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Author Topic: Weekly Atlasia News (BAAAACK!)  (Read 814 times)
Senator Kalwejt
Kalwejt
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« on: January 07, 2011, 06:43:10 pm »
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With my press empire growing, I feel it is a time for some serious, realiable news source.

After all, who cares about some interviews with random dudes or news?

Hereby, I present to you...
« Last Edit: April 25, 2013, 01:48:03 pm by Senator-elect Kalwejt (Liberal-VT) »Logged
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2011, 01:06:30 am »
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Old Man Goes Mad; Thinks He's a Senator

An old, unemployed since 2003, man from Georgia (Southeast Region) was taken into an asylum after he repeatedly claimed to be a "Barnes".


Barnes, a former Senator at-large, is still missing since his mysterious disappearance in November.
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Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2011, 07:21:14 am »
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Missing Bicyclist Is Alive

The Missing Bicyclist from Pacific has been spotted alive and well in Portland, Oregon.


Now, it's evident to all of us that Mr. Mechaman's campaign for a Pacific Senate seat, held by a powerful incumbent SatanJesusL. Ron Hubbardbgwah (JCP-PA), was founded on a lies.
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Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2011, 07:24:28 am »
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Lime Green Killer Arrested

Mr. Ernest, former [insert random Atlasian office here], has been arrested and detained while trying to escape to the Southeast.

Ernest, also known as a "Lime Green Killer" (pictured below), attempted to leave Midwest, but upon orders from RG Hans, Atlasia Marshals stopped him at the airport.

The coming fate of Mr. Ernest is unclear.
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Californian Tony
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« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2011, 08:24:52 am »
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Great ! Cheesy

Quote from: FREE EINZIGE! on January 07, 2011, 06:43:10 pm
With my press empire growing, I feel it is a time for some serious, realiable news source.

Though serious and reliable is not exactly the words I would use... Tongue
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Truer today than it was yesterday.


"A good portion of this country has created an alternate universe. I call this place were these folks live Bullsh*t Mountain. The denizens of Bullsh*t Mountain believe many things: they believe that a Kenyan Muslim President has fundamentally changed the relationship between government and the people of this country."

Jon Stewart
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2011, 08:43:47 am »
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Quote from: Senator Antonio V on January 08, 2011, 08:24:52 am
Great ! Cheesy

Quote from: FREE EINZIGE! on January 07, 2011, 06:43:10 pm
With my press empire growing, I feel it is a time for some serious, realiable news source.

Though serious and reliable is not exactly the words I would use... Tongue

You didn't get WWN reference Tongue
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Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2011, 08:44:40 am »
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Shocking Discovery
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Californian Tony
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« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2011, 08:46:56 am »
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Who is this guy, Tim Pawlenty ? I don't know any Atlasian officeholder with this name. Tongue
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Truer today than it was yesterday.


"A good portion of this country has created an alternate universe. I call this place were these folks live Bullsh*t Mountain. The denizens of Bullsh*t Mountain believe many things: they believe that a Kenyan Muslim President has fundamentally changed the relationship between government and the people of this country."

Jon Stewart
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2011, 10:04:52 am »
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Vice President Goes Mad; Stopped by a Capitol Police

Vice President Kalwejt (UDL-Awe) goes mad yesterday and attempted to close PPT declaration thread 24 hours before a deadline. Two Capitol Police officers successfully stopped the nut and took him to the custody, so he could finally have his medication.
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Dallasfan65
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« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2011, 11:59:06 am »
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Can I get a subscription?
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Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2011, 08:35:33 am »
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Scandal: The Vice President Received A Gifts From An Evil Regime


For even worse, he's just about to hang a large Saudi propaganda poster in his room.
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Californian Tony
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« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2011, 08:48:04 am »
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TERRORIST !!! DIE !!! Angry Angry Angry
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Truer today than it was yesterday.


"A good portion of this country has created an alternate universe. I call this place were these folks live Bullsh*t Mountain. The denizens of Bullsh*t Mountain believe many things: they believe that a Kenyan Muslim President has fundamentally changed the relationship between government and the people of this country."

Jon Stewart
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2011, 09:07:07 am »
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Senator Made A Hateful Remark

Quote from: Senator Antonio V on January 11, 2011, 08:48:04 am
TERRORIST !!! DIE !!! Angry Angry Angry
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Californian Tony
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« Reply #13 on: January 11, 2011, 09:46:34 am »
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Quote from: Buddy Roemer Is A Sexgod on January 11, 2011, 09:07:07 am
Senator Made A Hateful Remark

Quote from: Senator Antonio V on January 11, 2011, 08:48:04 am
TERRORIST !!! DIE !!! Angry Angry Angry

Of course some insane guy might want to shoot you after reading that, but I hope your friends won't try to exploit that for petty political reasons. You know, words don't kill people. Grin
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Truer today than it was yesterday.


"A good portion of this country has created an alternate universe. I call this place were these folks live Bullsh*t Mountain. The denizens of Bullsh*t Mountain believe many things: they believe that a Kenyan Muslim President has fundamentally changed the relationship between government and the people of this country."

Jon Stewart
Grumps
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« Reply #14 on: January 11, 2011, 10:45:22 am »
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Quote from: Buddy Roemer Is A Sexgod on January 11, 2011, 08:35:33 am
Scandal: The Vice President Received A Gifts From An Evil Regime


For even worse, he's just about to hang a large Saudi propaganda poster in his room.

You look like a child of Saddam Hussein.
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Quote from: All life is a blur of Republicans and meat. on May 17, 2013, 01:33:31 pm
I believe in you, BushKenya.

Quote from: BushKenya on May 17, 2013, 02:25:44 pm
I've already tried faking it.  It doesn't work.  The app is too smart for that.  I can't drive 3 mph, plus I would clog traffic.
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2011, 10:54:15 am »
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Quote from: Bunning for VP on January 11, 2011, 10:45:22 am
Quote from: Buddy Roemer Is A Sexgod on January 11, 2011, 08:35:33 am
Scandal: The Vice President Received A Gifts From An Evil Regime


For even worse, he's just about to hang a large Saudi propaganda poster in his room.

You look like a child of Saddam Hussein.

Wrong, I'm looking like Kentucky's Lt. Governor.
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Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2011, 07:48:23 pm »
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Yates Funeral Attended By The Masses

Former Vice President Yates has been given a state funeral with full military honors in Springfield, Illinois, Mideast Region, and his final goodbye was attended by a mourning masses.


He was such a good man, Mrs. Taylor, a housewive who travelled all the way from Alabama, told our reported. He wanted things changed.

Yates was a great man. I don't mind if he faked his brain tumor. Now I'll never see his TL completed, former Senator AndrewCT, who travelled from his Connecticut home, wept openly.

RPP, Mideast and Atlasia lost a true stateman and a genius of his times, second only to Mr. Sexy Hair, Governor Tmthforu said.

Mr. Yates has been shot to death by Sheriff Gustaf Arpaio, when he tried to return to Mideast. Mr. Gustaf first raided his presidential HQ, when Yates announced his intentions to save Atlasia and to save himself, and warned him, if he won't stay away, he'll handle this case. A brave Yates with a heart of lion did not listen.

I don't care, Sheriff Gustaf Arpaio told our reporter. This troll was not welcomed in my land, f**king clear? I warned him, but he continued to troll. Now, get the hell out of here, or I'll smash you with my mighty Swedish fist.


Sheriff Gustaf Arpaio does not care about people mourning for their hero
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 07:49:55 pm by Buddy Roemer Is A Sexgod »Logged
Hashemite
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« Reply #17 on: January 11, 2011, 07:51:00 pm »
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no reactions from Senator Fernando Collor (PTB-AL)?
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Quote
20:12   oakvale   Taylor Swift's 22 was originally titled 75 in reference to her ex Flanby's proposed tax rate

Quote
20:49   Snowstalker   yes, but i'm the kind of fascist who would have backed the allies
20:57   Snowstalker   sadly, it's a legitimate ideology tarnished by the incompetent mussolini and the vile hitler
Californian Tony
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« Reply #18 on: January 12, 2011, 05:57:37 am »
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ROFL Grin
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Truer today than it was yesterday.


"A good portion of this country has created an alternate universe. I call this place were these folks live Bullsh*t Mountain. The denizens of Bullsh*t Mountain believe many things: they believe that a Kenyan Muslim President has fundamentally changed the relationship between government and the people of this country."

Jon Stewart
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #19 on: January 12, 2011, 02:01:59 pm »
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Teddy's Time Is Running Out

Sheriff Gustaf Apario, infamous for his coldblooded murder of an Atlasian stateman Yates, give Teddy (nicknamed "SoFE") a blunt ultimatum.

Be gone by noon, or I'll shot you just like I shoot that little bitch Yates, Mr. Gustaf said. And then, I'll parade with your head across the town.

Teddy, in a very moving gesture, asked the people of Atlasia when should he be gone.


Teddy: Sheriff Gustaf next victim?


Sheriff Gustaf delivering his warming (on the right, his sidekick Popsy, nicknamed MasterJedi)
« Last Edit: January 12, 2011, 02:07:15 pm by Buddy Roemer Is A Sexgod »Logged
RIP Robert H Bork
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« Reply #20 on: January 12, 2011, 02:16:52 pm »
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Sad...Rest in Peace, Yates
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Quote from: independentTX on February 15, 2013, 01:44:08 am
Clearly the solution is to privatize presidential elections.

So, in less than four years, get excited for the 2016 MetLife Financial U Pick The Prez Extravaganza. If you tweet a picture of your completed ballot with the hashtag #ivoted, you could win a trip for two to the inauguration or an iTunes gift card.
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #21 on: January 28, 2011, 04:21:39 pm »
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Bump.

New news are coming soon.
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Big Wiggly Style
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« Reply #22 on: January 28, 2011, 04:35:38 pm »
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Quote from: Keystone Pale on January 08, 2011, 08:44:40 am
Shocking Discovery


WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
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Pick-it sign:



Quote from: Marnetmar on May 13, 2013, 02:14:01 pm
Better blowjobs than no jobs.

Quote from: t_host1 on May 15, 2013, 12:42:14 pm
Obama is the yeast in the brew that is currently fermenting the toxic, gases pond scum that has taken over the governance of His’ Federal rule.
Senator Kalwejt
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« Reply #23 on: January 28, 2011, 05:08:52 pm »
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Mysterious Killer Strikes Again

Authorities in Phoenix, Arizona, Pacific Region, discovered yet another heavily massacred body. The victim and all previous (3) ones had the same signs and yet one more thing in common: they were registered murderers of UDL.

Mr. Marokai Blue, Arizona resident, is one of the few not scared of mysterious killer murder spree. I know this dude, he's name is Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. He is just a random douche. Just ignore him and all will be fine, he told our reporter.
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