Comedy Goldmine XI: The Atlas Forum Demilitarized Zone

[Mechaman]

I became a neocon after your mama begged me to drill her oil.

I lawled so hard I forgot how to breathe.

[Mechaman]

Here's is one of me screwing with ChrisJG777:

The ultra moderate Jive Turkey Party (Howard Stern and Jesus H. Christ) wins an electoral landslide over the Democrats (Barack Obama and Joseph Biden) and the Republicans(Bobby Jindal and Sarah Palin). Everybody wakes up the next day with hangovers and have the munchies. Snack vendors nationwide rejoice.

I like this prediction best, if only for the sheer absurdity of it (as things stand now).   

Well chances are pretty high it won't be laughed at in 3 years, haha.

I did say "as things stand now". 

When I said it won't be laughed at in 3 years, it's true. Everyone is laughing their asses off right now.

When you say "it's true", you're kind of implying you can predict the future.  The reality is that there is a reasonable chance that your prediction there won't happen at all, like all the others. 

You're just a mindless political hack!

If you say so.   

I've had it with you braindead bleedingheart uber liberal ACLU carryun sons of guns! Ya think that just cause your dream candidate won that evurythun is dayses un roses for u? Do ya! Well ya rong boi! This is Muricah! This is Muricah boy! We must secede ONEONEONEONEONEONEONEELVEN!!!!!!!! The Jive Turkey Party shall rise again!

You'll find that my economic views are quite incompatible with that of Liberalism, unlike yours. 

[Mechaman]

Here's is one of me screwing with ChrisJG777:

The ultra moderate Jive Turkey Party (Howard Stern and Jesus H. Christ) wins an electoral landslide over the Democrats (Barack Obama and Joseph Biden) and the Republicans(Bobby Jindal and Sarah Palin). Everybody wakes up the next day with hangovers and have the munchies. Snack vendors nationwide rejoice.

I like this prediction best, if only for the sheer absurdity of it (as things stand now).   

Well chances are pretty high it won't be laughed at in 3 years, haha.

I did say "as things stand now". 

When I said it won't be laughed at in 3 years, it's true. Everyone is laughing their asses off right now.

When you say "it's true", you're kind of implying you can predict the future.  The reality is that there is a reasonable chance that your prediction there won't happen at all, like all the others. 

You're just a mindless political hack!

If you say so.   

I've had it with you braindead bleedingheart uber liberal ACLU carryun sons of guns! Ya think that just cause your dream candidate won that evurythun is dayses un roses for u? Do ya! Well ya rong boi! This is Muricah! This is Muricah boy! We must secede ONEONEONEONEONEONEONEELVEN!!!!!!!! The Jive Turkey Party shall rise again!

You'll find that my economic views are quite incompatible with that of Liberalism, unlike yours. 

And you're quite sure it wasn't the other way round, hmm?   

Damn you Chris, damn you!

[Mechaman]

I have the craziest sex drive in the world man. I can manage a full on rock hard erection with the power of my own mind. I just think "get me an erection", and it happens! Everytime, every single friggin time, I hug a female who isn't ugly, really fat, has at least ten years on me, or is of blood relation, I get an instant erection. It friggin sucks. It's okay if it's a chick who's my age, but it's really awkward when it's my friends 12 year old sister. Guys, is this natural?

I don't care if he's just screwing around...

I was being serious.

[Mechaman]

Yellow Stark ( Mechaman) for President 2012!

I had no idea I was such a role model for Moral Values, lol.

[Mechaman]

One time, this kid (we'll call him Person A) I knew told this other kid I knew (Person B), "Why don't you just fuck me in the ass?"...as if it was supposed to be an insult to Person B. Almost like "Why don't you just kiss my ass?"

I would've said "yes" to his modest proposal and start ass attacking him with my phallic sword until it my white love laser cannon was fully charged and then I would eviscerare his asshole with the magic lasers from my love laser cannon. Afterwards I would get called a "f****t" for destroying another dude's ass, but I could always use the defense "I was given orders".

[Mechaman]

Lean Straight. Semi Bi.

click for context

I don't see anything funny about that. Not everyone who isn't 100% straight is a flaming liberal who thinks prop 8 is the worst thing since the holocaust.

Stark, you're an idiot, you know that?

We got Stark to recognize the holocaust.  Let's take that win in stride.

[Mechaman]

Most important year in history:

64,998,665 BC, the year the dinosaurs were wiped off the planet by a bigass asteroid.

He managed to get it down to the last year? 

Oh wait....the Earth is only 6,000 years old. Okay, more like 2500 BC.

[Mechaman]

Jesus would lose because Reagan would paint him as a commie.

Jesus a communist?  Jesus would be a staunch economic conservative because he would advocate personal responsiblity and charity over handouts.  Jesus would most certainly frown upon the welfare state and government programs

YEAH MOTHERFUCKER REPUBLICAN JESUS:
 

[Mechaman]

I think paddict was creator of this site.

http://obamaisliterallyhitler.tumblr.com/

And did you create this site?

http://www.cpusa.org/

I LOLed at work just because of how awful and stupid of a comeback it was.

That wasn't very good.

In fact I think the Obama is literally Hitler part is definitely the funniest. Is that guy cereal?

Do you know who else read the newspaper?
Hitler!

Do you know who else had a hot wife?!
Hitler!
But Sarkozy still wins.....

If this guy is for real, he's been going a little too coco on the Cocoa Puffs.

[Mechaman]

this thread is great

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=101334.0

Apparently Mint is religious right........

[Mechaman]

this thread is great

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=101334.0

Apparently Mint is religious right........

No; Mint is a tool, quite content to defend whatever right-wing organization keeps the tax rebates rolling in.

Einzige, unlike a lot of posters on here I at least have a modicum of respect for you, but the idea that Mint is a tool for the religious right seriously demands evidence.

[Mechaman]

DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE MASTURBATED? HITLER!

Speaking of which.....

DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD OPPOSABLE THUMBS? HITLER!

DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD TO POOP? HITLER!

[Mechaman]

PBrunsel on the Presidency of John Edwards on his list of the greatest presidents of the 21st century up to 2050:

4. Edwards (Many think of his years as much like the Clinton Years, minus the sex scandals)

[Mechaman]

In a major shock, McCain elopes with his Argentine mistress the next day and Jean Royer is nominated by the Republican Party in a desperate move. However, Obama announces that he does not want to face Jean Royer since they're friends in real life and they nominate Cornelius I.

Jean Royer promises to kill abortion doctors, to ban sex, to ban gay people, to ban black people, to ban hippies and to kill people who look at porn. He chooses George Wallace as his running mate, even if he's dead.

Cornelius I promises to make illiteracy the sole official language, to repeal all laws to end crime, to repeal the Law of Gravity, abolishing the environment, banning winter and climate change and promising to name an animal as a senior cabinet minister. He chooses a giraffe as his running mate.

America is scared of Royer and they elect their first animal President.

Why not just get Tom Coburn to run? He'd probably do all of the above, minus banning the blacks.

[Mechaman]

Party : Libertarian, but will support GOP Candidates

Updated

[Mechaman]

It's not funny. My fiscal score is above +1.00, So i'm fiscally conservative.

You have much to learn young padawan.
Drop your social score by AT LEAST 10 POINTS then we'll talk.

[Mechaman]

Paterson- 79   41.1%
Sanford- 459   59.9%

What's funny about this? That Sanford obliterates Paterson or that the vote totals up to 101% when added together?

[Mechaman]

I don't even know how humping the floor to do that would work.

It's...kind of hard to describe. Basically you have to scissor your legs to to produce forward friction. I don't recommend trying it if you aren't used to it, it would probably be pretty painful.

A rubber band?

I never knew that one in ten guys masturbated by rubbing their wang against the floor until that one time a few years ago when BRTD started talking about how hard he was trying to change his "style." Does anyone else remember that?

Wait, what?!

Floors are a bit too hard a surface. Mattresses on the other hand...

The German insult "Flachwixer" ("flatwanker"; flat as in a flat surface, not as in an apartment) refers to the practice.

I have done it on the floor before (though always with a towel underneath).

[Mechaman]

Ladies and gentlemen of the Northeast (also AndrewCT, who is neither),

I make this announcement out of a sense of moral obligation—your governor is, perhaps, the worst person to have graced this game in the history of ever.  I call on my fellow citizens to rise up with pitchforks and torches, storm the voting booths, and then return home to safely extinguish and store said torches for later use.

STORM THOSE VOTING BOOTHS AND CAST YOUR BALLOT FOR MR. MODERATE AS GOVERNOR OF THE NORTHEAST.

AndrewCT is the worst ever and he makes me want to puke.  I would never make such a harsh claim without evidence.  As such, I submit:

(1) AndrewCT is weak on crime. Since AndrewCT has assumed the governorship of the Northeast, Xahar-related crime is up a staggering infinity percent. Where was our governor when Xahar was destroy the fabric of this game?  Out screwing whores, that's where.

(2) AndrewCT doesn't post. AndrewCT has been an almost entirely hands-off governor, with a surprising lack of posts between the hours of 2 and 6 AM.  There is only one possible excuse for this SHOCKING pattern of neglect:

(3) AndrewCT is a reverse vampire. Whereas regular vampires come out only at night, AndrewCT comes out only during the day. It is clear that our alleged governor spends his time between 2 and 6AM in a coffin, hiding from the lack of sunlight, and preparing for his next meal.  Will you be his next meal?  Will AndrewCT rape you before and after he kills you?  Yes and yes.

(4) AndrewCT causes cancer.  This fact is one of the most tragic.  Each year, millions of Northeasterners from all walks of life will come down with a form of cancer.  These people of different ages, ethnicities, and circumstances all have one factor in common—each and every single cancer patient in the Northeast has been exposed to several terms of AndrewCT as governor. And if that said cancer patient is a whore, AndrewCT probably screwed her.

(5) AndrewCT fucking hates you.  Spoken for truth.  Witness:

I fucking hate everyone in the Northeast. Especially you, the registered voter who is reading this right now. I hope you catch cancer, which I am fully capable of and readily take blame for causing.

(6) AndrewCT is probably gay.  Eww, gross.

(7) AndrewCT installed spyware on your computer. You thought you were getting Bonzai Buddy.  Nope.  Your computer is nothing more than the governor's circuit-loaded puppet, casting phantom ballots for creating death camps IN YOUR NAME.

I can't wait until all my political enemies have been put into death camps.  Especially after I give them all cancer.

PS you guys I think I'm gay.

( I twisted my damn ankle on the sidewalk outside the Panera Bread on Comm Ave in Allston, MA. Why hasn't that sidewalk been fixed, GOVERNOR?  Are you gonna get up off your ass and do ANYTHING?  What a worthless piece of crap.

(9) You can get a mount at level 20 now, not level 40 as AndrewCT illegally misleading signature suggests. AndrewCT is so out of touch that he hasn't even rolled a death knight yet.  What up with that, governor?  Too busy screwing whores to notice the change?

As you can see, AndrewCT is nothing more than a terrible whore-screwing reverse vampire who needs to be removed from office and probably banned from Atlas entirely.  For the protection of not just you, but your children.

Vote Moderate for Governor.  Or else.

This is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read on this website.

[Mechaman]

Poor Taylor.

Kanye, your the racist one. Not George Bush

KANYE WEST DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE

[Mechaman]

In regards to Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift's VMA speech.

what he did at the vmas was terrible, but what he did earlier this week was inexcuable:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxKIcrDsJAs

[Mechaman]

On which current US Senator Mechman is closest to:

Overall, ..., best match is probably Thune.

[Mechaman]

Everyone who claims to be a progressive is automatically a douchebag. Seriously, stop using the word. It's pretentious and makes you look like stupid.

I'm seriously going to progressively kick your ass

[Mechaman]

On which current US Senator Mechman is closest to:

Overall, ..., best match is probably Thune.

Hey, hey, hey! Is there any radical libertarian in the Senate? No.

So the Senator I am closest to is a Senator who has a 100 rating from the American Conservative Union? LOLWUT?