20RP12's Ranting Thread (Formerly 20RP12's Lovelife Failure Thread)

[Big Wiggly Style]

I suppose this is our Young Peoples' Emotions Anonymous group...


I will merely comment, Carl, if you've actually tried to kill yourself three times you are a ticking time-bomb of a human being and should be undergoing psychotherapy.  not sure if you are, but don't trick yourself into believing that you have it beat, because it (whatever 'it' is) almost certainly comes back.

My mom refuses to get me treatment.

[ZuWo]

I suppose this is our Young Peoples' Emotions Anonymous group...


I will merely comment, Carl, if you've actually tried to kill yourself three times you are a ticking time-bomb of a human being and should be undergoing psychotherapy.  not sure if you are, but don't trick yourself into believing that you have it beat, because it (whatever 'it' is) almost certainly comes back.

My mom refuses to get me treatment.

Do you (and others with similar problems) know of any help lines children and teenagers can call if they are in deep emotional trouble and have nobody to talk to in order to get professional advice? There is such a service for free in Switzerland (Switzerland has quite a high youth suicide rate) and from what I have read a lot of young people make use of that offer.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Yeah, there are hotlines, but now that I'm not suicidal anymore (per se) I won't need it.

[Governor Scott]

Reading parts of this thread now... oh God, this is an excellent thread.

Thank you.  Now I know to never ask this forum for relationship advice on anything whatsoever.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Reading parts of this thread now... oh God, this is an excellent thread.

Thank you. Now I know to never ask this forum for relationship advice on anything whatsoever.

Oh contraire, asking the forum for advice isn't what killed me, it was not taking their advice that did.

[Governor Scott]

Since you are 14, you cannot drive. So how can you take her to the movies? It's simple - get your mother to drive you two.

Also, this would be incredibly awkward.  I've never been on a date or anything, but I just know.

Reading parts of this thread now... oh God, this is an excellent thread.

Thank you. Now I know to never ask this forum for relationship advice on anything whatsoever.

Oh contraire, asking the forum for advice isn't what killed me, it was not taking their advice that did.

Oh, I thought it ended up working out.  I'm only on page 20, now, though.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Since you are 14, you cannot drive. So how can you take her to the movies? It's simple - get your mother to drive you two.

Also, this would be incredibly awkward.  I've never been on a date or anything, but I just know.

lol indeed

Reading parts of this thread now... oh God, this is an excellent thread.

Thank you. Now I know to never ask this forum for relationship advice on anything whatsoever.

Oh contraire, asking the forum for advice isn't what killed me, it was not taking their advice that did.

Oh, I thought it ended up working out.  I'm only on page 20, now, though.
[/quote]

Nooooohooooooo. It failed miserably.

[oakvale]

I thought you were a gay?

Also stop being a bitch and ask her to hang out. If she says no, delete her facebook and never speak to her again. You don't want to turn 18 like I did and regret never having had some sweet, sweet underage ass when it was legal to do so.

This is obviously the best advice in this thread, not that I've read much of it.

[Big Wiggly Style]

I thought you were a gay?

Also stop being a bitch and ask her to hang out. If she says no, delete her facebook and never speak to her again. You don't want to turn 18 like I did and regret never having had some sweet, sweet underage ass when it was legal to do so.

This is obviously the best advice in this thread, not that I've read much of it.

Hence why I quoted it

[© Tweed the Younger]

notable that Lief posted that at 215am, generally when he does his best work.

[Big Wiggly Style]

notable that Lief posted that at 215am, generally when he does his best work.

I hold the belief that Lief likely was under the influence of alcohol or something when he made most of his posts in this thread.

[Big Wiggly Style]

I approve of you immortalizing one of my many pearls of wisdom in your signature.

Shoot, I just saw this. Anywho,

[Secretary Polnut]

The advantage of being Atlas old (FTR: Torie et al are technically prehistoric) is that I do have a bit of life experience, especially on that front.

It seems young'ns are trying soooo very hard to be mature and grown up.

Trust me... relax, enjoy yourself and all of this stuff, good and bad are lessons. Nothing lasts forever ... and at your age, it's ridiculous to try to tie yourself down.

[Big Wiggly Style]

A recollection of the past part 2 - Thursday May 17th 2012 - 7:39 PM

Warning: Some of the following may be perceived as disturbing.

The summer of 2010. Ah, what a horrifically wonderful time of my life. It was the first time I ever really dabbled in a serious relationship. I was happy for the first time in a long time with someone who was more than a friend. It felt nice to be able to refer to someone as my "girlfriend." Despite the fact that I was heading into 8th grade, I felt adult feelings. It was indescribable.

But before long, Julia and I became victims of the cliche teenage bullying, except we were two ticking timebombs and it was daylight savings.

They would laugh at us and make fun of us and giggle at us as we walked by, and we initially thought nothing of it. We shrugged it off.

And then it became severe.

We would usually hang out at a local pool with friends. The pool had a playground area and some distance back, there was an area painted with lush green trees and wildlife. A basketball court sat smack dibble in the middle. Off to the side was a small grassy area in which couples would go and do whatever couples do when they're alone. So one day it was just Julia and I. We went off to the grassy area and yakno...kissed and stuff. Nothing sexual, though. But then a group of 5 boys, all of whom had several years and inches advantage over me, approached us. They laughed and laughed and made fun of us. There was nowhere to run. I told them to f--k off, but that only made them angrier.

I lost it.

I sprung up and attacked the boy closest to me, and began punching him. He threw me off, picked me up, and threw me a good 10 feet. I hit the ground hard. I reached for a nearby stick. It was a large stick. I now had the upper hand. Now, all of these boys were 2 or 3 years older than me. All except for one. This kid Rob. Absolutely disgusting human being. I hate him, to this day, with all of my being. He was in my grade. We'd been friends once, before he become a self-centered arrogant prick. Anyway, I had the stick in hand and I was not playing around. The blood running down my arms and legs from the sticks and rocks that I'd landed on served as my warpaint. They all slowly retreated. Not slowly enough though, was Rob. Poor Rob. He kept laughing, thinking that I wouldn't go after him. Boy was he wrong. Now, I'm not a fast runner, but boy did the adrenaline make a difference. I charged at him and tackled him, all in about a second and a half. He stopped laughing and his face morphed into that of a child, fearing for their life. I stood above Rob with the stick high above my head, my foot on his throat. I turned and saw Julia crying, so I told them all to leave. And they did.

Julia and I left, blood still flowing from my wounds.

Later that summer, Julia lost it with the boys as well. Except she didn't go after them. She reached into her backpack, and pulled out a pocketknife. She told one of the boys to stab her in the neck and finish her off. I hadn't been there to witness it, but she told me. I cried for 2 hours.

The remainder of the summer went by fast enough to end without much more pain being inflicted.

But I was in for much more than that.

By January of 2011, my relationship with Julia began to fall apart. We began to become distant from each other, as we were now in different schools (she in High School and I in middle school,) so we didn't see each other as often. She dumped me in February of 2011.

I didn't accept it until March of 2011.

Julia then began to slowly decline into a world of drug addiction and became a victim of physical and sexual assault in her various relationships in the months ahead. She had been raped and beaten, and her reputation as a slut got around school. But I stuck with her. I promised to be her friend no matter what. And at points, I was her only friend. All of her other friends had ditched her. All except for me.

Meanwhile, I was having no luck myself in my own lovelife, but that's neither here nor there.

I struggled with pill addiction and even smoked for some time before I finally got back together with Julia on July 12th 2011. It was the longest 5 months of my life.

But now we're happy together. We try not to talk about either of our pasts, but instead we plan for our future. Our future together. I can honestly say she makes me happier than anything on the face of this Earth and if she's not the one I'm meant to be with, then may god (or whoever the hell runs this damn universe) strike me down. Cuz dammit, I wanna be with her.

Believe me, this is only a short description of one of the worst times of my life. I'm omitting details that I'll never speak of to anyone. That I try not to even think about.

So yeah. This concludes A recollection of the past, my first installment of rants about my sh*tty, middle class, suburban white kid life.

[Big Wiggly Style]

The advantage of being Atlas old (FTR: Torie et al are technically prehistoric) is that I do have a bit of life experience, especially on that front.

It seems young'ns are trying soooo very hard to be mature and grown up.

Trust me... relax, enjoy yourself and all of this stuff, good and bad are lessons. Nothing lasts forever ... and at your age, it's ridiculous to try to tie yourself down.

Meh, youths will always want to be grownups. Relationships and the like.

[oakvale]

I don't mean to be a dick, but maybe we should combine everyone's various Update threads into some kind of great Oversharing Megathread?

[Lief]

I wasn't under the influence of anything when I posted in this thread as far as I remember, but I do believe and agree with Tweed that I do some of my best musing after 2 am.

[Big Wiggly Style]

I wasn't under the influence of anything when I posted in this thread as far as I remember, but I do believe and agree with Tweed that I do some of my best musing after 2 am.

So you're just inherently a genius?

[© Tweed the Younger]

Teenage Cool Kids - "Prose"

All your writings are the same.  and you're forcing stories to the page. And the girl that broke your heart's the star. and you never let her get too far. and she's always happy on your page.
seems like life is only grand. when the cum's falling into your hand. and your sessions begin to increase when you're working on your masterpiece.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Teenage Cool Kids - "Prose"

All your writings are the same.  and you're forcing stories to the page. And the girl that broke your heart's the star. and you never let her get too far. and she's always happy on your page.
seems like life is only grand. when the cum's falling into your hand. and your sessions begin to increase when you're working on your masterpiece.

That's beautiful. I'm really glad I looked them up, they're really good.

[© Tweed the Younger]

yeah Queer Salutations is as lyrically potent an album in the genre can get.

[Big Wiggly Style]

yeah Queer Salutations is as lyrically potent an album in the genre can get.

Agreed.

[Big Wiggly Style]

My Chemical Rant - Friday, May 18th 2012 - 9:50 PM

It was the summer of 2004. I was just a boy of 7 years old. I had always loved music, but I had never been exposed to anything real or life-changing. It had mostly been the Nsync and Nickelback (oh lord how I resent the fact that I actually owned a Nickelback CD, but I digress) records that I would listen to on my little walkman CD player. Then one day, I went to my aunt's house for a family party. My cousin, who was probably about 15 or 16 at this time, had always been someone I'd gotten along with. He was the one that turned me on to bands like Bayside, Chevelle and Pink Spiders. But at this party in the summer of 2004...everything I knew about music was turned on it's head.

The party had been going on for quite some time, but by around the second hour of my being there, my cousin popped a CD into the old surround-sound CD player and cranked up the volume. What I heard next absolutely changed my life.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say, I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way, for all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took, remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor? I'm not okay...

The angsty voice wailed above fast, melodic guitars and pounding drums. It was real and it was beautiful.

I asked him what this band was, and he said "My Chemical Romance!" with a smile. He lent me the CD (which I have yet to give back to him) and I listened to it religiously for the next few weeks.

I became so intrigued by the band. The element of horror movies, punk rock and emo blended together like nothing I could've ever imagined. It sounded so beautiful. I listened to My Chem throughout my hardest times, and cite them as one of the bands that gave me inspiration to keep going through those hard times. They were the band I listened to after all of my suicide attempts. One song in particular though.

Headfirst For Halos.

Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all, I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling. And now these red ones make me fly, and the blue ones help me fall, and I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling. And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall, fall on your tongue like pixie dust, just think happy thoughts and we'll fly home...

The song ends with Gerard (the vocalist) repeating the line "think happy thoughts" over and over. It was a song about suicide. And it was encouraging the listener to think happy thoughts.

And so I thought happy thoughts.

I would wipe away my tears and think happy thoughts. I owe my life to My Chem for telling me to think happy thoughts, cuz there's no way I would've come to that conclusion on my own. Call me melodramatic, call it "teen bullsh*t," but I know if it was not for My Chemical Romance, I wouldn't be here.

Then came The Black Parade. This album did so much for me, and it came out at one of the worst times in my life.

October 2006. Fourth grade. This is when I started to realize that the people I called my friends could hurt me.

My favourite track off of Black Parade will always be Mama...

Mama, we're all full of lies...mama, we're meant for the flies...and right now, they're building a coffin your size...mama, we're all full of lies...

[...]

Mama, we all go to hell...mama, we all go to hell...it's really quite pleasant, except for the smell...mama, we all go to hell.

This entire album brought out all the inner demons that I'd repressed since Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge came out in 2004. It was the album that turned me inside out, literally.

So in 2008 when I heard rumours that My Chem was working on a new album, I was overly ecstatic. I was ready for the return of my favourite band and I knew they would impressed me.

At least I'd hoped.

Instead, what they presented me (and the entire fanbase) with was a cheesy, written-for-radio album (albeit with some gems, but I digress further) that was such a step away from the normal "emo" work, that it was hard to even call it My Chemical Romance.

("Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, everytime that you lose it, sing it for the world. Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind, sing about everyone that you left behind." This song, ironically, was also covered by Glee.)

Now, I'll admit I got into it at first. When the first single ('Na Na Na') dropped, I was excited. But the ensuing era that followed made my excitement melt quicker than an ice cube in the desert.

See, there is something you must understand about My Chemical Romance. When they make albums, they don't just make albums, they make concept albums. The first album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, was about a pair of star-crossed lovers killing themselves in a desert. The second album, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, was about a man who's wife is shot and killed at the altar on their wedding day, and the devil tells him he can have her back if he brings him the souls of a thousand evil men. The Black Parade, is about embracing death. But Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys was nothing even remotely similar...it was about four brightly-coloured-costume clad vigilante superheroes trying to take down a ravenous, expansive government in 2019. How odd. They called themselves "The Killjoys" and so did the fans. Before long, fans made their own costumes, laser guns, the works. But these fans were not the My Chemical Romance fans I grew up with.

You see, these fans (the ones that infiltrated during the Killjoys era) write fanfiction. But not just any fanfiction, they write fanfiction pairing the band members with each other, other band members and--I kid you not on this one--their own infant children.

It's these fans that have made me want to cut all ties I have with My Chemical Romance. Whenever I tell someone that My Chem is my favourite band, I feel it necessary to subsequently apologize, as if guilty of some crime. It's ridiculous. I want the old My Chem back. I want the emo band that told me to think happy thoughts when all I could think of was thinking sad thoughts. I want that band, not the killjoys.

I'd honestly be a lot happier if they broke up and did their own individual projects. Their guitar player, Frank, has a side project (called Leathermouth) which is a step away from "happy" My Chemical Romance (the band plays songs about school shootings and lost love, yaaaay!)

If they want to make music, by all means. But I don't want to hear pop when I listen to My Chemical Romance, I want to hear poetry and I just don't hear that anymore. I understand they're happier now and not everyone is "emo" forever, but i want to cling onto what's left of my childhood.

Perhaps letting go of my childhood is the better alternative...

[Lief]

I wasn't under the influence of anything when I posted in this thread as far as I remember, but I do believe and agree with Tweed that I do some of my best musing after 2 am.

So you're just inherently a genius?

Correct.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Atlas Forum: A double-edged sword - Tuesday, May 22nd 2012 - 9:23 PM

I'm not really sure why I feel so comfortable on Atlas Forum. It feels like the people on this website are the closest thing I've ever had to a family.

But then again I hate this place with a burning passion.

I hate that I'm judged constantly, I hate that I constantly feel like an idiot when I try to engage in debates, I hate that I'm viewed as a kid and that nobody should listen to what I have to say, I hate that I'm just a footnote. It's not like I want (or need) attention, but I feel like the attention I do get is not the attention that I'm comfortable getting. Sometimes when I post, I immediately get a sense of "will I be judged/laughed at/yelled at" for making this post? I shouldn't feel like that.

I want...I don't know what I want.

I just wish I could be accepted, or at least viewed as genuine. I know I'm not taken seriously, just because I'm a kid. It hurts. It hurts that I fear posting my legitimate views. It hurts that I had to take down a signature because I was sick of being ridiculed for the endorsements in that signature. But worst of all, it hurts that nobody will back me up. In all of the movies, there's always a character that steps in and stands up for the little guy. It's almost like everyone's watching my complete deterioration as a human being occur in front of their eyes and nobody wants to say anything.

I genuinely care about some people on this website. I know I've never met any of you, but I feel a family-like connection to some posters here. Almost like big brothers or uncles that I could talk to when I'm down. Windis, Mechaman, Yelnoc, etc. People that I genuinely feel like they care about me. But why should they? They don't know me. They don't know me as a person. While this is true, I don't understand why they have to know me on a personal level.

I also hate the fact that I constantly want to impress some people. I don't do it on purpose, I think it's a subconscious thing. I used to really want to impress Wormy, cuz he was almost like a mentor to me. I feel like had he not started hating me, he would've been someone I would've grown close to. I really don't know why he started hating me, but I digress.

I just want to feel accepted on the only place I really want to feel accepted. More than anything, I want Atlas Forum to be a place where I can come to and become happy. Just instantly. Just by reading a post or two. I've legitimately laughed hard at a lot of posts on here. I know Atlas Forum can be a place for my happiness to blossom, but really, the question is...

will everyone here let that happen?