Poignant Onion Article Discussion Thread
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Author Topic: Poignant Onion Article Discussion Thread  (Read 3076 times)
opebo
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« Reply #25 on: October 09, 2011, 07:49:44 AM »

The placement of people's most intimate feelings are disturbingly out of whack.

Very well said, and observed, Fez.  I've nothing against Steve Jobs or Health Ledger or any of these others, but I agree that these strange reactions reveal a lot about the fairly 'unreal' world many people (particularly Americans) live in, in which they may have a dearth of intimacy and 'real relationships' in their actual day-to-day lives, and place a great deal of importance on narratives with which they actually have no connection.

For me I never had even the slightest thought about people who aren't in my day-to-day direct interaction circle (though I suppose the weirdest aspect of that circle nowadays is that it includes some of you here, but still only a minor part of the whole).  In a funny obverse story - lately several of my current and previous colleagues have appeared on Thai television, being interviewed as 'experts' in this-that-or-the-other-thing, and it rather freaked me out to see the unreal and the real so connected.
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Bacon King
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« Reply #26 on: October 09, 2011, 06:25:24 PM »

Related!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/last-american-who-knew-what-the--he-was-doing,26268/

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Eraserhead
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« Reply #27 on: October 10, 2011, 06:21:36 AM »


I know that this is one of those areas where no one will change their minds so I was not inclined to even try.

Sure, being really upset about the death of someone you never met is a bit silly to me. But people who look down on people who drive progress are also quite silly. I own no Apple products and I am not much for tech stuff. But it is really condescending to sit around and decide that someone who obviously brought a lot of value to a lot of people was useless.

It might be a harsh reality for Opebo et al on here but Steve Jobs was more useful, appreciated and valuable for humanity than anyone who is a member here.

I don't think people are arguing that he was "useless". I think some people are arguing that he wasn't a very good person and I would be inclined to agree with those arguments.
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Eraserhead
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« Reply #28 on: October 10, 2011, 06:31:01 AM »

And I can understand being upset over the death of someone you don't know personally. I can understand being upset over the death of someone who put his life on the line for meaningful social change (like MLK Jr.) or someone who bore part of his soul in his work (like John Lennon). Hell, I can even understand being a bit upset over the death of of a young, talented actor like Ledger. But being in tears over the death a reclusive electronics salesmen??? In what way did he really move regular people who don't work in that field? I don't understand that at all.
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Хahar 🤔
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« Reply #29 on: October 10, 2011, 03:30:42 PM »

You think that's poor taste?  The day after Princess Diana died, I said that it would be funny if someone now made a parody of the movie "Darkman 3: Die Darkman Die" titled "Princess Diana 3: Die Di Die".

The reaction to her death wasn't just stupid; it was actually disgusting.
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opebo
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« Reply #30 on: October 10, 2011, 03:37:45 PM »

And I can understand being upset over the death of someone you don't know personally. I can understand being upset over the death of someone who put his life on the line for meaningful social change (like MLK Jr.) or someone who bore part of his soul in his work (like John Lennon). Hell, I can even understand being a bit upset over the death of of a young, talented actor like Ledger. But being in tears over the death a reclusive electronics salesmen??? In what way did he really move regular people who don't work in that field? I don't understand that at all.

Apparently for many modern americans their little electronic doo-dads give life meaning. 
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Filuwaúrdjan
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« Reply #31 on: October 10, 2011, 03:50:01 PM »

There's nothing wrong in being upset at the death of someone you didn't know; empathy is hardly a negative trait. What is slightly odd about this is that Jobs didn't actually invent the products he was associated with; he was the manager and the salesman, rather than anything creative. Being upset at the death of the man that invented Product X I can absolutely understand, actually. Being upset at the death of the man who commissioned and sold it? Leaving aside the fact that early cancer is automatically upsetting when it happens to (almost) anyone...

I suppose this goes back to the idea of advertising as (increasingly) selling more than just the actual products; Jobs did a fine job of selling himself to the people that also bought his products.
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opebo
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« Reply #32 on: October 10, 2011, 03:52:54 PM »

I suppose this goes back to the idea of advertising as (increasingly) selling more than just the actual products; Jobs did a fine job of selling himself to the people that also bought his products.

True, though arguably people who are the market for 'technology' products tend to be far more easily duped than average.  They have many psychological problems.
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King
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« Reply #33 on: October 14, 2011, 03:35:11 PM »

No article. No words necessary, really.

Silvio Berlusconi Gets Penis Stuck In Wine Bottle Stuck In Prostitute
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King
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« Reply #34 on: January 25, 2012, 03:49:51 PM »

Ron Paul Supporter Likes The Way Paul Tells It Like It Has No Chance Of Being
RICHMOND, IN—Self-proclaimed strict constitutionalist and freethinker Rick Crawford told reporters Monday he is supporting Ron Paul in the 2012 Republican presidential primaries because of the way the candidate looks people directly in the eye, doesn't mince words, and tells it like it will never, ever be in a million years. "Ron cuts right through the fat and doesn't sugarcoat anything when he talks about policies that would be absolutely impossible to implement, like abolishing the federal income tax, eliminating Medicare, or putting the nation's currency back on the gold standard," Crawford said as he pounded a hand-painted "Ron Paul 2012" sign in his front lawn. "He's not afraid to give Americans no-nonsense straight talk about his completely delusional fantasy world. That's why I'm part of the highly unlikely Ron Paul revolution." Sources close to Crawford's family said his wife supports Mitt Romney because of the way he tells it like people want to hear it.
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« Reply #35 on: January 25, 2012, 04:18:40 PM »


U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Just A Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion
FEBRUARY 16, 2010 | ISSUE 46•07

10.25.00
WASHINGTON—The U.S. economy ceased to function this week after unexpected existential remarks by Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke shocked Americans into realizing that money is, in fact, just a meaningless and intangible social construct.

Calling it "basically no more than five rectangular strips of paper," Fed chairman Ben Bernanke illustrates how much "$200" is actually worth.

What began as a routine report before the Senate Finance Committee Tuesday ended with Bernanke passionately disavowing the entire concept of currency, and negating in an instant the very foundation of the world's largest economy.

"Though raising interest rates is unlikely at the moment, the Fed will of course act appropriately if we…if we…" said Bernanke, who then paused for a moment, looked down at his prepared statement, and shook his head in utter disbelief. "You know what? It doesn't matter. None of this—this so-called 'money'—really matters at all."

"It's just an illusion," a wide-eyed Bernanke added as he removed bills from his wallet and slowly spread them out before him. "Just look at it: Meaningless pieces of paper with numbers printed on them. Worthless."

According to witnesses, Finance Committee members sat in thunderstruck silence for several moments until Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) finally shouted out, "Oh my God, he's right. It's all a mirage. All of it—the money, our whole economy—it's all a lie!"

Screams then filled the Senate Chamber as lawmakers and members of the press ran for the exits, leaving in their wake aisles littered with the remains of torn currency.

As news of the nation's collectively held delusion spread, the economy ground to a halt, with dumbfounded citizens everywhere walking out on their jobs as they contemplated the little green drawings of buildings and dead white men they once used to measure their adequacy and importance as human beings.

At the New York Stock Exchange, Wednesday morning's opening bell echoed across a silent floor as the few traders who arrived for work out of habit looked up blankly at the meaningless scrolling numbers on the flashing screens above.

"I've spent 25 years in this room yelling 'Buy, buy! Sell, sell!' and for what?" longtime trader Michael Palermo said. "All I've done is move arbitrary designations of wealth from one column to another, wasting my life chasing this unattainable hallucination of wealth."

"What a cruel cosmic joke," he added. "I'm going home to hug my daughter."

Sources at the White House said President Obama was "still trying to get his head around all this" and was in seclusion with his coin collection, muttering "it's just metal, it's just metal" over and over again.

"The president will be making a statement very soon," press secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters. "At the moment, though, his mind is just too blown to comment."

A few U.S. banks have remained open, though most teller windows are unmanned due to a lack of interest in transactions involving mere scraps of paper or, worse, decimal points and computer data signifying mere scraps of paper. At a Bank of America branch in Spokane, WA, curious former customers wandered aimlessly through a large empty vault, while several would-be robbers of a Chase bank in Columbus, OH reportedly put their guns down and exited the building hand in hand with security guards, laughing over the inherent absurdity of the idea of $100 bills.

Likewise, the real estate industry has all but vanished, with mortgage lenders seeing no reason to stop people from reclaiming their foreclosed-upon homes.

"I don't even know what we were thinking in the first place," said former banker Nathan Collins of Brandon, MS, as he jimmyed open a door to allow a single mother and her five children to move back into their house. "A bunch of people sign a bunch of papers, and now this family has no place to live? That's just plain ludicrous."

The realization that money is nothing more than an elaborate head game seems to have penetrated the entire country: In Wilmington, DE, for instance, a collection agent reportedly broke down in joyful sobs when he informed a woman on the other end of the phone that he had absolutely no reason to harass her anymore, as her Discover Card debt was no longer comprehensible.

For some Americans, the fog of disbelief surrounding the nation's epiphany has begun to lift, with many building new lives free from the illusion of money.

"It's back to basics for me," Bernard Polk of Waverly, OH said. "I'm going to till the soil for my own sustenance and get anything else I need by bartering. If I want milk, I'll pay for it in tomatoes. If need a new hoe, I'll pay for it in lettuce."

When asked, hypothetically, how he would pay for complicated life-saving surgery for a loved one, Polk seemed uncertain.

"That's a lot of vegetables, isn't it?" he said.
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tpfkaw
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« Reply #36 on: February 10, 2012, 01:32:13 AM »

Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon



TEHRAN—Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America's uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th nuclear weapon. "Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran," said Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi, adding that Americans have the fuel, the facilities, and "everything they need" to manufacture even more weapons-grade fissile material. "Obviously, the prospect of this happening is very distressing to Iran and all countries like Iran. After all, the United States is a volatile nation that's proven it needs little provocation to attack anyone anywhere in the world whom it perceives to be a threat." Iranian intelligence experts also warned of the very real, and very frightening, possibility of the U.S. providing weapons and resources to a rogue third-party state such as Israel.
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Bacon King
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« Reply #37 on: September 13, 2013, 04:27:18 PM »

Congress Fiercely Divided Over Completely Blank Bill That Says And Does Nothing
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King
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« Reply #38 on: August 29, 2014, 12:50:38 PM »

GOP Maintains Solid Hold On Youth That Already Look Like Old Men
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