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November 24, 2014, 12:53:29 pm
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News: Atlas Hardware Upgrade complete October 13, 2013.

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1  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Opinion of Rob/Bob/Anonymouse on: November 22, 2014, 11:56:02 pm
Arrogant, cocky jerk, who will predictably be a hero of the usual suspects around here.

I am dying to know what this is about.
2  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: What is the marital status of your parents? on: November 22, 2014, 11:51:20 pm
Yeesh? I wasn't berating your word usage, just expressing my surprise because the word always had very negative connotations to me, like a euphemism for "bastard." Maybe I'm alone in thinking that. It's like calling undocumented immigrants "illegals," as though their being is itself a perpetuating mistake. Of course you probably didn't mean it that way, unless you hate your half-sister (and let's be honest, she is kind of insufferable sometimes), which is why it struck me as weird. No need to be defensive, cowboy.
3  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Have you ever participated in a protest? on: November 22, 2014, 05:08:52 am
Does going on strike count?
4  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Has Update encouraged you to eat more healthy? on: November 21, 2014, 08:55:17 am
Not really, my own flab inspires me enough. But looking at that quote in Grumps's signature.. holy sh**t. Bushie's concept of food is seriously warped. I mean, at least if I decide to eat two sandwiches I can acknowledge that I'm overindulging. Cripes.

Bushie isn't dumb. He must know the amount of food that you need is how much you use (for energy and nutrition). Anything more will either be expelled or kept for later. Any justification otherwise is based on convenience, habit, and/or pleasure. Bushie would do well to investigate the Christian merits of fasting.

But most people can't change their behaviour long-term without a serious scare. I like eating healthy, but I also like eating unhealthily. Bushie hasn't affected me besides thinking briefly that I could help him change his habits.
5  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Had the weirdest dream involving several notable politicians, fields and vodka on: November 21, 2014, 08:37:52 am
It started off with me walking across several fields with friends, some off which had barbed wire that had to be climbed.

Barbed wire friends means that you need to let down your guard a little and show them who you really are. It won't be easy (you'll have to climb it), but eventually you'll be on their minds.

I was supposed to be heading towards a Labour Party event that I had an invite to. Eventually I arrived at a building and went inside to find some of my friends already there and in a discussion circle.

My dream book is saying that "discussion circle" is synonymous with "circle jerk." I hope that they don't have barbed penises. Are any of your friends tomcats?

One of the people in the circle was Ed Miliband. He greeted me warmly upon seeing me and asked what I wanted to drink. I replied simply "Vodka." He opened a drinks drawer (which resembled a drawer in which important documents would be kept) and poured me a glass of Smirnoff (which he called "nice vodka") and milk.

The milk is there to symbolize that you think of Ed Miliband as your mother. The vodka is simply due to your drinking problem that we all know is dragging you down but we can't say anything because it will upset you and oh god please look at how your behaviour is affecting this family and wake up

It turned brown for some reason (does it do that? Never had that combo before).

It only does that when it mixes with your bile and is forcefully expelled from your digestive system.

Then I got to a table where Bill and Hillary Clinton were sat, along with William Weld. Elizabeth Warren may have been somewhere around too. Hillary was the warmest person at the table.

Hillary giving off a feeling of genuine warmth can only be explained by your bile-tainted lactose and vodka binge.

I began to ask her a question but stuttered due to nerves. She said kindly "Go ahead darling."

I had the same thing happen in a dream I had with Obama, but then I just threw up in his lap. But it was okay because I also threw up my watch so I wasn't late riding my ocelot to church band practice in Jamaica.

On the next attempt it came out - "If you were to run and win, how would your approach to American foreign policy, and particularly Russia, differ from that of Obama and W. Bush?" I didn't get an answer.

How prescient.

Next I took a picture of all of these prestigious folk at the table, before asking my dad (who was now also there) to take a second - this time with me also at the table. Then the meeting ended and I emailed a friend. I gloated about meeting these people. I don't recall he entire reply but it included "Don't mention THAT man to me!". Was he a Tory or Dan Hodges referring to Ed? Was he a True Leftist referring to Bill? We may never know.

It was.. YOUR DAD
6  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Does Bushie remind you of Scumbag Steve? on: November 21, 2014, 08:20:35 am
No, he doesn't, at all.
7  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Did you like gym class in school? on: November 21, 2014, 08:13:11 am
I dreaded gym class, but I had a small group of other friends that were all also not athletically ..gifted, so getting to goof around with them outside of a formal classroom was fun. But overall I found it pretty awful. I don't even mind physical activity - I love to push my physical endurance and la de da on my own, but that sort of setting just did not inspire me to care or try. All I did was try to avoid being embarrassed at all costs.
8  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: What is the marital status of your parents? on: November 21, 2014, 07:54:10 am
Still married, though I have an illegitimate half-sister from my dad.

Do people still call others "illegitimate" seriously in this day and age?

My parents are divorced. When you grow up with two people as parents who don't really like each other but don't explosively fight or often express their mutual disdain, it's kind of a shock when they split up. But, once they do, you think back and wonder why they didn't sooner. I guess they did it for the kids. Thanks, mom and dad, for the strange example you've set. I suppose it's better than being "illegitimate."
9  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: My Aunt Shared this Photo on Facebook on: November 19, 2014, 02:58:02 am

This is the exact response I aim for whenever I post on the Atlas. Thank you.

Ridicule has its place, but please don't do this. You're only likely to reinforce a person's provincialism by behaving like a snob and acting as if her problem is that she hasn't committed the relevant trivia to memory.

Have you ever had someone cut in front of you at the supermarket who had a cart packed with goods while you only wanted to buy some zucchini and KY? Infuriating stuff. If you're like me, you briefly imagine tipping over their entire cart and pelting them with cans of beef ravioli. But, of course, you only mumble under your breath that they deserve a zucchini up their ass and find a different lane. It is cathartic to imagine being a dick back to someone who deserves it. In fact, it feels better than following through. See the sentence you left out of my post.
10  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: My Aunt Shared this Photo on Facebook on: November 18, 2014, 02:38:18 am
It's way more satisfying to belittle her beliefs in snide, nonsensical ways. For example, if someone spills some green bean casserole, remark that it was an act of jihad, amiright auntie? When you say grace, begin with "Dear Isa" and when she leaves say "as-salamu alaykum!" Ask her the differences between a burqa, niqab, and hijab. When she inevitably doesn't know, ask why she wants to outlaw things she doesn't understand. Is she scared because she thinks they look like ghost costumes and she's scared of ghosts? Ask her to name six Muslim countries. Ask her if she would be a Muslim were she born there and raised that way. Spit in her drink. Pretend to wipe your nose in her hair. Respond to any of her requests with "Jawohl!"

Or, just completely ignore her.
11  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: what does the red mean? on: November 17, 2014, 06:20:22 pm
1. The papers reported that Alfred Nobel had died in the obituaries (the party of the paper were the deaths are announced and public tributes/remembrances are recorded). Famous people often have obituaries pre-written for the sake of convenience. The newspapers had mistaken Alfred's death for the death of Shantellique "Shake That" Nobel, who was impaled in a freak stripping accident.

2. Nobel wonders if he was in his home or an afterlife suspiciously like his home.

3. He looked within and realized the horror he had wrought upon mankind with his explosive earthmoving invention and decided he'd rather be remembered for an annual wank.
12  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Have you ever been spanked, beaten or otherwise abused ... on: November 17, 2014, 06:04:08 pm
I got a good swatting when I was 7 at school, must have been before it was illegal.  I was also regularly belted at home - not badly, just spanked, slapped. I thought it was completely normal at the time.
13  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Would you ever consider going into medicine? on: November 16, 2014, 10:45:25 pm
I still toy with the idea of studying pharmacology or pharmacy but I'm unwilling to make a commitment. Kind of like the last ten years.
14  General Politics / U.S. General Discussion / Re: I want good old world back! on: November 16, 2014, 04:16:41 am
If you want to work as an agricultural peasant, just like most people did for almost all of history, just move to California's Central Valley. You can pick crops all day long. I'll be inside with the air conditioning and the internet.

I don't want to be a pheasant! Can't you see! I mean the days when people are using their hands to make well earned money! Nowadays they all type at the computer! With their elbows!
15  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: Whom do you like (Late night talk show hosts) on: November 15, 2014, 01:46:34 am
Conan has always amused me the most consistently. After that I picked Stewart and Colbert, edged out Oliver because he hasn't been doing his thing very long, though I always enjoy it.

I really don't like the rest of them very much at all. Especially Fallon, he really grates on me.
16  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: YouTube on: November 15, 2014, 01:27:57 am

I'm not a fan of youtube and how addicted young people are to it.  Smiley

I once read an amusing article that parodied this sentiment by pretending that books were a new technology. All the kids were staying inside with their heads down in fantasy worlds instead of out living life. Of course books are slightly more mentally engaging than this. I actually find that watching videos on YouTube ends up being a very social thing, but anyway..

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UXyHf_SpUUI (Reggie Watts being wonderful and weird for half an hour, stick it out)
17  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Songs that just click on: November 13, 2014, 10:05:30 pm
What do you mean by songs that "click"?

This honestly struck me as hilarious because it's reminiscent of a canned AI response. And because you're so dim sometimes. If we met in real life, I doubt we'd click easily.

Oh, and I forgot to reply properly. Many songs just click for a small reason to me, usually a catchy melody or for being weird in an appealing way. What really gets me are big builds to a crescendo (see the song in my signature). I typically put a song that "clicks" to me there.
18  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / can you chopsticks? on: November 13, 2014, 05:31:59 pm
I cannot. We didn't eat much Asian cuisine growing up in semi-rural Ohio (our idea of exotic was Mexican).

So I never learned properly. Now when I end up in a nice Asian restaurant, or hell, even just a sushi train, I fumble around like I don't even know how to use to my own hands, let alone chopsticks. I can feel the steely glares of those around me judging my ineptitude and scoffing.

But, I mean, at least offer the option of a fork and knife, even if you don't have them freely displayed. I shouldn't have to resort to using my hands like some kind of savage.

19  General Politics / U.S. General Discussion / Re: Should Dems copy the 2009/2010 GOP stategy? on: November 06, 2014, 12:32:42 am
In 2009, the GOP was in even worse shape than the Dems were right now. After losing the presidency and getting destroyed in the Senate and House, they recovered later on, scoring two landslide wins in 2010 and 2014. How did they do it? Simply obstructing every single thing. The voters rewarded their obstruction. Therefore, I think Democrats should do the same. Simply filibuster everything. Get absolutely NOTHING done in the next two years. Make the 113th Congress look productive by comparison. The voters are too dumb to place the blame on the minority (see 2010), they'll just blame the GOP.

The voters didn't reward them. The voters are idiots and will hate Congress but reelect the incumbent. Or they'll blame the President and vote for the other party because of things the President has no control over. Or they'll whine but be complacent and not show up. Pack of assholes.

Seriously, has anyone ever said they like how Congress has been run since 2010? Only imbeciles who think it proves their point that government is always (always) inefficient or who think the president should fail at enacting an agenda.

Anyway, the Democrats don't need to filibuster. We have the veto pen.
20  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: The Good Post Gallery II on: November 05, 2014, 06:44:29 pm
Being on the winning side brings out the best in even the dumbest ideologue...

Jesus Christ this thread. The arrogance, narcissism and general delusion of the majority of the posters in this thread (many of whom manage to be perfectly reasonable most of the time) is just... staggering. I mean, throwing around terms like 'morally indefensible', an 'ideology that is an affront to man and God' (paraphrasing), 'the neanderthal age', 'evil', 'morally depraved'. What planet are you living on? An election has come and gone and the Republican party have taken a narrow majority in the Senate. So what? The world still turns, the Sun still shines, the birds still sing. Instead you'd think that Sauron had been reunited with the One Ring, judging by the comments here.

This thread is basically just an excuse for a bunch of woebegone politics junkies to engage, with other woebegone politics junkies, in hyperbolic, hypocritical moralistic cant. That's the sickening thing here, not that a bunch of perfectly nice people have defeated a bunch of other perfectly nice people in an election that probably won't change a lot anyway (given the lack of a filibusterproof majority and the Presidential veto). Seriously, go to a mirror, slap yourselves repeatedly, then read a good book. You'll feel much better.

Came here to post this.

I thought the point of that thread was all about post-election hyperbolic despair and gnashing of teeth. Of course, Cassius completely missed that concept. I recall him making remarks similar to those in that thread towards leftists (especially regarding their moral depravity) without the excuse of a lost election. Whatever.
21  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Congratulations to Forum Republicans on: November 05, 2014, 01:34:38 am
I don't think the Republicans "earned" this at all, but congratulations nevertheless. I'm sure it will turn out to be a very bad time for reasonables over the next two years. Go full retard and wake up the lazier Democrats for 2016.
22  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: YouTube on: November 03, 2014, 05:41:39 pm
The 1970s were a truly terrifying time to be alive:


I had to watch this so many times when I first discovered it trying to figure out what was happening in every scene.

This one's a classic. Required viewing.

And for anyone who enjoys classical music casually, user smalin makes fantastic videos of great pieces: http://youtube.com/watch?v=02tkp6eeh40 (Stravinski - Rites of Spring)
23  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Are you a young white non-straight male? on: November 03, 2014, 05:02:54 pm
Stereotypical Atlas poster reporting in.

You're not Nathan.  

..is not stereotypical by any means.

Also, no.
24  Forum Community / Forum Community / Re: Tuesday is Election Day! Go vote. on: November 03, 2014, 04:59:59 pm
Atlas members shouldn't vote. They're likely to succumb to a rapturous seizure and fall into a coma. A coma that can only be undone by the prickly kiss of Wolf Blitzer.

No, no. Just stay inside and watch cable news and browse the forum. You're safe here. Forever safe.
25  Forum Community / Off-topic Board / Re: What does the farmer want to do? on: November 03, 2014, 08:06:29 am
This parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule.

That sounds lovely. Very tranquil and homely. I hope they are doing well.

The mule fell into the farmer’s well.

That didn't take long.

The farmer heard the mule praying or whatever mules do when they fall into wells.

The word you're looking for is "drown."

After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving.

Look, I can criticise a lot of things here, but what really bothers me is that, once the mule drowns and begins decomposing, the smell will be unbearable. This farmer is a shortsighted man. I don't like him. He must be the villain of the story. Proceed.

Instead, he called his neighbors together, told them what had happened, and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery.

Honestly that sounds like more work than just rescuing the mule.

Initially the old mule was hysterical!

Do note that the word "hysterical" carries connotations of laughter.

But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him.

"Maybe we should finally embrace fluoridation!"

It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back, HE WOULD SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP!

For a farmer, he seems exceptionally unfamiliar with dirt and water.

This he did, blow after blow.

What kind of mule is this?

“Shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up!”

said Lil Wayne emphatically.

He repeated to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or how distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought panic and just kept right on SHAKING IT OFF AND STEPPING UP!

Work it, girl!

It wasn’t long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well!

It was for the neighbors forced to pour dirt down a well, who, from cutting off a perfectly good supply of drinking water in order to save an animal whose meat is unpalatable and that is highly likely unable to reproduce and so to provide future benefits, probably all died of heat stroke.

What seemed like it would bury him actually helped him … all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity.

This mule did almost nothing. The mule deserves no credit and should be put to death by the toiling masses who were exploited by the greedy farmer.


Life is somehow even more full of despair than this tale of a stupid mule that survived due to the convenient temporary nonexistence of mud.

If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity.

I'd just like to reiterate that the mule did nothing more than take advantage of the toiling of others who were actually trying to murder it.

Killed the useless old mule?

The farmer looked for the easiest way to get the problem out of his life and accidentally saved the lesser of two things that he could use to survive. I don't like this story and ask that you try again.
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