Comedy Goldmine V: A Tribute to Delayed Sequels with Over-the-Hill Actors

[Sensei]

McCain gets to 270 with these states called already:

I'm sorry, you must have not been able to read the thread.  Should we translate it to French for your benefit?

because your grasp of English is so great. Seriously, that there was one of your few coherent posts.

[Sensei]

What about -i?

Negative i plus negative i gives you negative 2i.

I never was good at math.

Don't feel too bad. You're the only 13 year old in the country who would try to make a point using complex numbers in his spare time.

[Sensei]

I think they make me more likely to wonder what is wrong with Gporter.  Its that the language is so unable to be understand, but the topics either have no relations to Atlasia or completely off-base.

[Sensei]

No (R)

Look at the author.

I think he may have taken too much of a food that didn't agree with him. Or something.

I can assure you that, for now, I am a Republican.  I may end up as an Independent, but for the moment, I have left the Democratic Party.

However clever you think you are, it's not funny.

[Sensei]

No (R)

Look at the author.

I think he may have taken too much of a food that didn't agree with him. Or something.

I can assure you that, for now, I am a Republican.  I may end up as an Independent, but for the moment, I have left the Democratic Party.

Why do people find it so hard to believe that I have left the Democratic Party, and, at the very least, become an Independent?

Because of what you were saying about Obama and Hillary only two days ago?

I support Obama; does that mean I have to be a Democrat?

I could say I'm a ferret. I could say I'm a ferret that can talk. But I'm not a ferret.

[Sensei]

you're doing it wrong, Xahar. It's the Comedy Goldmine.

[Sensei]

Ben, you don't want to bring that one up.

Why not?

Have you forgotten?

bring us up to speed, Xahar.

[Sensei]

lol at Naso

For those curious...so....nobody....Phil often mocks me for my lack of significant religious beliefs. My parents were born in the 50s and 60s and were baptized Catholic and went to church as children. However, my sisters and I were not baptized, and grew up not going to church...so we were kind of left to decide religion on our own.

For me, I believe that Jesus died for our sins and that someday we'll walk among him in Heaven. Phil seems to find it incomprehensible that my sisters and I have zero religious background. My parents just never bothered to baptize my sisters or I, and didn't take us to Church...not for any specific reason, but just never did. My mom never goes to Church but graduated from Catholic high school in '86. My grandparents were born in '32 and went to Church as recently as the 1960s...but they no longer go...not really for any specific reasons. Maybe it just wears off on some people, I can't say...I have no experience in that area.

Naso,it's not that you aren't religious. What I could not comprehend was your total ignorance. Remember when you were "Half Catholic, half Christian?" Or how about Jesus "rising from the ashes" and you believing in "Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints."

[Sensei]

Ben, you don't want to bring that one up.

Why not?

Have you forgotten?

bring us up to speed, Xahar.

Self-posting that on the 4th Goldmine.

Oh. How could i forget that....

[Sensei]

You know, I have never thought of her as being anywhere near "hot"... but she's starting to look kind of attractive to me lately. Is it just me?

Yes, it's definitely just you.  Cross-eyed, lanky, bad teeth ... though I must admit to being a fan of her ghetto booty.

[Sensei]

I am indeed still a Republican, and I do believe R. Kelly isn't guilty.  It's not an act.

How could someone who could create such a beautiful musical suite as "Trapped in the Closet Chapters I- XXVI" be guilty?

[Sensei]

I now support McKinney if Obama is going to joke about guns.

This one actually made me laugh.

[Sensei]

me four!

[Sensei]

O.K., we now have a Freemason, a Jew, and a non-adherent

That sounds like the beginning of a joke. How does it end?

Hopefully with BRTD getting banned.

you really piss me off so much.  you're such a phony.  stop begging for respect from everyone and stop trying to be one of the guys and just be yourself.

not really funny as much as it was a mega-pwn.

[Sensei]

May I present the Reagan Bill, the first proposed piece of legislation proposed by Gporter:

Arcticle 1

-Ronald reagan is god
-he is a great president
-lyoid beinstien was a good running mate for Micheal Dukacis
-rosanlin carter was carter's wife
-what if bobby kennedy wasnt shot in 1968?

Arcticle 2

-I know more about politics than all of you
-i have studied politics since age 5
-i know all presidents by heart
-ask me any political question and i answer
-I read Playboy!

[Sensei]

I have some more Gporter personal message material, some of it funnier than the first if anyone wants it

Send my way, please.

same here!

me too

[Sensei]

Porter paints Constine as an uncaring, partisan, liberal hack. Who would force government to be big in people's lives and who cared about himself more than he would about the country. Porter dismisses the foreign successes and gets the voters to look at Constine on a personal level. Constine fires back with criticisms and character debates against Porter. Porter gains some sympathy vote from Constine attacking Porter's mental issues that he has had since birth and for the fact that Constine never had anything nice to say about Porter. While Porter would occasionally praise Constine for his foreign affair experience.

After a campaign that goes down to the wire, Porter narrowly prevails on election night. The deciding states are Minnesota, Virgina, Florida, and Missouri. Virgina goes to Constine along with Florida. Minnesota goes to Porter. And Porter prevails by 300 votes out of 2.2 million cast in the state of Missouri and therefore wins the presidency.

you're right. You get that close to beating gporter?

[Sensei]

The following are untrue:
He does not accept funds and donations from liberal PAC's or Washington lobbyist firms.  He doesn't stop them from doing their own thing, but he doesn't get involved in dirty attacks.
He has not belittled Sen. John McCain, but has praised his heroic and military service.
He does not support abortion. (WTF he supports abortion)
Why didn't he stick with his original name of Barry?  It would have helped squash the whole "Is he a Muslim" controversy.  As it is, he has a Jewish name (Barack) and an Islamic name (Hussein).

The following are too broad to have comment or cannot be proven way or the other:
He supports the freedom of religion.
He supports the Christian church.
He seems to be very willing to work with the Republicans in the Congress to get things accomplished.


This has to be a joke, James and TexasDumbass are rubbing off on you too much

I ask you never to insult her like that again.

lol. I think BushOklahoma winded up fraternizing with the wrong people, and he doesn't realize what idiots they are. Hilarity ensues.