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Author Topic: The Never Ending Americana Story (Death certificate issued)  (Read 95096 times)
Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2825 on: March 07, 2012, 09:21:12 pm »
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2826 on: March 08, 2012, 05:53:47 pm »
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In addition to grief, Barack began to experience a sudden disgust mixed with a shock. All these people in the room, including the new President, were undoubtedly loyal to their late boss and, without a doubt again, are still exemplary loyal to his legacy. But there were no sign of human emotions in them, only a no-nonsense focus on transition. Barack was too experienced operative to know, that politics doesn't tolerate a delay or a void, but it was just too inhuman and cold for him.
Wargrave: Gentlemen, we will leave morning to the little people. We have to carry on.
Hussein, a Saudi bedouin, was certainly experiencing a deep grief for his dead Sayyid, but certainly was better adjusted to the situation. After all, tribal people of the sand know, what carrying on is about.
Hussein: Sayyid, everything is under control. Anything you need, we're right behind you.
Wargrave: If there's anyone who's not comfortable in continuing their work under new circumstances, I want his resignation immediately.
Barack made an quick decision.
Barack: I'm offering my resignation... Mr. President.
Wargrave: (without a suprise) Really?
Barack: Yes, sir.
Wargrave: Interesting. You do realize, young man, that he wouldn't be pleased to see your attitude.
Barack: I know, Mr. President, but I can't work under new administration.
Wargrave: And you won't be missed.
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« Reply #2827 on: March 08, 2012, 06:13:11 pm »
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In the Governor's mansion, awakening from a drunken stupor.
Mattingly: Wuh!?
Mattingly gets up off the living room carpet and stumbles towards the television set, managing to hit power before falling onto the sofa.
Mattingly: Inksing hangover. God damn it!
The Governor fumbles as he attempts to light a cigarette.
TV: ...And with the death of President Dent-
Mattingly: Holy Inks! What the Hell?
TV: Lawrence Wargrave has become the 44th President of the United States.
Mattingly: Dammit, I've been asleep too long. Where are my wife and kids? What day is it? Did I win any primaries??
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« Reply #2828 on: March 08, 2012, 07:42:05 pm »
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Although most of the politicians are willing to do absolutely anything, including walking over their children corpses, in order to attain this office, there were surely a few examples of those, who became President despite their own desires. And Lawrence Wargrave belonged to this category.
Lawrence Wargrave...

Named for the judge in And Then There Were None, I presume?
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2829 on: March 08, 2012, 07:57:12 pm »
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Although most of the politicians are willing to do absolutely anything, including walking over their children corpses, in order to attain this office, there were surely a few examples of those, who became President despite their own desires. And Lawrence Wargrave belonged to this category.
Lawrence Wargrave...

Named for the judge in And Then There Were None, I presume?

Of course.
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2830 on: March 08, 2012, 08:23:26 pm »
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Meanwhile, there was a little girl in Washington that, unlike a vast majority of this highly politicized city residents, didn't care about the presidential death. More: she didn't care about the President at all. She wept for a person. And for her own total solitude.

In Montgomery, at the State Capitol, a certain man was very nervous and, frankly, scared to death. All he was sure about at the moment was that his state will surely experience a bloody knife fight for power, that was now for grab. And he was not sure whether he's ready for this.

A man residing at 10 Downing Street in London was nearly openly celebrating the great news, he just received.

A man in Minneapolis was laughing uncontrollably before a TV set, realizing, that he no longer needs to worry about a possible electrical installation malfunction.

The Republican congressional leader was looking in the Blair House direction with a great concern. So was certain Democratic congressional leader from the other chamber.

In her South Carolina house, a woman was praying for the deceased soul, despite all the differences separating them.

In Tehran, an old man was watching the news, trying to figure out, whether they are presenting a danger, or the opportunity for his country.

A young woman resting in Oakland hospital, had no idea what's going on.
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« Reply #2831 on: March 08, 2012, 08:32:56 pm »
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Meanwhile, there was a little girl in Washington that, unlike a vast majority of this highly politicized city residents, didn't care about the presidential death. More: she didn't care about the President at all. She wept for a person. And for her own total solitude.

In Montgomery, at the State Capitol, a certain man was very nervous and, frankly, scared to death. All he was sure about at the moment was that his state will surely experience a bloody knife fight for power, that was now for grab. And he was not sure whether he's ready for this.

A man residing at 10 Downing Street in London was nearly openly celebrating the great news, he just received.

A man in Minneapolis was laughing uncontrollably before a TV set, realizing, that he no longer needs to worry about a possible electrical installation malfunction.

The Republican congressional leader was looking in the Blair House direction with a great concern. So was certain Democratic congressional leader from the other chamber.

In her South Carolina house, a woman was praying for the deceased soul, despite all the differences separating them.

In Tehran, an old man was watching the news, trying to figure out, whether they are presenting a danger, or the opportunity for his country.

A young woman resting in Oakland hospital, had no idea what's going on.

And a hangover-besieged Mid-Western Governor looked around in confusion, wondering how the Hell his world ended up like this.
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2832 on: March 08, 2012, 08:45:56 pm »
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OOC: Due to my ultimate sacrifice for the story's sake, I naturally expect more activity now.
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2833 on: March 08, 2012, 11:37:06 pm »
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Wargrave: I never understood why did Jeff keep that arsehole around.
Fred, a new Chief of Staff, coming, like his boss, from Jacksonville, chuckled.
Fred: It was fun to watch his political suicide.
Wargrave: Jeff had an extraordinary talent of finding valuable people, but everyone is entitled to some slight lapse of judgement. Do me a favor, Fred, and keep that moron away from me.
Fred: Won't be a problem, Mr. President.
Wargrave: I already hate this title. The only reason I accepted the Vice Presidency was because he asked me to. I'd never thought he'd kick a bucket.
Fred: No one is immortal, sir.
Wargrave: I saw a lot of petty arseholes who were foolish enough they are indestructible. A little punks sitting in the dock. I burned them.
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2834 on: March 08, 2012, 11:50:30 pm »
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Alabama Democrats are in panic, the very moment I'm writing these words. They just lost a leader, a dominating statewide figure, who built a modern party down there and to whom they largely owed their careers. While the new President is expected to take a firm lead over the national party and a nationwide "Dent machine", Alabama is not going to be special anymore. The state wad Dent's prime constituency and base. Wargrave have his own closest people and own local base in Florida. They said Folsom is worried about his future, both nationally and in the state.
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« Reply #2835 on: March 09, 2012, 08:21:15 am »
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Duluth, Minnesota:

Manning:
Holy Inks!  Fred!  The news!!!!!!!!
Frederick Kraeger, who was in Manning's kitchen getting a cup of Bushmills, goes back into the living room.
News: It is with great regret that we inform you that President Jefferson Dent of Alabama has passed away.
Kraeger drops the cup and it shatters on the floor.
Manning: Unbelievable isn't it?  Just the other day I.....wished that he would drop dead.  And now here he is!  Dead!
Kraeger turns ashen white.
Manning: I mean really, I should've wished for like a new Ferrari or that my wife get a nice rack or something.  I mean Inks, I wasn't even serious about wishing Dent was dead....and look what happened!
Kraeger looks like he's seen a ghost.
Manning: Oh man.....Fred I'm sorry!  I didn't mean to go on that tangent alright?  This is a really horrible event and I didn't mean to laugh about it!  Say something damn it!  You are being a social retard right now.
Kraeger walks out of Manning's condo with his head down.  He walks out onto the streets of Duluth......sullen.  He goes into the nearest liquor store.  Five minutes later he's walking out with $50 worth of merchandise.
Kraeger felt like he just got shot in the stomach.
Jefferson Dent was probably one of the few great men of my generation.  More than that, he was, for however brief of a time, my friend.
A tear falls down Kraeger's face.
The last time Kraeger shed a tear was when his father died from lung cancer.
However, as much as Dent's death sucked on a personal level, life was probably going to get much harder for Kraeger on a professional level.  Lawrence Wargrave as President wasn't exactly the Christmas Wish he was hoping for.  In fact, given the first meeting between him and Wargrave, he knew that his job status in the White House might be in jeopardy.
What if the son of a bitch really doesn't like me?
Kraeger hoped to death his fears weren't justified.
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« Reply #2836 on: March 09, 2012, 10:16:29 am »
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Columbia Falls, Maine

Thad O'Connor delivers an address to the people of Maine from his personal office, established at his current home in Columbia Falls, Maine.

"Hello once again, my fellow Mainers. I must apologize for not bringing about my usual optimism, but any attempts at joy would be feigned and insincere. Those of you with access to the television, radio, newspaper, or even the word on the street, surely suspect what this address concerns, and your suspicions are likely correct.

The President passed yesterday due to heart problems. I knew of the President's heart problems for months now, whether by his bedside in Bethesda or merely through the telephone. No amount of troubles, however, could have served as a premonition for this tragic event, and grief has gotten the better of me.

Despite that, our shoulders must strengthen to accomodate the weight of the challenges yet ahead of us. The troubles beset us will persist may even be exacerbated with this turn of events. I, like several others, have my personal misgivings about the new President, but we must rally around him in support, so our nation may heal.

I am ordering for the flag to be flown half-mast for one week, to commemorate the memory of Jefferson Dent."
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2837 on: March 09, 2012, 03:52:23 pm »
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Francis U. Lausche

Born March 9, 1949 in Cleveland, Ohio, to a Slovenian-American father and a Polish-American mother, as third of eleven children in a working-class family. He is not related to legendary former Mayor, Governor and Senator Frank J. Lausche, although he quietly wants his constituents to believe he is.

After launching his career in Cleveland City Council, where he tirelessly battled against Irish and Black ethnic interests and gained a reputation of ruthless efficiently, Lausche was elected to the United States House of Representatives in 1984, representing Ohio's 10th district. Two years later, after already gaining favors of then-Majority Leader Dick Gephardt, he was named one of the Deputy Whips. After betraying Gephardt during a memorable "cleaning" in 1992 and joining Dent loyalists, he was created Chief Deputy Whip. Since 1995, he's been de facto serving as a Minority Whip, as John Lewis became an informal floor leader for the Democrats.

The Congressman is sometimes refereed to as FU or Francis U. Laushit.


(OOC: I need this dude for some House of Cards-esque breaking fourth wall)
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2838 on: March 09, 2012, 09:00:07 pm »
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An anonymous letter has been sent to a certain woman, residing in Oregon.

Listen carefully, bitch. You are not welcomed on East Coast. Especially now and especially in one certain town.
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« Reply #2839 on: March 09, 2012, 09:41:36 pm »
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Oregon City
Laredo's Bar:

Laredo:
Brea!  I forbid you to go!
Brea: I don't give a sh*t what these hardons say I'm going!
Laredo: Brea, if I have to I will prevent you from going.
Brea: Then I will divorce your ass.
Laredo: Well baby........I'd rather live the rest of my life without you than have your physical health on my conscience.  You're not going and that's final!
Brea looks at her husband's eyes, and see he is dead serious.
Laredo: Babe, please....................
Brea grits her teeth in a very angry face.
Brea: Alright damn you.  I'll let these little f***ers get away with insulting me.
Joey Laredo pulls her into his arms.
Laredo: Please babe, put your pride aside.  All you ever would do there is say something you regret.  It's time to let the past go.
Angry tears going down her face, Brea nods.
Brea: I guess................................
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« Reply #2840 on: March 09, 2012, 11:19:38 pm »
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Statement from HW (Dublin): I want to share my condolences due to President's death. I always respected him as war hero, as fighter for people for Alabama when he was senator and fighter for Americans when he was Commander-in-Chief. May God bless his soul and his family.
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2841 on: March 10, 2012, 09:53:39 am »
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March 28, 1996

The United States Capitol Rotunda will soon be filled with so-called ordinary folks, but, as of now, it was still closed for all, outside of some prominents, that gathered here to watch a dead guy corpse being placed in preparations for a customary lying at state.

Lausche: (looking with a well-masked irony at the coffin) Nothing last forever. Even the longest, the most entertaining era must come to a motherf**king end someday.
They all are here, obstentatibly pretending to be a necrophiliac, by showing an interest in a dead guy's corpse. But in fact, they are focused on observing each other. Very, very carefully. Oh no, make no mistake, I admired and respected the dead guy lying over there. But I'm also a practical man, and, by the way, so was he.
Now, who could replace him? There are plenty of contenders, old warriors, young pretenders. All here.
Walter Mondale? Meh. Too old and too familiar. And too much of a damaged good. Oh yes, he's smart, but way beyond his prime.
Voltage Larry himself. The man everyone are scared to death and who knows so much. Surely, he can take over the machine within hours and probably will, but the question is, for how long? After all, there's one tiny problem, very important in our system. He have zero electoral experience and no personal constituency.
Al Gore? Little Al? Too young and too clever.
And who's standing over there? John Kerry, a caporegime, leading our forces on the Capitol. Very formidable, but depended little too much on the dead guy in last years to start something bigger now.
John Lewis, my boss and the most important Black face here. His tears are real, I assure you. After all, the dead guy once saved his ass, during the troubled 60s. Blacks... too important for us to underestimate, too unorganized at the same time.
Jim Folsom. My God, what a tool. He's lost without his master and, frankly, he'll be very lucky to be able to put his shirt on him without any assistance.
Paul Kirk, the DNC chairman. No, he's not a contender. A man operating in the shadow, but he'll be certainly a very important ally for all pretenders.
Ah, that funny little guy, Borat, or whatever his name is. Fresh after committing a political suicide.
Too many old people here, not many young guns, like Jeff Daniels or that guy from Minnesota, the last generation of the dead guy's proteges. We shall watch them very carefully.
What, me? Oh, no, no, no. I'm the Deputy Chief Whip, merely a functionary. I keep the troops in line, I put a bit of stick about, I make them jump.
And I shall, of course, give my absolute loyalty to whatever motherf**ker emerges as my leader. For now, at least.
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2842 on: March 11, 2012, 09:27:53 pm »
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Lausche: Is there anything creepier than placing a stiff corpse to satisfy our equally creepy curiosity? I mean, couldn't they left the coffin closed and just covered with a flag, like they did for most of our dead Presidents, who were reduced to an exhibition at Capitol's rotunda? Seriously, the guy kicked the bucket four days ago and viewing what remained isn't very pleaseant, even if a skilled mortician was involved.
And which sorry motherf**ker came up with such a brilliant idea to dress the dead guy in a full U.S. Navy Commander uniform? Are they trying to piss him off even now?
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2843 on: March 13, 2012, 06:48:46 pm »
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Barack: (to himself) Son of a bitch... I can't believe it.
The former White House Chief of Staff and now, as it seemed, a political bankrupt, was looking with an awe at a pile of at least dozen large leather-bound notebooks.
Barack: All those years, the bastard has been keeping a detailed diary.
The first entry was dated in June 1966, after return from Vietnam. The last was dated March 22, 1996, three days before an author has died.
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« Reply #2844 on: March 14, 2012, 06:13:22 pm »
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Thad O'Connor addresses a letter to Mayor Kraegar.

Dear Fred,

It has been far too long since I last sought correspondence with you, and for that I apologize. As you may know, the President has recently passed - a turn of events that struck deeply toward my heart. The President, (or Jeff as he liked to be called) was a close friend of mine, and I am sure you are like-minded in your sentiment.

Now, while there may have been things left unsaid, it is far from too late to visit our dear friend one last time. I understand your noble undertaking to oust Senator Wellstone may render a trip to Washington cumbersome and impractical, but I humbly request your company in paying Jeff his well-earned respects.

Sincerely,
              Thad
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2845 on: March 15, 2012, 01:58:00 pm »
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The Commonwealth of Sovereign States (also called the CSS), is an intergovernmental organisation, that was first proposed in early 1994 and formally established in the mid-1995.

The Commonwealth is consisting the United States, a number of an independent countries, that were once under U.S. colonial rule, and one Commonwealth Realm.

Based on the Commonwealth of Nations, the CSS was initiated by President Jefferson Dent as a way to improve relations between the United States and it's former colonial possessions, as well as to contain British influence in the post-colonial world. The President of the United States serves, ex officio, as the Commonwealth's Chairman, while position of the Secretary is filled by one of the other national leader.

Member States

United States
Liberia
Philippines
Marshall Islands
Palau
Federated States of Micronesia
Panama
Haiti
Dominican Republic
Puerto Rico (as the Commonwealth Realm)



(I had to use a blank map with current borders, so disregard lack of two German counties here, for example Tongue)
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2846 on: March 16, 2012, 05:31:58 pm »
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Barack has been reading, with awe, his former boss diary...

March 13, 1978

Scott's fetish of deflowering young virgins is kind of annoying me. Personally, I'm not attracted to virginity and, in fact, it's a liability in my eyes. When I'm going to bed, I'm expecing to have fun and, therefore, I prefer experienced sexual partners. Virgins are nervous and inexperienced. Again, I'm not going to bed to serve as an instructor or teacher. Waste of time.
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Abdul the Damned
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« Reply #2847 on: March 16, 2012, 05:46:30 pm »
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February 12, 1977

My problem with Carter is not that I consider him a poor politician. On the contrary: if we're talking about a man, who in two short years transformed himself from an obscure, former Governor into President, we can say a lot of things indeed, but not that he's a bad politician.

My major concern regarding Carter is that he have no clue about how Washington works. He strucks me as a person, who believe that, by virtue of being President, he can do everything. Worse, he's surrounded with similary ignorant figures from his homestate. He'll find out how greatly his powers are limited. The question is only when.


March 8, 1977

I have to remove my carpet, as Ted had another blackout. I told him not to mix vodka with beer, but an old fool wouldn't listen.

March 10, 1977

Vicki is staying with me for a week from today. I noticed a particulary nasty brush on her forearm, even while she tried to hide it. What the f**k is the bitch trying to accomplish? I'm pretty sure that if I tell Vicki to remove her shirt, I'd see a marks all over her back.

I have more money and influence the bitch could even dream of. So, obviously my biggest mistake was to not press a custody thing during our divorce.


September 17, 1982

Having hard time to decide whether I should read the entire Count of Monte Cristo again, or choose something new during filibuster.
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« Reply #2848 on: March 16, 2012, 06:06:43 pm »
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Fred Kraeger writes his own letter:

Dear Thad,

Sorry I haven't gone down to pay my respects to Jeff yet.  Honestly, there is no excuse for me not showing up besides that I've been too lazy to do it.  That sounds horrible I know, but I'm not going to flat out lie in such a delicate matter.
Lately there have been a lot of things going on around here.  First off Wellstone's disavowing of the PAC has left us in a bad spot.  Now we look like assumptive jackasses who assumed that he agreed with every crackpot about me supporting the death penalty.  Instead he has come out as a reasonable man and now it's "Fred Kraeger is a mean jerk who likes to paint his opponents as radicals and liars" kind of thing.
Not sure how I'm feeling about this campaign thing now.  With Jeff gone I'm not sure if I'll have the will to go on much further.  With Wargrave in charge...........I don't know what to think of my chances.
Jeff was nice enough, despite my sharp criticism of him when I first met him, to extend a large amount of credit my way.  I sat on my ass for half the time and barely used any of it.  Now when I'm just now using it he kicks the bucket.  With Wargrave in command.........I'm not sure how much longer I can be a viable candidate.
I'm starting to wonder why I ran for this office instead of just stay in Duluth.  I mean my god, I'm not getting any younger man, I'm forty-five f***ing years old.  Nobody knew I existed until a few months ago.  How the hell Jeff found out about me I will never know.
My daughter hates me, my girlfriend is five minutes away from leaving my ass, Paul Wellstone is a campaign ad commercial away from kicking my ass to the point it looks like a mercy killing, my best friend has lung cancer, I never told my father I loved him before his tragic death, and to top it all off my attorney is a sick child molesting bastard.
But whatever, I guess I could make it to honor Jeff.  The very least I could do is thank him for the opportunity.

Sincerely,

Fred.
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« Reply #2849 on: March 16, 2012, 07:33:29 pm »
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Wargrave: Now, Fred, we have a pressing matter to consider.
Fred: Mr. President?
Wargrave: A certain race featuring two candidates with major flaws.
Fred: Minnesota.
Wargrave: There is absolutely no use from the first one. He is a worthless troll and a hypocrite. However, he can be easily isolated. The second one committed a grave sin of endorsing a non-Democrat for President and, thus, I don't trust him.
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