I just signed up to have Mormon missionaries visit me at home

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This sounds lovely, almost. I can almost imagine it myself. Go ahead. Do it, Cornell. Think of Sister Smith! Think of the wonder of Mormonism, its all-American straightforwardsness! So simple, so godly! Do it!

Vosem- yes, it's Marriott. The founder was J. Willard Marriott... guess who was named after him. Maybe I'll read one next time I'm there, but I'd much rather prefer actual missionaries. Three people- all trying to save me! How noble!

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"so after the Lamanites slayed the last of the Nephites, there was no contact between God and the people of Earth until Joseph Smith 1200 years later?"...

are you high?  you seriously, seriously need to do a search of the bible (OT/NT) on the word "remnant"...you will find the above idea completely contrary to scripture, both OT and NT, for, according to the bible, there has never been a time period when God did not have a representative on earth.

...wait, who is God's current representative on Earth?

The President receives revelations from God and to that extent is a prophet.

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But is he? I'm not sure anymore.

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Yes! And I'm kidding, although this Mormonism sounds rather engaging. The pope is the pope.

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I feel like I'm being duped. It seems to be falling together far too easily

But, obviously, the only way to sufficiently express your gratitude is to marry Sister Smith and live out the dream of Part 4- without the not buying it part. But I'm glad you may or may not have found God, even if we see him... somewhat differently.

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One of the strangest things in this world is the number of women who know how to tie a tie and number of men who don't.

Keep us updated.

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I do still have my Lenin shirt (two of them actually -- the more incendiary of the two has a big portrait of Lenin on the front with 'WWLD?' in bold caps under his face. no, I'm not going to wear that)... the student branch of Ithaca LDS meets at 9am Sunday, now I just need to find a ride.

I vaguely remember reading you could contact the missionaries to accompany you to services.

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Not until he steps into the buffalo bowl: