Obama Nation: A Novel

[Saxwsylvania]

OBAMA NATION
CHAPTER 1: RISING STORM

It was a dark and stormy night.  Lightning struck the White House.  In the Oval Office, a man was sitting, a clean, articulate black man.  At the moment he was looking outside at the rain, which was coming down in torrents.  Suddenly, there came a knock at the door.
"Come in."
The door creaked.  The man in the chair did not have to turn around; he could see his reflection in the glass window.  It was a tall man with graying hair, quite emaciated.
"Master," said the voice.  "I need to talk with you."
"What about?" said the man impatiently.  He turned around in his swivel chair.  "Mr. Lieberman -"
"He will be dealt with," said the President calmly.  "Him, and all the others."
"What others?" said Mr. Emanuel.
"You know well what I am talking about," said the President evilly.  "The Jewish people have been a constant thorn in my side."
"But - I myself am a Jew!" the President's chief of staff protested.
"Yes," said Obama agreeably.  "You have played your part well.  But you know what must happen."
"Yes," said Rahm Emanuel, looking down, and for the first time he appeared lost for confidence.  "The Jews must die."
"Yes," said Obama.  "A second Holocaust."
"Will I be saved?" Mr. Emanuel asked.  It was a question that would determine his face, but he appeared altogether calm about it.
Mr. Obama laughed.  "You yourself know that you are too much of a self-hating Jew to not throw yourself into the fires.  When the time comes, you too will be committed to the furnace.  Until that time you must concentrate your efforts on getting Congress in line."
"I have tried, sir," said Mr. Emanuel.  "I have twisted every arm I could.  But the bill will not withstand the filibuster.  And Senator Lieberman is very stubborn -"
"If that is the case," said Obama, his n lips breaking out into a smile.  "Then he will have to be - ah, what is the word? - destroyed - prematurely."
On the President's desk was a red phone.  Obama picked it up, his long, black fingers gripped around the receiver.  "Hello," said the President.  "Yes?  It's about - yes.  Mr. Lieberman.  What time will you be there?  Good.  Be sure to get it cleaned up, make it look like an accident - no need for a repeat of Vince Foster - yes.  Thank you.  Good-bye."
It had been a casual conversation, but in fact the President had just ordered someone's death.
"This health bill will pass," said Obama, looking at his chief of staff with a sense of triumph, "with, or without Senator Lieberman's help."
---------------------------------------------------------------

Will Obama succeed in his devious plot to kill Senator Lieberman?  And what is the President's plot with the Jews?  Find out next time - maybe - on OBAMA NATION!

[k-onmmunist]

Worst. Poster. Ever.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Already Goldmined

[Saxwsylvania]

To all who responded: thank you for the tremendous feedback! 

CHAPTER 2
DEATH OF A FORMER VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE

It was a dark and stormy night. Just at this moment, Senator Joe Lieberman (I-CT) was preparing himself a cup of coffee.  Being an Orthodox Jew, it was made from strictly kosher coffee beans, shipped from Lima, Peru.  It was late at night, and in a few minutes he would be joining his wife, Haddassah, in bed.  Joe licked his lips as he imagined the coming night, when he would be thinking about his Senate colleague, Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) to speed things up.
Suddenly, there was a crack at the window.  The window cracked, then burst into pieces.  Senator Lieberman turned around.  "Who's there?" he asked.  He moved toward the broken window.  He set the cup of coffee down, looking around incredulously.  Had some hoodlum broken his window, or was someone actually trying to break in?
Suddenly, the former vice presidential candidate, who had served under Al Gore, felt his throat being attacked by a knife.  A figure stepped in through the broken glass, then three more thugs came around and took him away.  He tried to scream like a girl, but his wife was no doubt in the bathroom, and she would be unable to hear him.  He was not dead, but he felt himself being carried away, as if by seven million fire ants.  He watched as he was carried away from his house, for the last time.  He was stuffed in the trunk of a car.  He tried to follow the direction the car was traveling.  He thought he knew it.  He gasped under his gag.  He knew his destination.
Meanwhile, Obama was standing at the very same window, watching with a grim smile on his face as the suspicious-looking vehicle entered the driveway.  In his hand, he gripped a knife tightly.  Soon he would plunge it into his enemy with satisfaction.

Will Joe Lieberman be able to escape this perilous situation?  Find out next time, on the next OBAMA NATION!

[Aizen]

Continue

[k-onmmunist]

This thread should be beecocked.

[Saxwsylvania]

CHAPTER 3: OH NO JOE

Bound and gagged, the soon to be ex-Senator from Connecticut was presented to Barack Obama.
"So," said Obama, his hands on his hips, a cold smile on his lips, "we meet again.  How is the Joe-mentum working out for you?"
Even under his gag, Joe Lieberman did not laugh.  He knew that something was wrong.
"What's the matter?" said the President, looking into Lieberman's scared eyes.  "I guess you're starting to think it would have been a good idea to have supported me back in 2008, right?" Obama hissed.
Lieberman made a muffled noise under his gag.
"Shut up," said Obama.  "But that's not the real reason you're here.  All could have been forgiven, had you just supported the health care bill.  But I guess you thought that you had gone too far.  You knew you were doomed in 2012, so you thought you would betray your party once again.  Well now.  You could have lost your career and kept your life.  Instead, you're going to lose both."  Obama smiled evilly again.  "But don't worry," he said.  "I suppose you could always go independent!"
From his pocket Obama took the knife and thrust it into the Jew's neck.  His hands tied behind his back, there was nothing the Senator from Connecticut could do.  Blood gushed from his wound, as the President hacked away, an evil smile on his face.  The President and his advisers watched coldly as the Senator bled to death on the floor of the Oval Office.
"What a pity," said Obama, spitting on the body.  "Oh well.  Everyone will be wondering what happened to old Joe Lieberman.  He'll almost get as much coverage as a missing white girl.  No doubt his wife will be most distressed.  But I'm sure we can cheer her up.  When she finds out, we can invite her for a state dinner.  I'm sure she'll be most delighted at what's being served.  Though I don't imagine it's kosher!  Ha ha ha!"
Obama and his advisers laughed, as his attendants scooped up the body and headed for the White House kitchens ...

Will Hadassah Lieberman enjoy her meal at the White House?  And will the public ever find out the truth behind Senator Lieberman's disappearance?  Find out ... next time on OBAMA NATION!

[Psychic Octopus]

lol

[Saxwsylvania]

OBAMA NATION
CHAPTER 4
A MAN NAMED GLENN

He was slightly overweight, with graying hair.  He was lying in the bed at this hour.  He did not feel so well.  He looked around him.  Used needles were all over the bed.  He sighed.
"I've given up caffeine, tobacco, soda ..." he sighed.  "But not the drugs."  He sighed a third or fourth time.  He looked down at his Mormon underwear which he had worked so hard to achieve.  If the church learned about this, if the network learned about this ... then his career would be over.  At least his career in broadcasting.  But his drug-dealing career might receive a fresh new burst of energy.
This man's name was Glenn Beck, and he was obsessed with a man named Barack Obama.  In fact he had many similarities with Barack Obama.  He was born in the same decade - the 60's - and they both had white in them.  Obama was only half-white.  What they had most in common was their drug habits.  It was easy for a drug user to identify another drug user, and he knew that Obama had to sell drugs at some point in his life.  How else could a family on food stamps afford cocaine for their son?
He read the paper.  There was a disturbing headline.  "SEN. LIEBERMAN DISAPPEARS," it read.  It was the New York Times.  He hated that paper.  He never read the newspaper, only read chalkboards, and the only media he watched was his own network.
Recently, his ratings had exploded.  The stress was just too much for him.  But now he felt like he had a real story.  There was something a little too perfect about the Lieberman disappearance.  He didn't think it was an affair or anything - no.  This, he thought, was murder.  Murder, orchestrated by the Obama administration.  He knew it was crazy.  But he also knew that he had to investigate it.  Because there was a chance, a small chance that it could be true.  But he knew he had to be careful.  Because he knew he was on the Obama enemy list, and that if the Obama administration killed Lieberman, then they would have no problem murdering him as well.
Glenn Beck got out of bed, pulled a hypodermic needle out of his skin, looked at himself in the mirror, and decided to change himself ... and the world.

Will Glenn Beck recover from his drug addiction?  And will he find the truth behind the Lieberman disappearance?  Or will he too end up a victim of the Obama adminstration?  Find out next time on part 5 of OBAMA NATION!

[Rob]

Great thread! It's too bad this can't happen to Lieberman in real life.

[Sewer]

Mormon underwear

lol

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Mormon underwear

lol

DA MAGIC MORMON UNDERWEAR!

[Antonio the Sixth]

"Taking America Back" is a passionating and incredibly clever timeline comparted to this one.

[Bo]

Mormon underwear

lol

DA MAGIC MORMON UNDERWEAR!

Lol x 1000000000000000000000

[Mechaman]

Bump, for the kids.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Any chance Vander may continue this epic thing?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Any chance Vander may continue this epic thing?

I love the idea of Glenn Beck as the "flawed hero" of this TL. I'm not taking it seriously, of course, but it's hilarious (will Haddassah Lieberman enjoy her meal at the Whitehouse?).

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Bump, for the kids.

[Jerseyrules]

Bump, for the kids.

[Vosem]

I hadn't realized that Vander has been inactive for more than a year now...

[badgate]

It was a dark and stormy night. Just at this moment, Senator Joe Lieberman (I-CT) was preparing himself a cup of coffee.  Being an Orthodox Jew, it was made from strictly kosher coffee beans, shipped from Lima, Peru.  It was late at night, and in a few minutes he would be joining his wife, Haddassah, in bed.  Joe licked his lips as he imagined the coming night, when he would be thinking about his Senate colleague, Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) to speed things up.

[Sec. of State Superique]

This is gross! Poor Lieberman!

Why Obama became a jew hater? He is not even Jesse Jackson!

[Person Man]

This is gross! Poor Lieberman!

Why Obama became a jew hater? He is not even Jesse Jackson!

It was a post by someone with the tag VanderBlubb. Some protofascist who used to troll here before he was banned.