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News: Atlas Hardware Upgrade complete October 13, 2013.

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1  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Update XXII: Cleaning Up the Meat at [redacted]. on: Today at 03:06:41 pm
lol. There is harm and foul. Whatever man. It's Papa's bank account that will suffer.

What harm is there in looking for another job while you still have a job?

Bushie, do not give up this job at [redacted].

If you quit this job after two weeks then you may as well wipe your ass with any future job application before turning it in, because that's what it'll look like anyway.
2  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Draft Joe Republic for Congress! on: March 31, 2015, 11:10:45 pm
Unrelated but back when I went to Vegas a few years ago I remember seeing this homeless guy with a sign that read "Umemployed circus clown, send me to Congress where I belong" or something to that effect.
3  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Opinion of spending $400 on a ham on: March 31, 2015, 05:13:52 pm
I'll get back on the Revolution tomorrow. I did nothing wrong at Best Buy. I don't feel bad at all. Plus, oakvale, it's Black Friday. It's no fun to be communist this weekend. I wanted to enjoy my shopping spree with the $400 ham I wanted to eat and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  If you don't like it, then shut up and let me live my life.  I am still following the challenges Marx set forth.  Yes, I had a slip up tonight, but I have not completely blown it.
4  Atlas Fantasy Elections / Regional Governments / Re: NE3: Distracted Drivers Act on: March 30, 2015, 10:50:12 pm
Oh, how will we enforce it?

As a legislator, this is a pretty important question. Laws aren't very effective (and can possibly be detrimental) if there isn't an efficient enforcement mechanism. What happened to good government?

We need to act, and we need to act now.

It's best not to let impulsion get the best of you. This is not a strawman; people literally did consider banning car radios at one point. Let's keep this in perspective.

Once drivers know and understand there is a tough distracted drivers law in effect, they will pay more attention to their driving.

Not necessarily true, and this is perhaps the biggest reason why texting-while-driving laws have been a bugbear for me.

Quote from: techdirt.com
A new study has shown that state laws banning driving while texting have not reduced accidents, and in some cases may have even resulted in more accidents. How could it have increased accidents? Because people who want to text anyway -- especially unskilled young drivers -- begin holding their phones lower to avoid detection, making it that much more difficult to control the car and be aware of their surroundings.

In other words, laws such as these potentially lead to more accidents.

As an example, in one Canadian city there were 415 tickets issued in a one year period.  It is a start.

Pardon me for being petty, but an increase in the issuance of tickets does not necessarily conclude that law enforcement is doing its job.

Several years ago there was a scandal in Cranston, RI where police officers issued an excessive amount of parking tickets due to conflicts over contracts.

And of course, ticket quotas don't exist in today's Atlasia! *wink nudge*

More specifically to your example of a Canadian city, this problem isn't unique to Atlasia.

Its happening in cities across Canada, but Winnipeg appears to be the worst.

Police there issued 57,000 tickets in 2011. In 2012, city hall asked the police to increase their revenue from tickets by $1.4 million.

Critics say police officers are under pressure to issue a certain number of tickets.
 I think most officers would be happy to provide a discretionary warning, said Mike Sutherland, head of the Winnipeg Police Association. The difficulty comes when there are significant work place consequences imposed on officers if they fail to hand out a certain number of tickets in a prescribed period of time.

Most of us would call that a quota, but police management and city bureaucrats are reluctant to use the Q word.
5  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Update XXII: Cleaning Up the Meat at [redacted]. on: March 30, 2015, 06:53:40 pm

Indeed. I'm not wishing Bushie failure by any metric, but there needs to be perspective here.

Now, onto some serious relaxing!

6  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Update XXII: Cleaning Up the Meat at [redacted]. on: March 30, 2015, 04:09:43 pm
I was backreading an old season and I found this:

1.  I will see the dietitian on Wednesday, July 10, 2013 at 13:00.
2.  I will come back with the same enthusiasm for Kenya like I did last year and I do now.
3.  I will plow through the CAD and be setting things up in Fort Worth a year from now.[/quote]
7  Presidential Elections - Analysis and Discussion / Election What-ifs? / Re: Dust In The Wind on: March 29, 2015, 12:50:08 am
Of Things to Come: 1988

Lawrence Ponder left the podium with applause that was as mild as his demeanor. "Thank you everybody. That was Lawrence Ponder, candidate for the Georgia House of Representatives, on behalf of David Duke. Next to speak is Christian Mattingly, on behalf of Senator Paul Laxalt, who could not be present today. I ask that we all give him a warm welcome, and I will yield this stage to him," said the announcer, before stepping aside.

Thad noticed a mountain of a man approach to take his place. His beard was a thicket penetrated only by the cigarette that protruded from his mouth, like a needle in a haystack. His shoulders were like pauldrons and he seemed ready to burst out of his suit. "Dallas! It's good to see you once more. Just a few short years ago, I wrote the founding manifesto of this party. Now I'm addressing it on behalf of a presidential candidate. I have to say, this is all pretty humbling.

A few years ago we were dismissed as an ego trip. As lunatics. As irrelevant. But when the dust settled from the 1986 elections, we had three Senate seats affiliated with our cause, and had eight percent of the popular vote in the 1986 midterm elections. The media went from writing us off as irrelevant to denigrating us as spoilers, as if we don't deserve to be in the race. This is a sign that our message is getting popular, my friends. But it's also a sign that this moment is crucial not to veer off into the depths of obscurity. There is a very real risk of our inclinations getting ahead of us, and I wouldn't want that to ruin our future as a viable alternative; which is why I am speaking here on behalf of Paul Laxalt.

Senator Laxalt has been a fighter on the War in Iran, even when the public opinion has gone in the other direction. Paul Laxalt has consistently voted against measures that would reduce our presence in the region, and has rightfully criticized the Bentsen administration for its dithering approach in Middle Eastern affairs. When running for the Republican nomination, Paul Laxalt promised a strong defense. Paul Laxalt has gone further than even Bill Armstrong, voting against the watered down Bentsen proposal and its nebulous concept of an 'advisory panel.' It's hard to argue that Laxalt would be weak on defense, by any perspective.

Senator Laxalt readily recognizes the structural problems that our economy faces. On one hand, it's a bizarre revisionism to suggest that we can isolate our consumer base from the rest of the world. On the other hand, there needs to be balance. A President Laxalt would restore the tariffs on Japanese exports that were waived during Bentsen's first term. However, we must also make it more productive for American auto manufacturers to do business at home. What we ought to be doing is preserving the current oil drilling regimen that President is doing, while federally arbitrating disputes between workers and auto-manufacturers, so that all parties in America can win.

Lastly, I would advise a different tack for our party than the one offered by Lawrence Ponder. I agree that a strong America is an employed America, and that our current illegal alien population is burdensome. However, real reform has to include a bare-bones method of citizenship. If these people are willing to work their knuckles to the bone, then we ought to welcome them as the next generation of entrepreneurs. I agree that we ought to strengthen our borders, but it seems awfully hypocritical of us to say that we're the freest nation in the world and then deny people a chance to make a new life here.

I don't mean to impugn my opponent's character. However, Senator Laxalt is a proven leader. Senator Laxalt has sponsored bills, and been in a deliberative federal body for over a decade. Senator Laxalt is a pragmatist, and has a true understanding of the concerns of the Working Man. I ask that the delegates tonight vote for Senator Paul Laxalt, so that our party can have some viability going into the future." Mattingly drew a mix of applause and boos, the latter presumably from Duke's supporters. Mattingly left the stage, undaunted by some of the jeering voices in the audience.

The announcer returned to the podium and demanded silence. "This is a convention, not a circus," he yelled. The rumbling among some of the dissident crowd members quieted to a murmur. "We will be moving on to balloting. As Eldridge Cleaver has decided not to contest the convention, his delegates will be unpledged on the first round, and then shall be free to vote as they please in the second round." Thad heard chuckling behind him. "Oh man, this is good for Duke. Cleaver was pretty hardcore. No chance of his boys going for Laxalt," said one voice. "What the hell happened to him?" asked a second voice. "Got arrested for some sh*t the other night. Like you said, Adam, that's how they are," said the first voice.

The announcer began reading from various slips of paper. "Texas reports in, with all two hundred of her delegates for Laxalt..."
8  Atlas Fantasy Elections / Atlas Fantasy Elections / Re: Izvestia: Official Atlasian News Service (BREAKING: PMA IS CRUSHED) on: March 28, 2015, 09:56:59 am
Senator's Attacker Arrested

(Nyman, D.C.) - A man who attacked Senate Speaker Windjammer (Labor-ME) was arrested during a routine questioning. The police had immediately became suspect of his behavior and, after some questions, the man confessed. His name is Adam Belieber (he actually did change his original name to this).

Booking photo

I was tired after all that cyberbullying from that Windjammer dude, he told the investigators. He even posted a picture of guillotine in a thread about me on the internet forum, you know? Btw, Mr. Detective, you make me flush Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy

hahahaha omg

Great work here Kal.
9  Atlas Fantasy Elections / Regional Governments / Re: IDS 2: Stop PMing Me Act on: March 25, 2015, 07:54:04 pm
For the record, this has been tried and repealed before.
10  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: The Real Life Picture Thread (PAPOY Creepfest 2015) on: March 25, 2015, 04:28:18 pm

11  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: Opinion of Burial Tree Pods on: March 25, 2015, 03:11:44 pm
So you've been gardening?
12  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Update XXII: Cleaning Up the Meat at [redacted]. on: March 25, 2015, 08:47:06 am
Will walking or standing be part of today's agenda?

Probably not.  I'm going to save my feet for the 8 hour shift tomorrow.

Have you ever considered getting an Ergotron?

Improve your energy and productivity by standing or sitting as you work, and then switch positions whenever you choose. This work style encourages healthy movement throughout the day

Promote fitness and comfort as you compute, reducing potential back and neck pain by adding movement into your work routine in a truly ergonomic workstation

Burn more calories by choosing to stand for periods of your work-day; periodic standing also promotes greater bone density and better sleep at night. WorkFit-S counteracts an increasingly sedentary workstyle
13  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Update XXII: Cleaning Up the Meat at [redacted]. on: March 25, 2015, 08:29:04 am
Will walking or standing be part of today's agenda?
14  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: Phil Robertson is still a piece of sh.. on: March 24, 2015, 09:41:43 pm
Wonder how he'd react to my leanings


For Customer Service Inquiries or other questions you have for Duck Commander, contact us at customerservice@duckcommander.com, or call us at 318-387-0588.
15  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Update XXII: Cleaning Up the Meat at [redacted]. on: March 23, 2015, 10:23:50 pm
hamburger meat, Tostito chips, and a jar of that Tostitos Salsa Con Queso

What is that, Cheat Meal #27 for the week?

Nah Indy, a cheat meal is only when he eats out you see. Calories don't matter since preparing the meal with his own hands while standing, burns off all the calories of the food.

"I have decided to use my second cheat meal of the week on Buffalo Wild Wings, which puts us at Diet Week 7, Cheat Meal 2.  Tomorrow, I will try to behave and just have a couple hot dogs."

Just another example of how Bushie has moved the goal posts to the point where not going to Braum's counts as dieting and standing up counts as exercise.
16  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Opinion of phwezer on: March 23, 2015, 07:34:13 pm
The Wheeze = The Worst.
17  Atlas Fantasy Elections / Voting Booth / Re: Northeast Voting Booth: Reintroducing the Efficient Referenda Amendment (Again) on: March 23, 2015, 07:14:23 pm
18  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Which posters are most/least like you ideologically? on: March 22, 2015, 11:15:09 pm
Most: Maxwell, shua, Deus (though we're different on some bread and butter issues)
Least: NJ Christian, General Mung Beans
19  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Opinion of DeadFlagBlues on: March 22, 2015, 06:39:37 pm
To all HP voters:

I have an EXPERIMENT for you all to conduct. WOOOOOO

Stop reading this and go get a pencil/pen.

Seriously, go do it.

Stop reading this.




OK now you've got the pencil. Or pen. Now go ahead and place it between the middle and ring fingers of your right hand (IT HAS TO BE ON THE RIGHT HAND OK JUST DO IT.) Now use your other hand to squeeze the aforementioned fingers around the pen(cil).

You might notice this REALLY HURTS and it's kinda like when your FOOT ITCHES except it's not an itch it's just PAIN and it's on your HAND. CONGRATULATIONS THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR VOTING HP ON DEADFLAGBLUES.

Stolen from an episode of Zero Punctuation ORIGINAL JOKE, DO NOT STEAL

Also, if the exercise mentioned above actually gives you any pain then you have a promising career ahead of you as a huge pussy.
20  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: 2015 NFL Offseason/Free Agency Thread on: March 22, 2015, 11:38:59 am
Crabtree likely to go to Miami.

Sorry Matt, Carl, PiT. Tongue
21  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Update XXII: Cleaning Up the Meat at [redacted]. on: March 21, 2015, 09:48:54 pm
Guys, there is no way on God's green earth that Inks is better than me.  No one on this forum is better than me.  Absolutely, NOTHING and NO ONE.  I am not an idiot.  I am an extremely intelligent man.  I act 32 years old most of the time and if I don't, I act older.  My food choices are not childish.  None of my choices as an adult are childish.  I resent so strongly being insulted in that way.  I ask that you never call me a child again or any of my choices childish.

Put this in the dumb Bushie file:

I had crackers and cheese for a little snack earlier using the sliced cheese singles that I bought last fall, but never threw away.  My stomach is cramping up big time right now so I got to looking at the expiration date and it said November 2, 2014!!! Almost 4 months!!!  Needless to say the rest of the cheese is going in the trash tomorrow when I can take it to the dumpster...
22  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Invent a gender or sexual preference for the previous poster. on: March 21, 2015, 09:19:01 pm
Passive betaromantic
23  Presidential Elections - Analysis and Discussion / Election What-ifs? / Re: Dust In The Wind on: March 20, 2015, 08:19:48 pm
On the Inside: 1988

Thad soon found himself in Dallas, Texas, after a four hour flight. After shaving his mustache, augmenting his shoes with lifts, and putting in blue-tinted contacts (a new cosmetic development), Thad's disguise was complete. He looked down at the accompanying driver's license; Aaron Tatum was to be his alias for the next few hours. Thad left the airport and arrived at the Working Man's Party Convention after a quick taxi-ride. The event had lived up to its expectations: security was tight, and it was as inconspicuous as a party convention could conceivably be.

Thad approached the entrance of the Reunion Arena, only to be meet by an imposing guard at the door. "Ticket and identification please," said the man. As instructed, Thad proffered the borrowed license and ticket, and was given entry to the convention. As Thad walked through the area, a handful of people seemed to recognize him. "Hey Aaron!", "Hey!", they said. Thad would wave and smile in passing, worried that his voice might betray his true identity. It was an odd assortment of attendees: some looked dapper in expensive suits, while others wore simple button-ups and blue jeans. Smoking seemed to be the common denominator, and even Thad found himself taken aback at the smoke.

He made his way toward the front row of the convention, in order to make the most out of his wire, but his blood turned to ice and his stomach caved. He had just locked eyes with none other than Davis Griffith, who readily recognized him and made his way toward Thad. Having dealt with Griffith up close on several occasions, Thad took it for granted that his identity had been compromised, and tried to break loose. But the crowds around him were impermeable, and Griffith was soon upon him. His eyes were saccharine and sparkling.

"Hey Aaron! Good to see you!" he said, offering his hand. Thad suddenly felt weightless, and stared at Griffith in awe for a moment, before shaking hands with him. "Thanks! Good to be here," he said. "You're looking a little thin, Aaron. Have you been eating?" asked Griffith. "Just been doing a lot of travelling, but I try to when I can," responded Thad. "Very well. Anyway, this is shaping up to be a great forum tonight. I'm just hoping that Laxalt can pull this off," said Griffith. Thad nodded in agreement and walked off, relieved. He spent the remainder of his time day dreaming and walking to and fro, waiting for the formalities of the convention to be done with.

"And now, before balloting: a final appeal on behalf of each candidate. First, will be Lawrence Ponder, on behalf of David Duke," said the announcer. A tall, scrawny man who looked to be prematurely bald took to the podium. Thad instantly activated his recording device. "I'm glad to be here and address my fellow working men, at the first ever Working Man's Party Convention. Forever shunned by the big interests that dominate both parties and perpetuate the False Choice, this convention serves as a beacon for free-thinking men to share solutions that weren't conceived from within the beltway. We have an important choice before us.

The False Choice is what's presented in front of us. The choice between Democrat and Republican. The former has given us eight years of morass, eight years of heavy spending, and eight years of a spastic foreign policy. The latter has offered a teethed domestic agenda, no real challenge towards the consensus on welfare spending, and nothing short of complete retreat in the Middle Eastern area. The False Choice is one between bad and worse.

The False Choice is also blind to the dilemma that faces average working men today. President Lloyd Bentsen willfully lifted tariffs on Japanese auto imports. Speaker Ho'kee implicitly supported such action. President Bentsen signed a 'compromise' raising taxes on middle-income workers. Speaker Ho'kee was an architect of that proposal. Neither President Bentsen nor Speaker Ho'kee have spoken about the burgeoning illegal alien population, which threatens to further devalue our wages and change the makeup of this country.

It is unfortunate that I've had to use the word 'neither' in most of my speech. However, the reality is that neither of these candidates have adopted a strong stance against the Sovet Union. Neither of these candidates have absolved to stand against the debasement of the common man's wage. Neither of these candidates have even mentioned the pending demographic and socioeconomic threat looming south of the border to us.

We can't allow the President to get elected to his own term. Since the Democrats won the White House in 1980, we've been hampered with inflation, high gas prices, declining wages, and crippling unemployment. It's unfortunate that the party of the working American has now become the party of the unemployed American. This was the party that sided with rabble rousers in the sixties, and nominated George McGovern in 1972. This is the party that refused to turn out for Jimmy Carter, an honest man, for not being liberal enough. This party has been taken over by spoiled college kids and their overpaid professors - they no longer represent our interests.

What's worse is the descent of the Republican Party. Twenty years ago, conservative interests had finally prevailed against the elite establishment, and Barry Goldwater wrested the nomination. But now we've been left with piddling moderates and political squishes like Howard Baker and Mark Hatfield. Armstrong was a great candidate, but he could not stand up to the well-oiled smear machine of an exotic Indian millionaire. Between his contempt for the rights of the unborn and his willingness to retreat from our foreign conflicts, he's off the reservation for sure.

Senator Laxalt has a considerable sales pitch here: he's actually won elections in his state before. He's served in office. He's been a Senator for years, but he hasn't endeavored to solve any of the problems that our nation faces right now. When this great party was first formed, Senator Laxalt ran for office as a Republican. Senator Laxalt caucuses with the Republicans. This is just a power play to try and get us to compromise our core values and give Senator Laxalt another chance to run for President.

There is one candidate who hasn't been rendered tone deaf by the political beltway: Representative David Duke. David Duke readily understands the dangers presented by the Queer Disease, and supports a quarantine of those infected. Rather than lifting tariffs on Japanese imports, David Duke would reinstate said tariffs and enable domestic oil drilling to the best of his ability, to reinvigorate American automobile manufacturing. Following up on that, President David Duke would enact a vigorous immigration enforcement system; as a nation, we can't afford letting the Reds into our country.

There's only one candidate when it comes to faith, family, and keeping our country strong. I ask the delegates to vote for David Duke, for the future of this country."
24  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: Opinion of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on: March 20, 2015, 08:08:04 am
"Frank's Brother" was kind of a dud, but I really can't think of any bad episodes besides that one. Great, great show all around.

The Gang Gets Whacked is kindof weak IMO. But even going into Season 10, there haven't been any major disappointments, which is a good sign.

A Paddy's Pub shirt came into my possession a few days ago as a gift. I might try to get a DENNIS System one at some point. Grin
25  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Have you ever been arrested? on: March 19, 2015, 11:06:20 pm
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