How many times a week do you masturbate?

[opebo]

About twice a day, on average.

Ah youth.  Please don't squander it, buddy. Get girlfriend, even a MILF, or run away to teach in Thailand.. anything.  It'll all be over before you know it.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

I'm sure nowhere near enough...

[Frodo]

Too many.

[Swing low, sweet chariot. Comin' for to carry me home.]

World's not fair, is it?

Now, normally I'm sympathetic to your plight, but in that particular thread you gave me a hard time for my digression.  Even gave me an F.  All I ever do is digress, and no one ever gives me an F over it.  Except you.  So you get no sympathy from me for your ten death points.

so, if one of your students gives a brilliant essay but the essay completely ignores the assignment, you don't give him an F?

[angus]

World's not fair, is it?

Now, normally I'm sympathetic to your plight, but in that particular thread you gave me a hard time for my digression.  Even gave me an F.  All I ever do is digress, and no one ever gives me an F over it.  Except you.  So you get no sympathy from me for your ten death points.

so, if one of your students gives a brilliant essay but the essay completely ignores the assignment, you don't give him an F?

haha.  Good point.  

Peer-reviewed publications are probably a better example.  They get rejected for many reasons.  Mostly mine have been accepted, but I've actually had them rejected for being too verbose and rambling.  Can you believe that?


Oh, and I voted 5+.  Not that I do nowadays, but I was answering as an 18-year-old angus.  Back in the day, boy let me tell you.  I could stand it up on command, and toss one out several times per day, every day.  I could choke it while driving a car, or while speaking on the phone.  I could make it happen on an elevator ride.  Between floors.  I've spanked it on Kaibob Trail in the Grand Canyon and I've spanked it on Goat Island between Horseshoe Falls and American Falls, as 35 million gallons of water swept past me every minute.  I've spanked it in a forest in Tennessee and I've spanked it on a mountaintop in Peru.  I've peeled one off chest-deep in the Atlantic Ocean, only to have my manly essence consumed by hungry fishes.  I've let one fly off the balcony of the 26th floor of a tall building in Manhattan, spraying juice onto the city streets below.  I once had my girlfriend spank me in a public library.  In a room full of people quietly reading.  She dragged up a chair beside mine and, with my jacket draped over my lap, we made it happen.  Matter of fact, that was pretty much the first thing I'd go for on a first date.  Hey baby, before we sit down to dinner, or see a show, why don't we just have you roll my rocks so's I won't be distracted all night long, nodding and pretending to listen to what you're saying?  And if I didn't meet with success I'd excuse myself for about three minutes, taking the opportunity to do what I'd be doing anyway, if I'd stayed home that evening.

Ah, the joys of youth.  The strength of youth.  It passes too quickly, boys.  Abuse it before you lose it.  

[Swing low, sweet chariot. Comin' for to carry me home.]

well, that was when you were 18, now you just verbose multiple times a day

[afleitch]

I like honesty.

About once 3-5 times a week, maybe more or less depending on the week! Less now that I'm partnered again. When I was a student I always did it before an exam to release a bit of tension.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

you better make it a quicky...you don't want to be caught with your pants down when the mods show up.

Oh what they're gonna delete this? It's pretty tame and doesn't seem like it crosses the common sense line to me.

OK, it's time we set down some guidelines in writing.

Fourth - Sexually Oriented Content.  We're not going to delete every post with the word "penis" in it.  But if you cross the line of common sense, of what's acceptable and what isn't, then it's going to get deleted.  Ultimately, this is the most subjective rule (the alternative is to ban all sexually oriented topics, which I'm sure isn't the wish of everybody as a whole), so if you have doubts, don't post it, or PM me first.

OK, Inks may hate his own p***s, but that doesn't mean we have to suffer.

You know, that's not one of the "bad words"....

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

you better make it a quicky...you don't want to be caught with your pants down when the mods show up.

Oh what they're gonna delete this? It's pretty tame and doesn't seem like it crosses the common sense line to me.

OK, it's time we set down some guidelines in writing.

Fourth - Sexually Oriented Content.  We're not going to delete every post with the word "penis" in it.  But if you cross the line of common sense, of what's acceptable and what isn't, then it's going to get deleted.  Ultimately, this is the most subjective rule (the alternative is to ban all sexually oriented topics, which I'm sure isn't the wish of everybody as a whole), so if you have doubts, don't post it, or PM me first.

OK, Inks may hate his own p***s, but that doesn't mean we have to suffer.

You know, that's not one of the "bad words"....

Penis.

[courts]

I have all you beat.

[opebo]

That's a weird story Angus.  I've always been more of a marathon runner, not a sprinter.  I may 'have you all beat' in terms of total hours spent at it despite never having done it more than about once or twice a day - even nowadays it could be a few hours.  How else can one enjoy all the porn out there to the fullest.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Actually, I think I beat all of you.

I beat all of you like I beat my...well you know...

eggs

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

I have all you beat.

[greenforest32]

What the Hell? You really wanna know how many times per week people masturbate? I thought privacy was a liberal value. Why in God's name is there an entire BAD WORDS thread devoted to this?

Comparative analysis my good sir. Too bad there aren't any girls posting

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

What the Hell? You really wanna know how many times per week people masturbate? I thought privacy was a liberal value. Why in God's name is there an entire fucking thread devoted to this?

No idea.  It's kinda awkward to me, personally.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

I think I passed that whole awkwardness about such things YEARS ago.

It's kind of a pointless exercise, everyone does it... and those who don't either haven't hit puberty, are disabled in some way or are lying.

Also... it's not really worth being upset with reading anything in a thread with that title... because you know what you're going to read about.

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

Like 8 years ago I remember an ~300 reply thread on another forum that started with a guy asking if everyone thought if it would be OK for him to still wear one of his favorite band shirts after he came on it if he washed it. I said yes. I'm wondering how he didn't yet know to take his shirt off though.

[dead0man]

I thought you were supposed to use the shirt you wore that day to "mop up" after yourself after the end of the day yank?  (then throw it in the dirty clothes of course...on the other hand, your semen drying on your belly seems to work better than a sleeping pill)

[LastVoter]

Usually 5+, unless roommate is in the room at inconvenient times.

[Antonio the Sixth]

I think I passed that whole awkwardness about such things YEARS ago.

It's kind of a pointless exercise, everyone does it... and those who don't either haven't hit puberty, are disabled in some way or are lying.

Also... it's not really worth being upset with reading anything in a thread with that title... because you know what you're going to read about.

The fact you know about something doesn't mean you want to talk about it. Honestly, I don't understand how people who know themselves only through the internets are able to reveal such intimate details of their private lives. That's not something you are supposed to talk about to anybody.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

What the Hell? You really wanna know how many times per week people masturbate? I thought privacy was a liberal value. Why in God's name is there an entire SECRETS SECRETS ARE NO FUN; SECRETS SECRETS HURT SOMEONE thread devoted to this?

God Bless.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Whether I masturbate and, if so, how many times per week, is none of your business.

[AndrewTX]

Whether I masturbate and, if so, how many times per week, is none of your business.

You are an Atlas official, it is our business sir.

[ZuWo]

When I first saw that someone opened a thread on masturbation I instantly tought this would either become a thread with 0 replies or a thread that is going to run for 100+ pages. I think the second option applies here. This is the internet. I should have known better.

[TJ in Oregon]

I think people are more likely to answer this question (or to ask) simply because of the anonymity of talking to a bunch of complete strangers over the internet than they would be if asked by someone in real life. Heh, I could post anything about myself and none of you would know if it's true or not since none of you know who I am (not that I've posted anything that isn't true; if anyone I know well in real life joined the forum, they'd likely recognize me rather quickly).

Since no one has given this answer yet: zero. It shouldn't be much of a shocker because I've already posted that I don't before. It's also the same answer I'd give if you asked me in real life.