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Author Topic: The Never Ending Americana Story (Death certificate issued)  (Read 95006 times)
Cathcon
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« Reply #2925 on: May 05, 2012, 10:35:16 pm »
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Touching down in Wyoming, he knew he was on safe ground. This, after all, was D'Israeli territory. O'Sullivan, now complete with his aviator glasses and cigar, stood looking over the morning paper while sitting at the small cafe. Something about a mayor committing suicide and how- wait, was Wargrave now President! What the Hell!? Damn, looks like D'Israeli's people were better than believed. Or maybe it was something else. He'd find out. But how that Florida bastard came in to replace the Alabama bastard was of no concern. Find his son and his daughter-in-law was the issue. He knew going into D.C. following the post-coup crackdown would be no easy task. The heart of darkness, he though, as he stared East. And here he was in fyucking Wyoming, doing jack sh**t. Well, now that he was here, he might as well visit D'Israeli. The coup might be over, but D'Israeli wasn't.

The former President had been on the lam since sometime in 1993 when he'd been sentenced to and put in prison. Faking insanity, the man who'd held the nation's highest office for eight years had fashioned a rope out of dental floss only to find himself digging his way out of the cell he was imprisoned in. The man, after all, only had to half-fake that insanity. He was not in a happy mood to see his former co-conspirator back in the United States after having worked quite hard to get him out. Nevertheless, Beauregard was bitter as ever against Washington and was willing to provide a small amount of capital and support including fake ID's, three soldiers, and weaponry. With that, O'Sullivan was on a plane to Virginia masquerading as the moustached Nebraska high fructose corn syrup businessman Clowdy McDaversh. The three men with him were bodyguards and he was off to visit a lobbyist, according to the false story he'd been given for entering D.C. He probably wouldn't even need it. The rich got off much easier on these checks than anyone else except of course the military and politicians.
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« Reply #2926 on: May 06, 2012, 06:35:31 pm »
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Maria Dent

Full name: Maria Vigilia Dent-Marsh
Born: May 6, 1952 in Mobile, Alabama
Religion: Roman Catholic
Party: Democratic
Current position: Lieutenant Governor of Alabama (1995-present)
Previous positions: Alabama State Auditor (1988-1995), Member of the Alabama House of Representatives (1983-1988)
Spouse: Randall Marsh (m. 1985)
Children: 2
Parents: James Frost Dent, Celia Winston Dent
Siblings: Jefferson Dent (half-brother), Chastity Belt, nee Dent (sister)
« Last Edit: May 07, 2012, 04:59:39 pm by Allez Hollande »Logged

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« Reply #2927 on: May 07, 2012, 06:25:58 pm »
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Wargrave: Now, that's what I call the perfect outcome, when our problems are solved by the others.
Fred: Mr. President, Kraeger's dead.
Wargrave: And I shall not sheed a single tear after him. There was no use of him at all. And, thanks to this, should we say, incident, Wellstone is no longer a concern for us.
Fred: Sir, that mean we don't have a candidate.
Wargrave: On the contrary, we do have a perfect candidate who can't lose in Minnesota. A man who kept a long distance from Wellstone and will be a good Democrat, again.
Fred: But, sir, he said he's not interested...
Wargrave: ...barring a really drastic development. And if blowing a man's brain out is not drastic development, then I don't know what is.




BREAKING: SEN. WELLSTONE DROOPS OUT

BREAKING: FRM. VICE PRESIDENT MONDALE TO RUN FOR SENATE


Mondale: F**k. I did enjoy my retirement Sad
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« Reply #2928 on: May 07, 2012, 06:32:15 pm »
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April 20, 1996
Lieutenant Governor's Office, Montgomery, Alabama


Two aides are snipping coffee on the hallway
Aide 1: F**k. Does this bitch really remember every single clause of the tax code?
Aide 2: Yep, she does.
Aide 1: F**k. I'm sick and tired of this crap. What the hell we are, an accountants?
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« Reply #2929 on: May 07, 2012, 07:00:01 pm »
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Maria Vigilia Dent was born on May 6, 1952 in Mobile to James Frost Dent and his second wife, Celia Winston Dent. Because of her grandfather, Winfield Scott Dent's, disapproval for his son marrying a Catholic, and then, converting, James and his new family were instantly disinherited, which caused family's large fortune going solely to her half-brother, Jefferson. Maria remains a practicing Catholic.

As James Frost Dent died when she was less than three (she doesn't have any memory of him, because he was also an utter douchebag, not interested in any of his three children), she was initially raised by her ornery and bigoted mom. In 1959, when she was seven, her half-brother took her to Dent's plantation, where she lived with their grandmother, Ethel Wilson Dent. Despite financial issue, she remained close to her brother ever since.

Very shy since her earliest years, Maria was quickly discovered to have an incredible memory and information-absorbing skills. She was a brilliant pupil, then student, but without any friends of her own age and a virgin until 26.

After Jefferson was unexpectedly elected United States Senator in 1968 and grandma Ethel died just few days later, she moved with him to D.C., where she got interested in politics and, on her own insistence, started to act as her brother's unofficial researcher. She then graduated from Georgetown University (Economy), placing 2 in her year.

Despite lack of usual political skills, caused by severe social problems, due to her intellectual abilities she worked her way out from university researcher to member of the Alabama House of Representatives in 1983, without any help from a powerful brother in initial election, as he warned her against becoming a politician. Yet, with less than a year, she became an important part of his statewide team.

In legislature, she was a workhorse, specializing in economic issues, which led to her appointment as State Auditor in 1988 (since new Alabama law, passed after H. Guy Hunt's election, entrusted legislature in filling a vacancies in state cabinet). She was reelected in 1990.

In 1994, she declined to run for another term, declaring for Lieutenant Governor instead. Nominated after a close primary, she went to a landslide victory in a solidly Democratic state in November.

Married of convenience to a businessman Randall Marsh, she's a mother of two children, daughter Emily and son Martin.
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« Reply #2930 on: May 08, 2012, 07:48:38 pm »
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NSA Colonel: There are some slight indications of their activity in the Western United States, but we can't say anything certain for now.
Wargrave: Thank you, Colonel. That's good enough for me. Fred?
Fred: Mr. President?
Wargrave: I know that Washington is currently the most secured place in the Western Hemisphere, but I never like to let myself lost in confidence. Accordingly, send the word to Starke to proceed with the executions as soon as humanly possible.
Fred: Sir, with all due respect, we don't even know if O'Sullivan is even close.
Wargrave: That doesn't matter, Fred. You didn't really think I'll allow those two swines to avoid riding the lighting, did you?
Fred: When shall we announce this?
Wargrave: For now keep the execution completely confidential. O'Sullivan doesn't need to know yet.

After one hour.

Fred: (on the phone) Yes, yes... thank you, warden... Mr. President, the executions were carried out with one incident, as O'Sullivan's head started to burn in a middle of the electrical surge.
Wargrave: (suddenly looking tired) Well, I'm not sure if my fellow Floridians are just inept, or unable to learn how to operate this equipment properly. I mean, look at Georgia. They are able to electrocute convicts without major missteps.
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« Reply #2931 on: May 09, 2012, 02:39:09 pm »
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Immediately after his execution, Robert Francis O'Sullivan descended into hell, which was a great suprise for him.
Night Duty Devil: Name?
O'Sullivan: I... I don't get it.
Devil: Name?
O'Sullivan: Robert Francis O'Sullivan.
Devil: O'Callahgan... O'Keany... O'Sullivan... that's right.
O'Sullivan: But, Mr. Devil, that must be some kind of mistake, I'm not supposed to be here.
Devil: Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I were getting five cents every time I heard this, I'd be a f**king millionaire.
O'Sullivan: But... I was a devout Catholic.
Devil: Bad for you, pal.
O'Sullivan: And I haven't sinned!
Devil: Bad.
O'Sullivan: And I even kept myself chaste until my wedding night!
Devil: Man, you're f**ked.
O'Sullivan: I don't understand...
Devil: You don't know? Ah yes, right, silly me, you were alive just a ten minutes ago... by the way, how did you die? A fire?
O'Sullivan: Electric chair.
Devil: Hahaha! Believe me, when compared to what we've got here, the electric chair would seem to you like a child play.
O'Sullivan: But... you really don't get it... I HAVEN'T SINNED! You are supposed to punish sinners, not me!
Devil: You see, there's been some changes. Policy changes. For centuries, hell was for punishing sinners, adulterers, alcoholics etc.  But that's just unfair bias. Now, under new leadership, we're punishing those who haven't sinner. 
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« Reply #2932 on: May 09, 2012, 02:46:05 pm »
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Devil: Let me show you around. See these poles?
O'Sullivan: Polish people?
Devil: No, dumbass, poles.
With unspeakable horror, O'Sullivan recognized that the Devil was showing him three bloody poles with three massacred man "sitting" at. The new kid in hell recognized Woodrow Wilson, James Eastland, but was unable to identify third one.
Third man: TAKE ME OFF THIS POLE, MOTHERF**KERS!
Devil: Shut up, Westman!
Westman: I DON'T BELONG WITH THOSE MORALFAGGOTS!
Devil: Shut up, I say! That'd what you get for voting with Senate Republicans!... Let's go, kid.
O'Sullivan: W... where?
Devil: To see The High Satan.
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« Reply #2933 on: May 11, 2012, 10:37:46 am »
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You see, a common perception outside of state is that Folsom is a little Dent, his protege and right hand, or rather a lacey. But the truth is, little Jim was never a Mobilian.

Senator, you're not a Mobilian.

Well, not if we're talking about home town. In this regard, I'm from Dothan. Politically, I'm a Mobilian.

The Senator was no one else than Bill Baxley, and his interlocutor was an Alabama newspaper reporter, who was given an audience under "off the record" condition.

Reporter: So, who is a "Mobilian"?
Baxley: Term originating from times when Alabama Democratic Party was splited between Wallace supporters and Dent supporters. Of course, a lot of us is actually from Mobile, including Jeff himself, little Marie, Sam Jones, Sanford and, now, little Scarlett too. I'm from Dothan, but I'm also a Mobilian. Lee Tomczykiewicz is from Gadsgen, but he is a Mobilian too. Little Jim Folsom never was quite one of us. At first, he tried to build his own organization and did not really join the team until 1986. But now...
Reporter: Dent is gone.
Baxley: Exactly. You see, Jim is kind of lost without his patron, but now have most of the cards. With Heflin's appointment to the vice presidency, it's up to him to make an appointment, which can totally demolish status quo. We, the Mobilians, wants to maintain Jeff's vision and remain a driving power behind the new South. We simply don't believe there's a better alternative.
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« Reply #2934 on: May 11, 2012, 07:22:56 pm »
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Meanwhile in Hell...
Office of the High Satan


The High Satan lighted his PALL MALL, while going over some documents.
Secretary: Senior Devil First Class Kennedy is on line two.
High Satan: Thank you, Marilyn, put him through... Hello, Ted.
Kennedy: Dude, what the hell? Why did you put Westman in my sector?
High Satan: Because it's the Irish Sector, Ted.
Kennedy: He won't shut up from his pole. My ears are experiencing excruciating pain!
High Satan: Christ, what's his problem? He got the lightest torture available in his case and only for one hundred years. Go tell him there are millions of people down there who'd gladly trade places.
Kennedy: So I told him and he told me, in return, to go f**k my mom.
High Satan: And how is your mom anyway?
Kennedy: Still in the boiling lava.
High Satan: She just have fifty years to go. Anyway, put me on the phone with that damn malcontent... (after several minutes) Hello, Scott.
Westman: YOU MOTHERF**KER! GET ME OUT OF THIS F**KING POLE!
High Satan: Oh, for the love of God, I gave you just one century on the pole. Under former regime, you'd receive at least five hundred years in a boiling lava, followed by additional two hundred years of breaking on the wheel.
Westman: THIS IS SUPOUSED TO BE A HELL FOR A F**KING CONSERVATIVES!
High Satan: Wow, wow, hold on, pal. Remember when I told you that voting for that D'Israeli budged is going to screw you one day. I was right, you're screwed straight in the ass. Literally. Normally, you'd get three hundreds years of pole, but I reduced it due to an old times, so shut up or Ted'll have you gagged. Bye.
High Satan: Eh... you see, Marilyn, some people just won't listen.
Marilyn: Oh, I know such people, they can be really annoying. Just as this makeup man on Gentlemen Prefer Blondes set. By the way, there's Night Duty Devil with new prisoner.
High Satan: All right, bring them in... Oh f**k! Why is Larry sending me such a people all over again? What have I done to him?
O'Sullivan: It... it's you!
Dent: And whom else did you expect? Pope Pius XII? You bastards won't stop harass me even in hell.
Night Duty Devil: What is your verdict regarding this worm, Prince of Darkness?
Dent: Two hundreds years on the wheel.
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« Reply #2935 on: May 15, 2012, 04:18:56 pm »
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Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby pronounce the Second Americana dead.

We've had the great run of a year and eight months, exceeding the First Americana's livespan.

It's possible that, as some point, our great idea may be revieved as the Third Americana, but obviously we need a long break.

I want to thank the most dedicated partipants, namely Dallasfan, Cathcon and Hawkeye. And for those who abandoned us, I wish you a horrid death on a sharp pole.


Love,
Your moderator.
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« Reply #2936 on: May 15, 2012, 04:37:24 pm »
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Just short of 200 pages. Smiley

I can only speak for myself here, but I would like to encourage "the gang" to stick together in some medium. Whether it be making maps for eachother, candidate ideas, or even just commenting on a timeline, we should not forget the bonds that were forged.

Honestly, I think we have all done a great job here. Perhaps this can not be an end, but a brand new beginning. I have done a lot of projects in my time here on the what-if board, but I feel this really helped me transform as a writer, and I've noticed that same development in our other players.

Most of all I would like to applaud Kalwejt. Bar none, he was the most active player and a paragon of creativity, between the plot twists and curve balls he'd throw our characters. I give weighty approbation to his efforts to help hold this together for as long as he did. I expect great things out of his future projects.

Cathcon is a second honorable mention. From his debut with the Nixon 1960 timeline, he has really grown as a writer and expanded his knowledge of political history. To those that have read A Second Chance, I challenge anybody to match him pound-for-pound in sheer volume. I am confident that he will continue to improve as time goes on.

I don't want to get too long-winded here, so I'd also like to give shout-outs to Mechaman, Pingvin, Doctor Cynic, and the rest of the participants. You guys were all really great.

It's been a blast! Smiley
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« Reply #2937 on: May 15, 2012, 05:07:41 pm »
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I guess we do need a break, but WE WILL BE BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair.  So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.-Jack Layton 1950-2011
A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on-John F. Kennedy 1917-1963
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« Reply #2938 on: May 15, 2012, 05:38:41 pm »
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I think we all felt this death coming for a long time. Tongue Nevertheless, it is sad to see its demise before the 1996 election. Ah well, I suppose it's time for a break, but as hawkeye said, we will be back.

As Dallasfan did, I'd like to thank everyone for their participation, especially Kalwejt for working for what looked like night and day to make sure this thing was kept above water. For your commitment to this, in the words of Daniel Tosh "and for that, we thank you."

I'd also like to thank hawkeye and Dallasfan for them seeming to be the other two of the only three guys that made it from beginning to end (I assume).

Cathcon is a second honorable mention. From his debut with the Nixon 1960 timeline, he has really grown as a writer and expanded his knowledge of political history. To those that have read A Second Chance, I challenge anybody to match him pound-for-pound in sheer volume. I am confident that he will continue to improve as time goes on.

Thanks a lot man. I really appreciate it. Smiley
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« Reply #2939 on: May 17, 2012, 04:53:02 pm »
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Well, in the five minutes before I have to go to work I might as well say a few words.

This project was a very ambitious and trying project at times.  I remember being up almost all day and all night working on this project making entries and sh*t in response to the posts of various other posters on here.  Those times were great, even though I sacrificed my GPA doing it.

I appreciate the dedication a number of you have shown towards this project.  Especially Kalwejt.  Man, you had to be on this thing for like days and days and days.  I am glad you showed this much enthusiasm, and thus much dedication towards a TL.

To Dallasfan and Cathcon, my biggest regret is that you guys weren't around in my prime here.  It would've been incredible to have collaborated with you two guys on this project.  But, I guess that's how the wheel turns.

To hawkeye, again impressive how long he has stuck with it.

Thank you guys for going along with this, it was great.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2012, 04:54:55 pm by Intellectual Extremist »Logged

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« Reply #2940 on: May 19, 2012, 05:40:33 pm »
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Shameless advert:

http://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=153724.0
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