Update Thread and Other Ramblings by BushOklahoma

[Joe Biden 2020]

This relationship is actually kinda cute compared to the debate over and eventual disaster of the Update thread one.   Sounds like you met a female very similar to you, BushOK.  Good luck.

Everything about this relationship is miles better than my previous relationship.  For one, we are going much slower which gives us time to get to know each other and she actually likes me which is more than I can say about the last one.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Valentine's Weekend 2010 is over and it was indeed a wonderful day!!  Starting off with an inch of snow this morning to make for a postcard like scene outside, and then a wonderful morning service at church with my girlfriend by my side.  Went home and took a nap and then went to church this evening and then back to her house for some of her mother's spaghetti (a wonderful delicacy, I must say!!).  Susan and her mother made me some cookies for Valentine's Day and Susan got me a stuffed tiger and not one, but TWO, Valentine's Day cards.  I got her a teddy bear and a card.  Nothing too fancy, but she really enjoyed it, I think!!  We're now ready to move on from Valentine's Day and work our way toward St Patrick's Day and Easter.  She does have some Irish heritage in her, so March 17 should mean a little more than in previous years.  We are looking forward, though, to going through this Easter preparation season called Lent together which starts this Wednesday, February 17.  I will say that we have started talking about the future more and more and where and when do we go from here.  We both agree that any advancement won't happen until late this summer at the earliest or more likely mid-fall.  No wedding would happen until the summer of 2011.  We need time to get to know each other more, so that's why the tentative dates are so far in the future, but we have talked about where does this go from here and when.  I respect her too much, though, to propose to her any earlier than August or September.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Another awesome date this evening!!  We have now been with each other 9 times over the past month and our fondness for each other is growing by leaps and bounds every time we meet.  I know it's still a bit early to say this, and you can disagree until you are blue in the face, but this is true and genuine love now.  We still need quite a bit more time before things start happening, but we are rapidly approaching the true love stage if we're not there already.  Depending on the weather, I will probably spend most of the day with her and her family this Saturday.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Wedding in 2010, mark my word.

If it happens, it probably won't be the worst thing in the world.  I just hope the ring comes out at a minimum in 4 months though.  My parents were 3 mos. btw.

I'm still thinking probably 2011, but we'll see.  For now, we're just enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Wedding in 2010, mark my word.

If it happens, it probably won't be the worst thing in the world.  I just hope the ring comes out at a minimum in 4 months though.  My parents were 3 mos. btw.

I'm still thinking probably 2011, but we'll see.  For now, we're just enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other.

You'll know better than anyone on this Forum when the moment is right.  So far, I think you are doing well and your Bill Dauterive-esque persona is fading away.  Don't rush or be rushed into a ring again.  Another thing I could see with Tiffanye is she has a kid and in all honesty I think you were probably screwed from the start.  As of now her kid is her world and you have to really fit in there.  Susan's inexperience is a HUGE advantage for you.  HUGE.

I just talked to my brother and he said to not go too fast, but don't go too slow, either.  He says going too slow is just as dangerous as going too fast.  Although, there won't be any date this weekend as I have acquired a bacterial infection in my stomach that chased me out of work at 10:30 Wednesday and will keep me from work until Monday.  Since her mother and grandmother aren't in very good health, I don't want to give them anything.  So, the next date will probably have to be Tuesday night.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Tomorrow, February 21, will wrap up my first month of dating the most wonderful woman in the world.  We will start month #2 on Monday!!  We started dating on Friday, January 22, 2010. 

This relationship is now officially longer than the one with Tiffanye.  That lasted all of 4 weeks from Sunday, June 6 - Saturday, July 4, 2009 (the 3 weeks she put me on hold doesn't count as she likely had made up her mind immediately after I dropped her off.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Our second month is starting off beautifully!!  It's so nice to have a lady such as this.  No matter how long things take, I can tell this is the woman for me.  When we first started going out in January, she was very hesitant on showing affection, now 5 weeks later, she grabs my hand at every chance.  She seems very comfortable giving me pecks on the cheek.  A couple weeks ago, she had asked if I wanted to give her a kiss on the lips (no french), but I didn't because I respect her too much and I want to save that until we get to know each other better.  She said, "WOW!! I have never met a man who loves and respects me that much!!"  Things may go a little faster than what we had planned based on the way things are going, but we're not making any real plans.  What I am going to do starting March 1 is save up for a possible ring so when I go purchase it, it's not as big of a sting.  It's good that we're getting more and more comfortable with each other, though.

[Joe Biden 2020]

TIffany only lasted 4 weeks? What a rollercoaster that was! It seemed like it lasted forever!

It was a long 4 weeks, and we only saw each other for 3 of those 4 weeks because I was gone to church camp for a week.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Right. Did you sell that ring or what? No need to buy another! Save where you can!

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.  It's bringing me bad luck.  Plus, I think Susan wants a special design on her ring.  Our mutual friend who put us together is going to talk with her and get the specifics and go with me to help pick it out.  I already have an open account at Gordon's Jewelers, so we'll probably start there.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

Not including Susan, "just" two.  Susan will make the third, and hopefully final, proposal!!

Speaking of that, we are now starting to seriously discuss future plans.  The way our relationship is going (and we are the best judge of that), we are getting so comfortable with each other, having gone together more than 10 times in the past five weeks.  Again, we've known each other really for almost 19 months since early August 2008.  I went over to our mutual friend's house, the couple that put us together, and she even thinks it's getting time for us to step up a little bit.  She is going to go with me to pick out Susan's ring sometime in either March or April and then I've got a little something up my sleeve in way of proposal sometime in May or June.  This is the type of relationship that we don't need two years to get to know each other.  We see each other three, sometimes four, times each week.  I don't feel bad for putting those tentative dates in there, because we are seriously beginning to talk about it.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Tiffanye's ring was a leftover from my first fiancee' back in early 2006.

Wait.  Just how many of them are there?

Not including Susan, "just" two.  Susan will make the third, and hopefully final, proposal!!

Speaking of that, we are now starting to seriously discuss future plans.  The way our relationship is going (and we are the best judge of that), we are getting so comfortable with each other, having gone together more than 10 times in the past five weeks.  Again, we've known each other really for almost 19 months since early August 2008.  I went over to our mutual friend's house, the couple that put us together, and she even thinks it's getting time for us to step up a little bit.  She is going to go with me to pick out Susan's ring sometime in either March or April and then I've got a little something up my sleeve in way of proposal sometime in May or June.  This is the type of relationship that we don't need two years to get to know each other.  We see each other three, sometimes four, times each week.  I don't feel bad for putting those tentative dates in there, because we are seriously beginning to talk about it.

Why didn't the first two engagements teach you to take things more slowly?  Take a year or two to make sure you know this is what you want.  There's no need to marry her right away.

I don't believe that a couple has to drag things out.  If they love each other, 4-6 months is plenty.  My brother said it right, going too fast is dangerous, but going too slow is equally as dangerous.  4-6 months is definitely not too fast.  I don't need a year or two to make sure this is the woman I want to marry, and she has already told me she wants to marry me and has already picked out the venue and the preacher.  I know a lot of couples who met less than 6 months before engagement and they are just as happy as can be.    The first engagement came after 12 years of knowing each other and the second came 12 days after knowing each other.  Her mother is on board with the idea and my parents are, as well.  There is no need to know each other for two years and then have another year of engagement.

[Joe Biden 2020]

We're definitely starting to make plans.  I appreciate all your advice on the forum, but with all due respect, you don't know this relationship other than what I've shared, and I have only shared a drop in the bucket of everything we've been talking about.  You don't know Susan and you really don't know me real well, since you have never met me in person or have never heard my voice over the phone or IP.  The only forumite who has ever heard my voice is jamespol.  You know my politics and some of my personal life, but you really don't know me.  You are talking from generalites and what works in most relationships and you were speaking based on what I've shared about past relationships.  So, having said all that, we are definitely past the "newbie" stage.  This is no longer infatuation, it is genuine love.  We have had a couple disagreements and I have seen her not real happy, but we both snap out of it and talk it through and iron out our disagreements.

I am planning a Spring-time proposal and we have both talked about and basically decided on a Christmas-themed December Wedding since we both love Christmas so much.  So, while it's not official and won't be for a couple months, we are pretty much headed in that direction.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Well that settles it. It's time to focus on a Christmas wedding! Let's all make plans! I'll bring the SoCo, eggnog and Christmas Ale!

It gives me even more reason to "focus on Christmas!!!!"

[Joe Biden 2020]

We have already said that we want to marry each other, but we still want to get to know each other a little more so we may push everything back by a few months.  Instead of a Spring Proposal/Christmas Wedding, we may do something like a Late Summer Proposal/Mid Spring Wedding.  We're still tossing ideas around and nothing is set in stone.  She doesn't like suprises, either good or bad, so I have to let her in on my proposal plans.  She did tell me today that she definitely wants me to propose to her later this year, though.  I was thinking somewhere around September for that or so.  That's not a hard and fast date as it will depend on how we are doing.  We are very comfortable with each other already, so that's a very good sign.

The main thing is, and I want to stress this, I am committed to her no matter how long it takes and she said the same thing to me.

[Joe Biden 2020]

I repeat my question: Why bother proposing at all if you've already agreed to marry?

Just for tradition, really,  It's now merely going to be a formality, as we are unofficially engaged, but we still want some sort of tradition.

Now, by moving the wedding back a few months, we will be able to set a date and then put it on the back burner, and plan for it without rushing and stressing and still giving us plenty of time to get to know and enjoy each other.  We've only really agreed on about three details of the wedding, and those are the preacher and venue and a small, intimate wedding.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Now, by moving the wedding back a few months, we will be able to set a date and then put it on the back burner, and plan for it without rushing and stressing and still giving us plenty of time to get to know and enjoy each other.  We've only really agreed on about three details of the wedding, and those are the preacher and venue and a small, intimate wedding.

I know I said I'd shut up ... but why are you engaged on any level -- unofficially or otherwise -- if you don't know all there is to know about each other? Engagements and subsequent marriages aren't the most opportune times for people to learn new things about each other.

Which is why we are going to set a date, yes, but put it kind of on the back burner so we don't rush and stress ourselves out.  If we're rushing around for a 2010 wedding, we won't be able to enjoy the next several months, but if we put deeper into 2011, a date that can still be easily adjusted either way, then we won't have to rush as fast and may keep the stress level down which would give us more time to enjoy each other.

[Joe Biden 2020]

If you consider a relationship to be composed of 5 major steps with the first step being meeting each other, the second boyfriend/girlfriend, the third commitment to each other, the fourth engagement, and the fifth marriage, we are at the beginning of stage 3.  We're committed to each other with a tentative date for step 4 and step 5 to happen, but we are not in step 4, because other than the date, we're not going full throttle into engagement and wedding planning, yet.  We still have some of step 2 hanging on, but we're transitioning into step 3 and peering ahead to steps 4 and 5.  As I said earlier, that date we are about to set can easily be adjusted either forward or backward.  We're not locking it down, yet, just a date for us to shoot for.  If we feel we need more time, we will not hesitate to adjust the date back.  If we feel we are ready, we will not hesitate to adjust the date forward some.  We don't want to move it forward too far because we will still want time to plan a good, albeit small, wedding all the while continuing to enjoy each other's company.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Again, while we are committed to each other and FWIW engaged, I am still going to wait until closer to her birthday in early October before proposing to her and then wait until around my birthday in late April 2011 to wed.  Maybe I'm calloused, but I still don't see it rushing.  We're only going to make very small wedding plans over the summer mainly just getting the date, venue, and preacher set.  We pretty much already know who's going to be in it, but won't really discuss that for a few months.  Now, I will admit that if I did propose to her in May as was my plan, than yeah that would be rushing it a little.  That's why we're waiting an extra few months until late summer/early fall.  Right now, we're at the stage that we know that God has put us together.

Sometimes people know fairly soon after first date that they're meant to be together, but still take time to get to know each other while slowly planning the future.

What I'm trying to say, is there is no magical length of time that a couple must take to get to know each other.  Every couple is different.

Gramps, yes, I have seen Groundhog Day. Very good movie, but this is not a rerun of the first two.  The first engagement came after 13 years of knowing each other and off and on dating.  The second was way too quick.  This one is going at a comfortable speed.  Those aren't my words, they are my girlfriend's words and our friends words, as well.

I understand everyone's concern and I appreciate all the advice, but this is a relationship that the speed will be determined by the couple, not by families, not by friends, and not by internet friends.

[Joe Biden 2020]

We had a chance to talk about our plans tonight and we both have decided on a September 2010 proposal and an April 2011 wedding.  We're not making any other real plans besides that for right now.  She did tell me that she does want to marry me, though.  I said the same thing to her.  It is very comforting to know that.  As I've said before, we are totally committed to each other.  We grow fonder and fonder of each other every time we get together.  We know without a shadow of a doubt that God put us together.  We couldn't have found each other by ourselves.  God has been preparing us for each other since the 1990s.  That's when I met our mutual friend, in my sophomore year of high school, her junior year.  We instantly became best friends.  We lost touch with each other while I was away at college, but met again after I returned home and I've been best friends with her and her husband since.  All this time she knew Susan and became really good friends with her.  This friend promised me she would help me find someone and introduced me to Susan in August 2008.  We dated for about a month, but she got scared somehow so she dropped me in September.  I went my own way and followed another friend's advice that led me to Tiffanye, which we all know how that turned out.  This mutual friend comforted me and said she would still help me look.  Then, in January 2010 it was just the right time and I knew God had put us together.  We hit it off really well right off the bat and our hearts grew together last month and now we are extremely comfortable with each other and we love each other so much.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Well, the fact that she doesn't like suprises either good or bad kinda makes me get everything out in the open, including proposal.  The only thing she doesn't know is HOW or exactly WHEN I'm going to propose to her, and that, I will try to keep secret.  She knows the approximate time frame, but not the actual date, and really, neither do I.  I've got an idea, but haven't figured out an exact date in my mind for the proposal and same for the wedding.  I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to propose, although, I've got a pretty good idea.  This is basically what you get when you have two people who like to plan way in advance.

Plus, a side note, she loves Christmas just about as much as I do, so there will be two of us.   She also loves Easter as much, if not a bit more than Christmas.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Okie, did you tell this girl about JSojourner?

No, she knows nothing about this forum other than I post here as a way to vent my political feelings.  I imagine in 2011, I'll be on the forum less as we get closer to the wedding and probably will be maintaining a low profile for several months.  I won't leave, as she knows I need a place to vent my political feelings/frustrations, but I will have to behave.   My profile will just be in a limited scope.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Have you gotten past first base yet?

We're headed toward second base, currently, on our trip around the bases as the ball is already out of the park.  I hit a home run with this girl.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Plus, a side note, she loves Christmas just about as much as I do, so there will be two of us.   She also loves Easter as much, if not a bit more than Christmas.

More than Christmas? That's a dealbreaker.

Not really, I love Easter, too, so it's all good!!  As far as Christmas, it's likely we'll have our tree up from Halloween clear through Valentine's Day!!

[Joe Biden 2020]

Plus, a side note, she loves Christmas just about as much as I do, so there will be two of us.   She also loves Easter as much, if not a bit more than Christmas.

More than Christmas? That's a dealbreaker.

Not really, I love Easter, too, so it's all good!!  As far as Christmas, it's likely we'll have our tree up from Halloween clear through Valentine's Day!!

Man, to keep that wood up that long must require a pill or something.

Nah, I'm just kidding, it will probably only be up 2 months rather than the 3 1/2 months between Halloween and V-Day.

Now, we're starting to get ready for St Patricks Day and Easter.  She is part Irish, so March 17 adds a little extra meaning now.

[Joe Biden 2020]

Just remember to let things take it course. don't rush anything.

Your advice is a bit late.....we've all told him that and all he does is rush.

Well I know that. but if you constantly say that he will eventually listen. I will say it over and over and over again. He will listen when he chooses to.

To this forum, though, they will ALWAYS say I am going too slow, even if I waited an entire year before engagement.  I am listening to Susan and she is listening to me and we are moving at OUR speed, not the speed of an internet forum.  People may see that as too fast, but I don't and she doesn't and other people I've talked to who's been married between 7 and 10 years say we are not moving too fast.  The mothers may think we're moving too fast, but they have a right to say that because it's their own children involved in the relationship and don't want to see them grow up and become less dependent on them.  That's just a motherly instinct, it doesn't mean we are going too fast or too slow.  Plus, we are going slower than my last relationship.  I did not propose to this girl 12 days after meeting her.