Sopranos Republican
Matt from VT
YaBB God
Posts: 4,181
Political Matrix
E: 3.03, S: -8.87
|
 |
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2014, 10:43:25 PM » |
|
I suppose being a key torch bearer at this convention I should probably address my primary vote for TNF, whom some in the crowd have referred to as "a Kenyan Muslim Socialist." To understand this problem as with any problem, we must first have a history lesson: this lesson is going back a long time, all the way to the beginning as a matter of fact. In the beginning when Ronald Reagan created the Earth, and created a way for men to enrich themselves and He looked down on all of the bankers, economists, small business owners, and CEO's, and said "this is good." Then one day during lunch break Reagan told his chief economic policy advisor, we'll call this man "Adam" for the purposes of privacy. Adam and his secretary who he also happened to be "plowing the fields with" we'll call her "Eve," one day after they were done with one of their "plowing" sessions, Reagan gave very specific instructions to Adam. "Do not invest in that life insurance company Tree of Life, sure their stocks may be soaring at the moment, but in the near future their stocks will take a dive, and since so many trust your investments, Adam, because you're my financial policy guy y'know, duh easy choice, invest with God's guy. Anyway since so many trust your steady investment hand, if you invest, many will invest, and when the crash happens a disaster will take place. So Adam accompanied Eve home that night, and it just so happened that the two of them walked right past the "Tree of Life" corporate headquarters that night, and the lights were on.
A man came out from inside and confronted Eve while Adam bought a Big Mac. "Good evening, Eve." Eve was stricken. Not by his naturally attractiveness, but by something deeper than that. The man had a certain whim about him, a certain cunning crafty sexiness about him. The man had a long gray beard and spoke with a German accent. "Eve, we can offer you a deal on investment like no other." Eve spoke with the man for 20 minutes and was amazed at this offer. It was a very low cost for a very high chance of significant payoff down the road. Adam then returned with mustard all over his face, tie, hair, pants, shoes, and socks. Eve showed Adam the dossier with the investment deal that the man had just offered them. Adam was astonished, he quickly signed the papers, and just like that they were owners of Tree of Life Life Insurance. Adam then shook the man's hand and inquired whom he had the pleasure of dealing with: "name's Marx; Karl Marx." Suddenly Marx disappeared and Reagan appeared to Adam and Eve.
Reagan looked at them and realized that Adam's tie and Eve's dress had changed color, they had changed from a certain blue ocean color, to deep, deep red. Reagan calmly asked the man: "Adam why has your tie changed to a deep, deep red?" "Well, Mr. Reagan, I signed a deal and a man touched my chest changing the color of my tie." "There is only one man that can change someone's tie red. That man is Karl Marx, and his only intention is to rid My World of the glorious system of capitalism. Do you have any idea what you have done? His life insurance company wasn't even a real insurance company. It's only purpose was to serve as one giant ponzi scheme to bankrupt our people so that they would rebel against me and capitalism! And embrace his vision for the world, a vision where the government is taken over by a tyrannical operation of thugs and criminals where they force us to give them our hard earned money! A vision known as socialism. You are no longer one of mine, instead you shall labor in the fields with those rats that we pay $7.25/hour to toil the fields! GET OUT OF MY PRESENCE! Now let us fast forward to the present days. What does that documented historical event even have to with what we are dealing with today? Well I'll tell you. Sure TNF is a Kenyan Muslim Socialist who wasn't born in America, but in some ways he is much better than many others. First he loves trucks, and he is pro fracking: those sound like Murican positions to me. Also: he is extremely pro gun. Hell Dianne Feinstein wouldn't touch this guy with a 10 foot poll. And while his economics may be a bit questionable, I think Reagan would say "hell, this guy's pretty chill, I'm gonna smoke weed, and drink a beer with him." Much like he did with Adam before, well, ya know. Thank you for allowing me to explain my vote, and may Reagan bless this nation, and this convention.
|
