Andrews for Co-President (VICTORY SPEECH)

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Friends,

We are gathered here today to witness history. For the first time in a very long time, we are looking at absolute chaos. Not since the days of yore, when it appeared as if the RPP would collapse, have I seen such madness. And during all of this, my friend, loving partner, and drinking partner AndrewPA and I sat on the sidelines, questioning our purpose, lamenting lost women and drinking far too many Pabsts.

But today, after a long, 2 minute conversation, we decided we must, for the sake of this great nation, run for its highest office. We're doing it at the urging of ourselves, The People, and mainly ourselves. We are not looking for glory, nay, we are looking for recognition.

But I digress. We are entering a new Atlasia. One that promises to be less cut throat and more inclusive. I can't think of two people more loving, more respectful and more trustworthy than myself and my co-presidential running mate. This new Atlasia doesn't have room for a social hierarchy. This new Atlasia doesn't have room for party bosses or even Presidential bosses. We are running as Co-Presidents to show our unity and dedication to equality, self respect, and human dignity. We believe in putting the past in the past, raising our glasses to a brighter future, and going full speed ahead.

Join us, The People, and all decent, hard working humans all over Atlasia and vote for Andrew/Andrew, Co-Presidents for a kinder, more loving Atlasia! With Valentine's Day just around the corner, it makes the most sense!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

For legal purposes, I am on top.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Oh my

Oh yes

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I would like to open the floor up for questions. Please remember the questions do not always have to be directed to me or my partner. You are allowed to direct them to anyone. We are no better than you anyone else in this thread.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Friends, I would like to address someone that is on our mind in these troubled times, and that someone is Teddy. Teddy may have had his quirks, but which of us does not? He may have forgotten to take his medication or he may eat far too many hamburgers, but he is now a victim, a victim of a savage attack on our liberty.

Yesterday, a rogue group of authoritarian moderators attacked the nation's very symbol of freedom; Teddy. Teddy overcame so much to accomplish so much: Presidential candidate, senatorial candidate, SoFA, and deputy SoFA. He was a testament to human perseverance and heart, as he never let his weaknesses outshine his strengths.

I urge all of you to write your moderator and demand Teddy be free. We mustn't let an innocent life die in such an inhumane fashion.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Atlasians want consistency more than anything while the winds of change are sweeping through the political arena. My friends, my co-presidential candidate and I remain the only candidates proven to have the same name and the same affinity of bourbon and PBR.

I encourage all Atlasians looking for consistency in their lives to vote for this ticket. We promise to be consistent in whatever we do!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Beautiful.

Friends, I am confident in this brave new world, new friendships can be found, old friendships can be strengthened, and respect can reign throughout this land! I believe the days of hate and espionage are behind us! Thank you to Senator Napoleon for your kind words of support! And I mean that from both of Andrew's hearts!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I take it you've changed your position on "joke campaigns," now?

I assure you, we mean business in our campaign, and when elected, we will serve to the best of our ability, fulfilling our promises to respect all Atlasians regardless of their skin color, sexual preference, gender, political ideology or income. This is a new era of this game. There is no place to carry over past disagreements or vendettas, and they will play no role in this campaign! If there isn't love in your heart, a smile on your face and a hopeful gaze towards the future, we are here to help!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Friends, I would like to point out once again the strength of our message by highlighting our victory in yet another poll. This, once again, shows our message of love, consistency, compassion and love is being witnessed to voters through song and poetry all across this nation. We thank our supporters from the bottom of our hearts and look forward to serving this great nation for the next 8 months! Keep it up, my friends!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

The Andrews are running a positive campaign, free of attacks, alternate explanations and the like which is why we admire your campaign so much, ZuWo. You are right. We occupy the center of every heart in Atlasia and it would be illogical of anyone to reject us. Those who have simply have no hearts or respect for their fellow man. We will continue to run on our moral principles until every citizen has a smile on their face and a lovely lady or man on their arm!

Andrews for co-presidents! For love and for your fellow man!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

The poll listed is like playing golf. Why would coming in first in a poll asking who you least want to win be a win? Au contraire, friend! And yes, this ticket speaks beautiful French, the language of love!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Please don't take this personally, but will the two of you be sharing a bedroom at the White House, in order to save on energy costs of course?

No offense taken. That is a very legitimate question.

Because we believe in equality during these difficult times, we will not follow past precedent of having two separate houses. We will both occupy the White House together, and yes, we will share the same room as a tip of the hat to former great presidents Abe Lincoln and James Buchanon, and to show equality and consistency. Because we plan on being co-presidents and not the usual hierarchal president and vice president, we will need to be close by incase that infamous 3am phone call happens during our 8 months in office, requiring us to make a co-decision quickly. 

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I am pleased to announce the Andrews have received the endorsement of The People's Paper this evening. The People's Paper is the mouthpiece of The People of Atlasia, the largest in the nation, and once again confirms our ticket is on the rise. The People realize the compelling message we have offered is one that is necessary to get this country back on track. We thank them for their endorsement and we are full steam ahead to victory!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

When you chair cabinet meetings, will one of you be sitting on the other's lap, and if so, who sits on whose lap?

I am on top. I think I established this early on. It is possible we will have to serve as cabinet members too early on if no one cares to be in a cabinet like we currently see. If that occurs, we will have multiple chairs.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Wouldn't it be much easier simply to have two Presidential chairs at the cabinet table?

And for that matter, will you be having two Presidential chairs in the Oval Office, both behind the Presidential desk of course?

Yes. We are already having a second presidential chair built for our office, but we will use each other's laps in the event of a delay. We will both be present at all meetings, as we do not believe in superiority. We are equal. One mind, two bodies.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

In the event of victory, is there any likelihood of you making changes to the Constitution, allowing for co-consuls (or co-presidents, as you call them) and other changes to make Atlasia into the 21st century version of the Roman Republic?   

Friend, it is clear Atlasia is broken. We can't fill cabinet positions. We can't fill our senate. We can't fill our regional seats. One region really doesn't exist. Once we are elected, we will begin to tackle issues we don't even know exist yet, and making co-comsuls and other co-working positions may be one we should tackle. One thing we know needs reforming is the cabinet, whether it means abolishing it in favor or co-presidents or allowing for a universal cabinet member who can serve as everything to everyone remains to be seen. All we do know is through love and reflection, we will come up with the right answers.

Wouldn't it be much easier simply to have two Presidential chairs at the cabinet table?

And for that matter, will you be having two Presidential chairs in the Oval Office, both behind the Presidential desk of course?

Yes. We are already having a second presidential chair built for our office, but we will use each other's laps in the event of a delay. We will both be present at all meetings, as we do not believe in superiority. We are equal. One mind, two bodies.

Why not a love-seat?

We prefer not to cheapen our love by giving our chairs a gimmicky name. Our love is real. The harder you try to make it look fake, we will love you even harder!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Don't cry! Or else we will smother you with love and affection!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

If you are elected, will love-powered vehicles finally be a reality?

I am glad you asked that question, friend.

While we will begin research into such a device, our main priority will be to respect earth's creatures, which means we will need to move to more efficient technologies and phase out those crude, cold gas powered vehicles. By brining more environmentally friendly technologies to our world, we will show the planet how much we love and respect it. So I suppose you can say our new cars will be powered with love, love for the squirrels, the birds, the bees, and the baby deer!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Paris, France - Good afternoon, and Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends and supporters throughout the world. I am honored to be speaking to you on this St. Valentine's Day from the city of love, Paris, with my partner and co-presidential candidate, Andrew.

Today, I want to address the message of love, but more specifically loving each other and loving Atlasia. When this country was founded, it was founded on the message of love, freedom, individuality and respecting your fellow man. We loved the natives so hard they nearly died of joy, and the rest were sent packing on the trail of love. As we entered the 19th century, we fell for each other even more, even fighting a war over how much we loved each other.

Today, we sit at the dawn of a new era, the era of the Andrews. We look to move past the hateful period of the two party dominance that plagued us for years, pitting red against blue, friend against friend, and forcing those to change sides to match with their beliefs. The beautiful thing about this ticket is our beliefs are universal - loving each other, loving our country, loving our planet, and loving baby deer. It is almost impossible to deny us. We're like a hot guy that you want to get with, your mind says no but your body says yes yes yes!

Friends, we hope you all will join us on our mission to transform this game from its current state to something much more beautiful, like a delicious box of chocolates with a dozen red roses beside them, like a newborn baby, or a little puppy with a red ribbon around its neck that says "be mine." We truly believe once elected, we will be the most active, inspiring, loving and respectful co-presidents we have ever had. And the only co-presidents we have ever had. We will represent a launching pad into a new Atlasia, not simply an extension of the past.

Andrews for co-president! We love all of you equally! 

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

There's such little interest in this race. We have had one active thread in here all day! This nation needs us more than ever!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Great scots! The election begins at midnight! I encourage all of Atlasians who want to fundamentally transform this nation with a message of consistency, love, self respect and good will vote for the Andrews for co-presidents! Lets not allow ourselves to travel down the same old path of stale bread and curdled milk! In the center of your hearts, which is the center of our universe, you all know which partnership can lead this nation forward!

Vote early, vote often and vote for the Andrews for co-presidents!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

We are pleased to announce another victory in the debate straw poll. It is extremely settling to see that we continue to bring hope to this country and smiles to every child's face. Only 72 hours to go till we change this nation!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Today is a victory for Atlasia. When faced with a decision of old versus new, we chose new. We elected a ticket that was not tied to the past, but a ticket that will bring Atlasia to a new future. We rejected the old policies of yore and embraced the new and fresh.

Friends, thank you for electing Andrew and I co-presidents of this nation. We can now move forward in Atlasia, rejecting big party politics, embracing reform with new, bold leaders for a new, bold future. A consistent future. A future with the same co-presidents for the next 8 months! Thank you, friends! The party has just begun!