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Author Topic: Weekly Atlasia News (BAAAACK!)  (Read 867 times)
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Kalwejt
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« on: January 07, 2011, 06:43:10 pm »
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With my press empire growing, I feel it is a time for some serious, realiable news source.

After all, who cares about some interviews with random dudes or news?

Hereby, I present to you...

« Last Edit: April 25, 2013, 01:48:03 pm by Senator-elect Kalwejt (Liberal-VT) »Logged
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2011, 01:06:30 am »
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Old Man Goes Mad; Thinks He's a Senator

An old, unemployed since 2003, man from Georgia (Southeast Region) was taken into an asylum after he repeatedly claimed to be a "Barnes".


Barnes, a former Senator at-large, is still missing since his mysterious disappearance in November.
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2011, 07:21:14 am »
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Missing Bicyclist Is Alive

The Missing Bicyclist from Pacific has been spotted alive and well in Portland, Oregon.


Now, it's evident to all of us that Mr. Mechaman's campaign for a Pacific Senate seat, held by a powerful incumbent SatanJesusL. Ron Hubbardbgwah (JCP-PA), was founded on a lies.
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2011, 07:24:28 am »
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Lime Green Killer Arrested

Mr. Ernest, former [insert random Atlasian office here], has been arrested and detained while trying to escape to the Southeast.

Ernest, also known as a "Lime Green Killer" (pictured below), attempted to leave Midwest, but upon orders from RG Hans, Atlasia Marshals stopped him at the airport.

The coming fate of Mr. Ernest is unclear.

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Scottish Robb Stark
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« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2011, 08:24:52 am »
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Great ! Cheesy

With my press empire growing, I feel it is a time for some serious, realiable news source.

Though serious and reliable is not exactly the words I would use... Tongue
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Robb of the House Stark, First of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North



Quote from: IRC
22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

Peppino, from the movie Baaria
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2011, 08:43:47 am »
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Great ! Cheesy

With my press empire growing, I feel it is a time for some serious, realiable news source.

Though serious and reliable is not exactly the words I would use... Tongue

You didn't get WWN reference Tongue
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2011, 08:44:40 am »
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Shocking Discovery

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Scottish Robb Stark
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« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2011, 08:46:56 am »
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Who is this guy, Tim Pawlenty ? I don't know any Atlasian officeholder with this name. Tongue
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Robb of the House Stark, First of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North



Quote from: IRC
22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

Peppino, from the movie Baaria
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2011, 10:04:52 am »
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Vice President Goes Mad; Stopped by a Capitol Police

Vice President Kalwejt (UDL-Awe) goes mad yesterday and attempted to close PPT declaration thread 24 hours before a deadline. Two Capitol Police officers successfully stopped the nut and took him to the custody, so he could finally have his medication.
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Dallasfan65
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« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2011, 11:59:06 am »
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Can I get a subscription?
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2011, 08:35:33 am »
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Scandal: The Vice President Received A Gifts From An Evil Regime


For even worse, he's just about to hang a large Saudi propaganda poster in his room.
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Scottish Robb Stark
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« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2011, 08:48:04 am »
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TERRORIST !!! DIE !!! Angry Angry Angry
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Robb of the House Stark, First of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North



Quote from: IRC
22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

Peppino, from the movie Baaria
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2011, 09:07:07 am »
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Senator Made A Hateful Remark

TERRORIST !!! DIE !!! Angry Angry Angry
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Scottish Robb Stark
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« Reply #13 on: January 11, 2011, 09:46:34 am »
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Senator Made A Hateful Remark

TERRORIST !!! DIE !!! Angry Angry Angry

Of course some insane guy might want to shoot you after reading that, but I hope your friends won't try to exploit that for petty political reasons. You know, words don't kill people. Grin
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Robb of the House Stark, First of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North



Quote from: IRC
22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

Peppino, from the movie Baaria
...
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« Reply #14 on: January 11, 2011, 10:45:22 am »
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Scandal: The Vice President Received A Gifts From An Evil Regime


For even worse, he's just about to hang a large Saudi propaganda poster in his room.

You look like a child of Saddam Hussein.
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2011, 10:54:15 am »
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Scandal: The Vice President Received A Gifts From An Evil Regime


For even worse, he's just about to hang a large Saudi propaganda poster in his room.

You look like a child of Saddam Hussein.

Wrong, I'm looking like Kentucky's Lt. Governor.
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2011, 07:48:23 pm »
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Yates Funeral Attended By The Masses

Former Vice President Yates has been given a state funeral with full military honors in Springfield, Illinois, Mideast Region, and his final goodbye was attended by a mourning masses.


He was such a good man, Mrs. Taylor, a housewive who travelled all the way from Alabama, told our reported. He wanted things changed.

Yates was a great man. I don't mind if he faked his brain tumor. Now I'll never see his TL completed, former Senator AndrewCT, who travelled from his Connecticut home, wept openly.

RPP, Mideast and Atlasia lost a true stateman and a genius of his times, second only to Mr. Sexy Hair, Governor Tmthforu said.

Mr. Yates has been shot to death by Sheriff Gustaf Arpaio, when he tried to return to Mideast. Mr. Gustaf first raided his presidential HQ, when Yates announced his intentions to save Atlasia and to save himself, and warned him, if he won't stay away, he'll handle this case. A brave Yates with a heart of lion did not listen.

I don't care, Sheriff Gustaf Arpaio told our reporter. This troll was not welcomed in my land, f**king clear? I warned him, but he continued to troll. Now, get the hell out of here, or I'll smash you with my mighty Swedish fist.


Sheriff Gustaf Arpaio does not care about people mourning for their hero
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 07:49:55 pm by Buddy Roemer Is A Sexgod »Logged
PASOK Leader Hashemite
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« Reply #17 on: January 11, 2011, 07:51:00 pm »
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no reactions from Senator Fernando Collor (PTB-AL)?
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Scottish Robb Stark
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« Reply #18 on: January 12, 2011, 05:57:37 am »
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ROFL Grin
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Robb of the House Stark, First of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North



Quote from: IRC
22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

Peppino, from the movie Baaria
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #19 on: January 12, 2011, 02:01:59 pm »
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Teddy's Time Is Running Out

Sheriff Gustaf Apario, infamous for his coldblooded murder of an Atlasian stateman Yates, give Teddy (nicknamed "SoFE") a blunt ultimatum.

Be gone by noon, or I'll shot you just like I shoot that little bitch Yates, Mr. Gustaf said. And then, I'll parade with your head across the town.

Teddy, in a very moving gesture, asked the people of Atlasia when should he be gone.


Teddy: Sheriff Gustaf next victim?


Sheriff Gustaf delivering his warming (on the right, his sidekick Popsy, nicknamed MasterJedi)
« Last Edit: January 12, 2011, 02:07:15 pm by Buddy Roemer Is A Sexgod »Logged
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« Reply #20 on: January 12, 2011, 02:16:52 pm »
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Sad...Rest in Peace, Yates
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Clearly the solution is to privatize presidential elections.

So, in less than four years, get excited for the 2016 MetLife Financial U Pick The Prez Extravaganza. If you tweet a picture of your completed ballot with the hashtag #ivoted, you could win a trip for two to the inauguration or an iTunes gift card.
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #21 on: January 28, 2011, 04:21:39 pm »
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Bump.

New news are coming soon.
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R2D2
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« Reply #22 on: January 28, 2011, 04:35:38 pm »
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Shocking Discovery


WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #23 on: January 28, 2011, 05:08:52 pm »
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Mysterious Killer Strikes Again

Authorities in Phoenix, Arizona, Pacific Region, discovered yet another heavily massacred body. The victim and all previous (3) ones had the same signs and yet one more thing in common: they were registered murderers of UDL.

Mr. Marokai Blue, Arizona resident, is one of the few not scared of mysterious killer murder spree. I know this dude, he's name is Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. He is just a random douche. Just ignore him and all will be fine, he told our reporter.

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