What the Future Does Not Holds

[Saxwsylvania]

Edit: What started as a parody of DWDL's laughably optimistic 2006 scenario continues, skewed heavily in favor towards the Democrats.  When I first posted it, nobody seemed to find it the least bit funny, and DWDL thought I was serious.  So I've resurrected it in hopes that someone will get a laugh out of some of the mildly amusing events I've put forth.  Embarrasingly, the election results nearly mirrored mine:

Everyone seems to be creating scenarios for what will not happen from now until the next election and beyond, just thought I'd take a stab at it.  This is not likely; just hypothetical and dream towards an America.3

August 20, 2006: The cease-fire between Lebanon and Israel does not hold; Hezbollah fires rockets into the holy land, completely decimating Israel's forces.  The US is pressured to get involved.

August 22: Frank Murkowski ekes out a surprise victory in the Alaskan Republican primary.

August 23: The Department of Defense shockingly reveals in a report that the resources of the US army are depleted, any action in Israel would force a retreat from Iraq.

August 27: Just as the situation in Israel gets stickier, Iraq descends into civil war, with over 72839 casulaties every day.  Polls find that support for the war is dropping dramatically, with 86% favoring an immediate withdrawal of troops from Iraq.

President Bush's approval drops to a record low of 26%.

September 1: Associate Justice Clarence Thomas chokes to death while sipping on a cola.  An autopsy reveals that the source of the tragic accident was due to a pubic hair in his Coke.

September 4: After weeks of speculation, Cuban officials announce that Fidel Castro is near death, but plan to preserve his brain and resurrect him as a cyborg.  The United States and all who love freedom and detest tyranny all join in a deep, grievous sigh.

September 12: A big primary day has arrived, the results are as follows:
MD: Ben Cardin defeats Kweisi Mfume, 44-40.
RI: Laffey defeats Chafee, 51-49.

While President Bush is still in the process of selecting a new Supreme Court nominee, his advisors inform him that polls show that Republicans are doing terribly across the country, and it looks like the Democrats will win back both houses of Congress.  He is advised to choose a nominee as soon as possible to allow him to get confirmed in the present Congress.

September 18: Rick Santorum is outted by an internet site and is exposed as a closeted homosexual with an affinity for dogs.  Oddly, his poll numbers begin to improve, but Casey still retains a 5-point lead.

September 23: Some old Hawaiian Democrat defeats a younger Hawaiian Democrat in the Democratic primary.

On the Supreme Court front, there are inside rumors about a possible Alberto Gonzales pick.  Republicans are fuming due to Gonzales' pro-choice stance on abortion.  Conservative bloggers state their opposition to a Gonzales pick.

September 24: President Bush nominates Alberto Gonzales to the Supreme Court.

Pro-life Republicans are disgusted.  President Bush's approval rating drops to 24%.  Harry Reid announces that he has "several reservations" about Gonzales, but will wait until after the hearings to decide whether or not the Democrats will filibuster.

October 1: In a debate with Jim Webb, Senator George Allen finds himself in hot water after he casually refers to the African American debate moderator as 'macaca'.  Polls show Webb beginning to lead.

October 8: After weeks of Joe-mentum leading in the polls, Ned Lamont begins to take a considerable lead, breaking 50%.  The results are:
Lamont 53; Lieberman 48; Schlesinger -1

Lamont's lead is attributed to the unpopularity of the war in Iraq, plus several commercials with Lamont glaring at people.

October 11: Hearings on Gonzales are to begin November 27th, but the nomination is confronted with opposition from both Republicans and Democrats.  Republicans believe he is too liberal, Democrats are concerned about the Guantanamo Bay torture..thing.  However, some Democrats announce that they will consider voting for Gonzales just to spite pro-lifers.

November 1: Going into election day, here are the poll results for battleground states, it doesn't look good for Republicans:

AZ: Pederson 51; Kyl 47
PA: Casey 52; Santorum 47
OH: Brown 54; DeWine 42
NJ: corrupt dem 53; Kean 46
MT: Tester 57; Burns 49
RI: Whitehouse 63; Laffey 31
MO: McCaskill 50; Talent 42
MI: Stabenow 61; Bouchard 39
MN: Klobuchar 55; Kennedy 39
MD: Cardin 57; Steele 39
TN: Ford 52; Corker 47
VA: Webb 57; Allen 44
VT: Sanders a lot; some rep hardly anything

The Dems are going to take back the Senate, it looks like.

Maps coming soon... if i feel like it.

EDIT: I forgot Arizona.  BUT NOT THIS TIME.

[DownWithTheLeft]

Suprisingly I like it, what's interesting about predicting every event how their likely to unfold?  While mine and yours are very different, they both present a unique twist on how things could unfold.  Some of the things in yours though seem impossible not unlikely.

[jokerman]

Some of those numbers are not only unrealistic, but don't even make sense mathmatically.  (beyond the fact that the "polls" posted leave no undecideds, some of them add up to over 100%.)

[DownWithTheLeft]

And how does Murkowski make up a 20 point deficit behind two people in a WEEK!  At least my far out predictions have some earth shattering events that make states like VT go GOP.

[ATFFL]

I doubt this is meant to be taken 100% seriously and we should relax and enjoy the fun.

[Soaring Eagle]

This is hilarious. I'm looking forward to the next enstallment.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

It's Christmas time 2006, and a bad time to be a Republican.  It just can't get any worse.  Conservatives brace themselves for the 110th Congress, and the inevitable Vice President Carter . . .

It can get worse!  If Bush should happen to leave the Presidency some time after January 20, 2007.  Carter will be able to run for re-election in 2008.  OTOH, if that keeps Hillary out of the White House, there might be some Republicans who consider that a small price to pay.

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

[Bacon King]

I know this is an ancient thread, but I stumbled across this and got a great laugh from it.

I HOPE HAGEL MAKES IT!!1

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

I love this thing! Mike Huckabee will obviously win, making the fat thin again!

[Bacon King]

Yeah, Blubb is still around, but he doesn't do much besides troll (though to be honest much of it is pretty hilarious).