Cathcon/Spamage: A Presidential Campaign

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I am hereby announcing my candidacy for President of the Republic of Atlasia. Despite being a proud member of the Federalist Party, I am campaigning for the nomination of every party that would accept me on their primary/convention ballot, as I wish to be the voice of all in Atlasia who would have me. Among my platform are a couple of the following issues:

Maintaining the Constitutional Role of the President: Recently, I have received word of complaints about the current President. While working under him and with him I had no large personal differences with him, I understand that not everyone has been happy with him in recent months. As President, I would pledge to the people of Atlasia that I would maintain my constitutional role and not attempt to overstep it. I do not intend to create an overreaching and undemocratic machine while in office.

Foster Good Relations with Congress: Over the last few months, we have seen some of the most horrendous fighting between the White House and the Senate in Nyman. Many citizens across this land have come to view it merely as the "politics as usual" style that perceivedly pervades in Nyman. I however would not like to have that happen. With the likelihood that, were I elected, it would not be with a Congress favorable to my policies, I would always defer to consensus and the middle ground while at the same time still preserving the principles of the bills I supported and working with all for the betterment of this great nation.

Reform of the Federal Government: The waters have become muddied in policy lately, and there have been some very divisive movements on the part of several different parties. What I would propose would the formulation of a Presidential Advisory Committee. Comprised of five to ten members, this body would help to act as a presidential "think tank", drafting legislation as part of the executive's agenda, and as well work as a liaison with the Senate in helping to foster consensus and good relations. All committee members would be subject to nomination by the President and approval by Congress, and the only mandatory rotation would occur upon a new President's inauguration.

Reform of the Electoral System: As you may have read previously, I plan on seeking the nomination of every party available. Sadly, some parties may not want me on their primary ballots. My reforms would entail the opening of all party primaries to any willing candidates, thus allowing for a truly free democracy to ensue.

I will be announcing a running mate in the next few days, and I will field all campaign related questions here.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I thank all of you who have showed their support for me in my bid, even those that might not be first preferencing me. I'd like to congratulate Mr. Marokai on what appears to be a very detailed and exquisite platform, though one I must nonetheless run against.

Hopefully, that covers it for the most of you, all responses I've welcomed and cherished. Lastly, there's this little bit of business:

Maintaining the Constitutional Role of the President: Recently, I have received word of complaints about the current President. While working under him and with him I had no large personal differences with him, I understand that not everyone has been happy with him in recent months. As President, I would pledge to the people of Atlasia that I would maintain my constitutional role and not attempt to overstep it. I do not intend to create an overreaching and undemocratic machine while in office.

Excuse me? The whole point of the Presidency is to grab more and more power.

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John Engle Party is not going to nominate you. Henceforth you may very well drop out right now.

In response to point one, while I would like to jokingly state that I concur, but we mustn't be honest with the voters, I've decided that in order to even come close to winning, this must be a serious campaign. Therefore, I say to you: rule of law is necessary and when we begin tolerating deliberate breaches of our sacred constitution, that sets a precedent that will one day allow all Hell to break loose.

And in response to point two, I express my sympathies with the bereaved Eternal Governor of Iowa. However, we must move on and regardless of our fond memories of Mr. Engle, he is gone and the people agree. Regardless of what name you grant your party, even that of our dear fallen hero, it will not ensure victor'y, especially when running on a platform as absurd as that I've seen from your campaign.

Well wishes to you all.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Welcome to the race, Cathcon. I hope your running mate isn't William McKinley.

I would gladly choose him as my Vice President, if only. However, sadly enough, he's dead, doesn't know how to use a computer, and would be registered in the Mideast anyway.

Good luck to you, cathcon, and welcome to the race. This won't effect our relationship on The People's Paper staff, I assure you.

Thank you Mr. Duke, and in my post-presidency I would gladly restart work with such a fine paper.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Thanks all for your support and endorsements!

Now, thanks goes out to HagridOfTheDeep for this snazzy campaign banner:

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Again, thank you all for your support. However, I have a very important announcement to announce.

After weeks of careful consideration, I have chosen Senator Spamage of the Pacific. During his time as Governor, he worked to reform and revitalize his region in a way others have tried yet failed. He has an incredible record of public service despite a short career, and I'm honored that he's accepted my invitation to join me on this ticket. I hope you'll all support the Cathcon/Spamage ticket in the election. Thank you.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Thanks you, Senator Spamage, for the kind remarks, and as well for accepting my offer of the Vice Presidency. Hopefully we can lead Atlasia to a brighter future.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

What is your opinion of strategic registration, and what will your campaign do to try and stop it (if anything)?

It is a very mean-spirited thing that is one of the sadly negative results of the Democracy and freedom of travel we here in Atlasia enjoy. Nonetheless, it seems that the only viable "responses" to such a problem would be outright Draconian travel restrictions, a very complicated system that would involve much policy formulation, or simply saying to let it go on as it does. I of course don't favor Draconian measures. Were we to employ those, we would be strangling the very Democracy we would seek to preserve. And saying to let it happen continuously within the current laws would be rather callous, though without a very specific plan, that is likely the course that will be taken.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Hagrid's latest masterpiece.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Bump, as I can never let this campaign grow moribund. Any questions you have for either me or my running mate?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

How did you get to be so awesome? Also, what is your favourite brand of breakfast cereal?

Thank you for the compliment, though I'm afraid a how-to book on my nature is a very strange concept. However, a campaign biography may be forthcoming, and any question you might have has the possibility of being answered by it.

As for breakfast cereal, I'm glad you broached the subject. One thing I'd like to bring up is that a vast number of large breakfast cereal companies produce many remarkable products, all of which are very enjoyable. Sadly, I'm full right now, so it's not the best subject to discuss. Post Selects, assuming such a line of products is still in circulation, would have to be home to one of my favorites, "Blueberry Morning". However, I'm also a fan of a variety of other cereals, simple and complex, and reaching across a vast amount of different companies. 'Twould be best if you asked me about such brands and types individually.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

You mentioned earlier that you were in this race not because you thought you had a great shot of winning, but because you wanted to make a message and run an enjoyable campaign, if I remember correctly. Is this still applicable to your campaign today, Assemblyman Cathcon?

Yes. Sadly, in this country, a man of my political sensibilities faces little chance of winning the election. Nevertheless, I am determined to run a damn good campaign and represent the Federalist Party (and any party that would have me) as well as I can in this election. And, despite the odds, I intend on shooting for the win nonetheless. Thank you for your question, citizen and colleague.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

New title to reflect the recent change of the campaign.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Where does your Campaign Stand on the Issue of Gun Control?

In the wake of gun-related disaster after disaster, guns are becoming an increasingly volatile and controversial issue here in Atlasia. One of the prime reasons is due to the founding of our nation and the methods used in its founding. Suffice it to say, had arms been unavailable to the common folk, the resounding shot heard round the world could not have happened, and we may very well be a part of the British Commonwealth right now. While I'm sure Simfan, with his love of nobility and title, would weep with joy at such news, I happen to like Atlasian independence. Nevertheless, we are living in a much different time than the 1770's.

While the right to defend one's self should be as sacred as ever, nevertheless, certain restrictions must be made. Looking over a recent proposal, the Omnibus Gun Law and Safety Act, proposed by my esteemed opponent Mr. Marokai, there are a number of issues I agree with, specifically regarding restriction of ownership to certain people's, though at a point (at a point, not necessarily one stated in the said document) such may fall under discrimination. As well, a man released from prison many years ago might fall subject to pieces of Section 2, despite the length in time since his last known crime. As well, while many would love to disparage the dishonorably discharged, that does not necessarily preclude them from the right to self defense. I would like a more specific of "mental defective" as well. Nevertheless, it seems well though out and covering some angles I myself hadn't covered. However, I would be against the outlawing of various types of guns that Section 3 covers. While yes, we'd like to minimize the harm a person may do with a gun were they to turn against innocent others, and a number of the things restricted would never fall under serious consideration in a normal situation, there comes a point where government reaches too far into the cogs of trade, economy, commerce, and ownership, and Section 3 seems to be too specific and invasive in those regards.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I congratulate Cathcon for picking Spamage as VP. He is a wonderful guy and a good politician!

Thank you, that's a large part of the reason why I considered then officially picked him.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

What a predictable ticket. The patriarchal, benevolent rich, looking after us because we're all incompetent and can't take care of ourselves.

I would be honored to engage in a serious discussion with the issues with my esteemed opponents and Winfield.

While I neither agree nor disagree with your views on former Governor Winfield and his presidential campaign, I must ask why you so strongly view him as being unfit to hold The People's office. I am genuinely curious about your views on this, Assemblyman Cathcon.

These utterances were originally fueled when I saw my opponent's campaign thread. What is implied, to me at least, is that this is a campaign of two rich, benevolent, patriarchal Northeasterners looking to look down on the rest of the nation. Their unrealistic promises of fulfilling our every need from cradle to grave strike me as being geared mainly to put the providers of said assistance--his class--in a position of power. Make no doubt that there certain programs I support, this seems to be far removed from any actual attempt to help Atlasia's downtrodden and merely a move towards establishing a dependence on Winfield and people like him.

Now, when I saw his post, what I posted was my gut reaction. The ensuing exchange bred an amount of animosity between our campaigns. His continued schtick combined with his pretense of being seriously offended (to offend the honor of someone as important as he, oh my!) have only fueled this animosity. While I wish dear Winfield all the best in his private endeavors, I am determined in this campaign to beat him.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Marokai/Duke have a platform that adress many issues are you going to do that?

That is on the agenda, yes.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

For the record, the full title of the ticket is:

Assemblyman Cathcon (Federalist-Mideast)/Senator Spamage (Federalist-Pacific)

Unsure as to whether tradition dictates that one's region be listed, or one's state.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

[  ] Cathcon of Michigan and Spamage of Oregon
Federalist Party

I think that's how your ticket will appear on the ballot, judging from what Homely has done in the past.

Thanks, when writing presidential tickets (see my written works on other boards) I tend to include position and homestate.

Wonderful choice of running mate.

Thanks dawg. I hope we can count on your support in the election.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Thanks dawgs for your encouragement on the campaign trail. Bumping this so that the campaign does not grow moribund.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Bumping this so that the campaign does not grow moribund.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Do you propose repealing any current laws?

I would like to guarantee Freedom to Eat, which I hear has been struck down in favor of current laws.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Any other question y'all have I'd be glad to answer them.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Boxers or briefs?

Commando. Much more comfortable.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Endorsed for second preference

Thanks, dawg.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Let it go on the record that I only eat the ones I love. Dawg, human, or otherwise.