CNN BREAKING NEWS: 2019

[tietcanh76]

We have breaking news from Scottsdale,AZ tonight.  It is with sad news that former president John S. McCain has passed away at the age of 83.  John McCain who was the 44th president died earlier at his home with his family aside him.  With the death of John McCain, we now only have 2 living former presidents, Clinton and Bush 43.  McCain served as president from 2009 -2013.  He narrowly defeated Barack Obama in 2008.  McCain was the underdog and won one of the closest elections in US history.  McCain's vp (Mitt Romney) also lost one of the closest election of 2012 to Mark Warner.

The current president Mark Warner, who is the 45th president issued a statement.
"John McCain served his country as a young man and as a citizen.  We have truely lost an american hero.  Our hearts and thoughts go out to the McCain family."

President Mark Warner has ordered that all federal building fly their flags at half staff.
Funeral arrangements have not been made, but it is speculated that the former president's body will be flown to the Naval Academy for mourners to visit and then he will be flown to Washington DC to be placed under the rotunda for mourners and then it will be flown back to Arizona for burial.  One last note, John McCain did not live long enough to see the election of his son John McCain IV battle the incumbent for senator.  Perhaps McCain the 4th will have run for president someday.

We have highlited a few notes on how history will remember John McCain.
1.  Oldest man to be elected president
2. Only Vietnam veteran to be elected president
3.  Only POW to be elected president.
4. First man from Az to be president.
5.  Ended a very unpopular war known as the Iraqi War
6.  First Naval Cadet to be president
7.  First president since LBJ who did not seek a 2nd term.
8.  McCain was in office when the recession of 2008 officially ended in 2011.

[Associate Justice PiT]

     Ah, must be a time traveler from an alternate dimension.

[big bad fab]

This topic should be in the What-Ifs section.

[Farage]

assholes

[Sensei]

Hm, I knew I was smart buying all of those McCain shares on intrade right after they called Indiana for Obama.

[tmthforu94]

Wow, thanks. I just had a mini-heart attack...

[biggzcorey]

Why would McCain only serve one term?

[Alexander Hamilton]

Why would McCain only serve one term?

Cause he's old, decrepit, and serving after a two-termer of the same party.

[Psychic Octopus]

HELLO? HELLO! THE VOID IS CLOSING! DON'T TRUST OBAMA HE IS GOING TO DESTROY--- (cuts to blank)

Huh? What was that?

[Person Man]

HELLO? HELLO! THE VOID IS CLOSING! DON'T TRUST OBAMA HE IS GOING TO DESTROY--- (cuts to blank)

Huh? What was that?

Probably John Titor.

[Psychic Octopus]

HELLO? HELLO! THE VOID IS CLOSING! DON'T TRUST OBAMA HE IS GOING TO DESTROY--- (cuts to blank)

Huh? What was that?

Probably John Titor.

The guy who said America is going to have a nuclear war with Russia after a civil war that divides the country into five provinces? That man was crazy.

[Rob]

We have highlited a few notes on how history will remember John McCain.

5.  Ended a very unpopular war known as the Iraqi War

8.  McCain was in office when the recession of 2008 officially ended in 2011.

lol

[tietcanh76]

U guys like it?

[Mechaman]

This just in:

President Dennis Kucinich of Ohio was assasinated today by a Westboro Baptist Church member while attending a rally in Topeka, KS. The man who shot him promptly shouted "America has been cleansed of the fag feces once and for all!" after shooting President Kucinich. Kucinich is the first president since Kennedy to get successfully pwned while in office. Kucinich got into office in 2017 during an era when most Americans just said "f**k it why not?"

Kucinich's vice president (and now president), Ron Paul, has issued this statement on the tragic death of the 46th president of the United States of America:
"Dennis Kucinich was a noble decent human being who followed his heart instead of pandering to special interests all his life. Though we disagree on some issues, I must say that it has been an honor serving as his vice president with someone as dedicated as I to preserving American civil liberties and freedom. DOWN WITH THE FED ONEONEONEELEVEN!!!!!"

Newly sworn in President Ron Paul has ordered that all federal buildings fly their flags at half staff, unless it's the IRS and the FED because THEY ARE EVIL ONEONEONEELEVEN!!!!!
Funeral arrangements have not been made, but it is speculated that the President's body will be flown to Santa Cruz where a bunch of pot smoking hippies will blow joints over his body to consecrate it before being flown to Cleveland where his lifeless corpse will be molested by petty jugglers. One last note, Dennis Kucinich did not live long enough to see his former congressional aide, Scott Jackson, down a whole bottle of Jack and be granted Superman powers. He would be most proud.

We have highlighted a few notes on how history shall remember Dennis Kucinich:
1.Batsh*t insane
2.BATSH*T INSANE
3.Almost as batsh*t insane as his vice president
4.1st Croat American to be elected president.
5.Ended the War in Iraq
6.Ended the War on Drugs
7.Ended the War on War
8.Ended the Patriot Act
9.Found the Fountain of Youth that helped make Ron Paul less crazy.
10.First president since Kennedy to get successfully pwned.
11.9000th or so president to piss off the Religious Reich.
12.1st President to declare a "War on Moralf****try".

[Sasquatch]

I don't get Democrats hard on for Mark Warner.

[Citizen James]

My favorite (ultra) short science fiction story - by author Charlie Stross:

Osama’s time machine: President Gore concerned.

[Хahar 🤔]

I don't get Democrats hard on for Mark Warner.

Nobody does.

[Bacon King]

I don't get Democrats hard on for Mark Warner.

It's only the Moderate Heroes.

[Psychic Octopus]

Mark Warner (his fake name) is the reanimated corpse of Jesus Christ, and is temporarily fulfilling the role of Christ until the next Christ descends from the heavens to save us all.

[SenatorShadowLands]

This just in:

President Dennis Kucinich of Ohio was assasinated today by a Westboro Baptist Church member while attending a rally in Topeka, KS. The man who shot him promptly shouted "America has been cleansed of the fag feces once and for all!" after shooting President Kucinich. Kucinich is the first president since Kennedy to get successfully pwned while in office. Kucinich got into office in 2017 during an era when most Americans just said "f**k it why not?"

Kucinich's vice president (and now president), Ron Paul, has issued this statement on the tragic death of the 46th president of the United States of America:
"Dennis Kucinich was a noble decent human being who followed his heart instead of pandering to special interests all his life. Though we disagree on some issues, I must say that it has been an honor serving as his vice president with someone as dedicated as I to preserving American civil liberties and freedom. DOWN WITH THE FED ONEONEONEELEVEN!!!!!"

Newly sworn in President Ron Paul has ordered that all federal buildings fly their flags at half staff, unless it's the IRS and the FED because THEY ARE EVIL ONEONEONEELEVEN!!!!!
Funeral arrangements have not been made, but it is speculated that the President's body will be flown to Santa Cruz where a bunch of pot smoking hippies will blow joints over his body to consecrate it before being flown to Cleveland where his lifeless corpse will be molested by petty jugglers. One last note, Dennis Kucinich did not live long enough to see his former congressional aide, Scott Jackson, down a whole bottle of Jack and be granted Superman powers. He would be most proud.

We have highlighted a few notes on how history shall remember Dennis Kucinich:
1.Batsh*t insane
2.BATSH*T INSANE
3.Almost as batsh*t insane as his vice president
4.1st Croat American to be elected president.
5.Ended the War in Iraq
6.Ended the War on Drugs
7.Ended the War on War
8.Ended the Patriot Act
9.Found the Fountain of Youth that helped make Ron Paul less crazy.
10.First president since Kennedy to get successfully pwned.
11.9000th or so president to piss off the Religious Reich.
12.1st President to declare a "War on Moralf****try".

LMAO this was CLASSIC

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

BREAKING NEWS!

Washington, DC - January 22, 2009

President John McCain, just two days after his inauguration, has been assasinated by his Vice President, Sarah Palin. Secret Service wanted to open fire to the assasin... but they realized that she is now the next President, a person they are suposed to protect.

HAIL TO THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

[doktorb]

You know the phrase "Only in America....."