The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[Virginiá]

Context: You've been elected the 45th President Of The United States?

1. Decisive foreign policy. I would grab China by the pussy and not release my firm grip until they agree not to take any more American jobs. I imagine the China would scream and beg for mercy. I would then lessen the grip, but keep my hand on in case they decide to screw us in the future.

2. In response to world opinion I would allow some Muslim refugees to the United States, establishing a mandatory waterboarding before admission, so they would know not to mess with us.

3. I would build a large and beautiful wall in the style of Taj Mahal. Then I'd declare bankruptcy so bad hombres, or the investors from the south, won't get their monies back. Serves them right.

4. Unlike my cowardly predecessors. I'll accept Taiwan's friend request on facebook. The great nation such as ours can friend and defriend without having to explain itself to some bad Maos.

[Virginiá]

I remember when Hamilton made his own forum and posted there as "Dave Leip"

[Virginiá]

Context: Has Anyone on Atlas Ever Dated Another Atlas Poster?

Yeah, that's a shame.

These women are missing out on something: In fact, I'm a very gentle and thorough lover.

Well sorry, but women don't want that. We all know what women, a diverse group of people with many different personalities, interests, thoughts, and traits, want.


A man they can peg and dominate.

These threads always seem to bring out the best in Atlas

[Virginiá]

Context: Why the pessimism about Donald Trump here?

For one, it's now irrelevant.

For another, yes, she had flaws. Especially as a campaigner. But she had a long history as an effective establishment technocrat bureaucrat.


As someone opposed to the status quo, the choice between Clinton and Trump seemed to be the choice between bus drivers. The bus is heading to a place I don't really want to go. Clinton would have kept going the same (wrong) direction. Sure, she might have pocketed an extra 5 cents per ticket, or delayed some non-critical maintenance. But she also would have kept the passenger compartment a civilized place. And she would have kept the bus on the road, in its lane. It might even have been a pleasant drive.

Trump, by comparison, is a drunk driver waving a gun with an unknown number of bullets. Some passengers wonder if he's got a bomb vest under his jacket. He raves at other passengers that they should throw people off the bus. He's put the pedal to the floor, and forget the staying in the right lane, we'll be lucky to stay on the road. There are noises coming from under the hood, and he tells everyone to ignore them, it'll be fine. He says the same thing about the cop cars outside, and threatens to shoot anyone who points out that he's wearing a hat that has "State Mental Hospital" printed on it instead of "Bus Driver". Then he says he's the best bus driver ever, in a slurred voice.

[Virginiá]

(context implied)

Either way, no takesies backsies! If you're chosen for moderator duties, you will oblige, or face the wrath of a slighted Leip.

We have actually had a couple of cases in the past where Dave made someone a mod without asking them if they were interested or not.  Thankfully we've moved away from that these last couple of years.

i'm dying hereeee

[Virginiá]

Context: Colorado Republican congressman leaves his own town hall early

Allen West made it clear that he was packing heat at his town halls. I went to almost all of them. They were brutal, ugly, nasty affairs for everyone unfortunately involved.

rofl

[Virginiá]

Context: Pelosi: "We're capitalists, and that's just the way it is."

Why is one ahead of us and the other behind, is what I'm getting it. The metaphor doesn't make sense.

We must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

[Virginiá]

Context: House just voted to gut Election Asistance Commission+public funding 4 elections

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi22Vkie7EM

I know it's just a link, and maybe influenced heavily by my love of old Simpsons episodes, but that made me laugh bigly.

[Virginiá]

Context: Trump's strange power handshakes

It's the equivalence of a dominance display in Baboons, He is showing his dominance over the other males.

We're lucky he limits himself to flinging metaphorical feces.

[Virginiá]

Maybe we should get back to, you know, funny posts at some point.

Nooooo. Grumpy, never-ending arguments is the new funny!