The State Funeral of the Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson

[Хahar 🤔]

It's a sky burial. The vultures are waiting already.

Remind me to never go to that article again. Since when do they have pictures of half-eaten corpses on wikipedia?

I'm glad Opera has a "no images" setting.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

My Mentor!!?? Dead!!?? I'll find the killer! I'll find the killer!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Hey Guys, I found the killer...

[King]

How was Sir Jackson killed by a man who was already dead?  Besides, we all know it was just our wrathful god Dave Leip working in his strange and mysterious ways who took him.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

It's okay now, guys. Take a look at what I hired a guy to do to the killer:

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

How was Sir Jackson killed by a man who was already dead?  Besides, we all know it was just our wrathful god Dave Leip working in his strange and mysterious ways who took him.

The man was already dead, you say? Well obviously, Dave Liep works in more mysterious ways than anticipated...

[King]

It's okay now, guys. Take a look at what I hired a guy to do to the killer:

Cathcon, please respect the dead or excuse yourself from the service.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

My Mentor!!?? Dead!!?? I'll find the killer! I'll find the killer!

Kyle Mercado

[Hash]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

My Mentor!!?? Dead!!?? I'll find the killer! I'll find the killer!

Kyle Mercado

Kyle Mercado = Ronaldo Lessa. Two dangerous sociopaths conspiring against the Great Heroes of Alagoas!

Collor Governador is responsible for the contents of this advertising

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

My Mentor!!?? Dead!!?? I'll find the killer! I'll find the killer!

Kyle Mercado

Kyle Mercado = Ronaldo Lessa. Two dangerous sociopaths conspiring against the Great Heroes of Alagoas!

Collor Governador is responsible for the contents of this advertising

[Platypus]

I shall now present a brief eulogy.

It seems like only yesterday that Kenneth Lowpriceseveryday Jackson came into my life and touched my heart.

Few who knew him would deny that his words, when they came, were piercing. I have never met a better judge of character; a better wordsmith, or a better friend. Kenneth and I used to go fishing at this little river up in the hills. There, he'd bring out his special bait - maggots he farmed himself - and bet me that the first fish he'd catch would be bigger than my first three combined. He was only wrong once, but only because I caught an eel.

Kenneth grew up in a struggling home, but was loved. His mother, Larleina, died when he was 10 and his father John suffered a stroke two years later. His elder sister, Grace, was too busy being the town bicycle to raise her young brother and so Kenneth left school to run his father's grocery, up before dawn and down only after the books had been kept and the store cleaned late into the night. I saw a lot less of Kenneth after that, until at 17 he changed his middle name to Lowpriceseveryday and took out a loan for local television ad's. I know everyone in this room will remember the ad's... "Hi I'm Kenneth from Jackson's Grocery on Drover Street. I'm so serious about having the best prices in town, I decided to make a pledge that my prices will be low every day of the week, no matter what! Heck, I'm so serious about my pledge, I'd do anything to prove it's worth...even change me name!".

Turnover went up 620% in one year and the Jackson's Supermarkets chain was born. Kenneth stepped back from running the business at 25, and we recommenced our friendship. It was like not a day had passed.

That was the kind of guy Kenneth was. He was the hardest worker I've ever known, but as well as the toughest hands in town, he had the biggest heart and the memory of an elephant. Just a month ago, he described in perfect detail the stray cat we used to chase back when we were little - a cat I had forgotten.

Kenneth would never forget anyone or anything he met, and would always have a smile for a friend, old or new. So, I say to honour his memory, we each take time to smile and think of a time we shared with Kenneth.

Also, if his bitch sister Grace is here, I would like my virginity back, you skanky, skanky ho.



Thank you.

[ilikeverin]

I shall now present a brief eulogy.

It seems like only yesterday that Kenneth Lowpriceseveryday Jackson came into my life and touched my heart.

Few who knew him would deny that his words, when they came, were piercing. I have never met a better judge of character; a better wordsmith, or a better friend. Kenneth and I used to go fishing at this little river up in the hills. There, he'd bring out his special bait - maggots he farmed himself - and bet me that the first fish he'd catch would be bigger than my first three combined. He was only wrong once, but only because I caught an eel.

Kenneth grew up in a struggling home, but was loved. His mother, Larleina, died when he was 10 and his father John suffered a stroke two years later. His elder sister, Grace, was too busy being the town bicycle to raise her young brother and so Kenneth left school to run his father's grocery, up before dawn and down only after the books had been kept and the store cleaned late into the night. I saw a lot less of Kenneth after that, until at 17 he changed his middle name to Lowpriceseveryday and took out a loan for local television ad's. I know everyone in this room will remember the ad's... "Hi I'm Kenneth from Jackson's Grocery on Drover Street. I'm so serious about having the best prices in town, I decided to make a pledge that my prices will be low every day of the week, no matter what! Heck, I'm so serious about my pledge, I'd do anything to prove it's worth...even change me name!".

Turnover went up 620% in one year and the Jackson's Supermarkets chain was born. Kenneth stepped back from running the business at 25, and we recommenced our friendship. It was like not a day had passed.

That was the kind of guy Kenneth was. He was the hardest worker I've ever known, but as well as the toughest hands in town, he had the biggest heart and the memory of an elephant. Just a month ago, he described in perfect detail the stray cat we used to chase back when we were little - a cat I had forgotten.

Kenneth would never forget anyone or anything he met, and would always have a smile for a friend, old or new. So, I say to honour his memory, we each take time to smile and think of a time we shared with Kenneth.

Also, if his bitch sister Grace is here, I would like my virginity back, you skanky, skanky ho.



Thank you.

*polite, reverent applause*

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

My Mentor!!?? Dead!!?? I'll find the killer! I'll find the killer!

Interesting you even know anyting about Al's inside joke after registering only 19 days ago.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

[J. J.]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

Ah, shouldn't there be a PC, or peerage in the post nominals?

[Bacon King]

GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE

[minionofmidas]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

Ah, shouldn't there be a PC, or peerage in the post nominals?

No - he's a right honorable because he was the Lord Provost of Nyman.

[J. J.]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

Ah, shouldn't there be a PC, or peerage in the post nominals?

No - he's a right honorable because he was the Lord Provost of Nyman.

Lord Provost Nyman wouldn't grant him the title, and it would be listed in his title.

OMG, Jackson is a fraud!

He must have been murdered in a scam!!!

[minionofmidas]

Lord Provost Nyman wouldn't grant him the title, and it would have been listed in his title

How would you know? Wikipedia's list of countries that also use the title is incomplete - as is evident from the fact that Atlasia and the position of Lord Provost of Nyman were not listed.
The lack of a mention of the title was a regrettable oversight on Mr Widdershins' part.

[J. J.]

Lord Provost Nyman wouldn't grant him the title, and it would have been listed in his title

How would you know? Wikipedia's list of countries that also use the title is incomplete - as is evident from the fact that Atlasia and the position of Lord Provost of Nyman were not listed.
The lack of a mention of the title was a regrettable oversight on Mr Widdershins' part.

The obituary obviously would have listed the title.  Jackson is a fraud, I fraud I say.  That's what got him murdered!

Dun, Dun, Daaa!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

The Rt. Hon. K.L. Jackson, CBE, POS, OBN, NAMBLA, BA Hons (3rd) is dead. As a Moderator of this forum, I declare that he shall have a State Funeral here. And here it is. Members who knew Mr Jackson may share their memories and so on.

My Mentor!!?? Dead!!?? I'll find the killer! I'll find the killer!

Interesting you even know anyting about Al's inside joke after registering only 19 days ago.

I don't know anyting about him except what I've read on this thread. Most of it was just guess work and acting.

[Хahar 🤔]

Kalwejt, cut it out. It's not funny.