If only Atlas existed...

[Mechaman]

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Are you bloody serious?  James Garfield?  I mean granted we are on a message board when the internet supposedly doesn't exist and therefore there is no Wikipedia but still somehow we all know who this James Garfield chap is.  Anyway, where the hell do you get this insane notion that a nobody like Garfield can somehow make it to the National Convention Ballot?  Especially when the likes of Sherman, Grant, and Blaine are all likely to be the top contenders?  Men with infinitely more name recognition than this randomass Ohio Representative?  I mean if anything he is probably just going to be a yes man for Sherman anyhow?
I mean why the hell would the Convention nominate a nobody like Garfield against someone with name recognition like Hancock, Hendricks, Bayard, or even Tilden.  Considering that Tilden kicked the GOP's asses in the popular vote and only lost by one electoral vote imagine what kind of damage he would do if a nobody like Garfield is nominated?
Astronomical says I.[/quote]
Who the hell is James Garfield again?  He isn't that creepy pedophiliac looking dude with the beard is he?[/quote] You do realize that you just described like 3/4ths of the possible candidates for President, right?[/quote]

[Mechaman]

1918:

Mechaman: [preceding post has been deleted and poster is under arrest for using extremely barbaric language and manners as well as questioning the Constitutionality of President Wilson's actions]
Inks: God, this job is so boring........

[Mechaman]

1585:

Lief: You, my good sir, are simply wrong on the manner and decorum one should recognize while walking to the store in frilly shirts!
Mechaman: Well I bite my thumb at thee, good sir!
Mikado: Mecha, informed gentlemen of the political fora like yourself with 49 stones to your record would be most wise to keep your offensive thoughts silent.

[Mechaman]

1856:

Thread about "Will the American Party become the party of White Anglo Saxon Protestants?"
CJK: My main point is that Anglo Saxon Americans might start to heavily favor the American Party in response to Catholic minorities subverting government through the Democratic Party to kill freedom.   And neither will the Anglo Saxon favor the radical Republican agenda of freeing the slaves whom will surely exist as pure leeches on the public dole.
Mechaman: And my main point is that YOU ARE A DAMN RETARD ANGLO SUPREMACIST NATIVIST BASTARD!  Catholic minorities are taking over the government?  Since the hell when?  Last time I checked the a vast majority of Congress is represented by Anglo Saxon Protestants, especially up here in the North.  Seriously, how many "Anglo Saxons need not apply" signs have you see?  Even the supposedly "paddy supremacist" Democratic Party is represented by a massive majority of boring WASP party leaders you pathetic blue blooded practitioner of incest!

I WISH THE CURSE OF CROMWELL UPON YOU YOU DAMN NATIVIST BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!

[Mechaman]

1996:

What will you be doing on Election Day?:
Majority of forum: Oh wait a minute, that's NEXT WEEK?  Sorry, I was too busy playing Super Mario 64 and watching Independence Day with Will Smith to notice.

[Mechaman]

7 B.C. in Bethlehem:

BushOK and Cathcon: ...W-where's Jesus?

Me: L-O-FREAKING-L

Mechaman: Who the hell is Jesus?

[Mechaman]

2021 AD:

BRTD: This is such a glorious day.  Gay marriage has finally been legalized via court mandate and that means I can finally be with my beloved opebo........FOREVER.
opebo: Oh god no.  To think I would approve of such a harmful and backwards institution as marriage, especially with you!
BRTD: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NANANANOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[Mechaman]

1776:

Teddy: Good fellow!?  Would you like to join me with a voluntary militia to fight off the King's tyrannic forces?
Mechaman: That sounds like a bloody good idea mate!  Let's do it for the hell of it!
Teddy: Heh, really?  I didn't expect that.
Mechaman: I am always down for sticking it to authority, especially if it's some monarchistic English Protestant arsehole thousands of miles away.

Two Years Later:
After capture
Teddy: I would humbly ask that you Redcoats who have captured this militia unit please spare them and my second in command, for they were only following orders.  It was my clumsy judgement, my unfitness of mind that led them to this.  Please spare my dear friend and our troops, for they were led astray by my lazy command.
Mechaman: Damn it all to hell Theodore!  We joined together we will die together!  The cause of freedom, no matter how fought in vain it should be, is a sacrifice for all!  We led these men in defeat, together, for a cause worthy of dying for!  I shall stand with you in the blame.....and the punishment.
Teddy: Meh, how about we meet at the tavern after this and get some rum?
Mechaman: Oh you mean after we are executed?  What a great idea!

[Mechaman]

Please guys, take this bitchfest somewhere else alright?

If you are going to bash the hell out of each other try being more witty and less "haha look at the wanking noob WoW player hurr durr!"

[/says the guy who made the post about BRTD having teh gays for opebo..........]

[Mechaman]

1925:

Mechaman: Alright, I've started a new timeline based on Charles O'Conor winning the Democratic Nomination in 1872.
Vazdul: I can tell this is going to be great.

1926:

Einzige: Mecha, this work is truly genius.  I hope you continue on with this timeline so we could possibly see how far Bourbon Democracy will go under President O'Conor.
Mechaman: Alright, I should have an update up for next month's newsletter.  It should be really entertaining I believe.

1927:

Kalwejt: Where's the update you lazy bastard?
Mechaman: Sorry I'm really busy and stuff and I can't concentrate on updating my timelines.

1928:

Cathcon: I'm just wondering if Mechaman ever updates his timelines.
Vazdul: Oh he's a great writer, but he's also one of the most lazy gentlemen in this newsletter association when it comes to regular TL updates.

1930:

Antonio: Excuse me Mecha but it's been like four years since you last sent an update for your O'Conor timeline.
Mechaman: Well alright.  I'll try to get one update a month if everything goes right.

1954:

Mechaman: Finally an update is up.  I hope you guys enjoy it.
Cathcon: I waited 28 years for this, I only hope you can finish this timeline soon before you die from liver cancer.
Mechaman: It's all in a day's work Cathy.

1968:

Mechaman: "And then President David Walsh formally signed a treaty of good feelings with Chamberlain, a historic occasion for both American and the United Kingdom."  Holy hell, I actually finished a timeline!  I never did that before!
Cathcon: About time.  I must say I thoroughly enjoyed this work but Kalwejt has been oddly silent.
Antonio: My god, you guys don't know?
Vazdul: What good fellow?
Antonio: Kalwejt passed away five months ago.  Liver cancer.
What-if writers: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Mechaman]

Sometime in 1856:

Topic: Thoughts/Opinions on the Republican Party:

BRTD:  FF!  I hope they free all the slaves and arm them so they can kill the evil whitey masters!  Huu!  Yeah!
Wormyguy: HPs.  I wonder if the preceding poster approves of statism and murder, because that is what the Republican Party stands for.  This is nothing more than the usual pro-elitist filth that has been trying to destroy our small government system since the beginning of the nation.
ChairmanSanchez: I like them for opposing slavery but I don't agree with them being against State's Rights.
Oakvale: I'm sorry?  What?  Are you trying to be an ironic mixture of abolitionist and federalist moderate hero?
Mechaman: Who the hell are the Republicans?  All I see on my ballot is "James Douchebag Buchanan" and "Mallard Moderate Hero Fillmore".
JoeRepublic: (looks at Red TX avatar) Oh.......right.  Well, you know that slavery thing.......

[Mechaman]

The fact that the Democratic Party supported slavery at the time (and remember there were some abolitionist Democrats and Republicans who were on the fence about the 13th amendment) is true. However, it does not influence my vote today (well, once I can vote in 2014/16). The parties are just names, and have each represented differing policies in the past.

It is also true that Southern Democrats supported segregation in the post-Civil War era. In the present day, however, you can't deny that, of relevant politicians, it is universally Tea Partiers like Mike Lee and Ron Paul who have implied opposition to the CRA. If you remove the 11 former Confederate states (and remember that all 10 House Republicans from those states voted against the CRA), a higher percentage of Democrats voted for the bill than Republicans.

Also remember that Republicans were arguably just as racist as Democrats in the post-ACW time period, just not against the same targets. It was a Republican-led effort promoting nativism and sentiments against Irish, Italian, and Eastern European immigrants. In the mid to late 1800's, Irish Catholics in America voted Democratic at the same levels as blacks do today, if not higher, because of the perception that the GOP was the party of nativist Protestants.

Yeah, but most of those immigrants were white, so it wasn't technically racism.

I'm sorry what is this, I don't even. . . . . . .

Do you seriously hear yourself sometimes?

[Mechaman]

1904 US Presidential Election plus a version of recent events

Lief: Can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm going to have to vote for Roosevelt guys.  Granted, Parker is a little more liberal, but he and Roosevelt are basically the same and Roosevelt has at least a proven record of regulation and trust busting.
TNF: Unbelievable!  The man is a warmongering pro-WASP elitist who has been on record in his staunch belief that the superior races should rule the weaker.  Any man who is true in his liberalism will vote for Debs, the true choice for the working classes!  WE had things going kind of well until about mid last decade when the corporatocracy exploded the so-called "radicalism" of strikers who had the audacity to oppose that tyrant George Pullman and his ilk from returning us all to a level of serfdom that would be considered liberal only in the 10th century!  What the hell is wrong with you!
Antonio: I realize that Roosevelt is probably the best we could probably expect from the Republican Party, but there is no way I can support him.  He is still a Republican who is an open advocate of imperialism and who embraces the race politics that is all too common and popular among his party members.  I'm a registered Democrat and a proud liberal who supported both Cleveland and Bryan's call for honest and clean government and an opposition to the crony elitism of the Republican Party and their base.  I am not going back on that record just because the nominee this year isn't a purist.  Parker, at the very least, doesn't want to force a culture of White Anglo Protestant Supremacy on the immigrants and other nations of the so-called "uncivilized".
Dallasfan: Well, the GOP hates immigrants.  But at the same time I'm not going to vote for a Democratic Party that has hypocritical enough to support the second class citizenship of African Americans.  We have civil liberties and civil rights enshrined in our constitution!  Why are we even having a debate on whether we should or shouldn't be able to hang people! We need a party that supports the rights of all while not advocating extreme government socialism!  Ugh, I guess I have to vote for Debs, the Socialists at least have some advocates of non-government action.
Cathcon: Shut up you extreme liberal.  There is a reason why your ilk doesn't have a choice.  Because no one who is a patriot of American ideals would espouse such radical libertine ideals that only the most immoral thrill in.  GO back to your opium den and smoke on that, you zen sodomizer.  Besides have you been around lately?  Since McKinley and crew have come in the GOP has taken a new attitude towards the noble immigrant masses.  Roosevelt realizes the same thing, and is a proud American who has advanced the cause of American prosperity and liberty the world over.  We are freeing the world from tyranny and all you damned miscreants can talk about are some insane notion about equality between the races or some stupid moronic junk like that.  Let's talk about policies that make America strong and gives it a place in the world!  Ideas like a strong import tariff and an assertive navy, something you opium smoking alcoholics wouldn't understand!  Get off your lazy asses and get a job at a factory and work your way up instead of crying for the government to give you money while advocating anarchy!
Vosem: Any sane supporter of the AMerican economic system should support Roosevelt.  He is at the head of a rejuvenation of American industry and prosperity that will bring us to unlimited markets.  It is sane economic policy to back his calls for a stronger navy and to pacify the third races.  That way we can get millions of readily available new American labor to help these brave companies make massive profits.  I myself am favorable to a little lighter tariffs for our bigger industries, but overall I must agree with the moderate approach that Roosevelt and other Republicans are taking.  Better to be funded by the wealth of foreign imports than to resort to a graduated income tax like the crazy lot of miscreants and radicals I hear on here calling for.
Winfield: I do agree my friend.  Teddy Roosevelt was born with natural greatness.  As a proud devout follower of the party of Lincoln and Grant, I endorse this man for President and know that he will bring America to similar level of greatness as we have.  We must make this election a mandate for advocates of Republicanism everywhere to the greatness of American Exceptionalism.  This is the greatest nation on Earth and we must back that up by getting the masses to come out in favor of a party for Civil Rights, Equality, and Prosperity for all citizens.
Mechaman: Spare me the overly wrought bullsh*t you petty WASP boyo!
Inks: Mechaman, dear sir I am in no notion offended by vulgar language, but there is a modicum and set of rules in polite debate society that you shouldn't use such extreme language.  I am going to have to assign a point on your account for immodest behavior.
Mechaman: Spare me your revoltious filth, you powertripping authoritarian bastard!  WE all know what this is, an infraction on our lives and liberty!  This greatly limits my freedom of expression in a society of f***ing Protestant supremacy that dictates that we can't even enjoy a gorram drink on Sundays!
Scott: I can understand your concerns Mechaman, and I agree with you about freedom of speech and expression.  However, David Leip gets lots of business from public schools looking for electoral maps to use in their classrooms.  These are very rare maps, with detailed county level descriptions with colors on it that are by no means readily available on a commercial level.  Besides, what about the children!?  They need to use this library of resources and you are damaging their innocent and integrity when posting!
Mechaman: Oh Curses of Cromwell!  I'm not sure how it works in your part of the bumf*** Berkshires Nathan, but here in the cities the most innocent thing that kids are witnessing, and doing, is using so called "profane" language.  I know girls as young as 12 who sell themselves for the oldest profession so they can have enough money to buy a bottle of Schnapps on their off days.  Don't lecture me about the need to protect the sanctity and protection of "the children" by issuing infractions on our accounts for this arcane nonsense.  I already have paid Mr. Leip $1.20 for a two year membership, don't lecture me about mindful of the authoritarian goosestepping ideals of the few, the proud, the prudes.
Scott: Umm, this is Scott, not Nathan.  Look at my avatar before responding next time.  God, I hate it when people do that.
Inks: Whoops I accidentally silenced Mechaman from the Society gentlemen!  It was an honest mistake, but it will be a month before the guards are authorized to let him back in.  Once an order goes through it's official.  Sorry.
BRTD: I hereby declare this day MECHADAY!  MAY HE LIVE FOREVER AS A MARTYR FOR OUR TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS FOR A MOVEMENT OF FREEDOM AND JUSTICE!
TNF: WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE AGAINST THIS GRAVE INJUSTICE!
R2D2: A great man's rights and liberties have been snuffed out by the extreme tyrants of this society!  Never again will we suffer for this indignity!  I call for David Leip to issue the resignation of the consistent and ready failure of this Nathan Inks!
Gustaf: Even if we were to unmute him somehow, he still has a consistent record of spieling radical dangerous and vulgar profanity that has no place in this educational environment.
Torie: Yes, this Mechaman is an extreme radical who has willingly and openly broken the sacred rules and establishment of this forum.  I am indeed very concerned about him, he seems to have some mental instability problems by years of alcoholic abuse and parental abandonment.  I really feel for this guy, so I'm going to minimize the impact of his recent vulgarities.
BRTD: How kind of you, kind and merciful tyrant.
Mechaman: Just played a game as Cleveland running in 1888.  I destroyed Harrison!  He barely won Vermont hahahahahaha!
MattVT: Praise the Lord!  The Messiah has returned!
Mechaman accepts his accolades.

[Mechaman]

Jesus Christ, I'm dying right now, LOL

This.

Oakvale has officially beaten the internet.