Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
April 23, 2014, 02:47:18 pm
HomePredMockPollEVCalcAFEWIKIHelpLogin Register
News: Please delete your old personal messages.

+  Atlas Forum
|-+  Presidential Elections - Analysis and Discussion
| |-+  Election What-ifs? (Moderator: Bacon King)
| | |-+  The Never Ending Americana Story (Death certificate issued)
« previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 104 105 106 107 108 [109] 110 111 112 113 114 ... 118 Print
Author Topic: The Never Ending Americana Story (Death certificate issued)  (Read 95090 times)
hawkeye59
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 3036
United States


View Profile
« Reply #2700 on: January 16, 2012, 09:46:38 am »
Ignore

Daniels is watching TV
Daniels: My god.
Logged

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair.  So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.-Jack Layton 1950-2011
A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on-John F. Kennedy 1917-1963
Shotgun Socialism!
Mechaman
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 13414
Jamaica


View Profile
« Reply #2701 on: January 16, 2012, 10:28:25 am »
Ignore

February 15, 1996

BREAKING: AN UNIDENTIFIED AIRCRACT HITS THE WHITE HOUSE
Kraeger: What the fu.............
Manning: Unbelievable.........somebody should fire the guy who writes the headlines.
Logged



Get Blasted!
their bastard sons against the wall
Pingvin99
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 2368
Estonia


View Profile
« Reply #2702 on: January 16, 2012, 02:01:47 pm »
Ignore

February 15, 1996

BREAKING: AN UNIDENTIFIED AIRCRACT HITS THE WHITE HOUSE
HW: HOLY F***ING S**T!
HOLY F***ING S**T!
HOLY F***ING S**T!
*breaks a bottle of scottish whiskey, accidently hurts hand*
Logged

Dallasfan65
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 5453


Political Matrix
E: 5.68, S: -9.74

View Profile
« Reply #2703 on: January 16, 2012, 05:33:19 pm »
Ignore

An anxious Thad O'Connor stands before the press at a conference.

"Greetings, Maine. I will spare you the approbation of which I normally laud you with, if only because of the dire circumstances beset on us. As many of you are just waking up to learn, earlier this afternoon the White House was stricken with an unidentified aircraft. It is not yet known the cause, but it is best to be prepared for the worst.

I am beseeching all citizens of this great state to stock up emergency supplies: including, but not limited to: canned food, batteries, flashlights, paper, and most importantly, ammunition. By executive order, all schools shall be closed until further notice.

Now more than ever, it is important to be a good Samaritan. Once you have taken care of yourselves, be sure to tend to any neighbors in need. My hopes are that this was merely an accident and the President is in as good health as myself, but such rosy optimism in the face of danger will only get us hurt. Forewarned is forearmed."
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2704 on: January 19, 2012, 02:05:46 pm »
Ignore

(Before I finally get some time to explain latest developments...)

POINT PLEASANT, WV - Mason County Attorney formally charged Enus-Ray Dent, a 38-years old unemployed pickup truck driver, with a statutory rape committed on his 15-year old daughter, Babmi-Loretta Dent.

Mr. Dent is a member of a "backward branch" of the Dent family, that remained in Virginia after main line settled in Alabama, and transformed into a "clan of retarded hicks" after going West.
Logged

Cathcon
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 14818
United States


View Profile
« Reply #2705 on: January 19, 2012, 04:48:08 pm »
Ignore

February 15, 1996

BREAKING: AN UNIDENTIFIED AIRCRACT HITS THE WHITE HOUSE
Mattingly: Oh sh**t! Fuck! What the Hell! (not quite sure how to react) Oh well, guess I'll go refill my glass. Maybe I'll call or write a letter. (re-thinks) Oh sh**t this is bad.
Logged

their bastard sons against the wall
Pingvin99
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 2368
Estonia


View Profile
« Reply #2706 on: January 21, 2012, 06:30:23 am »
Ignore

(Before I finally get some time to explain latest developments...)

POINT PLEASANT, WV - Mason County Attorney formally charged Enus-Ray Dent, a 38-years old unemployed pickup truck driver, with a statutory rape committed on his 15-year old daughter, Babmi-Loretta Dent.

Mr. Dent is a member of a "backward branch" of the Dent family, that remained in Virginia after main line settled in Alabama, and transformed into a "clan of retarded hicks" after going West.
HW (while reading a newspaper and smoking pipe, to wife): See, Wendy, Dents are rednecks in a BAD meaning ot this word. Sick f**ks. But this explains why they're democrats. Dregs of humanity!
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2707 on: January 21, 2012, 08:23:29 am »
Ignore

February 15, 1996
VIP bathroom at the Braxton Bragg Dent International Airport, Huntsville, Alabama


Dent: (talking to the mirror) It's great to be here again, in Northern Alabama, a proud tribal country where incest not only remains socially acceptable: it's mandatory...
Barack: (entering) Mr. President?
Dent: Don't you know Negroes have their own bathrooms... oh, it's you. That's OK, you're white enough to take two steps in.
Barack: Eh, I wish you wouldn't use the N word, even as a joke.
Dent: It's not the real N word, Barack. Back when I was young, "Negro" was actually a polite term to describe the black people. So was a "pickaninny" for black babies but, unlike Evan Mecham, I won't try remind this to the public... Ah, where are trolls like him now? Wait, I know, in Bakersfield, California. It's Kern County, btw.
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2708 on: January 23, 2012, 09:03:01 am »
Ignore

Dent: Ah rednecks. They are extremely valuable part of our American society. What would we do without them?
Barack: How so?
Dent: Because you can take a look at them and, no matter how your own life is f**ked up, you'll instantly feel better.
Barack: Anyway, I didn't know you have relatives in West Virginia.
Dent: I didn't know too. I was pretty sure that degenerated, backward line went excint during the Depression because of unemployment and inherited syphilis... How was that again? "Bambi-Loretta". You need to remember this if you ever have daughters, Barack.
Barack: To not bang her or to nor name her "Bambi-Loretta".
Dent: Holy f**k, did you just make a joke?
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2709 on: January 23, 2012, 09:12:31 am »
Ignore

Hassan: Sayy... um... Mr. President, we need to take you to safety.
Dent: Here we go again...
Hassan: There was an unidentified aircraft crashing into the West Wing, Sir.
Dent: Really?
Hassan: Yes.
Dent: Finally!
Barack: Um... wha?
Dent: Well, I thought it's going to be something more old-fashioned like a car bomb, but whatever... Hassan, whatever happens, I need to have a secured, working phone line. Can you guarantee this?
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2710 on: January 23, 2012, 09:36:26 pm »
Ignore

About a hour later
Undisclosed location somewhere in Northern Alabama mountains


Barack: Mr. President, can I ask you something?
Dent: Shoot.
Barack: What did you mean when you said "finally"? It seemed like you knew this is going to happen.
Dent: Christ, Barack, where have you been during the last three years... oh wait, you were working at the Vice President's office, maintaining his golf schedule, when we happened to deal with a f**king naval mutinies.
Barack: Are you saying...
Dent: I'm merely speculating.
Military aide: Mr. President, Cheyenne Mountain Operations Center is reporting.
Dent: When you know you still control missiles it's all little less tense. Put me through to the D.C. Air Command.
Aide: Not responding, sir.
Dent: OK... (pulling out a notepad from his pocket) Let's see... loyal units, potentially disloyal units, certainly disloyal units...
Barack: List of the people to exterminate in case of an emergency?!
Dent: Don't you think whacking Jesse Helms would be a really long overdue? No, sadly, those are just disloyal military commander I couldn't touch under normal circumstances.
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2711 on: January 24, 2012, 05:31:53 pm »
Ignore

With the President missing, and possibly dead, the army is going to ensure public safety in the District of Columbia under the state of emergency rules - statement of the D.C. Military District command.
Logged

Dallasfan65
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 5453


Political Matrix
E: 5.68, S: -9.74

View Profile
« Reply #2712 on: January 24, 2012, 06:30:45 pm »
Ignore

(Made with Kalwejt)
Secretary: Governor, the President is on line 2.
Thad: The President?! Please, put him on posthaste.
Dent: I'm not quite dead yet, ftr.
Thad: I had faith that you were alive and well. Still, under such circumstances one needs to take precaution.
Dent: I'm calling the Governors now and you're the first, also because you were the first to respond.
Thad: Much appreciated. I'm sure this is top-secret, but any idea as to who is responsible?
Dent: Actually, that's not very important right now. I have bigger problem.
Thad: Lay it on me.
Dent: I've lost control on D.C.
Thad: Rioters? Congress?
Dent: It's doesn't really matter whether some guys just took an advantage from that plane or it was eingeneered. Military took over the district, declared me dead and cutting off all lines. You know what it means.
Thad: Good god.. a coup? I suppose it doesn't matter if LaMott wins
Dent: I lost control over capital. At the moment, I have no idea on what units I can count for sure. At least I'm still controlling Chayenne Mountain.
Thad: I will do what I can to secure the Maine National Guard for you.
Dent: The only funny thing here is that I've got a last laugh on something.
Thad: What would that be?
Dent: Looks like I was right about building a second capital in Wyoming after all.
Thad: So, what do you plan to do? Remain secretive as to whether or not you're alive?
Dent: First I need to get there, see what's my ground... look, I have to make other calls, we stay in touch.
Thad: Promptly. One last thing?
Dent: Yes?
Thad: That jack-ass in Wyoming is probably the last one you should tell.
Dent: You don't have to tell me. I served six years with him in the Senate
Thad: Alright then. Stay in touch.
Dent: Naturally (hanging out) give me Governor Folsom.
Logged

Shotgun Socialism!
Mechaman
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 13414
Jamaica


View Profile
« Reply #2713 on: January 24, 2012, 08:25:05 pm »
Ignore

Duluth, Minnesota:

Fred Kreager is sitting in front of the camera as the camera guy begins rolling.
Kreager: Hello fellow Minnesotans.  This is Fred Kreager with a special tv broadcast.  To my right I have a very prominent man in Minnesota politics to talk to you about the issues that really matter.
The camera pans out to reveal Walter Mondale.
Mondale: Hello this is Walter Mondale.  Over my years as a US Senator and then later as the Vice President and then the 1984 Democratic nominee for President is that the most important aspects of a person are their honesty, character, and principles.  For the life of me I don't see how the hackish behavior of one Paul Wellstone has helped this state.  It seems the so-called Progressive hero has put his own beliefs ahead of the wants and needs of this state.  We need a defender of the middle class.  We need a crusader for jobs!  We don't need a hack who will run against all changes from his perception of the status quo.  I can tell you that Paul Wellstone is no progressive.  Fred Kraeger on the other hand has tirelessly campaigned for reforming the entire status quo from welfare to campaign contributions.  That is why I'm supporting him for the US Senate.
Cameraman: And that's it.
Kreager approaches Mondale and shakes his hand.
Kreager: Thank you for showing up Mr. Mondale.
Mondale chuckles.
Mondale: Honestly, I'm here because Jeff told me to be here.  Me and him are good buddies you know?
Kreager: Yeah I know.  Frankly I'm surprised he's lending this much support my way given previous statements.
Mondale: Oh yeah he told me about your first meeting.  Frankly I'm shocked you got out alive.  It never is a good idea to let a man know what you think of him.  Especially in politics.  You could get buried.
Kreager: Ay right.  Luckily he seems to hate Wellstone more than he hates me.
Mondale laughs.
Mondale: Who the hell knows what Dent is thinking anyway?  You know he might actually like you given your candor and honesty.  He's a weird man like that.
Kreager: Well given some of his statements on Westman I'm surprised he so turned the cheek on me.
Mondale: Well you're just some randomass mayor from a city he didn't know existed until five minutes ago.  You weren't his best friend for over a decade who was grabbing ass with his daughter.
Kreager suddenly looks like he's about to throw up.
Kreager: I thought that was just cra-
Mondale: Crazy talk?  No way!  Everybody and their mother in DC knows about that one!  Luckily for Westman even if the cops did find out they couldn't do anything considering that the D'Israelites somehow legalized pedophilia or what not.  Hell they legalized all crazy sorts of crap.  The psycho bastards.
Kreager: Damn right.  I remember the eighties man.  We had psycho heroin fiends sleeping on a lot of our bar tables and we couldn't get the goddamn police to do anything about it!  I mean marijuana is one thing but psycho cocaine!?  What the fucking fuck!?
Mondale laughs.
Kreager: Oh sir, I'm sorry for the language.  I didn't mean to swear like that it's just...
Mondale: Yes yes I know.  It's crazy.  Beauregard D'Israeli was so crazy that he made it possible for me to almost win a presidential election.
Kreager: And get that Ricardo Barnes fellow elected.  Not that I particularly cared for him.  I didn't really get the hype about that man.  He seemed to get all of his position because he happened to know everybody and their grandmother.
Mondale: Well, I guess he was okay.  I thought he was a pretty swell fellow.
Kreager: Is there anybody you don't like Fitz?
Mondale: Yes, Paul Wellstone.
Kreager: Why?
Mondale: Because he's a little manchild whose beliefs are a lot more damaging to our agenda than conservative Republicans are.  Or libertarians.
Kreager: Meh, I guess.  Who likes that guy anyway?
Mondale: Besides his wife?  I guess his kids?
Both mean laugh uproariously.
Logged



Get Blasted!
Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2714 on: January 25, 2012, 03:48:23 pm »
Ignore

Joseph O'Mahoney Executive Building
Lamaire, Wyoming


Military Aide: It's confirmed, sir. Secretary Warner was at his Virginia home at the time of crash and is on the way here as we speak.
Dent: What about the National Security Advisor?
Aide: He was at his Maryland home and get the hell out of the zone.
Dent: Good.
Aide: What about the Vice President? Will we call him here too?
Dent: No, he should continue his tour in Germany as everything was normal.
Second Aide: Mr. President, Annapolis Naval Academy is reporting ready and mobilized.
Dent: I could never understand why they are such loyal.
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2715 on: January 25, 2012, 04:46:41 pm »
Ignore

The President is well and is continuing to execute his constitutional duties. Any orders coming from the D.C. military district command does not have presidential authorization - Official statement.

Secretary of Agriculture Rick Perry (D-Tex.) was killed in the West Wing crash, CNN confirms.
Logged

hawkeye59
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 3036
United States


View Profile
« Reply #2716 on: January 25, 2012, 05:20:19 pm »
Ignore

Daniels is watching TV
Daniels *shocked* A coup? A coup in America? This is crazy. I mean, I thought Seven Days in May was fiction!
Logged

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair.  So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.-Jack Layton 1950-2011
A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on-John F. Kennedy 1917-1963
their bastard sons against the wall
Pingvin99
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 2368
Estonia


View Profile
« Reply #2717 on: January 26, 2012, 01:12:51 am »
Ignore

HW: Wendy, s**t happens. Give me the MPL. And now, RUSH TO THE BOMB SHELTER!
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2718 on: January 26, 2012, 03:20:17 pm »
Ignore

STAND BY FOR AN EMERGENCY ADRESS BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES


Citizens. Early today, certain elements within our military has taken an advantage of a tragic terrorist attack on the White House by launching a coup. They broke their oath to protect our Republic in their criminal attempt to overthrow our constitution and impose a military dictatorship, but they will not prevail. Our government is working and is ready to take appropriate countermeasures to defeat this menace and restore rule of the law in Washington, D.C.

We are all proud that almost all our military remained faithful to their duties and principles of democracy. Additionally, pursuant Article II, Section 2 of the Constitution, I 'm calling the entire National Guard to the federal service, effective immediately. The government is firmly controlling rest of the country and we have one simple message to those engaging in rebelion: surrender now or we're going to kill all of you.
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2719 on: January 30, 2012, 06:56:42 am »
Ignore

Billy Bob Rochambeau

Born: 1950 as Billy Bob Cletus; changed his name to Rochambeau because "it's cool"
Position: U.S. Representative from Arkansas (since 1983)
Party: Democratic

Representative Rochambeau is best known for introducing at least 20 various and worthless pieces of legislations per week, which led fellow Congressman to nickname him a "f**king spammer". He has been disciplined for countless occasions by the House Democratic Whip.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2012, 07:01:30 am by The Count »Logged

hawkeye59
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 3036
United States


View Profile
« Reply #2720 on: January 30, 2012, 08:18:39 am »
Ignore

John Calvin Libertas
Born 1960
Position: Us Representative from Indiana's 2nd congressional district (since 1987)
Party: Republican
Representative Libertas is best known for his warning of an "Euro-Islamic Empire"
Logged

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair.  So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.-Jack Layton 1950-2011
A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on-John F. Kennedy 1917-1963
Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2721 on: February 01, 2012, 12:50:04 pm »
Ignore

February 18, 1996
Blair House, Washington, D.C.


TV: ...with full control restored and coup attempts preparators in custody, President Dent and the White House staff temporary moves to the Blair House, due to West Wing being badly damaged...
Dent: Blair House is gay.
TV expert: ...obviously, establishing so-called "Western capital" in Wyoming greatly helped the President in defeating the rebellion...
Dent: Oh, now you all suddenly saw the purpose of my actions... Cindy...
Secretary: I'm Sondra, Mr. President.
Dent: OK, Sandra, give me Hassan as soon as possible... Hassan, please have a sit.
Hassan: What can I do for you, sayyid?
Dent: Are you up for a very discreet, night fly to Bangor?
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2722 on: February 01, 2012, 01:03:50 pm »
Ignore

Later that night
Bangor, Maine


Note: Mechaman is probably the only player who remember that character well enough to understand the development

A paralyzed woman was confined to her bed, unable to move or speak, but remaining fully conscious. At least conscious enough to notice a figure emerging from the dark. And to recognize this voice.
Voice: Are you sure that paralysing drug won't be detected later?
Unknown voice: Absolutely, sayyid.
Voice: Very good (turning to the bed) Interesting. You can't move, you can't speak but still, your eyes are live as always: telling more than thousands of words could. What's the matter? Have you seen a ghosts? Ah yes, not so far from truth. I'm kind of a ghost. Vicki is dead, Scott is dead, Brea is dead and, quite so, I'm dead too. Don't be folled with my appearance, it's nothing more than a pathetic shell hiding a void, for I'm long dead inside. But not dead enough to depart entirely.
The figure suddenly started to laugh.
Dent: This is just f**king amazing. I never thought I'd live to see this moment, neither, I'm sure, did you, but here I am: back despite all you did and, guess what, now it's your ass that is mine, not the opposite.
He stopped laughing as suddenly as started and adopted a somber tone again.
Dent: I'm tired of killing, Mary. I really am. I don't think you could possibly understand how one can be tired of taking other lives away over all those years, under various circumstances. I mean, sooner or later, an inventable question is going to appear: what's the f**king point? But, there are obviously cases one have to make an exception. So, in order to not prolong this cheap drama any second, your time is up... You know, that's really funny. There were so many things I wanted to ask you, so many things I wanted to understand about you and your actions, that killed me, so many things I wanted you to know but, what's the f**king point? Is that going to make anyone feel better? No. Is that going to bring Vicki back to life? No. Is that going to heal my heart? F**k no. The only thing I want you to know before I end this drama once and for all is: this is going to be a good riddance and even if I'll remain dead inside, broken old s**t, there's no way I'm not doing this... Hassan?
Hassan: (emerging from shadow as well) Sayyid?
Dent: My gloves, please.
Hassan: Of course, sayyid.
Dent: You think the pillow will be enough?
Hassan: A fire caused by an accidental electric installation malfunction. Body never recovered.
Dent: You're a professional, Hassan... Hm, a pillow, this is so old fashioned... It's for you, Vicki...

The next day

CNN: Breaking News

Mary Erskine Dent died in a fire, caused by an accidental malfunction of the electric installation, Bangor police confirms.
Logged

their bastard sons against the wall
Pingvin99
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 2368
Estonia


View Profile
« Reply #2723 on: February 01, 2012, 01:33:40 pm »
Ignore

Press Conference
HW: I
WOULD
NOT
ALLOW
THIS
F***ING DENT-HOLE
TO BUILD
A F***ING SECOND F***ING CAPITAL IN MY STATE DAMMIT!
Logged

Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
YaBB God
*****
Posts: 37889
Turkey
View Profile WWW
« Reply #2724 on: February 01, 2012, 02:00:39 pm »
Ignore

Press Conference
HW: I
WOULD
NOT
ALLOW
THIS
F***ING DENT-HOLE
TO BUILD
A F***ING SECOND F***ING CAPITAL IN MY STATE DAMMIT!

We already did it in 1993 - WH Press Secretary.
Logged

Pages: 1 ... 104 105 106 107 108 [109] 110 111 112 113 114 ... 118 Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  


Login with username, password and session length

Logout

Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines