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Author Topic: The Never Ending Americana Story (Death certificate issued)  (Read 94986 times)
R2D2
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« Reply #2875 on: March 25, 2012, 09:35:46 am »
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OOC: Well balls -__- I'll edit it.
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« Reply #2876 on: March 25, 2012, 09:57:29 am »
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September 11th 1992

-Penn is sitting at his kitchen table, sipping coffee and reading a newspaper. The phone rings-

Penn: I'll get it!
-he picks up-

Penn: Hi mom! What's up? Oh...oh no...you're...you're not serious...mom please tell me this is some kind of joke...

-Lauren Penn enters-

Lauren: What's wrong, dear?

Penn: We've...lost dad...he's gone.

Lauren: Oh my god...

Jean Penn (on the other line): Joey, your father lived a long life. He was 64. You know he wasn't gonna live to be much older, especially with his smoking and his former drinking problem...he went peacefully. But I do think I should tell you about the conversation we had last night...he told me that he would love to see you run for Senate...I don't know how you'll perceive that, but I remain neutral.

Penn: Mom, I'm running for Senate.

Lauren: Joe, I don't know if--

Penn: It's settled.



CNN News:

Representative Joseph Penn (R-NM) has announced he is running for Senate. His announcement comes just days after incumbent Warren Alvarez (D) announced he will not seek re-election.

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« Reply #2877 on: March 28, 2012, 04:15:20 pm »
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Rockland, Maine

Thad O'Connor addresses a large crowd on a temperate spring day.

"Greetings, my fellow Mainers! It is with exuberance that I correspond to the lot of you once more. A bill has been introduced earlier in this week in the State House of dire importance, concerning the police force in our state. I am here to preempt any distortion that this bill's opponents may make.

This bill seeks to correct and readjust the balance of security and liberty in the state of Maine. A bill curtailing the practice of 'undercover police officers.' Currently, police officers lurk under the cloak of the civilian, creating camoflauge from unmarked cars. Most offenses caught by these officers are frivolous, such as speeding.

The opponents of this bill will warn of danger ahead. They will seek to appeal to the human instinct of security, of demonizing the offender. Impulse is their refuge, while reason and compassion are their bane. I for one do not believe in giving carte blanche to wrongdoers, but at the same token the creation of a secret police force is inauspicious.

Without the undercover police officer, the fortunes of the criminal are still comparable to a glass sailing towards a rock. The police have communication, strength in numbers, and great weaponry. Subterfuge is the weapon of a coward."
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« Reply #2878 on: March 28, 2012, 05:08:53 pm »
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April 2, 1996
O'Reilly's Junkyard, Mobile, Alabama


Cyril "Colonel" O'Reilly was greeting his old friend, Michael "Collins" Boland, who came all the way from Boston.
Boland: Cyril, can we speak freely over here?
O'Reilly: Are you insulting me?
Boland: Don't take it personally, chap.
O'Reilly: There's no more secure bloody place south of Mason-Fawkin'-Dixon, man. Now, what can I do for you.
Boland: There's a little fawkin' cocksucker messing with my business up in a fawkin' Maine, old chap. I want that motherfawker dead.
O'Reilly: That's it?
Boland: What do you mean?
O'Reilly: All you want is that cocksucker dead? Don't you have your own men?
Boland: Yeah, but the problem is, my best men are either too known in certain circles or had to take a leave. I can't send some goddam amateur for this.
O'Reilly: Mike, you know I consider you not only a good friend, but also a part of family, but such a task is difficult and I can't do it for free. Too complicated and risky task.
Boland: Fawk money! I have to get rid of that motherfawker! Painfully, of course.
O'Reilly: Kay, what's this piece of meat's name?
Boland: Thad Fawkin' O'Connor.
O'Reilly: O'Connor? Don't know him. Is he running some business?
Boland: He's the Governor of Maine.
O'Reilly: Roflmao! You want to kill the Governor?
Boland: Why the fawk not?
O'Reilly: I'll give you my best hitman.
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« Reply #2879 on: March 28, 2012, 06:52:53 pm »
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March 8th 1996

Penn is sitting in his office when a top aide, Edison Maxwell enters.

Penn: Oh hey, Ed. What's up?
Maxwell: Joe, you're not gonna like this.
Penn: Not gonna like what?
Maxwell: They're planning against you, Joe. They don't like how you've been talking ill of them. -Maxwell stands up-
Penn: Them? Who's them? Edison, wait, don't leave, who's them?!

-Maxwell walks out of the room.-

Penn: Goddammit, Ed...them...

-takes out notepad, and scribbles the following:

3/8/96: Keep an eye on Ed Maxwell, keep an eye out for who "they" could be, ask Tom Paulson* if he knows. Never back down.

* = Senator Tom Paulson (R-VA) is a close friend of Penn's and has a lot of sources/friends inside the hierarchy of the US Government.
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« Reply #2880 on: March 29, 2012, 06:07:50 pm »
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Barack was really missing his dead boss. Since he resigned from the job and was currently unemployed, he was often sitting with a glass of brandy, remembering some of their best moments...


Ca. 1989

Barack: Senator, I wonder if I can ask for something?
Dent: I won't give you my heart. It's severely bypassed.
Barack: It's just that I'd very much appreciate letting me go little earlier today.
Dent: What's her name?
Barack: Um, I didn't say...
Dent: You don't need to say anything... So it's true after all, you Black people do have huge instruments.
Barack: Wha... (looking down) Oh God...
Dent: It's OK. Happened to me when I was in high school. I attended a Catholic high school, did you know?
Barack: I'm so sorry and I'm so embarrassed...
Dent: Bullsh**t. Lacking the instrument would be embarrassing, but this is so humane... So, I was called to the board and the nun, that was teaching us math, was incredibly attractive gal, despite her idiotic and quite impractical Catholic clothes. This thing happened, naturally, and I got my butt whipped. Good old days.
Barack: Whipping in a school?
Dent: This was a Catholic school located below Mason-Dixon line. What else would you expect?
Barack: I guess so.
Dent: And what's her name?
Barack: Claire.
Dent: Which date?
Barack: The second.
Dent: Good for you, chap. First dates are always stressing.
Barack: I'm actually more stressed.
Dent: Oh, motherf**king God... Don't tell me she's a virgin.
Barack: She actually is.
Dent: Then you're f**ked, my friend. Virgins are trouble. I was married to one. The wedding night was of course about breaking a barrier, rather than having fun. She was, in general, the least interesting sexual partner I've ever had. No bugger, no licking, no oral stuff... Is your Claire a Catholic?
Barack: Yes, she is.
Dent: You're sooo f**ked.
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« Reply #2881 on: March 29, 2012, 08:50:14 pm »
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April 3, 1996

Charlotte was standing, alone, at the Arlington Cemetery after burial was completed.
Thad: Hey there. I know this must be really tough for you.
Charlotte: Excuse me, do I know you?
Thad: I was a close friend of your father's. Forgive my forwardness. My name is Thad O'Connor.
Charlotte: (distantly) Excuse me, Governor. Memory is not my strongest suit right now.
Thad: Understood. Jeff was a close friend of mine, so in some respects I share your pain, if not it's intensity.
Charlotte: I don't feel pain. I feel nothing. I don't understand this, but I feel nothing.
Thad: Perhaps you were not close enough to your father?
Charlotte: Um... it's awkward, but since I've heard, I just feel nothing...
Thad: Forgive me, but I must ask. Your father left to me a large sum in his passing, excessive of my needs. What cause would he have found most favorable to patronize, with that money?
Charlotte: He'd probably say you should enjoy these fruits of generations of slave labor in Dent County.
Thad: Heh... Somehow I think other endeavours would be more worthwhile.
Charlotte: You asked me if we weren't close. I had no idea of his existence until I was 18. How could we be close? Impossible to make up for eighteen years and he was... rather cold man after what happened.
Thad: Ah. My apologies.
Charlotte: No need to apologize for the truth (suddenly) I HATE HIM! I HATE THE F**KER! AND YOU KNOW WHY?
Thad: Please, calm yourself! Tragedy can give rise to great emotion, but you must keep your composure. What is wrong?
Charlotte: (throught tears) What's wrong? I tell you what's wrong. That the bastard died. And now there's no chance for us... I'm an idiot, dreaming about that maybe one day...
Thad: (eyes moistening) I understand, and tried to urge your father to do so. But we cannot wallow in the mistakes of the past - all that can be done is build a better future.
Suddenly a clean and visibly articulate (white) man approaches.
Man: Excuse me, are you Governor O'Connor, sir?
Thad: Indeed I am.
Man: Sir, I have to deliver an urgent message to you.
Thad: I am all ears, stranger.
Man: A message from Big Mike Collins (pulling out a knife)
Charlotte pushes Thad away, so blade missed him, stabbing her stomach instead.
Man: Fawk! (rans away)
Thad: Charlotte!
He dashes to catch her.
Thad: Confound that man. Are you okay, Charlotte?!
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« Reply #2882 on: April 03, 2012, 04:56:47 pm »
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Breaking!!!

Governor Christian Mattingly's (R-MI) car has careened off the side of the road, and the Governor's body is missing. Right now there is an All Points Bulletin out for the missing governor, but no one knows what to expect.
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« Reply #2883 on: April 03, 2012, 04:58:41 pm »
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Jeff Daniels is sitting at his chair, asleep, when a phone call wakes him up....
(OOC: Waiting for Kal to respond to my Pms and start conversation)
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« Reply #2884 on: April 03, 2012, 05:05:25 pm »
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CNN:

Thad O'Connor "deeply distressed" by the disappearance of Mattingly, offering $50,000 for information pertinent to his location.
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« Reply #2885 on: April 03, 2012, 05:45:34 pm »
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April 3, 1996
The Blair House, after the funeral


Wargrave: All right. No one is irreplaceable... why the hell are you looking at me this way, John? He knew it very well.
Kerry: I don't think it's the best day for such a forwardness, Larry.
Fred: (combative) It's Mr. President!
Wargrave: Shut the f**k up, Fred, and fetch Senator a drink. (after Larry left to make a drink) Forgive my slave, John, he's from southern suburbs. But getting back to the point... Christ, John, give me a break. I knew him longer than anyone in this room and I've been with him with big s**tstorms when you still were navigating your boat in Nam. But we're not here to mourn a dead friend, but to fill a very large shoes. And he'd do exactly the same thing in our place, and you know that very well.
Kerry: I got your point, Larry. Any more specifics?
Wargrave: Jeff was dominating the party like no figure since Saint FDR himself. LBJ was a f**king amateur in comparison. He had both apparatus and the constituency. No I have apparatus, but I have no constituency on my own, I never had. You, on the other hand, as leading congressional leader, are representing wide constituency interest. Like it or not, I need you and you need me.
Mondale: Then why I'm here?
Wargrave: Because you're representing... hm, how to put this... a legitimacy.
Mondale: What?
Wargrave: Walter, you're the senior elder statesman of this party. Our duo needs a man just like you to provide us with experience, legitimacy and mediation, if needed.
Mondale: So, you're basically proposing replacing one white guy in the room with three white guys in the room.
Kerry: We don't seem to have much a choice, don't we?

And that how infamous Troika was formed.
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« Reply #2886 on: April 03, 2012, 07:16:48 pm »
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Two hours after a fateful meeting, the President is eating a pizza, while watching news, with Fred on his side.

TV: ...a man who attempted to kill Governor Thad O'Connor (I-ME) is in custody. While Governor himself was not harmed, a would-be-assassin stabbed Congresswoman Charlotte Martin (D-SD), the late President's daughter, who was talking with Governor. Mrs. Martin is in a critical condition at George Washington Hospital.
Wargrave: I never liked that cunt, Fred. She was the biggest of Jeff's mistakes. A poster girl for condom industry. If she dies, she won't be missed.
Fred: A young woman stabbet at her father's funeral, with a Republican Governor standing by. What a spectacle.
Wargrave: I never understood Jeff's fondness with that whole O'Connor, Fred. Perhaps it's some personal thing I don't nor want to understand.
Fred: And your relations with Dent wasn't personal, Mr. President?
Wargrave: It was very personal, but it was something more than just college memories, Fred. We both were... hm, how to put this... ah yes, very practical men.
Fred: Have you decided what to do with that Kraeger fellow, sir?
Wargrave: Machine will still support him, but he needs to know his place. I'd support a f**king David Duke over that cocksucker Wellstone... Jews, always more trouble than they are worth of it.
TV: ...an assassin was identified as Michael McCluskey, 23, of Mobile, Alabama...
Wargrave: What the f**k? Since when Cyril have any beef with Maine?
TV: ...in other, no less dramatic news, Governor Christian Mattingly's (R-MI) is missing following a car accident...
Wargrave: So, the witch is now a nominee. Not very suprising.
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« Reply #2887 on: April 03, 2012, 07:21:20 pm »
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Lawrence Wargrave during a private visite to London, ca. 1987


Then-Senior Counselor to the President Lawrence Wargrave just learned that one his daughter is dating a Jew! Ca. 1994
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« Reply #2888 on: April 03, 2012, 08:22:09 pm »
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Sanford Wilson

Born: January 6, 1956 in Mobile, Alabama
Position: Mayor of Mobile (1989-present)
Party: Democratic
Family: Wife Hannah, 2 daughter
Religion: Southern Baptist
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their bastard sons against the wall
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« Reply #2889 on: April 04, 2012, 12:52:31 am »
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HW: WHAT?
WENDY, SH*T IS F**KED UP! ENTIRE COUNTRY IS F**KED UP! AND DO YOU KNOW WHY, B**CH?
BECAUSE 95% POPULATION OF THIS COUNTRY ARE IDIOTS WITH PEANUT-SIZED BRAIN!!
THEY ELECTED SATANIST IN '80 AND COMMUNIST REDNECK IN '92!!!
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« Reply #2890 on: April 04, 2012, 03:48:20 pm »
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Columbia Falls, Maine

Thad: What has caused such ill to afflict our Republic?
Nathan: What do you mean, Thad?
Thad: In less than a month's time, I have lost Christian and Jeff. I feel like a sparrow trying to fly, its wings torn and replaced with weights.
Nathan: Take it easy, man. I really think you ought to cut loose and get laid. Take a load off; no pun intended.
Thad: Spare me such perverse thoughts. I have gone really far these past three decades.
Nathan: What do you mean?
Thad: I digress. What ails me, however, is the troubles that have happened, as they portend to a bleak future: an assassination attempt, the disappearance of Christian, the death of Jeff, and Wargrave's usurpation.
Nathan: Usurpation? He's the vice president.
Thad: He may be the President de jure, but does not have any mandate outside of Jacksonville, and the most stalwart of partisans. If he acts merely as a caretaker, however, then I have no objections. Only time shall tell.
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« Reply #2891 on: April 04, 2012, 06:55:40 pm »
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March 5, 1996
The Blair House


Fred: Senator LaMott, Mr. President.
Wargrave: Excellent. Welcome, Senator.
LaMott: Mr. President.
Wargrave: Would you like something to drink?
LaMott: A cup of tea, please.
Wargrave: Fred?
Fred: Yes, Mr. President (leaving)
LaMott: I must say I'm surprised with your quick invitation to the Blair House, Mr. President.
Wargrave: My predecessor was meeting with all presidential candidates for both major parties, while I'm more interested in meeting you, Senator.
LaMott: And why is that?
Wargrave: Because you're most likely to become my successor.
LaMott: I admire your optimism, or pessimism, considering your party affiliation, Mr. President. But I prefer to be more cautious.
Wargrave: Wise approachment. But I just know better. And I'd like to be frank with you. I was active in Washington politics when you were still baking cookies for baptist housewives club.
LaMott: No offense takes, since it's true.
Wargrave: You're massacring your opponents. Mattingly is either dead or seriously wounded and, thus, much like Wallace in 1972, unable to continue his campaign. O'Connor? I never understood my late friend's fondness with this man, he is so...
LaMott: Weak?
Wargrave: That's the word, thank you. He's just incredibly weak and the only reason he became presidential nominee is because no more formidable figure really wanted this. Then he became Secretary of State because Jeff liked him. And, finally, he became Governor because Jeff decided we should ignore Maine, despite good chances for a pickup. But that doesn't change a fact that Mr. O'Connor is sad, drunken clown and, certainly, a 50-year old virgin. I don't even want to start on Goldwater and Rudman.
LaMott: Nomination is just half of a way.
Wargrave: OK, so let's looks at my fellow Democrats. Jim Folsom? Hahaha. A poor Jim, who can't find his pants without daddy holding his hand. And daddy is dead now. Evan Gayh? I won't even waste my breath. Dick Gephardt? A disgraced traitor. Unless you committ some major screw up, you'll be President-elect by November.
LaMott And why are you telling me all this, Mr. President? Certainly not to show what we already know, your experience and insight.
Wargrave: I'm too old to be vain. And I'm, first of all, a realist. Jeff was a realist too. In fact, he already predicted what I just said after drooping out in 1995... By the way, your remarks at following the funeral were very classy.
LaMott: I disagreed with him about almost everything and I despised of his personal ways, but I always admired his devotion to the country. And...
Wargrave: Let me guess, his political talents.
LaMott: Yes.
Wargrave: You probably know he admired your talents very much too. In fact, you have no idea how much you both had in common.
LaMott: (sceptically) Really?
Wargrave: I know, know, it sound totally retarded. A descendant of the First Families of Virginia and the Plantagenet Kings of England and a plain girl from South Carolina's interior. A rich playboy with totally messed up personal life and a devoted housewife, mother of... how many?
LaMott: Eight.
Wargrave: Ah yes. What's next? A leader of the New Left and leader of the New Right. An atheist and a devoted Baptist. But you both were extremely talentend politically and you both were a rebels. For diffrent caucuses, but still. A rebels and giant-killers.
LaMott: Very nice of you to say this.
Wargrave: Just don't make one mistake. I'm blunt with you but we're still a political enemies. I'm not going to underestimate you.
LaMott: Thank you.
Wargrave: And the last line was not a compliment. Just another rational observation.

After the meeting.

Wargrave: (smiling) I discovered her weak side, Fred. Something idiots like O'Connor and Mattingly will never understand.
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« Reply #2892 on: April 04, 2012, 07:58:17 pm »
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Only a few hours before the disappearance of one Governor Christian Mattingly...

"...And we are now projecting Senator Evangeline LaMott of South Carolina has won the New York Republican primary. This is a big win for the Senator who is now the official front-runner, facing very weak opposition from opponents like Chris Mattingly and Thad O'Connor. Back to you, Jim." In the dark of his living room, wide awake well into the night, the drunken Michigan Governor cried "Fuck it all!" slamming the glass wine bottle onto the floor where it shattered. "sh**t" he muttered "That was being saved for the anniversary." Turning to another bad habit, he grabbed at a cigarette, the last in the pack, and fumbled as he tried to keep his hand steady enough to light it. "sh**t" he once again muttered, then a loud "Dammit!" before he finally lit it. Picking up his coat from off the sofa, the once rising politician stumbled out his front door and toward the car. Turning on the stereo, Pink Floyd's "The Final Cut" was in it, playing the second to last track on the album, "Not Now John". Screaming in time with the lyrics, the Governor shouted "Fuck all that we gotta get on with these! Gotta compete with the wily Japanese!" as he rode off into the night. Drunk, tired, crazy, pissed off, and on a moonless night.
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« Reply #2893 on: April 06, 2012, 05:59:58 am »
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Some days earlier...

John Sununu:...as such, I hereby put forth my resignation from the office of Governor of New Hampshire. My service to the state, short though it was, was both an honor and a pleasure. However, it was never meant to be more than an interim arrangement. From this point, I place my faith in the ability of New Hampshire's own political machine to name the individual most capable of taking my place in setting our state back on the right track - as well as our President's readiness to choose the right man for the job. With their good judgment, I'm confident we will all soon see the day when this state can finally move past the sad mark on its history and rise, once again, to the esteem it saw only two short years ago.
Thank you, people of New Hampshire, and may God bless you all.

So it was that John H. Sununu, provisional Governor of New Hampshire, vacated his post, leaving it open to the uncertain hands of political appointment. And so it was that John Gerard Delacroix, known by friends and acquaintances as Jack, ascended to that very title. A Lieutenant General in the U.S. Air Force and a veteran of the Vietnam War, Jack Delacroix's experience lay within the field of battle, rather than the field of politics - and while that factor certainly would have been more than slightly damaging to his case in any normal political cycle, this time was special.
In the wake of New Hampshire's brief border struggle with the state of Maine, and the national backlash that almost immediately ensued, the state's populace were, quite understandably, deeply averse to the breed of politician that had sent them into the conflict to begin with. As such, the unprecedented appointment of a veteran of true war - the sort of war New Hampshire came dangerously close to knowing - rather than that fought with crafty words and choice subterfuge struck up both relieved, if still-hesitant, hope within most all of New Hampshire's people. A faint, hopeful light had appeared to them - perhaps now, they thought, now that they could count on leadership from a man who knew the horrors of war and knew to avoid them, they could finally move past and never repeat the conflict none of them had wanted. Perhaps, now, their state could finally earn back its place of respect among the others.
The story was just beginning.

April 3rd, 1996

Alan Cormag, former political advisor and current Chief of Staff to the newly-anointed Governor Delacroix, fell into step alongside his boss as the latter turned back into the state capitol, having just delivered his inaugural speech on the building's steps. Unsurprisingly, it had been an impressive crowd - after all, so many had placed their hope and faith in their new governor, it was only natural they would take the time and effort to show up to his introductory speech.

Cormag: Not bad for a first-time political speech, Jack. I'm impressed.
Jack: Bah. I think I preferred being shot at.
Cormag: (with a raised eyebrow) So, your first speech goes swimmingly, and you still say you'd prefer having someone shoot at you. Sensible.
Jack: You can't damned well stumble into any false promises with bullets. Besides, it's nothing but words at this point. What matters is that I actually live up to everything I just spouted.
Cormag: (shrugging) True enough. But at least you looked good spouting it.

At that, the larger man looked down at his chief of staff, an idea already clearly showing in his eyes.

Jack: Speaking of which, Al, do me a favor.
Cormag: Hm?
Jack: I've already told them all I'd..."make an effort to mend inter-state relationships," so I figure I may as well start now. Get me O'Connor on the phone when we get back to the office.
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« Reply #2894 on: April 06, 2012, 07:47:26 pm »
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April 5, 1996

President Wargrave announced a nomination of Senator Howell Heflin to be the next Vice President of the United States.

Mr. Heflin, 74, is a moderate-to-conservative Democrat but nevertheless was a longtime close ally to a fellow Alabaman, the late President Jefferson Dent. He already announced his intention to retire in 1997, after being elected to three terms.
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« Reply #2895 on: April 07, 2012, 12:59:34 pm »
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President Wargrave announced the nomination of Jeff Daniels to be the next Ambassador to the Federal Republic of Germany.

Mr. Daniels, 46, served as Governor of Washington from 1993 to 1996. He is a decorated veteran from the Vietnam War, and recently resigned his office as Governor due to health concerns.

Daniels calls a press conference due to this occasion.
Daniels: I was planning to to take a leave of absence from politics, but when I was asked by the President to serve my country, I could not decline.
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair.  So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.-Jack Layton 1950-2011
A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on-John F. Kennedy 1917-1963
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« Reply #2896 on: April 08, 2012, 11:13:52 am »
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Thad O'Connor addresses a letter to Christian Mattingly's home in Michigan.

"Dear Cynthia, it is with unease and despondence that I write this letter. I would like to offer my condolences for the recent disappearance of your husband. I understand that with the troubles beset our republic, this must be especially trying. I never held any ill will towards Christian, despite my run, and wish you luck in his return."
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Abdul the Damned
Kalwejt
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« Reply #2897 on: April 09, 2012, 12:22:47 pm »
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U.S. to have it's first public execution in 60 years

President Wargrave signed death warrants for three Army officers, convicted by the special military tribunal for their participation in February coup d'etat attempt. A Lieutenant Colonel and two Captains, whose names are yet to be released to the public, were highest-ranking captured coupist.

The same tribunal sentenced former National Security Advisor Robert O'Sullivan, who was proclaimed "interim President" during the coup, to death in absentia.

In addition, Wargrave ordered the execution to be open to public. Three dishonoured officers are going be shot by firing squad inside D.C. federal jail, but certain number of specators is expected to be let in. Also, the Blair House Press Secretary, did not rule out a possibility of a pay-for-view nationwide broadcast.

The last public execution in the United States (by hanging) took place in 1936 in Kentucky.
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their bastard sons against the wall
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« Reply #2898 on: April 09, 2012, 12:50:07 pm »
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February 17, 1974
"Humphrey's Dead-Bug" office

HW: F**K! Joey's people are going here to take the month pay.
Gentelmen, LOCK 'N' LOAD!
I'll stay here. Beauregard, take the Grease Gun & M1911 and hide behind the truck. Greg, take the Chicago Typewriter with Peacemaker and stay in the building. Farley, take this aand this *M14 and Walther PPK* And I'll stay here and I'm gonna talk with 'em. *puts two Single Action Army's into jacket*
I'll give a signal to shoot.
*later*
Joey: Are you gunna pay for all dat month, Hump? Mmkay?
HW: I've got a 99 problems and pay ain't no one, motherf**ker!
Joey: What ya said?! *takes out the gun, HW jumps away*
*Shooting starts*
HW: Dammit, I'm out of ammo!
*notices container* NOW THAT WILL HELP. *takes out the M2 Flamethrower*
HW: *jumps in front of Joey* BURN BABY BURN!

*hours after shooting*
HW: At least I've got something to tell to grandchildren.
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their bastard sons against the wall
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« Reply #2899 on: April 10, 2012, 06:33:53 am »
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Sometimes in the 1980's - HW's Diary

Monday
Got up, had a bath.  Thought that the water looked a dark colour -
then realised I still had my aviator sunglasses on.  Listened to the
radio and felt a bit alienated. Had lunch and
the postman turned up.  A letter from sister reminding me that it's Uncle
Bob's birthday next week. The power she still wields...will I never be
free?  Beat my fists against the wall in anger and frustration for
about 20 minutes.  Decided to have a cup of tea.  Milk had gone off.


Tuesday
Got up.  Thought about the war and the market forces destroying the
world for an hour or so.  Felt a bit depressed so I decided to put on
and aviators. Felt much better and decided to go out for some milk and card for Uncle
Bob.  Nearly got out the door before I realised I hadn't rolled up the
sleeves of my jacket! Narrow escape there.


Wednesday

Got up, suddenly realised that my father was dead and that no-one
understood my alienation.

Thursday

Rang Byrd and asked him to send
Farley's wife some flowers thanking her for the wonderful nights they
spent together.  That should f**k him up.
Decided to forgive Bob and went round to join him and we both beat our
fists against the wall for a couple of hours.


Friday

Got up, then went back to bed as I couldn't face the day - can't
anyone else see our lives are revolving around TV?? Wendy rang at night to
see if I was OK.  She came round with some chicken soup.

Saturday

Rang Sister.  Apparently she has to tidy her room for the forseeable
future. Byrd rang, but it was difficult to tell wether he was
interested or not as there was so much background noise - all bottles
clinking and horseracing.

Sunday

Letter from mum - Uncle Bob was killed by a bus yesterday. Finished it in time to watch MTV before
bed.

Monday

Got up. Had a bath.  Doctor came round - said they would have to
operate to remove my sunglasses. Postman arrived with my
55 volume box video set of the cancer.  Couldn't see my dad
in it, but there was a guy who looked like him.


Saturday

Phoned the hospital again and asked them why my dad had to
die.  Got standard reply from snotty receptionist -
"because he had a lung cancer, Mr Wilkinson".
Typical.
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