Talk Elections

Q: What did President Obama say to Mexican President Felipe Calderon?
A: "If you're having drug problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but cartels ain't one."

Newt Gingrich.

()

The Libertarian Party.

Barack Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowns, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?"

David Cameron walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answers, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Obama goes back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice president, the same question. "Joe. Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to members of the Cabinet and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. He goes to the Supreme Court and asks all nine members and doesn't get an answer. He goes to Congress and asks most of the members to no avail. Finally, he walks into the Colin Powell's office and says, "Colin, see if you can answer this riddle: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell says, "It's me!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!" Then, he goes back to speak with Obama.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."

Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's David Cameron!"

A take off on a joke from here: http://www.backwoodshome.com/humor/jokes122.html  (http://www.backwoodshome.com/humor/jokes122.html)

A man is taking a walk in Central Park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl."

The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"

"Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !"

The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."

My current sig.

I didn't know that Glenn Beck was a blimp.  After all, the Hindenburg was a dirigible, not a blimp. :P

And Paul von Hindenburg wasn't, technically, a nazi. :P

Ron Paul does not pee-he liberates urine.
Every time Ron Paul farts, the Liberty Bell rings.
Jesus wears a wristband that says "what would Ron Paul do?"
Ron Paul reproduces asexually.
A Ron Paul action figure can't sell-it does not change positions.
Ron Paul knows the muffin man.
Ron Paul could make soccer interesting.
Ron Paul is so fast he could steal a homeplate, but his conscious wont let him do it.
When Ron Paul cuts an onion, the onion cries.
On July 4th, there is a constellation of Ron Paul's face in the night sky.
Ron Paul put the sword IN the stone.
Ron Paul does not cut taxes-he kills them with his bear hands.
Ron Paul taught Yoda to use the force.

Which gets me thinking, everyone worships Chuck Norris...but do they know he's a hardcore fundamentalist Christian who rejects evolution and endorsed Newt Gingrich?

I saw a Huckabee ad with him in it back in '08.

Ron Paul doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.

The rest of them, while unlikely are at least believable.  But a sport that tries to steal the name of football from our beloved American sport will never be interesting to real Americans. ;)

"I think I accidently voted for Pat Buchanan"--my Unce Pete, upon casting his votes in the 2012 FL GOP primary. None of the old b*tches at the polling station got it.