, when McCain goes down to defeat in November, in part due to the  the Palin pick, but mostly because McCain will be seen as lacking judgment, and not getting it right, then no one can blame Romney for the Republican defeat.

McCain will have only himself to blame.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

How would you feel

Confused, mostly. Or dead. If I wasn't dead, then confused. I'd be all like, "Hey, I live in Ohio, bombing us isn't a great way to help your buddies win in an election year.. tends to irk folks."

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Obama/Biden: 375
McCain/Palin: 163

It's a bit generous to McCain, I know.

[King]

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---

I smell a set-up...I starting to think that NONE of those mentioned to be gathering in Dayton is the VP pick!

You're right. While they're there, a portal to Alaska will open, and Sarah Palin will step through flanked by angels of the Lord to accept her rightful place by John McCain's side.

This is twice as funny now that McCain actually selected Palin.

[Verily]

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---

I smell a set-up...I starting to think that NONE of those mentioned to be gathering in Dayton is the VP pick!

You're right. While they're there, a portal to Alaska will open, and Sarah Palin will step through flanked by angels of the Lord to accept her rightful place by John McCain's side.

This is twice as funny now that McCain actually selected Palin.

Yeah, heh.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Restraining order time...

Yep.  Imagine how much that would bring down McCain's campaign, if his running mate got in a sex scandal with a college student...

[Keystone Phil]

Here's a recent post by a new member...

Hola!

I am drunk now, and I saw that McCain picked this One term ALASKA (a state with three EV votes who would vote for Charles Manson if he was the Republican nominee) female governor. This is really an earthshaker. The Republicans however have needed to break this barrier.

Would I have sex with this woman? Maybe if I wasnt married. I have seen a picture of her with her hair down and she looks pretty cute. If you want to nominate a V.P. candidate old enough for the job that most men would f**k,   maybe McCain could of went with Marishka Hargitay or Terry Hatcher.

I dont know if this was pure genius or insanity by the Repugs. I am a Libertarian and an anarchist and would never vote for either the two party candidate, but it is damn good that McCain nominated a woman, even though the woman runs a small state.

This is a shock. I thought he'd go with Pawlenty. I would of went with Pawlenty or Romney personally.

All humans with vaginas need to overthrow the social order and make penis owners slaves. Only fair.

Senor

PS The signing in on this message board needs to be fixed.

I like starting off one of your first posts with, "I'm drunk now..."