Westman Timeline Pt. I

[Mechaman]

Bend, Oregon:

Richard Callahan is walking down the main streets of Bend, Oregon visiting a hippie art gallery when his confidante, Ronald Defrusciante, walks up to him.
Defrusciante: Sir, our sources inside the House say that there is a drop imminent.
Callahan looks non-plussed.
Callahan: Well it turns out everything is going to plan.  Those commie bastards thinking they could declare war on us?  How dare they?  How f***ing dare they!
Defrusciante: Well.........should we go underground now?
Callahan: Sh*t Ronnie.  If they know I'm here already chances are their men undercover are going to follow us even to the depths of hell if that was our hideout.  The way I see it, my good man, they need us.  They aren't going to blow my head off, especially given the lack of evidence.  The commie fag bastards are obviously the guilty party in Uncle Sam's eyes.  I mean really Ron, given how weak the rest of the world is right now who else could it be?
Defrusciante: You're right.  It's probably those Chilean bastards who ripped us off some $20 Mil last quarter!  What a perfect opportunity for us to rot those bastards out!  But what of you sir?  You are still quite wanted around these parts.
Callahan: I'm f***ing lace curtain Irish.  If I go to jail I'll be out so quick I won't have time to take a sh*t.  I have my connections who could make a f***ing elephant sh*t in the Oval Office disappear in front of the damned President and his Cabinet if need be.  Point is, with the inevitable conflict that is certain to rise, Uncle Sam needs all the damn help he can get.  Whether that be some uber corrupt mass murdering mick sh*thead like myself or a Nobel Peace Prize contender, they will play ball.  I am f***ing invincible.
Defrusciante: So what shall we do?
Callahan glances over at the door and nods.
Callahan: Well........how about we come to them for once?

[Mechaman]

US Senate
September 20th, 1986:

US Senator Daniel Moynihan (D-NY) approaches the podium to address the assembled Senate.  Moynihan, in his blue suit, is wearing a prominent black armband in mourning of the deaths of millions of his fellow New Yorkers.
Millions that included his father, mother, brother, and his wife and children.
The entire US Senate, shocked to see Moynihan at the Senate, stand up and applaud him as he reaches the podium.  Visibly shaken he begins speaking:

"Out of all my years I have never witnessed something this tragic as the death of our fellow Americans.  Whoever did this is certain to go down as the worst war criminal in American history.  I have here in my hands an act, an act that I believe will help this nation get through this dark time in our history.  Now more than ever our intelligence services need to be given the tools necessary to find out who did this.  This Act, what I've decided to call the "Defend America Act" will give our law enforcement and secret service agencies the power to find the bastard who did this."

The intro to the act by Senator Moynihan, who made a name for himself criticizing the "overzealous regulations" of establishment Republicans, would catch many off guard.
At the time the act would be greeted with enormous applause from those gathered.

In hindsight, it would be way more far reaching than it's saddened author intended.............

[Mechaman]

Portland, Oregon:

FBI agent Donald LaMarco looks over across the table at the visitor before him.
LaMarco: So you just drove up here in broad daylight?  Seriously man......what's your angle here?
Callahan laughs.
Callahan: I am a concerned American businessman-
LaMarco drops a huge collection of files on the table.
LaMarco: Bullf***insh*t Richie Boy!  We got enough files on you to send you to State Prison for three hundred decades!  AND A HALF!
Richie Callahan looks up from his seat and chuckles.
Callahan: Looks like you've done your homework.  Very good work kid.  In a few years you might just make it to St. Port's Middle School.
LaMarco: Don't play this sarcastic paddy mob boss act with me Callahan!  Don't make me think for a second that you don't benefit from the federal government eliminating one of your biggest rivals!
Callahan: It is true.  Caspian extremists are a grave threat to my oil companies.
La Marco laughs.
Callahan: You laugh because you know how ridiculous this crusade the government has against me is absurd.  Whole filing cabinets full of bad deeds done from my prestigious organization?  Are you f***ing kidding me!?  All you incompetent f***s have on me is a bunch of speculation and bullsh*t.  Otherwise you would've actually succeeded in prosecuting my ass years ago instead of me walking in with this information, for the better of the country!
LaMarco: If you're so damn innocent Richie Boy tell me how it is that you got this information besides pure speculation?
Callahan: I'm a privy businessman with many connections the world over.  Callahan Computer Software is a multi-billionaire dollar a year business.  Hell, the Donnelly's are getting scared by the day of us overtaking them as the richest American company.  And I'm damn proud to be one too.
LaMarco: You think that bullsh*t will fly around here?
Callahan laughs.
Callahan: I'm telling you that my connections in Georgia said that the Revolutionary Caspian Army was behind the attack!  My sources in the Russian government said that they found one of their nuclear arms facilities was missing ten bombs!  Ten!  What kind of American would I be if I didn't tell the proper authorities of this information!
LaMarco laughs.
LaMarco: You really are some work Callahan.  As ludicrous as your story seems the idea I am going to entertain it.  And that's only because you don't really have anything to gain from this attack.  Now get out of here and I'll pretend like this conversation never happened.
Callahan gets out of behind the table and shakes LaMarco's hand.
Callahan: Good man.  I always tell my friends that the American government truly does care about business.
LaMarco: And the people in it.  Now get out of here.  I don't want it spread throughout the bureau that I met you at one of these local bar joints.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

(You posted before I could post this)
I was hoping for Moynihan to call for all out war on whoever did this, but this, while previously used, is certainly more subtle. Too bad it wasn't a foreign country. The evil part of my mind loves the mental image of American air power blowing some far off desert/mountain country to smithereens.

[Mechaman]

(You posted before I could post this)
I was hoping for Moynihan to call for all out war on whoever did this, but this, while previously used, is certainly more subtle. Too bad it wasn't a foreign country. The evil part of my mind loves the mental image of American air power blowing some far off desert/mountain country to smithereens.

I used this angle previously?

When?

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

(You posted before I could post this)
I was hoping for Moynihan to call for all out war on whoever did this, but this, while previously used, is certainly more subtle. Too bad it wasn't a foreign country. The evil part of my mind loves the mental image of American air power blowing some far off desert/mountain country to smithereens.

I used this angle previously?

When?

Not saying you used this angle previously, it's just that story-tellers (usually of the more leftist, anarchist, or libertarian type) love to use this as a vehicle for the descent into tyranny (see "V for Vendetta", or libertarian portrayals of the Patriot Act).

[Mechaman]

Oval Office:

Crane: WHAT!?
Buckley: I know......apparently when LaMarco confronted Callahan the bastard artfully dodged the bureau by threatening to call up his lawyers who would insure that if Callahan sets foot in jail half the Portland Bureau would be spending the rest of their days collecting welfare checks.
Crane: So are you telling me that after years of trying to catch this bastard on American soil we are now LETTING HIM GO FREE!!!!?
Rockefeller: It makes sense sir.
Crane: How!?
Rockefeller pulls out a dossier on Callahan.
Rockefeller: Callahan is many things but he isn't an expert in psychology.  If we kept him in custody we would never find anything out.  That was his intent all along, to keep us guessing.  We have just pulled what law enforcement experts call a "Bait Switch".
Crane: Wait, what?
Rockefeller: Pretty much we let him go so that he feels more secure.  Security equals overconfidence.  He has given us some information, namely about the missing Russian warheads.  Our officials in Moscow are currently meeting with the Russian government to talk about the missing warheads from their Caspian armory.  Frankly, as much as I dislike Callahan the bastard might be right.  If there is anybody who hates America enough to nuke it it's the Revolutionary Caspian Army.
Crane: But what if Callahan really is behind this?  What then?
Rockefeller: With him out of the country we are actually in a better position of power to investigate his underlings.  Namely....there is this guy in Montana who owns a lot of retail property in the western US............
Rockefeller brings out his pen and circles the name "Fletch Murphy".

[Mechaman]

(You posted before I could post this)
I was hoping for Moynihan to call for all out war on whoever did this, but this, while previously used, is certainly more subtle. Too bad it wasn't a foreign country. The evil part of my mind loves the mental image of American air power blowing some far off desert/mountain country to smithereens.

I used this angle previously?

When?

Not saying you used this angle previously, it's just that story-tellers (usually of the more leftist, anarchist, or libertarian type) love to use this as a vehicle for the descent into tyranny (see "V for Vendetta", or libertarian portrayals of the Patriot Act).

Oh right.

I can assure you there won't be any Holocaust level atrocities committed.  However, the DAA will be a very controversial issue years to come after the 1986 bombings.

[Mechaman]

UPDATE:

Well I've been thinking about it and some of the entries in the LauraHall incident were a bit too soapish.  So I'm going to delete them.

Cathcon deserves a gold medal.

[Mechaman]

Westman: Jesus.
O'Connor: I know right?
Westman: I know we've been nuked man, but that just sounds dangerous.
O'Connor: You think?  What I'm wondering though is how I'm going to get out of DC alive for the break in October.  Or if I'll survive re-election.
Westman: You know man I really respect you right now.  Like a lot.
O'Connor: Wow, that means a lot Scott.  It really does.  Because half my party wants to hang me.  Thank god I'm on great terms with the Senate Majority Leader.
Westman: Yeah Marky Mark is a good guy.  Maybe he'll refrain from voting on this.
O'Connor: I wish.  I think most everyone else is resigned to the fact that the establishment will hang anyone who votes against it.  I expect it to be passed in two days actually.
Westman: I got a really bad feeling about this Act man.
O'Connor: You think?  Warrantless phone taps!?  That's a disaster waiting to happen!  We just opened up a bag of worms to limitless political buggery!
Westman: Quite scary really.  Let's hope this is only temporary.

Westman hangs up the phone and then faces his advisor Karl Herschelwitz.
Westman: I don't care what the federal government decides I want to make a memorandum on this.
Karl pulls out his portable typewriter.
Westman: Alright here goes:

Governor Scott Augustus Westman

Official Memorandum on the matter of Warrants and Searches:

Let it be known that, if the Defense of America Act passes US Congress that the Montana State Police shall not abide by the national law.  In fact, the right to warranted searches shall be upheld by all Montana State investigative organizations in respect of the civil liberties enshrined in our state's constitution.

[Dr. Cynic]

Is Watson still in a coma or in the hospital?

[Mechaman]

Is Watson still in a coma or in the hospital?

Ohhh............whoops.

I totally forgot about that.

[Mechaman]

Larry Watson wakes up......

he looks around and the first thing he sees is his wife wearing all black.
Larry chuckles while looking at his wife.
Watson: Optimistic aren't we?
Laura chuckles through the tears.
Wait a minute....what happened?
Larry is trying to recall how he happened to get in the hospital bed he was currently in.  Hell, he couldn't remember his friends at the moment.  However, he did remember his wife and his three sons Robert, Sean, and Caleb.  So he definitely wasn't amnesiac.
He looked over at the corner of the room and notices an older man.  A friggin tall one too.
Mo.
He looks over at Mo and notices on his arm sleeve a black armband.
Larry laughs again.
Watson: I really love the odds you guys gave me.  Makes me feel real confident about living.
Mo looks over at Laura with extreme sadness.
Larry notices the cue.
What the hell is going on?  Why the hell is everyone acting like it's a damn funeral?
Udall: Well son, you're finally awake.  It's..........(sniffles) so good to know that you're still with us.
Tears go down Udall's face as he hugs Larry.
Watson: Well thanks Mo.  That means a lot man.
Mo backs away as Laura sits down next to Larry.  She wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a kiss.
Laura: Larry, I'm so sorry.  I wish we could just take a time machine and I was just never stupid.  God I'm such a slut!
Larry takes his wife in his arms and embraces her warmly.
Watson: Honey, please don't say that.  Why would you ever think that?  You're the sweetest most caring person I've ever met.
Laura cries harder.
What is she talking about?  More importantly how did I get here?
Oh wait.....is she talking about that St. Patrick's Day incident with Scott?  Big deal!  It's just big media sensationalism.
Watson: Look honey, it's not your fau-
The door opens as Colonel Lawrence Watson Sr. walks in.  Immediately the elder retired Marine Colonel goes to his big son and gives him an emotional embrace.  The elder Watson is sobbing uncontrollably.
Watson Sr. My boy, my baby boy!  You are alive!  YOU ARE ALIVE!!!  GOD HAS SPARED ME MY BABY!
Watson, shocked at this rare show of emotion from his father, pulls back from his father.  He sees that his father, like Mo, has a black armband on his officer blazer.
Watson: Dad........where's mom?
Watson Sr. becomes an absolute emotional wreck.  Laura gets next to him and helps him up and walks him over to a chair.
Mo, who looked like he just saw somebody die in front of his eyes, speaks up.
Udall: My boy......................(chokes up) there is something you should know.  While you were sleeping.............................

[Dr. Cynic]

Is Watson still in a coma or in the hospital?

Ohhh............whoops.

I totally forgot about that.

Lol...

You killed mom!

[Mechaman]

Democratic Senate Leader Tobin MacMahon
Interview August 11th, 1991:

"Simply put, we weren't ready for September 7th, 1986.  Nobody was.  We had no choice but to be as pro-security, as pro-defense as possible.  God knows we needed all the help we could get.  Thank god for Dan Moynihan.  The results that year were disappointing, but probably the best we could've managed given the circumstances."

[Mechaman]

September 21st, 1986
Governor's Mansion:

Scott Westman for the previous few weeks had been holed up in his home office talking to press, CIA, FBI, the White House, and every other possible human being in the United States of America.  With a lull in activity he reclines on his couch and takes a long drag on a Kamel Red when the phone rings.
Jeez.....not again.
He goes over to the receiver and picks up the phone.
Westman: Scott Westman, what may I do for you?
Agent Shultz: Sir, this is Shultz.  I got an update on the Glasgow situation.....
Westman: Yes what is it?
Agent Shultz: They refused to let us in sir.  Given the delicate nature of the engagement we have backed off.
Westman thinks for a second. Oh jeez, did I really send the strike team to that place in Glasgow?  Oh man, my image with civil libertarians might be destroyed if this isn't handled properly.
Westman: Okay man, good decision.  Maybe I was being a little too rash the other week.
Shultz: You might've been sir.  Anyway, what should we do?
Westman: Back the hell out of there.
Shultz: Sir?
Westman: Leave them the hell alone!
Shultz: Alright sir.........any other ideas?
Westman: For now?  No, just pay attention to anything at all suspicious in your different field areas.  Be on the look out for any activity that sounds like it might be underground crime related.  I have reason to believe that whoever planted the explosives in Seattle and Portland might've been on our highways.  It might not hurt to ask around some of the roadside communities about any shifty looking convoys or what not.
Shultz: Convoys sir?
Westman: Yes, the bombs they used were of a little older more "bulky" variety.  Phil himself told me that Buckley said that the bombs might've been late 1940's experimental Soviet nukes.  You know the kind that have a slightly higher yield than Fatboy?  Anyway, remember to keep a cool head about this.  We don't want to overreach in this time of crisis.
Shultz: Sir.
Westman hangs up the phone and then heads to his closet.  Caroline walks into the room and looks at him puzzled.
Caroline: Oh let me guess, another "business meeting" in Havre?
Westman, sensing the time to use reverse psychology, responds
Westman: Yes.  Now if you don't mind I really need to get a head start.
Caroline chuckles.
Westman looks back at her puzzled.
Westman: You coming hon?
Caroline giggles and walks up to Westman and pecks him on the cheek before heading into the closet.
Caroline: Someone has to take care of the kids silly one.  Unless you want to bring them along too.  I don't know why you would though, Glasgow is a gawdawful dump.
Westman laughs.
Caroline: What?  You think I can't hear you just because these walls are made out of solid brick?  You could wake up the dead with the volume you use on the telephone.
Westman sits back down on the couch as Caroline sits down on his lap and plays with his hair.
Westman chuckles.
Westman: Changing your mind?
Caroline unbuttons a few buttons off of Westman's shirt.
Caroline: No, I just think you should at least have a good rest before you go.  Wouldn't want to overstrain yourself on the trip.  Come on darling, relax.

Westman did indeed relax.

[Mechaman]

The Westman Accent:

"I remember watching some old newsreels of politicians back in the day.  You know you had the inspirational voice of Franklin Roosevelt.  You had the businessman voice of Wendell Willkie.  You had the excitement of Thomas Dewey.  And then you had William Westman...........
The things that guy said....you have to wonder if the American press let him get away with it because of the great harm he did to the English language.  I mean how many times did he say he "mar kampfrimise" over a "troid bail"?  I simply can't describe it.  The accent sounds like Old World New York City down to the T.  It is a conglomeration of ye ole Irish with lower east side Manhattan.  A truly frightening combination.
Thankfully, his daughters seemed to inherit the more legible English voice while living overseas.

-Paul Jundice
Political Critic/Satirist

"What is Scott Westman's accent?  Well it definitely isn't Montanan, despite him being raised there since birth.  Instead it seems to be an odd mixture of Manitoba meets Massachusetts.  Westman seems to go through odd stages where he can't pronounce a single "r" and his "o's" turn into "ulls".  Sometimes it sounds like he's muttering drunken bullsh*t to himself.  In short he sounds like an overexcited drunk Canuck who learned English in Worcester.
Unfortunately for the rest of us, there is nobody who is an expert in the Westman dialect."

-Joseph Biden
US Senator (D-DE)

[Mechaman]

September 29th, 1986
Democratic Senate National Headquarters:

Tobin MacMahon looked down at the speech he had prepared.  The speech he was going to give before the associated press about how the nation would come together and address this attack on American soil.  He gets to the stage, looks at his notes, and then looks at the crowd.
MacMahon: Fellow Americans, it is with great empathy that I........deviate from these prepared remarks.
Tobin takes his speech paper and throws it to the ground.
The press gasps.
MacMahon: Because the truth, the horrible truth, is that this shouldnt've happened.  The truth is that this should've been stopped at our national borders.  Instead, thanks to one of our most interventionist "pre-emptive" military policies in our nation's history more money was sent for American boys to shoot Persian drug dealers than it was to our national defense.  Since this administration has these two terms confused, let me elaborate.  National Defense, emphasis on the word defense!  It means keeping our troops here, at home.  It means having enough men at our borders, at our entry checkpoints to prevent attacks like what happened in New York City and Miami.  Instead President Crane, and Secretaries Buckley and Rockefeller, felt it more important to put on a public parade of being strong on crime by antagonizing our country's urban areas instead of showing a sign of support to our shipping points.  Instead what has happened is that a group of ultra anti-American radicals have come into this nation and managed to plant nuclear arms in more than a dozen of this country's urban areas.  Thank god our CIA and FBI agents around the nation were able to thwart further nuclear chaos like what erupted a few weeks ago in New York and Miami.
And, despite the cries, despite the outrage of millions of Americans, of millions of proud Americans and friends of America, this Administration still seems far from finding out who even did it.  All we have is gross speculation that has brought up everyone from radical Georgian Separatists to the Free Derry Libertarian Army to even the damned mob.
It is time for real confident leadership.  It is time for leadership for the people.  The Democratic Party, as ascribed by our founders, has dedicated itself as the true party of the American people.  We will do whatever it takes to get this nation on track, WITH OR WITHOUT THE CRANE COALITION'S HELP!!!

Tobin MacMahon slams the mic down on the podium and storms off the stage.  The press audience goes silent after hearing the angry Senate Minority leader rage against the Crane Administration.

However as impolitic as his comments were, MacMahon's anger would resonate with millions of Americans in the month or so leading up to election day.

[Mechaman]

Senator MacMahon's speech that day (September 29th, 1986) was perhaps one of the boldest and bravest speeches I've ever heard.  Many on the other side will claim to this day that MacMahon put his own partisan impulses ahead of tending to this nation's wounds on that day.  However, anybody who knows MacMahon knows that what came from that speech of his came from the angry Irish heart of his that was shocked at the incompetence of the Crane Administration.  A few weeks after the speech the question was no longer "how soon will we find the guys?" but "will the Administration have a hope in finding them before November 4th"?
At the start of 1986 everybody and their grandmother thought the Democratic Party was dead.  After September 1986 they were wondering if the Crane Coalition would be alive after November.

-US Senator Lawrence Watson (D-PA)

[Mechaman]

September 29th
Oval Office:

A Special Announcement from the Office of the President:

Crane: My fellow Americans, for those of you who have witnessed Tobin MacMahon's disgraceful speech that was an act of desperation to help his party gain favor in these times of trial, let me stress that this administration is doing everything in our power to bring those responsible to justice.  I would call on all Americans, Conservatives, Republicans, and Democrats, to come together in this time of trial and for once put partisanship aside.  This is the last possible time for us to be dealing with these issues.
We need to come together for once and show the enemy that we are still strong.

Thank you for your time and God Bless America.

[Mechaman]

A little earlier
September 22nd, 1986
Glasgow, Montana:

Scott Westman parks his 1982 Jeep Wrangler outside the compound located on the western outskirts of Glasgow.  He walks up to the front gate/door thing of the compound and knocks twice.  Suddenly a peephole in the door opens and an M16 is jabbed into his face.
Guard: Who the hell are you?
Westman chuckles.
Westman: Quite a warm reception.....I expected worse....being your Governor and all.
The guard laughs.  The guard calls out to someone in the compound.
Guard: Sam!  It's Westman!
A voice from behind the guard yells out.
Voice: Who!?
Guard: Scott Westman!  You know the guy who is the Governor of our state who had sex with a 15 year old transsexual?
Voice: Oh cool man.  Bring him in.
A loud mechanical sound is heard from behind the door.  The door opens and Westman is face to face with an average height man with grim on his face and easily a month's growth of facial hair.
The man extends his hand.
Derrick: Evening Governor.  I am Samuel Derrick, Jr.  Sam Sr. is my father.  He is the local barber.
Westman chuckles.
Westman: Wow, that was easy.  My father is Daniel Westman.  He's a cranky old bartender in Whitefish.
Derrick laughs.
Westman: So.........utilities must be a bitch.
Derrick laughs again.
Derrick: You could say that again.
Westman: You know, if the Conservatives and Republicans would just pass my Green Montana program your utility bills could plummet in costs due to the cheapness of geothermal energy?
Derrick: Yeah whatever.  I assume you aren't here campaigning.  Hell, a few of your fellows showed up here a week back or so.  So tell me Governor....what do you want?
Westman: Just information.  Any information that could help us in finding out who did NYC.
Derrick: Oh right, that.  Wasn't us dude.  So tell your FBI and CIA buddies to back the f*** off.
Westman: That's cool man.
Derrick: Well nice meeting you Governo-
Westman: Hey man, no offense okay?  But I drove hundreds of miles and god knows how many hours to talk to you.
Derrick: Should've used a telephone.
Westman: Anyway, I made this long trip and I was expecting at least a little hospitality.
Derrick: You send two rude as hell agents here who insinuate we are storing weapons to overthrow the US government and then you come over here and expect hospitality?
Westman: If it were any other governor at this moment they probably would've sent Special Forces up your ass.
Derrick nods.
Derrick: Fair enough Governor.  You may come in.
Westman walks into the compound and heads towards a campfire in the middle of the compound.  He sits down on one of the couches and relaxes.  A young woman, around 21 years of age or so, sits down next to him.
Woman: Oh right, you look familiar.
Derrick: Danica, this is Scott Westman.
Danica: Oh right.  Anyway, where you stayin' tonight?
Westman: Oh I don't know.  I was thinking maybe at a local bed stop or somethin-
Danica turns his head with one of her hands.
Danica: Don't go into town baby.  You can stay at my place.  It's in the barracks towards the back.
Westman: That's really sweet of you dear.....but I'm married.
Danica: Come on Governor........it's not like it'll be a long term kinda thing.  You only spending the night.  It's not like I'm asking you to start a family or some sh*t.
Westman looks over at Derrick.
Westman: What the hell kind of militant group are you guys?
Derrick laughs.  He looks at Westman with a dead serious gaze and responds:
Derrick: We're Travelers.
Westman laughs.
Westman: Bullsh*t.

[Mechaman]

Sept. 22nd, cont.:

Westman: You guys don't look like no Traveler motherf***ers I know.
Derrick: Oh what?  Every traveler has to be an Irish gypsy who plays Fiddler on the Roof?
Westman: No, I would expect you guys to you know......travel?
Derrick: Give us a break!  The compound looks cool and it's cheap!
Westman: Really?
Derrick: Yeah!  The Federal Government sold us this old military installation at a large discount price.  I'm shocked you didn't know about this place, being Governor and all.
Westman: Well give me a break this is only the fourth largest state in the Union.  A f***ing dinosaur park could exist in Glacier County and I still wouldn't find out about it until some old guy mentioned it in a Town Hall or something.  Sh*t, the first time I was ever in this area of the state was when my wife gave birth.
Derrick: Amazing.  Really amazing man.  How could you be this ignorant about a state you represented in the Senate?
Westman: No offense, but you guys are our "West Texas".
Derrick: Now that's just mean man.  I know it's flat and dry out here and it looks like West Dakota.....but I will not stand for being called Montana's "West Texas"!
Westman: To be fair to Glasgow the only times I ever see East Montana is when I'm either traveling to visit my relatives in Buffalo or to Wyoming to visit Beauregard D'Israeli.
Derrick: You actually hang out with that psychotic motherf***er?
Westman: He's not so bad once you get to know him.  He just enjoys pissing off his own party.
Derrick: Oh right man.  Anyway, the government gave us this land at an extreme discount on the condition that we "windfarm" or something like that.  Luckily, the government rarely sends agents out here and when they do..........they don't know about the windfarm thing and just write us off as "scavengers living off of the land" or something.  We have our own outside occupations though.  Well except for my cheap ass sister Danica....who just sits around and smokes all day and hits own strangers.
Danica: Hey!  I get more action than your crippled little ass!
Derrick: My crippled ass is getting more dedicated action yours.  Maybe you could take a page out of Cassandra's book and get a job as a Law Secretary or something.  Sh*t bitch, get me a cigarette!
Danica shifts on the couch onto Westman's lap.
Danica: Well Gov'na, you aiming to increase relations with some of your special interests out here?
Westman sighs contentedly.
Considering how much sh*t people know about you, how ugly is the fallout going to be if you nail a militant chick?  I mean really?
Marriage dude.
Westman gets off the couch.
Danica: What are you?  Some kind of f****t!?
Westman holds up his ring finger.
Westman: Married, and I intend to keep it that way.
Danica: Y'know, we don't have to get nasty Scott.  It gets kind of cold out here at nights.....and we don't have modern heating systems out here.
Westman: Sh*t, whatever.
Westman sits back down on the couch.
Derrick: Anyway, we got some nice dope if you're interested.
The Governor smiled.

[Mechaman]

September 24th, 1986
Governor's Office
Helena, Montana:

Westman: Yeah they were mostly cool people.  We got nothing to worry about.
Herschelwitz: I hope so.  We can't have many more bombs going off around here I'm afraid.
Westman: Well as long as Crane is in charge more money will be spent bombing Irish black arms dealers back to the Stone Age than it will towards y'know, actually protecting this country.  There is no reason why this should've happened.
Herschelwitz: Pretty harsh don't you think?
Westman: That's the real bitch of it though Carl.  I can't say jack sh*t about that fact even if tasked.  Otherwise it will look ultra-partisan and piss everybody off.

Five Days Later:
After watching MacMahon's speech.
Herschelwitz: What was it you said?
Westman: I don't want to hear it!
Herschelwitz: "I can't say jack sh*t or they'll kill me".  Moron.

A few days after that:

Governor Westman is walking through the State Capitol when he is approached by a reporter.
Reporter: GOvernor!  What do you have to say about Senator MacMahon's comments?
Westman: He's got a right mind does he?  Well he's a very spirited individual he is.
Reporter: But about it being Crane's responsibility?
Westman: I'm sorry man, but I've got a state too look after right now okay?  Asking me about national politics is like asking a farmer if he would like to sell you a car.  Alright?

[Mechaman]

October 2nd, 1986
Maryland Governor's Office:

Maryland Governor Rachel Daly, a member of the politically prominent Daly family, is looking over a bunch of notes left over by her secretary about the meeting minutes with President Crane.
Jesus my head is spinning.
Along with her younger brother, Kieran Daly, Rachel Daly had come from a long line of South Carolina Irish Catholic businessmen, lawyers, doctors, and politicians.  A truly high class minority in the poverty stricken South who would rise to prominence due to their wealth......and political machinery.  It is often said that Reconstruction turned the South Democratic.......the Daly family turned it into a machine.
Daly picks up the phone and dials a number.
Come on pick up you drunk womanizer.
The takeover was small.  At first it was a few voting districts in downtown Charleston that was represented by their great grandfather, Sean W. Daly, a staunch "conservative" Democrat, in the late 1800's.  And then in the next generation their grandfather, James A. Daly, the infamous banker who made millions on Wall Street playing the market, used his influence to incorporate a political machine based out of the Daly Banking Company building on 11th and Coastal Dr., facing the seacoast.  Though not wholly dominant of the South Carolina Democratic Party, it's influence was well felt throughout the 1920's as the Daly Machine declared war against the institutionalized KKK forces that pretty much ruled the state's national representation.  A great deal of the animosity between the Daly Machine and the KKK was the rise of anti-Catholic and anti-immigrant bigotry within said organization.  So anti-KKK was James Daly that he posted notices around his bank that "if any white pointed hoods come around my neighborhood, they will be shot deader than the ns they lie about shooting" (which as a jab at Alabama US Senator J. Thomas Heflin who bragged about allegedly shooting blacks on the street).  The machine's greatest successes were the election of James F. Byrnes, a liberal anti-KKK congressman, to the US Senate in 1924 as well as getting the state machinery to back Alfred Smith in 1928.  However, James Daly was still a man of his time, as he didn't allow blacks in his bank and even made a point of declaring it aloud whenever one went into his bank.
Come on, quit screwing your secretary and answer the phone.
Finally.
And once again, her favorite fellow Governor speaks into the phone while butchering the English language.
Westman: Halo.  This is Scoot Waistmon.  How mee I hiilp you?
Daly: More like how may I help you Scott.  You see I found this little book the other day.  Apparently it belonged to Senator Helms.  It has the words "Hooked on Phonics" on it.
Westman: Y-y-y-y-y--y-you beech.
Daly: Is that anyway to greet your mother?
Westman: You're not my dim mata.
Daly: Well in our conference I might as well be.
Westman: You're only noine yares oldar than me Roykill.
Daly: So son, did you make any friends your first day in school?
Westman: You think you're so fooking funny, do ya?
Daly: Scott, you sound like my drunk uncle at Christmas.
Westman: Have you just come here to make stupid jokes or do you actually have something to talk about Rachel?
Daly: Jeez, you're in a bad mood today.  I would've thought that with all the angry sex Caroline's been giving you over the past month and  a half you would've eased up a tad at least.
Westman: Yeah, she says I'm a little bit better than George.
The aforementioned "George" happened to be George William Manderheim, Rachel's ex-husband who was caught cheating on her in 1980 with a Vegas midget stripper.  She was pissed.  Not only that, he was seen with Caroline (who was 25 years his junior) for a few months before Caroline meet and started dating Westman.
Daly: Now you're just being a masochist.
Westman: Anyway......mother.......what you want?
The relationship between Rachel Daly and Scott Westman was a most interesting one.  Being only 9 years older than Westman, Rachel gained a sort of motherly influence over him due to his great immaturity (she compared his love for girls who are at least a decade younger than him an indication of "childlike symptoms that would Freud a field day").  The two first met in 1978 when Westman was visiting a club owned by her then husband George Manderheim with his sister Nora.  She remembered being shocked at how loosely dressed Westman's sister was and how low her dress was cut.  Hell, she thought she was his girlfriend at first.
She remembered it well............

[Mechaman]

September 9th, 1978
The Springers Club:

Rachel Manderheim is busy taking a smoke in the office when her husband George walks in.
Manderheim: Honey our guests are here.
Rachel takes a big puff of her cigar.
Rachel: Oh you mean that kiddie lover from Montana?  Sure, bring him in.
Rachel observes as a man with long red hair walks into the room with a girl, who couldn't be older than 23, walking alongside him arm-in-arm.
My god is that a dress?
The girl with him also had red hair and a pretty pale complexion with a bit of freckles.
Must have a thing for nice, cute, and tight ones I bet.
Rachel: Oh Mister Westman.  So good of you and your girlfriend to show up tonight.
Westman laughs.
Westman: Oh....this is actually my sister.
His sister giggles and she leans against his shoulder.
Nora: But thanks for the compliment!
Well, why go across the street when you can go across the ha-
Now that's a little judgmental isn't it Rachel?  Just because your brother is a drunk ass and a constant philanderer who only calls once a year when he's not loaded out of his mind doesn't mean all brothers are that way.
Westman and his sister sit on the love seat.  Westman throws his arm over her shoulder as she leans in.
Cute, very cute.  They look like the perfect cute little rich redhead couple.
Westman: George, my man, how's it hanging?
Manderheim: Well I-
Westman: Looks like it's a little too the left a bit!  Yes?
Westman cracks up.
Manderheim: Haha, good one Westman.  Anyway, what I want to talk to you about is the possibility about possibly going into business together.
Westman: Oh and why's that?
Manderheim: Well because kid, you love girls.  You love alcohol.  You love smoking.  This club has a lot of all three.  And you can earn a profit while doing it.
Westman: Cut the bullsh*t man.  I know how this works.  You upsell the prospects of this dorky little club and then I throw in an investment and I get a little pocket change from it.
Manderheim: Te Salut Mister Westman.
Westman: Well that's great and all man........but I don't see that much action going around here.
Nora grabs ahold of one of Westman's hands and interlocks fingers with it.
Nora: Mind if I interject gentlemen?
Westman: Go ahead baby.
Nora blushes.
These two kids are like damn teenagers.  Next thing I know she'll be curled up in his lap playing with his chest hair or some sh*t like that.
Nora: Anyway, I was wondering about you know the alcohol that is being served here.
Manderheim: Baby!  Baby!  It's pure premium in here!  You won't find any of the ABC government ran bureaucratic bullsh*t beer like they have in Alabama!  This is independent label free market brews and hard liquor that'll make your body quake!
Nora: Stop talking like a n you cocaine addicted kike.
Rachel: I'm sorry, what was that?
Nora: Your husband....he's talking like a f***ing n.  I want him to stop that!
Westman plants his face into his hand.
Westman: Listen guys....I'm really sorry about this.  She's kind of having a rough night.  Her art school thing didn't fall through and now she's staying here for a few months and is having trouble finding a job and-
Manderheim: Bullsh8t!  She's on the crack rock isn't she!
Westman, horrified, nods.
Rachel: You know, maybe when your sister starts trying to play a little pants pocket hockey with you it's a pretty good sign that maybe she's out of it buster!
Westman looks over at her with a kind of murderous rage.
Westman: How dare you!  She's my sister!
Rachel: It's kind of hard to tell that by the way you two are laying all over each other and that glittering little towel she's wearing-
Nora: It's a Chalada Silver Sequin Low Extra Low Cutt
Rachel: Yeah whatever!  Next time you want to talk serious business with me and my husband just leave your little girlfried-I'm sorry, your sister at home.  Whatever you two do together can surely wait until later anyway....whatever that is.
Manderheim: I apologize for my wife.  She's a little tipsy and all and she's kind of-
Westman: It's alright.  It's alright.  Anyway, what are the selling options?