Update XIX: Melancholy and the Infinite Napping

[memphis]

The Onion mole strikes again.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/defense-needs-to-be-more-physical-reports-man-slum,34922/

...from January 2014.

It was on their facialbook today.

[memphis]

Yet just a few seasons ago, he was saying that he would never attend a Pentecostal church because of doctrinal differences. I believe ODF has also stayed that he would not even allow a Mormon to enter his home.

[memphis]

All the denoninations have fundamental differences. That's the whole reason they exist. Do you think you have no fundamental differences with the Papist Church?

[memphis]

Also, Mormons are not Christians.  They are a separate religion.

But you just said that all it takes to get into heaven is to admit to God that you're a sinner and believe that Jesus died for your sins.  Mormons believe that as much as any other denomination.  So I guess by your logic, Mormons aren't Christians, yet they're still able to get into heaven, whereas other non-Christian religions aren't going to have people going to heaven because they don't buy into the Jesus part?

He also said that Christianity isn't a religion at all. He's just making it up as he goes, stringing together phrases he's heard at church.

[memphis]

Pretty clear Bushie is a manic depressive.

I have believed this for sometime.

Whats scary is no one in his social circle finds it odd that he's calling himself these african children's "daddy." Child rapist tones aside, it just sounds odd for a grown man to call himself daddy to sponsor children. Not to mention how confused those kids will turn out if they are told he's their father.

I'm sure his fellow Oklahomans do find it odd, but they probably also feel sorry for him and are reluctant to criticize him quasi-publicly. They know better than anybody how special Bushie is and what else does he have going for him?

[memphis]

i wonder what bushie's parents think of him calling himself 'daddy?'

They probably let him have this little obsession.  It's harmless effectively, and it gets Bushie out of the house/city/state/country for a couple weeks every two years so Ma and Pa can enjoy their Albuquerque roadtrip without Junior napping and farting in the back seat and running up the tab at the Denny's rest stop.   

The cost of a plane ticket to Kenya is far greater than the total price of food that even Bushie can eat at Denny's. It's not about the money. It's about the peace and quiet. I think the Tulsa apartment, expensive though it may be, serves the same purpose.

[memphis]

i wonder what bushie's parents think of him calling himself 'daddy?'

They probably let him have this little obsession.  It's harmless effectively, and it gets Bushie out of the house/city/state/country for a couple weeks every two years so Ma and Pa can enjoy their Albuquerque roadtrip without Junior napping and farting in the back seat and running up the tab at the Denny's rest stop.   

The cost of a plane ticket to Kenya is far greater than the total price of food that even Bushie can eat at Denny's. It's not about the money. It's about the peace and quiet. I think the Tulsa apartment, expensive though it may be, serves the same purpose.

I can't imagine Bushie is too loud, save for aforementioned farting.

Do you think is any less of an insatiable attention whore in real life?

[memphis]

3 people could easily split a bottle of champagne and not be an issue. The drowsiness from staying up late would be a bigger issue.The kids will be in bed by midnight anyway. But whatever. I don't think alcohol is very fun to be honest. It's probably the least fun intoxicant I can think of off hand.

[memphis]

Okay, what's wrong with not drinking? Bushie does a lot wrong but abstaining from alcohol is not one of them. Particularly when such, erm, special children are in the house. Or is abstaining from drink morally reprehensible now? If so, that's news to me.

There's nothing wrong with not drinking. I hardly ever drink. But I also have enough sense to know that one glass of wine, on a special occasion no less, isn't the biggest deal in the world. The issue is not that he doesn't drink. It's that his perception of alcohol is so comically naive.

[memphis]

Ditto for the Orthodox Jews. Their lives are controlled every minute of everyday. Food (and only the food that the religion allows, of course) is the only permissible indulgence. And it shows.

[memphis]

I don't think anyone on the forum disagrees that Bushie's health and, indeed, overall quality of life would dramatically improve if he developed a light opiate addiction.

His current fiber intake is sitting at zero grams per day. The last thing he needs is to add a drug that will stop him up even further. If we're putting him on a controlled substance, make it Adderall. Granted, it would exacerbate his manic tendencies, but the weight loss and energy boost would make it very worthwhile.

[memphis]

Please don't relax at your friends New Year's party. That would be very ill mannered.  Wait until you get home to enjoy your internet porn

[memphis]

Another time zone is about to jump. I can picture Bushie, giddy with excitement as he presses his browser's refresh button over and over.

[memphis]

Why do all of your coworkers live so far away? Granted, I don't know everybody's address, but I'm pretty certain not a single one of my cotoilers lives 30 miles out. Even half of that, 15 miles, is a PITA trip to make twice each day. People in Oklahoma are strange creatures.

[memphis]

I mean, Memphis is hardly New York City. And we're about the same population as OKC, so the comparison in pretty apt. Mostly, middle class people here live in one story detached houses on quarter acre lots. You have the green space out back for the dog to run around and there are trees everywhere. What's the utility in being any less dense that that?

[memphis]

I mean, Memphis is hardly New York City. And we're about the same population as OKC, so the comparison in pretty apt. Mostly, middle class people here live in one story detached houses on quarter acre lots. You have the green space out back for the dog to run around and there are trees everywhere. What's the utility in being any less dense that that?

     Yeah, I live in a city that has 17,000 people/sq mi. Let me tell you, there are no issues with personal space. Outside of a couple of main arteries, the city is essentially empty. Unless we are talking about some place like Cairo or Tokyo, I don't get how elbow room is an actual issue.

Keep in mind that people in Oklahoma are two to three times the size of your normal American.

I'm more than willing to put Memphis people toe to toe belly to belly against the Oklahomans. And our moderate density isn't just for the anchor city. Our primary suburbs, Bartlett, Germantown, and Collierville have virtually identical population densities as well. I get that some people may desire  a denser, more walkable city. I don't why anybody would want things to be further away. Just to be less convenient?

[memphis]

Bushie, can you elaborate upon your calendar changing ritual?

[memphis]

So is Bushie getting a hotel in anticipation of the ice storm?

[memphis]

He does the round the world countdown for every month? No wonder he's so tired!

[memphis]

The job is done. I'm not buying his story that most of his coworkers live 30+ miles from work. That's not plausible. What really happened is that he asked for the day off because of the weather and the boss not only gave him today off but the rest of his life also. Back to the call center!

[memphis]

Perhaps there is a strong inverse corelation between how well one knows Jeff and whether or not one is allowed to be his facebook friend. Maybe all of the encouragers on fb are just the random people from high school whom we all have on our faces, for no particular reason. They encourage not out of foolishness but out of ignorance.

[memphis]

Today on the radio I heard about a guy who was inspired to lose weight when he was incarcerated and told by prison doctors that given his weight and sedentary lifestyle, he'd probably be dead within 5 years if he didn't change his ways. He was in his early 30s, 5' 8" and 230 pounds.

If that guy was 5 years from Death's doorstep, where does that leave Jeff?

Unless there are other contributing factors, 5'8 and 230 is hardly 5 years away from death for a guy in his early 30s. Probably 20%of Americans have an equivalent BMI. It's certainly not a healthy weight, but it's not even that severe a case of obesity.

[memphis]

The day of Bushie's Facebook purges will live in infamy. Never forget 1/2.

Indeed. The Friday Afternoon Massacre will live on in all our hearts.

[memphis]

First, he's going to sit and stare in church. Then, he's going to sit and stare at home. Sounds like an awesome day!

[memphis]

It's not likely to come up in Oklahoma, but "fat free" should also be added to the list of codewords for unhealthy. Also "chicken fried."