The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[IceSpear]

Now that Pataki and Santorum have formally entered the race, will they get a bump in the polls?  If they each moved up to 1%, that would be an infinity per cent increase in their support.

[IceSpear]

Colorado is Safe R with Hillary on the ticket, but remember she is far from inevitable. If O'Malley, Sanders or Warren win the nomination they could make it a tossup.

Pennsylvania has been heavily trending for the GOP recently, expect it to be lean R in 2016.

If Ben Carson is the nominee, expect DC to become a swing contest. His unique appeal to African Americans is not to be underestimated.

Kentucky, West Virginia and Arkansas are now tossups with Clinton in the running. They could even move to Lean D if Webb is the nominee.

Either Rubio or Bush will sweep California, New Mexico and Florida on the back of a Hispanic wave. Hispanics only ever vote on immigration and are otherwise ready to support the Republican Party.

Carly Fiorina could also win California, that home state appeal is strong.

Chris Christie's moderate image will allow him to reclaim New England for the Republican Party.

[IceSpear]

Clinton Won by 6%. Conservative pollsters are engaging in a concerted effort to pretend Sanders is doing better than he really is.

Yes, the 14 th Amendment which allow children who are born to Mexican immigrants are citizents and 13 th Amendment  freed blacks from slaves. The Conservative pollsters underestimate how important a Democrat appointee is needed in Roberts Crt. CLINTON, not Sanders is stronger in that regard as a female.

[IceSpear]

yeesh she should take off the bio-degradable tinfoil-substitute hat

[IceSpear]

Can we even begin to imagine OC's reaction if Hillary actually wins 272 electoral votes? He'd be the new forum sage.

[IceSpear]

Northern Trump voters are economically fascist, while southern Trump voters are socially fascist.

[IceSpear]

He cares a lot more about the future of the Democratic party than Hillary. Her supporters are doing the best to shrink the party. Bernie brings a broader coalition, as evidenced by his superior showing in general election polls.

Ah, yes... Bernie's "broader coalition." The one that's getting over 3 million fewer votes than Hillary is. But, it is true. Bernie has a diverse set of supporters. From the blindingly pale to the merely pasty,  from the black Irish to ginger daywalkers... 18 year olds, 19 year olds, even 22 year olds! Truly, Bernie is building a colorful millennial whitebow of diversity.

[IceSpear]

"Hmm, the Democrats might nominate that telegenic forty-something.  We should try to compete with that."




"Aw crap, no we really should try to compete with him.  Let's get somebody with the same eloquent way with words as their guy to be our Veep."




"So look, people kept talking about McCain's eight houses and how out of touch that made him look, especially during a tough economy.  We should keep that in mind with our next nominee.  Plus, we reeeeally need charisma to go up against their guy!"




"Sigh, okay look, we've been losing because people say we're not connecting with women and minorities.  What should we do?"

[IceSpear]

Rubio is gay
Kasich is a 'moderate' dork who wants everyone to love him
Cruz is a super intelligent, introverted sociopath
and Trump is obsessed with the polls.

I think we now know what Atlas foram would be like in the past if it was modarn with like internet or something. Except now it is modarn in the present on a debate stage.

[IceSpear]

As of now, Clinton should win the 2012 map but Benghazi, Veep Castro and an insurgent Trump can take it to the 272 which she still wins.

[IceSpear]

I'm pretty open to the idea of people creating an open culture for public nudity, public masturbation, and public sex. I think this should be normal. It's like Chaturbate without the internet. I also think guys and girls should familiarize with each other to the point to where there is no seemingly gender difference. I believe this will open a culture of consensuality where an individual chooses what they like sexually and by who. With less emphasis on sexuality, I think sexual behaviors will become rationalized. Young girls will have more respect for the intimacies of procreation and maybe masturbate instead of having intercourse with guys. I think it should be allowed but not to the point where everything is like sodom and gomorrah where everything is completely immoral. There should be agreed common moral boundaries, such as not using animals or those not of age. I would like to think this would bring about a world of unique etiquettes and friendships. For example, I came up with the idea that friends would casually fap with each other, regardless of gender, as if hanging outside in their own backyard. It could be a casual past time activity. I would love a society that has this feature. The less emphasis on nudity and sexuality, the more society will see each other as equal and have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I find the idea refreshing and delightful going out for a jog in the morning without caring if I have clothes on and passing my neighbors making love in the park and me having the ability to wave at them as I pass them by. Or going to Kroger in my boxers and a robe, not fighting the morning wood, and casually doing my shopping. Or even casually masturbating while waiting at an office for my turn to go inside a room before a report. Of course that would mean people would have to bring towels, disinfectants, and wipes wherever they go, but I could see this being main stream in the future. I think maybe a good idea would be to have a social trend that nudity and sexuality in public is more for the younger generation than the older generation and for those who keep their body healthy and fit and to avoid people who are obese. I could imagine many innovations in clothing, fashion, sub culture and media would be created for companies to increase their profit margins. I mean imagine young girls using body jewelry, hair cut styles for their pubic hair, clothes that are meant to be with topless or bottomless body styles. Imagine commercialization of openly selling sexual toys (like from a vending machine), creating public rides or machines for adults that give them pleasure in public, the ability to have open showers and sleeping benches, have nude or sexualized olympics and sports, have a nude holiday, celebrate Japan's Kanamara festival in the US, and have ads or movies that feature full nude celebrities and actors. And obviously this would just be the start. Eventurally people would find this normal one day and not think anything of it. Moreover, I guess I'm open to the idea because it's always been somewhat of a fantasy of mine. I hope this doesn't sound too disturbing, but these are my opinions. I would definitely vote for it.

...this guy might be onto something here.

[IceSpear]

As a caveat, I should say that this story doesn't entirely make sense to me.  Why should one campaign's incompetence have the power to restrict the number of polling places, to the detriment of hundreds of thousands of voters?  Why is a representative from every campaign required to be present for the counting of the votes, does this include fringe campaigns like Rocky de la Fuente?  Would Martin O'Malley have been able to restrict the number of polling places to six because his campaign was so poorly staffed?  Something feels wrong about this story.

It's just the usual lying corrupt party pro Hillary propaganda that has been way too common this election.

[IceSpear]

[IceSpear]

"Would you rather read Breitbart or have sexual intercourse in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation?"

[IceSpear]

Hillary Clinton's strongest demographics throughout the campaign were:

-minorities
-rich Democrats
-gays

Knowing that how the hell would she not win San Francisco?

IIRC, San Francisco has a lot of "Reagan Democrats" who have been unpredictable all campaign season.

[IceSpear]

The site is dominated by Hillbots, who are mostly nasty.
Republicans are mostly Never Trumpers.

Trump supporters are mostly nice and polite people, but they are a small minority.

[IceSpear]

After the henster ratio, we may need to create the SillyAmerican ratio for FOX inspired threads.

[IceSpear]

^A little late?

[IceSpear]

^A little late?

Yeah, I know. I also tried to find the comment in which Rockie said that WV is still a "Democratic state at heart" that "loves Hillary". I bet there's nothing worse for Rockie than watching NH trend away from the GOP, while WV is becoming more and more of a GOP stronghold with every day.

Yeah, I think stuff like that + Trump and Cruz dominating the primary has really done a number on Rocky. He's been MIA for quite a while. I'd have been interested to see his reaction to the events over the past few months. Would he have taken the RINO Tom denial route? The Torie party switch route? The Green Line temporary Hillary hack route? Or something else entirely?

[IceSpear]

"Trump os literally Hitler and would destroy the economy and ruin foreign policy and commit war crimes unlike any other president and cause the us to default and start a worldwide depression and risk the end of gloval capitalism. He is insane, crazy, racist, a bully, evil, mad, crass and the worst person ever . Still voting for him though, Hillary has emails"

Average NeverTrump

[IceSpear]

Not all African Americans care that Duke supported Trump. Herman Cain doesn't.

[IceSpear]

Very corny: the shots, the scripted lines, all of it. Also, who is Mark Geist? I'm guessing he's someone who's famous in conservative circle-jerks over Benghazi? Nobody who isn't in those circles is going to be aware of him or care about what he says...or care about this non-issue, for that matter.

The people that the ad targets (Never Trump Republicans) will care.

A Venn diagram showing #NeverTrump Republicans and Benghazi enthusiasts would look very much like a hand-drawn illustration of some very full breasts.

[IceSpear]

lol at the idea that millenials don't care about their culture or heritage

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hipster_(contemporary_subculture)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernie_Sanders_presidential_campaign,_2016

[IceSpear]

Happy SD Farmers - 144
Happy FL Men - 142
Angry Scottish Men - 121
Angry White Male French Lumberjacks - 81
Racist WV Hicks - 26
Angry NH Women - 15
Content NV Hispanics - 6
Calm VT Men - 3

Angry Scottish Men have appeal in much of the Mid-Atlantic and South (plus the undecided voters in OH), while WV Hicks do well in the interior South. The Lumberjacks do well in the NE, and win AK by talking about how living an a cold climate makes you a stronger person. Content NV Hispanics and Calm VT Men are perfectly content and not concerned about winning states other than their own. The happiness of FL men spreads across the sun belt, though, and wins over a lot of voters. However, it still can't quite match the happiness of SD farmers, whose joy spreads across the Midwest (except for the unhappy voters in OH) and much of the interior west, as well as the Pacific Northwest. Angry NH Women only win MA by convincing voters there that Elizabeth Warren is also angry.

Well, that was fun. Time to do some actual work now.

[IceSpear]

If he does do a podcast about it, he needs to turn the paintings upside down as a signal of distress to all berniebros.

Context.