The Adventures of Hobo Orgy Guy and Blondie
Episode 35 (2x15) "There Should Be A Statute Of Limitations For Criticsm"Winfield's bunker, large storage bay interior
[The gang's all here, debating how to save themselves from nuclear annihilation. Hog has just remembered his life as Bushie, and volunteered to make the dangerous trip into the bunker's reactor core. He's just now asked Dave to make him a moderator again, so that he'll be able to fight his way through this mission.]Joe Republic:
(turns to Dave) Hold on a second. Are you saying that this guy (points to Hog) is actually Bushie.....and he's asking to be reinstated as a moderator? So that...what? We can trust him to save our lives? Bushie? You do remember why we was de-modded in the first place, don't you?Hog:
I think we all remember that, Joe. My de-modding was a consequence of the first of many bad decisions that I made many years ago. But I've moved on. I'm ready to begin life as a normal member of society, just like everybody else. No better and no worse. I'll start a normal career with the skills that I've learned once I save us all from nuclear attack. But I'm going to need moderation powers to do that.
Now, maybe you still disagree with me, and *still* don't think I can be trusted, even after all these years. But I just explained my deep desire to change, and you have no real alternative, so your argument just got tinkled on.Joe Republic:
OK, you agree with me?Joe Republic:
No. OK, I believe that you're Bushie.Dave:
I understand your concerns User Number 1337, but as Atlas administrator, I have to make some hard decisions, and this is one of them. And it appears that User Number 1387 may be our only hope.
User Number 1387, are you ready?
Ready as a Rich & Rare whiskey.Dave:
Very well then.
[And with that, Dave takes one step towards Hog, and reaches out to him, granting him moderation powers in the same manner that Jor-El did to Superman in the "re-powering" scene from Superman II (the Donner Cut), see ~3:10 to the end of this video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaRNtPA0l2w
Hog's t-shirt now features a red Oklahoma avatar on it, as he's enveloped in red electricity, which then retracts into his hands.
But now we focus on Dave. His gift of mod powers to Hog has nearly drained the life out of him, and he collapses to the ground. Several of the moderators rush to his side, to discover that he's still breathing, but very weak. He lifts his head slightly.]Dave:
Worry not, my friends. After all these years away from Atlas, that re-moderation has shaken me up, but I will survive.
No offense Dave, but you look awful. Are you sure you don't want to lie down for a few minutes?Dave:
There's no time. I still have enough life in me to direct the reprogramming of the Atlas source code from here.
(turning to the moderators) I'm going to need all of you for this. I know this has been a roller coaster for all of you, but right now, I need my Atlas moderation team for this job.
It's going to take every scrap of technological and demographic expertise you have. So it's got to be all of us working on this......that includes you, User Number 1663, regardless of what they may say about your moderation judgment.
[Inks smiles a bit at the suggestion, after having felt rejected by his peers a few moments earlier.]Blondie:
Well, I'm just a dog, so I don't know anything about election map websites. But I do know how to be man's best friend to my traveling companion of these last few days.
Hog, or Bushie, or whatever you want me to call you now....I'd like to join you on this.Hog:
OK then. Let's go.Winfield's bunker, Level 9B, corridor leading to engineering area
[Hog is typing some Swahili instructions into the Rainbow Play computer as Blondie looks on. It's a little tedious, and Hog begins to make some idle conversation with Blondie as he types.]Hog:
You know, you didn't really need to come along for this. I appreciate the company, but I think I've got this.Blondie:
You never know when I might prove myself useful.
In any case, who knows if any of this will work? If not, then I just want you to know.....it's been an honor serving as your traveling companion for these incredible "adventures" we've been having this past couple of days.Hog:
Despite you....and me....now knowing my real identity? After all, my treatment of you way back in 2013 when I "adopted" you may not have been the best.Blondie:
You are who you are now, and that was many years ago from your perspective. I'm not going to hold your past against you. It may be immortalized in Update, but you don't have to be bound to that forever. There's nothing to stop you from being whatever you want to be now.
[And just then, Hog gets the doors open, and the duo are faced with what lies behind it....a room full of robot nkpatel units, ready to attack. The red Oklahoma avatar on Hog's shirt illuminates, as he prepares to use his moderation powers for the first time in many years.]Winfield's bunker, large storage bay control room interior
[Dave lies on his back, directing his moderators as they program. It's sort of like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, where Sean Connery has been shot, and he's lying on his back, mouthing words of instruction to Indy about the "Breath of God", "Word of God", and "Path of God". Except in that case, Indy wasn't in the same room, so it wasn't clear what Sean Connery was accomplishing. In this case, Dave is similarly injured (his granting of moderation powers to Bushie having sucked most of the life out of him), but the people he's instructing, his moderators, are right there in the room with him.
In any case, they're typing away at computers in this room, trying to use the Atlas code to set up the website just right, for when Hog (hopefully) establishes internet contact with the outside world. Oddly enough, Dave is offering his instructions in machine language, as it's the programming language that he's most comfortable with.]Dave:
User Number 1799, 10100000 00010100 10110010. Now, User Number 1478, set the first line on your piece of code to 11010101 10100100.....
[And the moderators respond to his instructions accordingly as they type away. So, with nothing exciting going on here, we cut back to.....]Winfield's bunker, Level 9B, corridor leading to engineering area
[Hog has apparently destroyed the bulk of the nkpatel units with relative ease. However, two of them are left, and they retreat in fear. They exit through the door into the engineering area that Hog had just opened.
Hog and Blondie run after them. Before them, they see a long tunnel, at the end of which is a ladder leading up to the next level, where there's an open door. They chase after the two nkpatel robots, but the nkpatels have a huge lead on them, and are very fast. They both make it all the way across the tunnel, climb the ladder, and reach the open door while Hog and Blondie are still only about halfway across the tunnel.
One of the nkpatels shouts out:]nkpolitics1279:
In the 2012 presidential election, if the Republican nominee had been Mike Huckabee-AR.
Obama wins PA,WI,IA,and NH-4.
Huckabee win FL,OH,NC,VA,IN,and MO and plus all the other Southern States.
Huckabee selects John Thune-SD as his VP runningmate- giving him AZ,MT,ND,and SD.
[Both robots then exit through the door, close and lock it, and then the door on the other side of the room appears to seal shut as well.
Blondie and Hog stop in their tracks, not knowing what to expect next.
And that's when the tunnel begins to fill with water.]Blondie:
No problem. We can make our way to the other end of this thing before this room fills up, can't we? I mean, it'll be deep enough that we'll have to paddle, but--Hog:
Well, there *is* a problem with that.Blondie:
Don't you remember from that "Update on tape"? I can't swim.
TO BE CONTINUED….