I am not sure if I'm invited to this debate, but as the pro-incest lobby is spending tens of millions on the Northeast airwaves to attack my character and the character of my lovely wife and adequate children, I feel the need to address the good people of our region directly.
Thank you for this fantastic question. Look, I think it's clear that the federal government in Nyman has been hanging our great region out to dry for far, far too long. We send senators to the capital, and they waste their time debating on whether or not to install guillotines on Wall Street? Are you kidding me? Meanwhile, here in the Northeast, millions of men, women and children are homeless refugees, their homes destroyed by the rebellion. We need investment. We need pork barrel spending. If elected, I will introduce a $1 trillion package to rebuild the Northeast. Furthermore, I will cast my ideological scruples to the wind, and will support whatever legislation I need to in exchange for bringing home the bacon. Some right-wing kook from the Mideast wants to pass a bill executing gay children? Sure, I'll vote for that; but I'm gonna need him to vote for my amendment to his bill which will build an expensive, unnecessary bridge in Connecticut. That is my promise to you, citizens of the Northeast.
Let me answer as well the marvelous question from Mr. Sir Nick. First of all, let me say that my opponents seem to be good, honest people. We've all heard the nasty rumors about them (the corruption, the adultery, the allegations that they've diddled themselves in front of staffers, etc.) but I want to state unequivocally that I think those rumors are probably not true. What I will say about them is this: Senator bore should be ashamed that he has done
nothing to rebuild the war-torn Northeast or combat the incest problem that is
ravaging our families, our communities, and our schools; and Matt should drop out of the race immediately,
as he has proven himself to be completely unfit for office.Thank you for the questions, and I hope you all vote next weekend!
