Chapter Three: Buckets of Warm Piss

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Interview with Governor ZuWo (W-ME)

The People's very own Mideast Correspondent Cathcon sat down with Governor ZuWo today in an exclusive interview to ask him about the upcoming Gubernatorial election, his past term as Governor, the ongoing Mideast Assembly race, and his thoughts on the future...

TPP: So you're running for re-election. What do you think your chances are?

Actually I am optimistic. I think I have done a decent job so far both in terms of activity and policy and I am confident that the voters will acknowledge that in September.

TPP: Are you threatened by the potential candidacy of former President Tmthforu94? How does recent polling affect your outlook on the race?

I try to remind myself that it doesn’t matter who my opponent is and that polls have to be taken with a grain of salt. At this point, the most important for me is to focus on my job and my gubernatorial duties. If I manage to do that and make a contribution to improve our region things will turn out fine no matter what happens. I know that the election is likely to be close but I am here to do the best for the region, have fun and enjoy the game so I am not going to lose sleep over who my potential opponent will be and what the polls look like at the moment.

TPP: What do you view as the major accomplishments of your first term?

The wiki. The regional wiki was in a bad condition when I took office and is almost completely updated now. I am not the only one who should be credited for this since citizen Tmthforu94 also helped to update the wiki, but I can say that I certainly did what I had to do regarding the wiki. Also, the first regional “question time session” has been held in my tenure and many more are to follow. I have also introduced a couple of bills which have and will keep the Assembly busy. Last but not least, I took the necessary steps to continue our budget process and I am proud to say we are very close to introducing a first complete draft of the budget to the Assembly. This will be a historical moment for our region; a real milestone.
A personal highlight – though I was not directly involved in it – was Judge Franzl’s ruling on the abortion case. Back during my time in the Assembly I had introduced the abortion bill which was then brought to court so I was extremely relieved when Franzl ruled in favour of the pro-life side. TJ, who defended the Mideast government in court, deserves a big “thank you” for his work as well.


TPP: What things would you like to do in your hypothetical second term?

I think the budget will take up most of my and the Assembly’s time, so this will definitely be my priority. It is of prime importance that we manage to balance the budget. Additionally, I will continue to get in touch with the citizens of our region and encourage them to participate in the political process. I will try to achieve this both by introducing bills on my own, putting forward sensible reform ideas and keeping citizens updated on my work in different ways (e.g. in my office thread, the “question time sessions”, by publishing polls on different issues). In short, you can expect me to govern in the very same way should I be re-elected as Governor.

TPP: Now, you lost your own attempt at the Presidency back in February 2012. Would you ever consider running again? Maybe in October?

If I’ve learnt one lesson in my life then it’s “never say never”. But frankly, I don’t see myself running for President anytime soon. While it’s great fun it’s also an exhausting and sometimes nerve-racking endeavour. And let’s face it; I don’t think I will ever have a shot at being elected unless I become Mitt Romney 2.0 and flip-flop on every major issue.
I am very happy as Governor and intend to remain Governor for as long as I enjoy the job (and the voters approve of me, I should add ) – Emperor PiT and his impressive terms is a great example of what I envision .


TPP: What are your thoughts on the newly elected President, Napoleon?

I guess I don’t have to pretend that I enthusiastically supported Napoleon’s candidacy. However, the people have spoken and I am ready to give Napoleon and his administration time so they can show that they are able to have a positive impact on Atlasia. If he succeeds and can move Atlasia forward I will be glad.

TPP: Are there any major figures in the Whig Party you see as potential candidates in future elections? Do you think any of these have a chance against President Napoleon or other political opponents?

The Whig Party is in a comfortable position right now. We have numerous highly qualified members who are able to serve in any office – be it as Senator, Governor or even as President. Simfan, Clarence, A-Bob and TJ (in no particular order) immediately come to mind. They are experienced and proven politicians. On the other hand, we have aspiring and enthusiastic newbies such as Hagrid or Supersonic who I think can make a difference in this game as well and there are certainly more. Then there’s the person who is conducting this great interview with me – if he is willing to spend some of his time on Atlasia he has a great future ahead of him! 
But the truth is, the right has an inherent political disadvantage in this game and has a hard time winning presidential elections so regardless of the quality of our candidates it’s almost impossible to be victorious. That’s why I am not even sure whether we, the Atlasian right, should still compete in future presidential elections. It may be more fruitful to focus on the Senate and regional governments.


TPP: What are your thoughts on the Mideast Assembly election?The quality of the candidates? Are there any you'd like to publicly support or are already doing so?

I haven’t fully made up my mind yet so I won’t state who I am going to vote for at this point. However, I have made clear that both a candidate’s political views and his activity levels play a role in my decision. In fact, the question whether a candidate will be an active Assemblyman or not has an even bigger significance for me than whether he sees eye to eye with me on every issue. Overall I am happy with the quality of the field and I’m looking forward to working together with any of the candidates.

TPP: The GM has reported that in this last month, unemployment has risen in the region. What do you view as the cause of this, is this a cause for concern, and if so, what do you view as the solution to it?

Nations in general and smaller entities like individual regions in particular are often subject to global economic trends that we can hardly influence and I think that’s the reason why our economy is still in a critical condition and why the unemployment figures are far from satisfying. Then again, I believe the low corporate tax rates in our region will lead to economic recovery and growth and are an important tool to fight unemployment since they encourage enterprises to invest in our region and hire people. That’s why I will not tackle the looming budget deficit by advocating for tax increases. I believe that our low tax rates are an asset and should not be changed.

TPP: What is your opinion of The People?

Yellow wakes The People wake me up in the morning. Yellow gets The People get me on the bike in my office every day. Yellow has The People have taught me the true meaning of sacrifice. Yellow makes The People make me suffer. Yellow is The People are the reason I'm here.

Lance Armstrong Governor ZuWo

Thank you for the interview!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

For some reason or another, The People have not been update lately and have fallen into a state of stagnancy. However, The People will not let this stand, and so they bring you, The People, for your enjoyment, an interview with Gubernatorial candidate and former Vice President Tmthforu94 (MCPR-ME)!


Why do you want to be Governor?

As I've stated before, I believe I've learned a lot through this game, and I'm honestly grateful for all this game has taught me. It is my wish and desire that many other Atlasians share the same experience I do. I'm running for Governor to do just that, and also to create a stronger, more unified region.

What is your opinion of Governor ZuWo's work?

I will commend ZuWo on not being inactive as Governor, something other region's have struggled with in the past. I do think there are some policy disagreements between us - we've run into disagreements on how to balance the budget. We also have some disagreements on animal rights, as well as the Assembly size. I disagree with him also on signing the "Common Courtesy While Driving Act". While previous experience and results are important, I encourage Mideasterners to remember that this election is about improving the Mideast region over the next four months - who do you truly believe would better serve as our region's Governor?

Should you identify any problems in the Mideast, do you think you would have viable solutions to them?

Well, several have already been identified and have been pointed out in my platform, which I encourage all readers to go read at some point during this campaign. I am absolutely confident that if any new problems arise during my tenure, I have the experience and the capabilities to work with folks of differing ideologies to come up with a solution that'll face us all.

Do you feel your breadth of experience, from Governor to President, and even VP, has given you a good insight into running things in Atlasia?

Absolutely - If experience was the only thing that mattered in this game, I'd probably beat most people pretty handily. I am thankful for all of the opportunities I have had in this game - serving in such a variety of positions has given me an enormous amount of insight on many different issues, and I think that type of experience on both the regional and federal level would certainly be beneficial to me if I become Governor, especially due to the fact I've served as Governor before. I think I should be able to understand the responsibilities of the Governor.

Do you feel that any scandal that took place during your tenure as President will affect the campaign?

Unless people start grasping at straws, I don't think so. I have made my apologies, and we have all moved on. I think that's evident in the fact that two of the people most involved/effected by that scandal, Assemblyman 20RP12 and President Napoleon, are both backing my bid for Governor.

Do you feel this campaign, on both sides, has seen a new amount of negativity not familiar in the Mideast?

My campaign is doing it's best to stay on a positive, issue-oriented campaign, because I think that's the type of campaign that would best serve or region. I have been disappointed by the nature of the campaign thus far - it's difficult, as I want to defend myself, but at the same time, don't want so much negativity surrounding our region.

I would encourage my opponent to do a cease-fire - this has gone on long enough. Yesterday, a new attack was unleashed on me by the Governor, something that no one seems to be concerned with but him.  I've been called erratic, a liar, and my integrity has been attacked. Additionally, my attempts to work with the Governor on the budget has just been met by rejection and a slew of more negativity. This just isn't the type of leadership the Mideast deserves, which is why I'm asking for a clean campaign going forward.

How do you address charges by some conservatives of your actions on the national stage, sometimes viewed as "treasonous" to the cause of the Right in Atlasia?

Well, these charges have never really been brought out and center, so to me it's just a rumor. I'm proud to be the only center-right President Atlasia has had in years. At the same time, I'm not a rubber stamp for a particular ideology or party. I actually did have an interest not too long ago in joining the Whigs as a moderate member, but was told by then-Chairman ZuWo that I would not be welcome, basically because of my vote of Napoleon, someone who I am proud to have voted for and I believe he's done a terrific job.

I've done a lot of good for the "Right of Atlasia" - to call be a traitor because of my desire to work with both sides and voting for center and center-left candidates occasionally is just silly.

[tmthforu94]

Thank you very much for interviewing me. It was a pleasure!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Thank you, Cathcon, for taking the time out of your catholic conservative schedule to bring The People back to the forefront of this great country. And thank you, tmth, for taking your time out of this lovely Indianan Sunday to speak with us. Because of People like you, this country remains great.

While I am not part of the Mideast, and thank god I am not, you all have fine choices for governor, and I am sure that fine region will make the right decision. The People's will is strong in your part of the country. This I promise.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Can I get an interview

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

Can I get an interview

You're the Mideast Senator right? I guess that's in my jurisdiction. Do you also count as the Chairman of the Nat. Sec. Committee?

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

"Don't limit yourself to one jurisdiction. Embrace the world, for it is your jurisdiction."

- The People

Please interview Ben. Just because no one ever interviews me doesn't mean he should suffer the same fate.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

"Don't limit yourself to one jurisdiction. Embrace the world, for it is your jurisdiction."

- The People

Please interview Ben. Just because no one ever interviews me doesn't mean he should suffer the same fate.

Aww, does Duke, a mere servant of The People, desire an interview as well? The People would be glad to grant him one.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

It would be strange for my employer to interview me, so no. I am merely being an advocate for Ben.

[Mechaman]

MechaAnalysis, Your Presidential Candidates:

Greetings children!  Today I'm going to give you the People's Rundown on the upcoming Presidential candidates for the next election season.  Please note that if you have a squeamish politically correct view of anything and everything said about certain politicians this isn't the place for you to be.  This will be hard-hitting and quite furious.  There will be no quarter left for these assholes, these scum eaters, these filth bedding taxpayer screwing vases of donkey kidneys.  I will say both the horrible mean truths (and admittedly, some lies) about each candidate. . . . . . and then giving a nice healthy side of the moderate hero positives!  So, let's begin!

President Napoleon:

What's He's Famous For: Hey moron!  He's the current President!  Yeah, you know the big dude in the white marble house (or whatever the hell the color is now) with the dudes in business suits with guns?  If you haven't heard of him maybe you need to move out of the 2012 Election Board!
The Positives:
The First President in History to actually accomplish sh*t.  Also the first person running for office to realize that "reform" actually exists instead of just using it as a religion to motivate his kids to not smoke weed.
The Negatives:
He's a gigantic Grade-A Prime Rib Asshole.  You invite him over for the holidays it's going to take years to rinse the stench out of the place.
Verdict:
Who the hell says politics is a popularity contest anyway?  Napoleon could be the world's largest most sour c*ntsalad but he's still managed to actually do sh*t (which is more than I can say than 98% of Atlasian "Presidents")!  If you believe that the internet is serious business and the rule of thumb is a disease and that this game is like real life, he's definitely top preference.

The Duke:

What's He Famous For: Running in every Presidential Election since the dawn of time with one of his pal, Carlos Ray Norris.
The Positives:
A widely known non-annoying moderate hero, The Duke is your ideal choice if you want a well balanced administration that takes logical forward thinking solutions to the problems that face this nation.  He gots all the answers to the ails of this nation that can't be answered due to division and petty politics.
The Negatives:
Horrendous sense of micromanagement.  Horrendous.  He lost an entire army of cyberpunks fighting against a be-mulleted Kurt Russell and his ragtag gang of grade F- Losers with the very worst of early 1980's fashion sense supposedly taking place in 1997 in a New York City large prison.
Verdict:
Damn dude, look at that gun he's got.  I think he's pointing it over at you.  Yes. . .  .YOU.  And if I were you, given the alternatives, I would vote for The Duke.  Now, damn it, now.  Before he takes the safety off.

Jbrase:

What He's Famous For: Establishing the Royal House of Jbrase, one of the highest houses of order in the Great Imperial Dominion of the South.
Positives:
Organization.  Jbrase is the only candidate who has the official party of the Imperial Dominion behind him.  He understands that once you go IDS, you can't go back!  Not now, not ever!
Negatives:
The asswipes at the party headquarters didn't give me a cue card for this part.  What am I supposed to do at this part?  Stick my thumb up my ass and pretend to be a puppet?
Verdict:
Grade A Roast beef sandwich with A1 Steaksauce.  Just don't ever expect anything from the Imperial Bloc leaders.  They are a bunch of trial lawyering, no good, snot nosed, toilet bobbers who play baseball like girls!

Pingvin:

What's He Famous For: Having political views that would make your grandfather cry gay baby tears.
The Positives:
Ummmm, besides this envelope containing $500,000 for my absolute silence on all negative facets of his character?  Well, his kickass taste in kickass music, his brave political views that every Atlasian should have, saving a tribe of African pygmies from certain destruction, curing Cancer, and saving mankind from the Romulan invasion from the future.  It's almost too hard not to think of the many good things he has done.
The Negatives:
Umm let's see here. . . . the fact that he tottttally has no negatives at all!  I wish there was something about this fine upstanding individual that I could just hate!  But, it just keeps slipping into me wallet. . . . err I mean out of my head!
Verdict:
This is possibly the only time you will ever get to vote for such a perfect candidate as my paycheck, err I mean Pingvin.  I can't imagine what the future will be like if Atlasia doesn't elect this fine upstanding individual!  I recommend that everybody, living, dead, undead, microprocessed, go to the voting polls and vote in this fine citizen!  Atlasia truly can't do any better!

Snowstalker:

What He's Famous For: Being a die hard Labor hack with a strong distaste of the Cosmos.  Also, an unnatural attraction to cartoon ponies.  Also, is prejudiced against Jews and Italians . . . . . . but who isn't?  Also, despite what you might infer from the picture, he's not really a black man.
The Positives:
He's a die hard Labor hack who won't put up with neo-liberal sh*t.  Which is good for lots of left wingers who take to Clintonianism like a lot of us take to AIDS.
The Negatives:
He's a die hard Labor hack who won't put up with neo-liberal sh*t.  Which is bad news for lots of liberals who take to Clintonianism like a lot of us take to free internet porn.
Verdict:
For Snowstalker, this race is about a bit more than just policies.  It's f***in personal.  Let's just say that he has a pretty strong distaste for the more centrist approach the Atlasian "Left" has taken since the start of the game in 2004 in recent months.  Also, he's a ponyf***er.  So that's enough reason not to vote for him.

Xahar:

What He's Most Famous For: Creating the Earth, the Stars, the Cosmos and everything you see around you.  In the last millenium, he is most known for establish the Leipist National Front (LNF), the first truly democratic and equality focused party in Atlasian History.  Also known as a foremost advocate of the Mustafinism-Komovism philosophy, which is a set of values and beliefs revolving around
The Positives:

The Negatives:

Verdict:


Mecha's Choice:
With all that said and done, ultimately I have to for a little bit of



Case closed.

[Donerail]

Just don't ever expect anything from the Imperial Bloc leaders.  They are a bunch of trial lawyering, no good, snot nosed, toilet bobbers who play baseball like girls!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Thank you for recognizing The People's Ticket in your interview, Mecha. It means a lot to Us all over this country.

[Mechaman]

The F**king Truth
Mechaman Interviews Pingvin, Candidate for President:

Why are you running for President?
Do you listen to Deep Purple? If not, you should. They have a song called "Stormbringer". I think that this country needs one.

So Pingvin, why are you a (insert your party name here)?
Because Milliard Fillmore was Whig. And he was badass. No one was f**king with him. Not many people know but he was a Mummy Hunter. (He just got overshadowed by Abe)

What do you hope to do as President of Atlasia?
Well, I'll do some stuff. Day One:
Eat at KFC
Listen to Iron Maiden
Shake some hands

Which posters would you like to see in your cabinet?  Besides Mechaman.
SJoyceFla, Cathcon, Tmth.

How will you deal with all of the haters of your glorious campaign?
We will beat out all the sh#t of them using this scary sh%t.
What is your position on ponies and bronies?
Kill them, burn them, rape them, find their families, kill and rape families, burn the houses, piss at houses ash. That's the way I will do with all my political enemies. No one f**ks with that Russian.

Amen brother, preach it.  I don't like those freaks either.  Atlasia would be so much better off if with sent them all back to their homeland of Jewidia.
AMEN PRAISE OUR GOD INDEED

I can respect that Pingvin.  That's what I like about you, you're such a straight shooter!  Anyway, what sort of foreign policy would you like to implement?  And please don't say anything about f***ing Libya.
Pingvin's Foreign Policy: Don't intervene (unless someone touches Israel), drink some Dr. Pepper and observe.

Fascinating.  Anyway, what do you think about the state of this nation?  Is it better off now than it was a few months ago?
No. If it's not me, it's chaos, anarchy and defecation into fountatins. There is no alternative.

That's an interesting perspective.  Kind of like my friend Paul who thinks that the original Total Recall, you know the one with Arnold Schwarzenegger, was real! I happen to disagree with him on that I mean it's so obvious it's a dream even a ret-I mean a reptile could figure it out.  So, what would you call your ideology?
Badass Russian Right-Winger.

You know, I don't know how to bring this up but you got a lot of haters man.  They say you're a bit extreme and that you eat babies or something.  Personally, I think it's messed up and they should be ashamed of themselves for not telling it to your face.  Why do you think that is?
Dogs bark, caravan goes on. If they're trying to attack me, I won't care.

Got to stick with your guns man.  Like who cares how many people thought Rocky V sucked, the part where he kicks Tommy Gunn's ass in a street fight?  CLASSIC!  Anyway, how do you plan on reaching across party lines and getting the vote out?  Remember, for just a four lb bar of chocolate I will give you the Imperial Bloc's full support!
5 lb and MCRP.

Well, looks like I just got fired for taking selling my vote to a public official!  Damn it.  Anyway, now that I'm unemployed may I ask how you plan to help our employment situation with your jobs program?
Entire campaign is about jobs. I once ate and outdated Skittles and saw a dream - sky is made of jobs, sea is made of jobs. That was deep.

Sh*t!  It's almost time for my bond hearing for illegal gambling!  Any last words Pingvin, before the police break down my front door, causing me several hundred dollars in door replacement fines because I wasn't smart enough to invest in Insurance?
Last word: It's Pingvin or It'll get worse!

It was nice having you here Pingvin.  May Taurus guide you to victory!
Good luck in your hearing.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

You must be logged in to read this quote.

This is friggin' deep man. Beautiful. Any more of those skittles?

[ZuWo]

Awesome. All of us can learn from Pingvin when it comes to concision. Pingvin, do you offer rhetoric courses?

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Pingvin needs to be President. Like seriously.

Also, I'd like an interview please

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

I approve of the description of me.

[Pingvin]

Awesome. All of us can learn from Pingvin when it comes to concision. Pingvin, do you offer rhetoric courses?

Yes, I offer.
Educational videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN-reah1tqc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4EL0RPDX8A

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

OP-ED: The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same

A few months ago, Atlasia changed forever. The two major parties, the RPP and the JCP were dissolved with a tidal wave of public support. People blamed the two parties for making the game stale, elections predictable, and for making the game too difficult for new members to break through. It was awful, really, so the opponents of the two parties said. A few weeks later, elements within both parties began to call for something to be done, and a standoff between the RPP and JCP leadership ensued, both sides negotiating a way to hold a vote that would not hurt their respective parties in case one party did not vote to disband. Long story short, both parties voted for it and were dismantled.

Out of the dust and ashes, a tremendous power vacuumed was left. For years, the names Yankee, bgwah, BK, tmth, Duke, and others loomed as party bosses. These men powered the GOTV during elections, talked strategy, targeted voters and led people to the polls election after election. After the fall of the parties, the game seemed to be dying off. Atlasian elections fell from 100+ voters an election to under 70. Senate activity became scarce. The old guard left the game entirely, leaving just a few to pick up the pieces. Out of the smoldering heat rose the Liberals, Labor, Whigs, and Imperial Bloc parties, all with different leadership. These parties worked independently for a while and saw activity plummet.

Recently, however, a new trend has arisen: the movement back to the two party system. A few weeks ago, the right leaning Whigs, Imperial Blocs and MCPR agreed to an open primary, agreeing that the winner shall be the nominee of the parties. President Napoleon replaced the retired Kaljewi with Labor member Nathan, creating a unity ticket for the upcoming election, despite the Labor’s technically running their own candidate.

With the eventual unification of the right, will this lead to a united left, much like the right did in the days of the RPP to combat the JCP and SDP unification? And was all the fuss and hubbub over dissolution for naught? It seems today in Atlasia, we are still all about party, except the parties just have weaker leadership and are more ideological. The government has not changed. Napoleon was a known quantity in the old Atlasia. Yankee, BK, AndrewCT, Marokai, TJ and SBane were all involved in Atlasia before the dissolution. Not much has changed in this game, except things are arguably less interesting. We have lost great members like bgwah, jas, earl,  SnowGuy, Junkie, Brandon, and the like. Was it worth it to lose all those who contributed in the past? I say that is the biggest loss. While we have seen an uptick in voting and a return of some old members like Bacon King and Marokai, we are a far cry from the days of yore.

I maintain that we are not far off from another two party system. As I argued before the dissolution, a two party system is always going to be the natural state of things, and there is never really going to be a way to combat it.  I look forward to seeing if my predictions are correct in the future. I haven’t been wrong yet.


Senator Duke is the Chief Senate Analyst for The People's Paper. He is not affiliated with the Legislature mentioned above and has not donated any personal funds to its either representative discussed therein.

[Associate Justice PiT]

     It seems like another duopoly is an increasingly likely result. I can't help but wonder how Atlasia strayed far from it for so long in the past.

[Supersonic]

I hope we don't move towards a duopoly. Smaller, more ideologically diverse parties are far more interesting.

[Mechaman]

On the Damn Record

The 20RP12 Interview:

So, why are you running for the Mideast Senate seat?

I'm running for Mideast Senate because I really enjoyed my time in the Senate when I served earlier this year, but also because I believe Mideast citizens would like a change. I understand Senator Ben has high approval ratings, but I think, at the end of the day, the Mideast is open to a change at Senator. I'd be privileged if they chose me as their Senator.

Honestly, what do you think of the game at this point?

The game's certainly on an upscale now, with new players registering frequently and old players coming back and re-registering. Despite the fact that Kalwejt, who is arguably one of the most important figures in the history of Atlasia, has retired, we have Xahar and Hashemite rising from the history books to team up for a Presidential run. It's pretty cool, really. I'm just hoping the Midwest and Pacific activity crises can be solved soon.

Why are you a Whig?

I'm a Whig because I consider myself more of a Conservative than a Liberal. The Whig Party may not pander to some of the views that I hold, but they're strong in their beliefs, and that's incredibly respectable.

Out of the current Presidential candidates running, who do you like best?

Write-in: Mechaman

How would you describe your ideology?



Could you give us an idea of what kind of bills you would advocate as a Senator?

I'd certainly introduce bills regarding fiscal policy and debt reduction, some bills regarding civil liberties, but it really depends on what issues are facing our nation at the time.

What is your opinion of "Hot Dog" by Limp Bizkit?

Limp Bizkit is my favourite viking metal band.

Wise choice.  You would've been liquidated otherwise.  Anyway, what is your favorite music genre?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uL1CL2zl0jA

That's. . . . . interesting.  So, what do you think of your fellow Whig Pingvin running for the Presidency?

Pingvin's awesome. If he wins the Presidency, you bet I'll be riding a Pegasus through the Atlasian skies whilst blasting Iron Maiden.

Fascinating.  If you could have a theme song for your campaign what would it be?

Enter Shikari - Gandhi Mate, Gandhi

What was the most illegal thing you've ever done?

I shot JFK.

What makes you the most qualified candidate for the Mideast Senate?

I'm not gonna lie, Ben is quantities more qualified than me when it comes to holding office, but he's been here for twice as much time as I have. I'm a fresh face, I bring enthusiasm to the table, I certainly take my work very seriously and I love what I do.

Any last words?

Praise Jebus.

Nice talking to you mate.  It's been a pleasure.

You too!

[Хahar 🤔]

The Mustafinist-Komovist movement welcomes Mechaman to the fray.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I am pleased to announce The People's Paper will be making their long awaited endorsement at the end of this week. Stay tuned.

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

While this thread is near the top, I'd like to note that I've taken a leave from The People's Paper to run my presidential campaign.