Write a letter to your younger self...

[afleitch]

Dear Andrew

For - September 21st 2000

You're doing super! Seriously; things are good. Your ability to be reasonable above all else puts you in good stead. Yeah; you look terrible at 16, but you'll look better by 26 and looks as even you know don't mean a thing. By the way you're right about Mum and Dad; they won't mind the gay thing. And it was the right decision to walk out of mass when the priest delivered that sermon on behalf of the bishop; you know it's lies and you know it's desperation. Section 28 will be a distant memory you'll soon see. There are some things I cannot say of course because set-backs are worthwhile. You'll see some people and some ideologies for what they really are. Oh and you will get a shot at politics! But it's not for who you expect...Some guy working for Carlton Media (if he still is) will be leading the party you back (you could look potentials up and see how good your guess is!) Alex Salmond stands down as leader of the SNP this week. They will write his political obituary but I can assure you he'll be back!

You'll be excited about the US race. Go Gore! I can't tell you how that pans out either I'm afraid. It would spoil the whole of November! What else? The internet will be faster, oh and you'll find a forum that you'll join and probably never leave.

Well that's about it. Enjoy the next decade. I know you and a few friends are thinking about saving up for a trip to New York and who am I to say if it will amount to anything. If you ever go (and I can't say if you will) best wait till after you finish up school - in 2002.

Yours,

Andrew. Age 26

[Thomas D]

From: September 21 , 2010
To: September 21, 1990 (When I was eight)   


 Dear Thomas,

     First of all I know your name is not Thomas. But that's the screen name you use on a political forum in 20 years. So, you just started 4th grade at a new school. I seem to recall that going well. New friends and all that jazz. But I wanted to give you a heads up about a few things.

First, the kids in 3rd grade were right. You are queer. I'm telling you this because I think it's better that you find out now instead of 14 which is what you're on pace for. There's nothing wrong with this. You are fine the way you are and don't let anyone try to make you feel otherwise.

Second, all politicians will disappoint you. As a young person who follows politics you need to know this. I know some will seem special but no one is perfect and politicians are only human. Moving on to another topic, and if you only pay attention to one sentence I write please let it be this next one.

Talk to a grown up at your school about what's going on at home.

Right now you are full of fears and emotions that have to get out. It's not healthy to keep that stuff bottled up inside you. Up until this point you've dealt with these feelings by praying to God. This has not worked and it will not work. If there is a God he either can't help you or has chosen not to. So please reach out to someone. It's the biggest regret I have about my childhood that I didn't ask for help when I needed it. And I know you can't see it now but you are a great person. And when you get older there will be people who love you. I promise.

Forth, In February of 2008 The New England Patriots will play the New York Giants in Super Bowl 42. BET EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ON NEW YORK.

Fifth, I don't recall meeting an  English kid named Andrew but if you do tell him Gore losses in 2000.

Love,
"Thomas"

[tpfkaw]

Dear younger self,

F*** you.

Yours truly,

*** *****

[Countess Anya of the North Parish]

Dear Annie,

        You will just flow through life generally not having problems at school. But high school will change that. The thing I recommend is that you build up your self discipline. Don't get into the drama that your friends have and be nice to people. Warm up to the freshman, they will be nice. Your will think pre calc is hard but you will love it. And you life will start to pull together. Despite your mom. Your dog will be the most important thing to you but he is a handful.

[fezzyfestoon]

YO, chill the F out

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

YO, chill the  out

Pulitzer material. 

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Dear Obamanation (2006),

I'm refering to you as Obamanation because in the future you will join USAElectionAtlas and choose this as your username. What I want to say to you is, don't be afraid to communicate with other people, don't worry if they are too busey, and please ask out ********************** or ******************* or ***************

-The Obamanation (2010)

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Dear Younger Kalwejt,

You were such a f**king little asshole and I'm so glad you're no morer.

Muhahahaha.

[fezzyfestoon]

YO, chill the F out

Pulitzer material. 

Finally my work is being appreciated, even if it has been ruined by those big-government censorship pigs.

[Hash]

From: September 21, 2010
To: January 23, 2006

Dear (shy) Harper-loving Hashemite,

Don't support Stephen Harper. He's a dangerous cheat and liar who will turn out to be the worst Prime Minister since Confederation, yet he will be able to make lots of people fall into his game of lies, deception, cheats and dirty tricks. Don't fall for it. Also, in 2007, don't support Mario Dumont. He's a stupid tool who is more incompetent than anybody else in politics. Also, as appealing as he may look, don't support Sarkozy, especially when he says "je ne vous mentirais pas" because he's lying when he says that he won't lie. Don't support any of the other candidates for that matter.

Don't despair about your crappy retard life in Riyadh. It sucks, yeah, but you only have grade 9 left in that place before you move to Ottawa, where I'm sure you'd never have thought you'd actually end up living and studying. Grade 9 will be awful, but it's a necessary evil to make you appreciate the epicness of CB. C what? CB!

Take Gym in Grade 10. You'll hate it. But because of that class you'll meet your best friend who will lead you to having the best group of friends you can hope for. Become friends with a kid named Michael in this aforementioned gym class at your new school.

Don't worry about IB. It's all largely overrated, though you may panic a few nights here and there, but you'll pass with high colours despite everything. And, even though it will take 4 years to make sense, for all you do, become obsessed with Brazilian history. It's worth it and it will significantly help you.

Don't worry about being the least popular kid in Riyadh, because you will go through something in July 2008 which will alter your life beyond your wildest dreams and which will play a major role in, unexpectedly, getting two of the most popular girls at CB to be good friends with you. In addition to, as previously mentioned, the most epic group of friends you could ever imagine getting. You will probably scoff at this, but this group of friends, to be known in CB history as the "A-Locker Hallway", of which you will be one of the key figures, will be mentioned at the June 2010 Valedictorian's speech.

Sincerely,

Harper-loating Hashemite
Colonel By Graduate of 2010

[Torie]

Dear Torie:

You need to get laid about 10 times more often than you are, lose the flab, and buff up.  The end.

Torie

[Associate Justice PiT]

     Dear PiT, August 2007:

     You are ready to take Calculus. TAKE IT!

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Dear Zack circa 2000:

You will in your life see Lifetime, Portraits of Past and Sunny Day Real Estate. Get stoked, very stoked.

[Ebowed]

Hey bro,

I fed the cat.  You don't have to worry about it until again later.

[Ronnie]

Dear Ronnie,

Go to the gym more often -- your muscles are uncomfortably decrepit!  Also, get a family, you lonely bastard.

Best of luck,
Ronnie

[k-onmmunist]

From: September 22nd 2010
To: December 2007

Hey Lewis

First off, college is great. Believe me. Far better than high school, which really is the f-cking pits. I know things look bleak now, but just work hard man and get some decent grades. Because right now, there is a big rush for all the universities. So pull your finger out dude. I was lazy and now my ass is on the line. Don't follow my mistakes.

Second, get ready for a lot of sh-t when it comes to relationships. You might not think it now, but it will happen. So be ready for it when it happens. Get ready for a lot of heartbreak though, because that's pretty much inevitable.

Don't worry about Brendan and co. You'll be friends with him again. However, please beat the crap out of that Matthew kid now. Because otherwise, you'll have to put up with him for some time longer. I've only just got him out of my life. I know he seems like a nice guy now, but he becomes an asshole.

In a couple of years, you'll have a new cat too. So you have that to look forward to.

Please stop listening to crappy pop and musichall. It's awful. Get some music taste. In three years time, you will like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Neutral Milk Hotel, Modest Mouse, Sonic Youth, Radiohead, R.E.M., Slint, Alice in Chains and My Bloody Valentine. You probably haven't heard of some of these bands, but they kick ass, so buy their albums now and save yourself the time. Also, you will like jazz, so buy Kind of Blue. You won't regret it. Also, important note, Oasis will break up in 2010. However, they will do a gig with a band called Kasabian who you will also like. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go and see it while you still can.

Don't ever watch Manos: The Hands of Fate, or listen to I Ain't A Fan But The Kids Like It! by BrokeNCYDE. Because you will spend the rest of your life wishing you could go back to that moment and shove forks in your eyes.

Don't become a libertarian, because I did and it was really ridiculous. But drop the 'British Empire YAY!' crap. It's misguided and silly. The Tories win in 2010 by the way, so get ready for the sh-t to hit the fan.

Anyway, I'm gonna leave it at that, because you're probably talking on MSN to some random guy. Final things before I go: Don't eat yellow snow, don't join AH.com and go get a damn haircut you beatnik.

Good luck dude!
Lewis of 2010

[Plant City Rebel]

To Decia--1995


Firstly, you won't just spend the summer in Florida, get that through your head right now......and believe it or not,you aren't in the legal field, get used to it.....

Secondly, when you get there, that job you are expecting, it won't be there, they go bankrupt and shutter the location literally the day you are supposed to start working.  Don't apply at Kash'n'Karry----you'll get stuck there, and regret 85% of everything about the place.....except for a few good friends, and learning how to decorate cakes....

Finally, you don't have to put up with the BS from your family, you are far better off ignoring whole sections....in fact, might I suggest buying that acreage in Ocala when you are offered it to to have a nice retreat away from people.

2010 D

PS--- when you meet a guy named M@$% D*&^% run quickly away!!

[ilikeverin]

Don't ever watch Manos: The Hands of Fate

Worst.  Advice.  Ever.

[Vepres]

It only gets worse. Despair...

[big bad fab]

Dear Fabien,

Do NOT register in Atlas Forum.
You'll lose a lot of time and you'll become even fatter in front of your PC screen.

Big Bad Fab

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

PS--- when you meet a guy named M@$% D*&^% run quickly away!!

That's States' real name?  Damn, I knew it!!! 

[Swedish Rainbow Capitalist Cheese]

From: September 23rd 2010
To: September 15th 2002

Dear Johan

I know that you've just recently discovered an intrest in politics, and that you're probably up late right now watching a party-leader debate instead of going to sleep like mum told you to. I'm happy to tell you that this will eventually become one of your biggest intrests, and that you will spend many nights up too late watching debates and election coverage.  However I have to tell you that Gudrun Schyman sucks. I know her talk of building more houses, hire more nurses and teachers, and treat everybody equally sounds good, but you need to look behind the rethoric to find the actual message. How does she actually intend to accomplish all these things...  instead I  recommend you to look up the Centre Party, you'll not regret it.

Anyway...

Next year you'll start to discover something about yourself that will scare you to begin with. I can't tell you right now what it is, you'll need to figure it out by yourself, but you'll eventually learn to accept it. I know you think it's hard to always feel different, but being different will make you stronger and better as a person. Don't be afraid to tell Christel, she'll understand, and she won't tell anyone.
 
Speaking of Christel, make sure to keep in contact and take care of her. There will be periods when she will be your only friend, and in the future she'll go through some really tough dark years when you need to be there to support her as well, so you both really need eachother.

Oh and those rumours about Läreda School are all false. There's no 7th graders getting swirlies, no 7th graders having their hair shaved off, and definatley no 7th graders being thrown out in the snow just in their underwear, so you can stop worrying about that. Still junior high will be tough at times and you'll hate it. But don't worry it'll get a lot better. And every time Andreas hits you (and hit you he will) you should know that nowadays he's fat, got kicked off the football team, and has no friends.

Well I think that should be all for now. I know you'll turn out fine (eventually)

Sincerly, your older self.

PS: Stop being such an insufferable jerk towards Göran. He's a nice guy.


 




   

 

[King]

From 9/23/10
To 1/1/00

Dear me,

Happy new year from the year 2010!  Here's some information you need to keep with you to survive this decade with a shred of dignity:

(1) You need to start being honest right now.  Everything you want in your life is available to you in the coming years if you're willing to reach out and be you.

(2) The Dallas Cowboys won't win the SuperBowl this decade.  I'm still hopeful right now, but there's really no point in watching them until at least 2010.

(3) The relationships with Kate, Kayla, Kirstin all end in despair.  If you ever come across a K-name, please avoid it at all costs.

(4) Keep this letter around as I wish you a happy 21st Birthday, the winning lottery numbers are 5, 10, 17, 24, 43, and 31.

(5) Despite being a millionaire, on November 17th, 2008 at round 11:30 amish, be sure to be in Albuquerque to rear-end the silver Toyota Corolla in front of the Trader Joe's off of Louisana Blvd and the freeway.  The insurance premiums will go up slightly, but you'll like her a lot.

With love,

Paul

[Vepres]

I know that you've just recently discovered an intrest in politics, and that you're probably up late right now watching a party-leader debate instead of going to sleep like mum told you to. I'm happy sorry to tell you that this will eventually become one of your biggest intrests, and that you will spend many nights up too late watching debates and election coverage and thus have absolutely no life.

 


Fixed for you

[Inmate Trump]

Dear Clay,

You sad, dirty slut.  Grow a pair.  Man up, pussy!  Learn how to say no!

Sincerely,

Future Clay

P.S. - The world is full of sluts like you.  You fing whore.  You spermdump, lay off the pills.