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|-+  Presidential Elections - Analysis and Discussion
| |-+  Election What-ifs? (Moderators: Bacon King, Dallasfan65)
| | |-+  How the Grinch Stole the Election; A Christmas themed TL
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Poll
Question: Will the Grinch Steal the Election?
Yes   -7 (41.2%)
No   -2 (11.8%)
Maybe So   -1 (5.9%)
Go Grinch!   -4 (23.5%)
Go Away!   -3 (17.6%)
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Total Voters: 17

Author Topic: How the Grinch Stole the Election; A Christmas themed TL  (Read 4350 times)
#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« on: December 17, 2010, 03:15:29 pm »
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How the Grinch Stole The Election
A Christmas Themed TL by Cathcon

Part One


All the dems down in Demville liked Obama a lot
But Gingrich at the top of the mountain did not...

He hated the gaffes, the Liberalism, the Democratic cheer
That November, he planned to instill those Democrats with fear...

Some people wondered, oh they wondered, what made the Grinch so mad
Some Democrats said that he was inherently bad...

And yet some others said that as a baby he'd taken quite a fall,
While others suggested his approval ratings were two times too small...


Nevertheless, the Grinch didn't smile
SOme suggested it was because he'd been out of politics for a while

While he huffed and puffed, and threw his weight around,
All the Democrats were happy with Obama down in Demtown
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Vazdul (Formerly Chairman of the Communist Party of Ontario)
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« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2010, 03:37:44 pm »
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LMAO! This is awesome!
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« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2010, 03:56:48 pm »
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LMAO! This is awesome!
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Yelnoc
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« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2010, 04:12:15 pm »
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Thomas D
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« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2010, 05:41:30 pm »
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Grin
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2010, 10:10:41 pm »
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Part Two

As the angry Grinch thought and planned and schemed,
He came up with a plan, to launch back on the political scene!

A thought came to him "I'll run for President!" he cried
Even though some said his political career had died

He would unseat Obama, his evil mind thought,
He just hoped he wouldn't get caught


As teh scheming began, the Dems still loved their man
To unseat and defeat, Newt Gingrich, the Grinch needed a Master Plan

He contacted a higher power, one much greater than you or I,
those that had come down from the stars, flying to earth from the sky


With this new power, the Grinch knew he would win
and send Obama and Demtown into history's trash bin
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albaleman
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« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2010, 12:26:40 pm »
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2010, 10:20:57 pm »
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Part Three

Beating Palin and Mitt
Was no easy feat
Mitt threw a fit,
and Palin was hard to beat

Nevertheless, the tired Grinch pressed on
Determined to become a political icon

Winning the caucuses, the primaries, the states
was an easy task when talking about lowering tax rates

In the primaries, the Grinch ahd to beat his neighbors, his allies, his friends,
all to make sure the defeat of Obama and the Dems


However, ensuring the defeat of those tax and spend Dems,
would be easy to handle with the Grinch's alien friends

They beamed up Lieberman, Kucinich, and Howard Dean too,
and took them back Uranus to put them in the Uranus zoo

Looking back up, out into space,
The Grinch observed "Kucinich belongs with that alien race!


"On to New Hampshire!" was the Grinch's campaign cry
It was there that they hoped the Mittens campaign would die

And so it was, Mittens' crushing defeat
It turned out that he wasn't too hard to beat


With the Grinch's great vict'ries over Palin and Mitt,
The Dems down in Demville were having a fit
Their great man Obama, they said would win and win again,
But not if Grinch didn't talk to his alien friends
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J. J.
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« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2010, 11:45:25 pm »
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Funny!  Smiley
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J. J.

"Actually, .. now that you mention it...." 
- Londo Molari

"Every government are parliaments of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us." - P. J. O'Rourke

"Wa sala, wa lala."

(Zulu for, "You snooze, you lose.")
Dallasfan65
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« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2010, 12:35:51 am »

Good stuff!
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2010, 09:40:33 am »
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Thanks for all your comments! Right now, I've got writer's block for this, but I need to put up maybe three more updates (campaign trail, steal election, and ending) before Christmas Day.
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2010, 09:59:55 am »
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Part Four

After beating out Mittens, and Palin, and Huck
The Grinch won the nom and began slinging th muck

He swept down into Demtown on that election night,
Hoping he could escape the Guard-donkeys' fearsom bite

He took all the ballots, the boxes, the pins and the pens
He had to punish those poor little Dems


All the while, Obama was fighting for the nomination against a real threat,
Hillary Clinton, who wanted to be the first female President yet!

While Hildog fought on, Obama still won the Dem nomination
However, Billary's plans were for world domination!


While the Grinch was ruffling through the Dems' stash,
He decided to take everything, even the last can of Demhash

In a comfy little Democratic house, little Mark Warner awoke
Suddenly, he suprisedly saw the Grinch taking away the ballot boxes in his slay
"Why, Mr. Grinch, why, are you taking our things, on this night before election day?"
"Why, little Mark, you see, there are some pencil for the ballots that won't write!
So I'll take them away, and bring them back fixed up on election night!"

So the Grinch got Warner some water and sent him off to bed,
Then he rode away with the ballots, and everything else in his sled!
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Insula Dei
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« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2010, 10:32:57 am »
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Someone beat you to it by about 16 years.

Though I have to say that your effort here is awesome. Slightly creepy perhaps, but awesome.
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2010, 11:08:08 am »
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Someone beat you to it by about 16 years.

Though I have to say that your effort here is awesome. Slightly creepy perhaps, but awesome.

1) I honestly did not see that cartoon, though the parallels are creepy.
2) Thanks. Smiley
3) Are you referring to the Mark Warner comment by calling it creepy?
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« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2010, 11:19:31 am »
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This is so much win!  I need to find a picture to express my delight....ah here we are.


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#Ready4Nixon
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« Reply #15 on: December 22, 2010, 11:21:28 am »
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This is so much win!  I need to find a picture to express my delight....ah here we are.




Huh
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Yelnoc
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« Reply #16 on: December 22, 2010, 11:54:12 am »
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This is so much win!  I need to find a picture to express my delight....ah here we are.




Huh
Have you ever heard the phrase "You have won the internet"?
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #17 on: December 22, 2010, 12:27:45 pm »
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This is so much win!  I need to find a picture to express my delight....ah here we are.




Huh
Have you ever heard the phrase "You have won the internet"?

Nope.
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #18 on: December 23, 2010, 02:18:47 pm »
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Part Five

The Grinch went about, making sure he would win all the states
What he really needed was to score som epoints in the debates

So he went to the library to research the issues, the platforms, the what-nots
'What were the issues?' He suddenly forgot!

Meanwhile for Obama, continuing on his messianic rise,
He had forgotten to watch for the October Surprise!


With Clinton's newfound support from Newt's alien friends,
She surged in the polls, upsetting the establishment Dems

Never mind that Obama had won the Dem nomination
He forgot all about Hillary's plans for world domination!

Meanwhile down in Demtown there was a long loud cry,
They'd been betrayed by the aliens from the sky!
With that non-issue taking away from the Grinch his center stage,
The Grinch huffed and puffed with incontrollable rage!
The aliens were supposed to back him, not Hildog and friends!
It was all the fault of those horrible Dems!

Oh how the Grinch wallowd and moaned!
In his depression he furiously grumbled and groaned!
IIn this cold world he thought, he was so alone...


From that moment forth, the Grinch knew what he had to do and he knew it was right!
He woudl steal the election come election night!

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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #19 on: December 24, 2010, 10:02:51 am »
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Pat Six: The Finale

As night descended upon tiny Demville,
The Grinch in his sley rode down from the hills

As the polls were closing and states were being called,
The Grinch saw the results and was horridly appaled

He knew he had to work fast, lively, and quick,
Disguised on election night as a hapless Saint Nick

From Demhouse to Demhouse he crept on inside
Making sure those ballots would never excape alive

In one last effort, he took the everything, he took the whole feast
He took the TV, the Obama bumper stickers, he took the Roast Beast!


When all was stolen and done, he hopped on his slay,
Determined to take that night's election far far away

He rode on and up into the hills,
Leaving behind the lights of Demville

Continuing up to the highest mountain top
It was then and only there that he stopped


Picking up his sled, full of hats and ballots, and bumper stickers too
He hoisted it on his shoulders with the strength of ten Newts plus two!
Ready to throw everything into the valley below
Something he heard made him slow

It was a whimper really, barely audible to the ear,
But the Grinch, oh he could hear
It was a massive cry welling up in Demtown,
When they knew the election was stolen, and Obama brought down

Hearing these horrible, awful cries,
Allowed Newt Gingrich's conscious to rise

Pulling up the slay and rescuing the election
He headed off in Demtown's General direction

"Maybe", he thought, "elections don't come from a store
Maybe, perhaps, there's a little bit more"

And with the election returned, all the Dems shouted "Hooray",
And it was said Newt's approval ratings grew three times that day

78%

However, all of this didn't satasify the Grinch's alien friends
They wanted havoc wreaked on the Dems!
And so they punished the Dems in the only way they knew how to
They sent back Lieberman, Kucinich, and Howard Dean too!
Flying out, back into space,
It was just too bad Kucinich couldn't join that alien race


With all said and done, and his Approval Ratings continuing their rise
The Grinch was content, and unprepared for the very last surprise


The End
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #20 on: December 24, 2010, 04:17:58 pm »
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Well, it's over. Hope it made you laugh, cry, think, etc. Given that this "timeline" was all about Christmas...
Merry Christmas!
(yeah, I know I posted it in "A Second Chance", but I just had to do it on this one)
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Napoleon
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« Reply #21 on: December 24, 2010, 04:25:04 pm »
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Aahhahaha! Awesome!
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When I was in the third grade, I thought that I was Jewish
Because I could count, my nose was big, and I kept my bank account fullish
I told my mom, tears blurring my vision
He said, "Mort, you've loved God since before circumcision"
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« Reply #22 on: December 24, 2010, 04:28:49 pm »
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Funny. Congrats Smiley.
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #23 on: December 04, 2011, 10:00:09 am »
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Bump for the holiday season!
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#Ready4Nixon
Cathcon
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« Reply #24 on: December 22, 2011, 08:04:21 pm »
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Someone apparently stole the idea that I stole from somewhere else.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/447c05a4ec/how-the-gingrich-stole-christmas-narrated-by-paul-f-tompkins?playlist=featured_videos&fb_source=message
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