20RP12's Ranting Thread (Formerly 20RP12's Lovelife Failure Thread)

[CathKhan]

Woohoo. Be sure to check in my thread about easing my way into the American political system.

Vincular por favor?

Vincular?

[For Oklahoma]

Woohoo. Be sure to check in my thread about easing my way into the American political system.

Vincular por favor?

Vincular?

Link That's what Google Translate said!

[Emperor SJoyce]

Congrats on the return! I just spent at least 10-15 min of my life reading through it. This shall be interesting.

Without a doubt one of the most embarrassing things I've ever posted on the internet

Eh, you're not special. It's the same as my brain and that of most if not all my classmates.

[Emperor SJoyce]

Woohoo. Be sure to check in my thread about easing my way into the American political system.

Vincular por favor?

Vincular?

Link That's what Google Translate said!

Well that's bland for someone's 10,000th post (or at least the counter said it was your 10,000th, but then it dropped back to 9,999th).

[For Oklahoma]

Woohoo. Be sure to check in my thread about easing my way into the American political system.

Vincular por favor?

Vincular?

Link That's what Google Translate said!

Well that's bland for someone's 10,000th post...

Wrong! I took off one of my other posts cuz I wanted to have a more special 10,000th post

turns out it's this post instead.

[Emperor SJoyce]

Woohoo. Be sure to check in my thread about easing my way into the American political system.

Vincular por favor?

Vincular?

Link That's what Google Translate said!

Well that's bland for someone's 10,000th post...

Wrong! I took off one of my other posts cuz I wanted to have a more special 10,000th post

turns out it's this post instead.

I hit my 500th yesterday, so achievement week!

[For Oklahoma]

A recollection of the past part 1 - Wednesday May 16th 2012 - 8:43 pm

Warning: Some of the content in the following rant may be perceived as disturbing. You've been warned.

Oh boy where do I begin with this one. Let's see...I absolutely hate the kids at my school. Yeah. That's where I'll begin.

As a very young child, I often embraced social relationships with others. I was the "class clown" from Kindergarten until about 2nd grade. I always had an inherent desire to make people laugh. It was the only thing I was ever really good at. People found me so funny, and I used to be very well liked amongst my peers. I had friends that I cared about and--I assumed--also cared about me.

But then I hit middle school.

7th grade to be exact. My troubles had begun much earlier, in 5th grade, when I began to struggle with paranoia and began to realize that at some point in my life, everyone I cared about would leave me and I would die alone. My first legitimate attempt on my life came in 5th grade. It got worse in 6th grade when I made my second attempt on my life. By this point, I was being teased and ridiculed constantly. I couldn't escape it. The people I once cared for, the people that loved and adored me, were turning on me. Then came 7th grade.

I have to say, for a 13 year old kid, I learned a lot about life in this one year. My paranoia had been solidified, my depression had taken over and I no longer wanted to live. Let me begin with my first day of 7th grade. A new school, with new people, new opportunities, the horizon was bright. The thing is, my horizon wasn't bright. At least I didn't know that.

In the summer getting into 7th grade I began talking to a girl named Julia. We slowly became friends and eventually good enough friends that I could confide in her my darkest secrets and she didn't judge me for them. We both liked the same music and wore the same clothes. I liked her a little bit. On October 30th of that year (2009,) some friends swayed me to come to a school dance to meet Julia and talk to her in person. I, feeling depressed as always, trusted my decision in a quarter. A piece of f**king silver. I made the bet with myself: heads, I go. Tails, I stay home and swallow and handful of pills and wait til sweet lady death knocks on my door. I flipped, and held my breath. I caught the coin, smacked it on my palm and uncovered it.

Heads.

Dammit.

I put on a Nirvana t-shirt, black jeans and sneakers and walked to the school for the dance. I walked in, grabbed a slice of pizza and a soda and found some friends. Julia wasn't there yet. I was talking to a friend about baseball when she walked in. A tall girl, wearing a Fall Out Boy t-shirt, blue jeans and converse sneakers. Good god and all things holy. She was so beautiful. She sat down and I began emptying my tired repertoire of sh*tty jokes destined to make her laugh (you see, I have this thing where I fight tooth and nail to make a girl laugh if I want her to like me.) Anyway, I had a great night and ended up going to bed happy.

The following months couldn't have gone any differently.

As I grew closer to Julia, I began to like her more and more. Like a lot more. By January 2010, I had told her I liked her. So she invited me to hang out with some friends at a local restaurant. No biggie. I'd get a cup of coffee and enjoy the night. I vividly remember the night. I remember getting out of my dad's car and not seeing them, so I walked across the street to the local park, which was dimly lit, with only shadows outlining the skateboard park. I noticed a friend of mine there, so I asked him if he'd seen a tall girl and some friends walking around. He pointed me in their direction. I smiled and thanked him. I began to walk to the area in which he'd pointed. It was near a Walgreens that was about a half a block from the restaurant. I spotted her and her friends (a much larger group of friends than I'd imagined.) I pulled out my cell phone and texted her: should I even be here? I asked her. I don't know, should you? she replied. The girl who invited me was now questioning whether or not I should've been there. At that point, I knew everything was going to end wrong. I waited for them to leave, and then asked Julia where she was. She said most of the kids had gone home, and she was only with 2 or 3 friends at the restaurant. I walked the half a block to the restaurant, thinking the night would end well.

Wrong again.

I got within 5 feet of the door of the restaurant when three of the boys she'd been with earlier jumped out from behind a nearby dumpster and began spraying me with silly string and laughing at me. They pushed me down and kicked me. I began crying. I looked up, everyone had been laughing. Including Julia. I was humiliated. I walked 2 miles home, picking silly string off of my body and wiping the tears from my eyes. When I got home, I made a third unsuccessful attempt on my life.

The next morning I texted Julia and told her that had I died the previous night, it would've been her fault.

We didn't speak for two weeks.

When we spoke again, she apologized. And I accepted. It was February of 2010. I saw a new beginning.

But she did it again.

Later that month, I trudged a mile and a half in record snow to go to a friend's house for the day. The roads were slippery and white, and I had nearly lost my balance a few times. I made it to the kid's house and we had a fun day.

Then Julia called me.

She told me she was pregnant.

I couldn't believe it. She told me not to tell a soul. And I made the stupidest mistake of my life.

I told a soul.

I told my friend. I then confessed to Julia that I told him, she told me she wasn't pregnant, and called me a liar and an asshole. The friends she was hanging out with chimed in to agree. She put her phone on speaker so her friends could hear me cry as they continued to throw insults at me left and right. I walked home that day with tears in my eyes, reminded of the other incident. On the way home, I had nearly lost my balance and fallen, just as a truck flew by me. I could've died again.

The road to forgiving her this time wasn't as easy...it took two months before I spoke to her again. It was April of 2010. She seemed genuinely sorry and had broken off her friendships with those whom she had joined in laughing at me.

The next month, May of 2010, we began dating. We were genuinely happy. Despite everyone laughing at us, we were happy. That summer was one of the best of my life. But this was only the very beginning of the long and slippery slope with Julia.

to be continued...

[For Oklahoma]

On a separate note, apparently I'm back down below 10000? Maybe a mod deleted a thread of mine?

[CathKhan]

Woohoo. Be sure to check in my thread about easing my way into the American political system.

Vincular por favor?

Vincular?

Link That's what Google Translate said!

It's in Forum Community, probably on the second page. The current title is "Let the (Student Council) Campaign 2012 begin!" or something like that. It's mostly for personal use in order to keep a record of what's going on for future reference. I intend on transcribing it into my auto-biography someday.

[CathKhan]

By the way, just read your rant. That bitch.

[For Oklahoma]

And I will buy said autobiography.

By the way, just read your rant. That bitch.

Nah, I love her to death. We're back together. I feel she's the "one" as cliche as that sounds

[CathKhan]

And I will buy said autobiography.

On sale at Barnes & Nobles for $79.99 (inflation) in ~fifty years.

By the way, just read your rant. That bitch.

Nah, I love her to death. We're back together. I feel she's the "one" as cliche as that sounds

Even as one who may have been on the opposite end of that situation, I still have extreme... "distaste" in people who do that sort of thing. Part of my constant fear of being on the receiving end. I wouldn't take kindly to the idea of being betrayed (for lack of a less extreme adjective).

[For Oklahoma]

By the way, just read your rant. That bitch.

Nah, I love her to death. We're back together. I feel she's the "one" as cliche as that sounds

Even as one who may have been on the opposite end of that situation, I still have extreme... "distaste" in people who do that sort of thing. Part of my constant fear of being on the receiving end. I wouldn't take kindly to the idea of being betrayed (for lack of a less extreme adjective).
[/quote]

Yeah, I can see your point. But she's made up for it.

Won't go into details.

But she's definitely made up for it

[ModerateCoward]

Imma let you finish but Bushie's thread is the best thread of all time.

[CathKhan]

Yeah, I can see your point. But she's made up for it.

Won't go into details.

But she's definitely made up for it

Do you  need to flaunt your life's accomplishments in front of the rest of us?

[Emperor SJoyce]

I read the rant... Man, I thought that there was drama in my middle school...

[For Oklahoma]

Imma let you finish but Bushie's thread is the best thread of all time.

Yeah, I can see your point. But she's made up for it.

Won't go into details.

But she's definitely made up for it

Do you  need to flaunt your life's accomplishments in front of the rest of us?

Why yes. Yes I do

I read the rant... Man, I thought that there was drama in my middle school...

There's drama in every middle school, but you haven't lived until you've lived through drama in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania.

[ChairmanSanchez]

Well, this is going to be a long one...

I have a good amount in common with you. I have a lot to say about my own past, which is somewhat similar. Please forgive me, but I didn’t want to clog up the forum with my own story, so I will make this quick. I don’t mean to attention whore, or anything.

For starters, we both are victims of bullying. I could start a whole new thread about my problems, but I rather not waste anyone’s time. I was bullied from the beginning, in preschool. I obviously handled it wrong, since I was held back. That explains why I am a 16 year old freshman. From preschool until about 5th grade, I was bullied in the elementary style. I was called a “stupid face”, etc. It seems to have gotten worst among the six and seven year olds that I know today. Around second grade, my grades fell, and I was put on meds for ADD, which my parents still tell me to this day that I don’t have. Long story short, the pills caused my grades to skyrocket, but also made me “suicidal” (I was in 3rd grade, mind you, so this is not serious stuff) and as a result, I went through a string of psychologists, and was later taken off the pills. My grades, of course, plummeted without the meds.

 Around 4th grade, my mom and I started fighting about my grades. And, again, I must emphasize that I was a 4th grader, so it wasn’t anything “serious”. The sporadic fighting continued, and after a while, I realized my parent’s favorite my middle brother. They favor him rather openly, even today, though they have gotten much harder on him as well. I became (and remain) real close to my Grandma (the nice one), and my Aunt and Uncle. They always scolded my poor grades, but at least encouraged me. Frankly, I have no memory of my parents ever doing that—they still don’t, and I have the best grades I have ever had right now. The fact that I have and always will have low self esteem does not help. The fighting with my parents lead me to swallow four or five aspirins (right in front of everyone too) one night after dinner. I realized I didn’t want to die, and in a panic attack, puked. I doubt I would even of gotten sick from this attempt, but it still bugs me that I tried to do this. I moved in with my grandma for a week or two afterwards.

Due to the bullying, and low self esteem, I became socially withdrawn. I only befriended two other kids from my class who were bullied, but they both left the school by 6th grade. So, I became friends with a group of kids who were fairly decent to me over the years. I think it was thing to happen to me during my time at the school (a private Lutheran school that I attended from preschool to eighth grade). The two I became closest with, who we will call “Billy” and “Joe” treated me like a human. And they still do, even though it’s been over a year since we have seen each other. I plan on hanging out with one of them in a few weeks once school ends.

I went through 8th grade, with little social contact with anyone besides my small group, which included Billy and Joe and a few other guys. I had, and still have, a great relationship with my Trinity teachers. They have no idea what was going on, but I never wanted to tell them anyway—I accepted the “bullying”, and later, the general isolation. But if I did want to tell them, I know they would have done something. Anyway, I entered a new school (another private Christian school) for high school. I generally avoid people, and, quite frankly, am afraid of them. I don’t have a lot of friends (and of the few I have, I don’t have much in common with them except for one), barely anyone outside of the freshman class, which numbers around 60 knows me. And I don’t hate that, I kind of like the anonymity.

So, we both have been abused by our peers (though your situation seemed to be much, much
worse). This Julia chick sounds awful. And that is a conservative opinion. We both have also been depressed. We have both been lonely, and we both have felt abandoned. I still do. I consider my Aunt to be the mother figure in my life, and my uncle to be the father figure. Anyway, my problems in life are a drop in the bucket to what you and most of our fellow posters have been through.

Again, I don’t talk often about myself. But, this community, its posters, its quality, it’s just amazing. Mr. Leip, if you read this, all I can say is “thank you!” This community, its posters, all of it, it’s a great part of my life, and I hope to be around for a long time.

[For Oklahoma]

Not gonna lie, I teared up a bit reading that.

I guess this place is sort of an escape for a lot of us. Tweed said it in one of his Atlasia videos, we're all here cuz we're misfits and/or rejects in some way. This place unites the best of the worst, truly some of the greatest human beings that will never have their names written in a textbook. It's almost like Atlas Forum will always have a place in my heart.

Proud to have this be my official 10,000th post.

[CathKhan]

Oh-ho! You're not gonna get me going on some feelings rant just because you two did it! Oh no, not me sir!

Anyway, Chairman, I'm sympathetic, but I'm not quite sure how to say it. I'll just say, I've felt some'a the crap you've felt in the past and it isn't pleasant.

[Jayhawker]

This thread moves me.

[© Tweed the Younger]

I suppose this is our Young Peoples' Emotions Anonymous group...


I will merely comment, Carl, if you've actually tried to kill yourself three times you are a ticking time-bomb of a human being and should be undergoing psychotherapy.  not sure if you are, but don't trick yourself into believing that you have it beat, because it (whatever 'it' is) almost certainly comes back.

[TheDeadFlagBlues]

Ahh the early teenage years are melodrama at its finest.

[Emperor SJoyce]

Ahh the early teenage years are melodrama at its finest.

As one of those early teenagers, indeed they are.

[Lief]

I approve of you immortalizing one of my many pearls of wisdom in your signature.