America's Senator

[豚FLY]

GO KEYES!

But he is bad....

He is a social conservative.

You'd vote for a brain-damaged chicken if said chicken would run as a social conservative, wouldn't you?

Brain-damaged chickens usually run on the socially liberal platform.

Touche. That was good one

Except that in reality, brain-damaged chickens rarely (if ever) run for political office at all.

[Jerseyrules]

GO KEYES!

But he is bad....

He is a social conservative.

You'd vote for a brain-damaged chicken if said chicken would run as a social conservative, wouldn't you?

Brain-damaged chickens usually run on the socially liberal platform.

Touche. That was good one

Except that in reality, brain-damaged chickens rarely (if ever) run for political office at all.

You obviously have never been to the U.S.

[Jerseyrules]

David Cameron chosen as Leader of the Opposition!

In the Tory Leadership election today, Whitney MP David Cameron became the youngest Conservative Party leader ever at age 33.  He is see as a fresh face for Britain, and the Tories will take any chance they can get to distance themselves from the radical image imposed upon them in the wake of the "quiet landslide" of 1997, still fresh in the minds of U.K.'s citizens.

"Clinton eeks out victory in primary; outspent Kennedy 3-to-1; polls predict a Giuliani landslide"

Giuliani: 57%
Clinton: 39%

"I will conceed gracefully, however, I will not go quietly into the night!  I'm going to make sure we hold onto our senate seat!  It's important that the Democrats maintain something to maintain the balance in our Congressional delegation!"



"Contrary to Mr. Kennedy, I believe that it's not my seat or your seat, it's the people's seat."

[豚FLY]

GO KEYES!

But he is bad....

He is a social conservative.

You'd vote for a brain-damaged chicken if said chicken would run as a social conservative, wouldn't you?

Brain-damaged chickens usually run on the socially liberal platform.

Touche. That was good one

Except that in reality, brain-damaged chickens rarely (if ever) run for political office at all.

You obviously have never been to the U.S.

I lived in the US for ten years.
I was just speaking literally, while you (and Pingvin) were (hopefully) speaking figuratively.

[Jerseyrules]

I lived in the US for ten years.
I was just speaking literally, while you (and Pingvin) were (hopefully) speaking figuratively.

Yessir .  'Twas but a joke.  But why are you listed as other-Germany?

[Jerseyrules]

"We can now conclude that Mayor Giuliani has won the New York Senate Seat...held for over twenty years by Democrat Daniel Patrick Moynihan, and long prior to that by fellow Democrat Robert F. Kennedy, it has long been considered the 'dynasty seat.'  We can now give you the final results in the presidential and congressional elections...."

Elizabeth Dole / Alan Keyes (R): 361 EV; 53.8% PV
Al Gore / Paul Wellstone (D): 187 EV; 45.9% PV

"In an historic victory, Elizabeth Dole has been elected the forty-third and first female President of the United States!  Miss Dole has also made history, as Mr. Keyes is the first-ever African-American Vice President, in addition to being the first African-American on a major-party ticket...."

[pillage the village, trash the scene]

And now we can say:
"So you still think that GOP is racist and chauvinist, eh?"

[Svensson]

Dole/Keyes...well, I am fairly certain that's a ticket no one else has envisioned in the history of ever.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

[豚FLY]

I lived in the US for ten years.
I was just speaking literally, while you (and Pingvin) were (hopefully) speaking figuratively.

Yessir .  'Twas but a joke.  But why are you listed as other-Germany?

Note the past tense. I moved back to Germany this summer.

Anyways, Keyes as VP? This will be even more hilarious than Biden.

[Jerseyrules]

I lived in the US for ten years.
I was just speaking literally, while you (and Pingvin) were (hopefully) speaking figuratively.

Yessir .  'Twas but a joke.  But why are you listed as other-Germany?

Note the past tense. I moved back to Germany this summer.

Anyways, Keyes as VP? This will be even more hilarious than Biden.

Oh you will see some surprises down the road.  Did I mention Quayle won the governorship too?  .  You say potato I say potatoe!

[Jerseyrules]

Dole/Keyes...well, I am fairly certain that's a ticket no one else has envisioned in the history of ever.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Why thank you

[Jerseyrules]

And now we can say:
"So you still think that GOP is racist and chauvinist, eh?"

.  That's why we're the party of Lincoln and Roosevelt!

[Jerseyrules]

"What would you say was the most emotional moment you've ever had, Senator?"
"I would have to say the day after the presidential inauguration.  Liddy had been advocating a huge increase in NASA funding, and there was one last mission they invited me to participate in.  I had tears in my eyes, as I had truly fulfilled all my childhood dreams.  Every young boy and old man wants a chance to rocket off into outer space to touch the great beyond.  I had one last chance to do it.  Obviously, I took it.  But then, I found a letter in the mail; "I want to come too" signed Bob Dole and Strom Thurmond.  I bawled like a baby, and [chokes up] it still gets me today.  I couldn't say no to them.  We were all going to the moon.  [chuckles] Three old farts and a rising star...."



WARNING: you cannot unsee the following image.  Viewer discretion is advised.

The gentleman from South Carolina training for the New Horizons mission:

[Jerseyrules]

Bump.  Will update tomorrow at latest.

[Jerseyrules]

Sorry about the wait.  Here's a cabinet:

President: Elizabeth Dole
Vice President: Alan Keyes
Secretary of State: George Schultz (heeeeee's baaaaaa-aaaack )
Secretary of Defense: John McCain
Secretary of the Treasury: Phil Gramm
Secretary of Commerce and Labor: Dan Quayle
Secretary of the Interior: Rick Santorum
General-in-Chief: Colin Powell

"Thank you for coming, Senator Campbell."
"Thank you for inviting me, Madame President."
"I've invited you here because I wanted to talk to you about tax cuts.  I really appreciate your work on eliminating the Department of Education, but there is also more work to be done.  I've worked closely with [Senate Majority Leader] Al D'Amato and Senator Kyl on this type of legislation.  But I really need your help on this."
"I'll be glad to help, Madame President."

And because I left this out:

House elections, 2000:

Republican: 247 (+24)
Democrat: 187 (-24)
Independent: 1 (Bernie Sanders)

Incumbent Speaker:
Speaker-elect:

Senate Elections, 2000:
Republican: 59 (+3)
Democratic: 51 (-3)

Pres. Pro. Tem: Strom Thurmond (R)
Incumbent Majority Leader: Trent Lott (R)
Majority-Leader-elect: Trent Lott (R)
Minority Leader: Tom Daschle (D)



United States Senate election in Florida, 2000:

Connie Mack IV (R): 52.7%
Bill Nelson (D): 46.2%


"Representative Connie Mack IV, was catapulted into the national spotlight tonight, along with Mayor Rudy Giuliani, after being backed by Governor Jeb Bush.  At 34, he has succeeded in winning his father's senate seat.  Senator Mack III was initially favored for reelection, but declined, as did Governor Jeb Bush..."



"We cleaned up the streets of New York City, and now we will clean all the skeletons out the closets of Washington!  We will work to break down party and ideological barriers!  This is a victory for the working man in America, not a party or ideological victory.  This is not the Democrat's seat or the Kennedy's seat, this is the people's seat!"

- Senator-elect Giuliani, dubbed "America's Mayor" and now "America's Senator" by the press.  He is making his victory speech with the World Trade Center as a backdrop.  He stands with Republican Michael Bloomberg, who announces his run to replace Acting Mayor Mark Green in November.

[Captain Chaos]

Per New York City law, Public Advocate Mark Green would be next in line for mayor if Giuliani was elected to the Senate in 2000.

Michael Bloomberg was in the private sector at this time.

[Jerseyrules]

Per New York City law, Public Advocate Mark Green would be next in line for mayor if Giuliani was elected to the Senate in 2000.

Michael Bloomberg was in the private sector at this time.

Thanks I've been trying to find this; I'll fix it

EDIT: fixed that and Rubio-wank

[Jerseyrules]

Bump time.

[Jerseyrules]

Bump time

[GLPman]

Looking forward to next update

[Jerseyrules]

Looking forward to next update

Then look no further!

"We have too long neglected a major problem in our society: illegal immigration.  Which is why I have proposed the Illegal Immigration Reduction and Prevention Act..."



The Senator's bill, co-sponsored by Majority Whip John Kyl and John McCain, provides a path to citizenship for current resident aliens while calling home troops from Germany, South Korea, and Japan to guard the borders and prevent more illegal immigration.  It will also make legal immigration faster and painless, reducing the time to get a visa by an estimated three months, curbing the favoritism towards some nations to others in customs, and creating a "no-tolerance policy" ("1-strike, and you're out" for conviction of crime as an illegal) for crime while a resident alien.  The act receives wide support from both parties, passing by 78-21 in the senate and 332-97 in the House.  President Dole happily signs the bill, calling it "a significant breakthrough in solving our immigration problem."

[Assistant to the Regional Manager Cathcon]

Commerce and Labor haven't been the same department since like 1913.

[Jerseyrules]

Commerce and Labor haven't been the same department since like 1913.

I forgot to mention (I think) that Dole, as in real life, was a supporter of merging the two departments (as was LBJ, who she served under in his administration).  ITTL, she was successful at this.