The Most Epic Gosh Dang Timeline Ever

[Senator Snowstalker]

NOVEMBER 16TH, 2013

LONDON

The Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer (which is possibly the most badass title ever) Ed Balls was swinging through the halls like a pair of...yeah. Bursting into Prime Minister Cameron's office, he dashed to Cameron's desk and laid several papers depicting maps of New York City, Boston, Philadelphia, and Norfolk.

"Right Honourable, I have a plan to revitalize the economy."

"Hello, my testicular chap. I do say, what is this idea?"

"The old British empire gained her wealth from her colonies. With the many untapped resources of the New World combined with the boost of a wartime economy, I have come to one conclusion. Call Mr. Harper for an alliance. We must invade the bloody old colonies for the greatest victory of all time! Let us strike down the rebels!"

Cameron paused as if pondering, and then he spoke.

"Order out Project A7-Teatime. We strike Norfolk in a fortnight, ey wot wot?"

[Thomas D]

Promising

But shouldn't be in the 2012 area I'm guessing.

[Senator Snowstalker]

sh**t, I meant to put this in Election What-Ifs?, since it does involve US politics.

[CathKhan]

**Typed this before previous postings**

Shouldn't the be on a different board?

Also, yes, quite epic, and yes, that is an awesome title. "The Exchequer". Just a fancy name for Treasury. Combine that with "Chancellor" and "Shadow" and you've got yourself one good name.

[Thomas D]

sh**t, I meant to put this in Election What-Ifs?, since it does involve US politics.

I'm sure one of our friendly mods will move it.

[Senator Snowstalker]

There we go.

[Bacon King]

sh**t, I meant to put this in Election What-Ifs?, since it does involve US politics.

I'm sure one of our friendly mods will move it.

Done!

I also edited the thread title 4 u SS <3

[Simfan34]

I approve!

[Senator Snowstalker]

NOVEMBER 18TH, 2013

LONDON

After speaking with General Northumbridgeshire-shire, Cameron raced to Buckingham Palace. The only way to begin this war in a sufficiently epic manner was to get the queen herself to do so.

"Your Majesty, the fortress has fully risen. Shall you commence invasion a tad early, then?"

The Queen smiled the way only a small old lady can, and laughed, "Not before teatime."

"One lump or two, Your Majesty?"

"Oh, you gullible old bean. I'm kidding. Of course we can bomb those bloody piles of rubbish."
________________________________________
WASHINGTON, D.C.

It was evening over the White House as a general whose name doesn't matter as he will never show up in this story again burst into the Oval Office. Oddly, the lights were not on, with the exception of a small lamp on the President's desk, which glowed just enough to show the taxidermied head of Mitt Romney on the wall.

Obama, startled, hastily greeted the general. "Oh. Uh, good evening. I assume you have something to tell me."

"Mr. President, we are detecting an unidentified flying object off the coast of Virginia. Its source appears to be the British island of Bermuda."

Obama, worrying that yet another war was on his hands, sighed in disgust. Pointing to a map of the Atlantic on his desk, he looked up and relayed his plan to the general who I'm too lazy to name.

"Send the spy planes and, uh, I'll call up the Prime Minister. Time to show these aliens that they don't invade our, um, ally's colonial territory without facing consequences. Pass on this order right away."

Next update: The finest special ops team in America comes together, while the Queen's Royal Steampunk Army makes landfall in the New World.

[CathKhan]

Well of course we'd be invaded if we were party to such human rights abuses as taxedermying opponents of the existing regime!

Also, why'd this have to happen after the election? It being framed in an election scenario would be great. Heck, the map might look like the reconstruction days, with some states, being under British military control and whatnot, unable to vote!

[Senator Snowstalker]

I only said it would be epic, not good.

[CathKhan]

I only said it would be epic, not good.

I never said it wasn't good.

[Senator Snowstalker]

Ah well. Be prepared for steampunk.

[CathKhan]

Ah well. Be prepared for steampunk.

Ooh. Nice.

[Proud Lieberal from Northeast]

<3

[Senator Snowstalker]

"Hello, Mr. Cameron?"

"Ah, Barack. I've been expecting you."

"We've gotten word that an, um, unidentified flying object was seen over Bermuda. It's still there. Want any help? Is this an invasion of your territory or something?"

"Ah yes, it is quite the invasion. However, that zeppelin is ours, and we intend to revive our colonial empire."

"You don't mean..."

"Yes Barry, I mean. Parliament has just declared war."

"...sh**t. Well, we have 5 times your population and, uh, a way better military. This wasn't the best decision on your part. Prepare to see your head on the wall like that Willard guy."

NOVEMBER 21ST, 2013

NORFOLK SHIPYARD

A massive ship loomed in the distance. She had towers like those of a castle, along with barracks, armories, and of course cannons. At the same time, a trio of massive zeppelins floated down from above the clouds. The steam they gave off formed a gray fog behind them.



On the oceanic fortress, Cameron himself prepared to lead his armies to victory.

"Tally ho, chaps! Let us bring the great British Empire back to the times of old!"

Cheers erupted from the audience of soldiers as the fortress crashed into the shipyard. Simultaneously, a series of cannon shots erupted from its side, destroying the USS Harry S. Truman at port. Thousands of soldiers poured from the central square, overrunning the defense force it had been assumed was sufficient. Even more British regulars dropped from the zeppelins, which at the same time lobbed cannonballs at the military installations. The Chesapeake Bay Bridge, the fourth longest in the United States, fell apart, killing hundreds of drivers. The Last War for Independence had begun.

BATTLE OF NORFOLK: DECISIVE BRITISH VICTORY