Comedy Goldmine VII: Straight-to-DVD Christmas Special

[Brittain33]

(Rachel Maddow's) infatuation with obama is enough to make one vomit on the floor.

but she isnt nearly as big of an ass as the mediocre former sports reporter.

Sarah Palin?

[© tweed]

The poll is not conducted for Fox News, dipsh*t.

[Хahar 🤔]

Yes, because Bush never did anything to fight AIDs in Africa.

Click for context (or lack thereof).

[Joe Republic]

I love Wal-Mart...we have a super Wal-Mart down the road...so we can get food there, too.

Do you...submit messages...via some kind...of teletype machine?

[John Dibble]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

No, it's a song lyric, and it's not about cutting yourself, nor does it even refer to dying your hair black anywhere.

[John Dibble]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

No, it's a song lyric, and it's not about cutting yourself, nor does it even refer to dying your hair black anywhere.

And BRTD continues to fail to understand the irony, making it all the more delicious.

[??????????]

The scales have tipped in our favor. If I were to use a baseball analogy, we just scored a touchdown in the 7th inning.

[??????????]

What would you do if your son had sex with his teacher?

Give him a high five, unless he's homeschooled.

[Keystone Phil]

EXACTLY Why I hated the 90s...humilation...October 31, 1996:

[Lief 🗽]

Ben burns Walter.

republicans turn in to whiners when they lose elections.

And so do Hillary supporters.

[Хahar 🤔]

Polnut/Sebellius - 307EV - 50.7%
McCain/Palin - 231EV - 47.3%
Others -  2%%

I ended losing VT! but won FL, IN, OH!!!

     How on earth did you lose Maryland?

Polnut/Sebellius - 307EV - 50.7%
McCain/Palin - 231EV - 47.3%
Others -  2%%

I ended losing VT! but won FL, IN, OH!!!

     You lost MD? How?

[Smid]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

No, it's a song lyric, and it's not about cutting yourself, nor does it even refer to dying your hair black anywhere.

So the phrase "Watch as I am paid to cut myself" doesn't refer to cutting yourself???

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

No, it's a song lyric, and it's not about cutting yourself, nor does it even refer to dying your hair black anywhere.

So the phrase "Watch as I am paid to cut myself" doesn't refer to cutting yourself???

The time has come for colds and overcoats
We're quiet on the ride,
we're all just waiting to get home
Another week away, my greatest fear
I need the smell of summer,
I need its noises in my ears

If looks could really kill,
then my profession would staring
Please know we do this cause we care,
not for the thrill
Collect calls to home
to tell them that I realize
that everyone who lives will someday die and die alone

And we won't let you in
though we're down and out
No we won't let you in, in
You win, you win, you win

I wrote more postcards than hooks
I read more maps than books
Feel like every chance to leave
is another chance I should've took
Every minute is a mile
I've never felt so hollow
I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles
My secrets for a buck
Watch me as I cut myself wide open
on this stage. Yes, I am paid to spill my guts
I won't see home till spring
Oh, I would kill for the Atlantic,
but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing

And we won't let you in
though we're down and out
No we won't let you in
and we won't let you in
We don't want what isn't ours
We won't let you in, in
You win, you win, you win

Oh...

And the coastline is quiet
While we're quietly losing control
And we're silent but sure
we invented the cure
that will wash out my memories of her
The harpoon is loaded, the cage is lowered,
the water is red-
like you

Yes, my name is a slight alteration.

[YRABNNRM]

Your username is really emo, BRTD.

Um. Duh.

BRTD finally admits that emo is about cutting yourself, moaning about how nobody understands you, and dying your hair black!

No, it's a song lyric, and it's not about cutting yourself, nor does it even refer to dying your hair black anywhere.

So the phrase "Watch as I am paid to cut myself" doesn't refer to cutting yourself???

Nope.

[Keystone Phil]

Goes to prove my point that liberals are always out to help bad people.

[King]

Goes to prove my point that liberals are always out to help bad people.

No "..." in that post?

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Quite frankly it's a surprising accomplishment of sorts that DWDL has lived as long as he has.

[Associate Justice PiT]

I strongly disagree with this ruling.  Transsexuals aren't considered human by biblical standards and therefore shouldn't have any constitutional rights.

Interesting troll, but what about if one's gender is changed by accident - say a mishap with the lawn-mowing machine?

[??????????]

I think a better strategy would be to distract certain potential Obama voters with promises of fried chicken and watermelon if they abstain from voting on election day.

[Keystone Phil]

Nice burn. Sorry, Sam.... 

What color is the sky?

be patient, spade.

we'll see.

[Хahar 🤔]

DWTL cathces typo, now that's news.  Well, I guess I am the expert

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Much less.

With all the problems that the Wal-Mart franchise has, it is still a great place to get lower-priced merchandise, and mostly same quality, as you would find at, say, Target.  I would rather shop at Wal-Mart anyday than shop at Target.  The reason is the Target corporation a couple years ago at Christmas time banned the Salvation Army and started taking on too many liberal stances for my taste.  I haven't fully boycotted them, but I don't shop there unless I absolutely cannot find what I want from Wal-Mart.  Plus, Target is generally more expensive.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

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[Kaine for Senate '18]

See context:

2 theories:
a) a typo. It was supposed to be "god-less America", what with the separation of church and state and all.

b) American sneezed and it was an attempt to rid the country of it's cold symptoms.