The Internal Intelligencer: Fuzzy Sues IDS, Citizens Call BS

[Big Wiggly Style]

At-Large Senate Candidate Alters Race
Phoenix, AZ

William Peterson Jeffery Bellamy Brown Blair Thatcher Churchill Attlee MacDonald MacBrit Nutterbutter III, Esquire, better known as William P. Nutterbutter III, announced today that he is running for At-Large Senate.

Nutterbutter, who is the internally-conjoined twin of SoIA 20RP12, has stated that he has no intention of actually campaigning, but believes Atlasia will choose him simply because he is "the fanciest and most British candidate there is."



In other news, SoIA 20RP12 has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia. More to come.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Midwest Governor Hawkeye Appoints Marokai's Replacement
Des Moines, IA

Today, Midwest Governor Hawkeye (Labour-IA) appointed ilikeverin (Other-MN) to replace Marokai as Senator. The decision was hailed as a positive one, and many are excited for ilikeverin's term. Marokai resigned as Senator on March 28th 2012.

A poll taken by SoIA 20RP12 today suggests that ilikeverin is viewed favorably by Midwest citizens, garnering a 76% approval rating, to just 19% disapproval. When asked what they thought about the appointment, Midwest citizens had mostly good things to say about the appointment.

"I think it's great. ilikeverin's a great guy, I met him a while back. He's just a really nice guy. I'm happy to be represented by him." said Bill Foster, a resident of Des Moines, IA. Other citizens, like Shirley Pennington of Minneapolis, MN, agreed:

"I can't think of a better person to serve. I'm really excited." the 38 year old Pennington said. "He's just a fantastic guy."

But some citizens were less than enthusiastic about the appointment. Todd Green, a resident of Pierre, South Dakota and professed "dyed-in-the-wool conservative right-winger" stated that he is "extremely unhappy, as this is just another example of a liberal putting another liberal in power." Green went on to say that the Senate "needs more true conservatives."

[Big Wiggly Style]

BREAKING NEWS: Tweed Declares Atlasian Government Illegitimate
Queens, NY

Boss Tweed, a Presidential Candidate in June, has declared the Atlasian Government illegitimate. The statement can be found below:

a generational crisis, a new 'normal' of discontent: welcome to the New Atlasia.


VIDEO HERE (note: use of adult language)


__

I am proud to announce today, on April 4, 2012, in conjunction with: Nathan and the Labor Party; Carl the Ron Paul fanatic and his 'CPR Caucus'; my Vice Presidential candidate, mentor, and Supreme Court justice Bald Motherfker; and my longtime friend Keystone Phil, that the state apparatus is now declared defunct by our acclamation and we are forming a provisional government, which I will give the working title 'New Atlasia'.

eight and one-quarter years ago almost to the day, I took it upon myself to light the fire that would quickly evolve into the defining expression-form of our Community.  its evolution was nothing short of incredible, and though I did produce the spark, I cannot in my right mind claim responsibility for all the developments theretofore.  it was through the ingenuity and spontaneous brilliance of the Community at-Large that we, together and without a Divine plan, had our thousands of man-hours of fun through the years.

but somewhere, sometime, something went wrong.  this we know; we do not know entirely what it was, or why, but it went horribly wrong.  I am confident that we can and will answer these pressing questions; I have theories of my own.  and we must make this decisive, revolutionary break with the past or enjoy our front-row seat on the "Managed Decline" train right into the ash heap of history.

such is why, I, today, declare the current government of Atlasia illegitimate; and declare myself, as the General Secretary of the Tweedist Popular Front, the leader and Head of State of the temporary, transitory government that will throw Atlasia on its back and spawn a New incarnation of the former glory.

this transitory government is temporary, and will only use power in this vacuum for the shortest duration possible, before commissioning provisional elections that will return direct control over the state apparatus to the public at-large.

in the coming days, I will outline a plan of immediate action.  for this I will need not only the help of my trusted confidants, but also the general public. I have no desire to be royalty to any other form of autocrat: New Atlasia will be successful only to the extent that it is democratic, in the purest sense of the word.


for specific proposals, as well as a more general emotional appeal, please see the conjunctive video.

Best,
Your Leader,
Boss Tweed.

[Cathcon]

At-Large Senate Candidate Alters Race
Phoenix, AZ

William Peterson Jeffery Bellamy Brown Blair Thatcher Churchill Attlee MacDonald MacBrit Nutterbutter III, Esquire, better known as William P. Nutterbutter III, announced today that he is running for At-Large Senate.

Nutterbutter, who is the internally-conjoined twin of SoIA 20RP12, has stated that he has no intention of actually campaigning, but believes Atlasia will choose him simply because he is "the fanciest and most British candidate there is."



In other news, SoIA 20RP12 has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia. More to come.

LOL

[Big Wiggly Style]

Turns out I forgot to write him in. Sh*t.

[Big Wiggly Style]

URGENT: ANTHRAX FOUND IN LETTER ADDRESSED TO WHITE HOUSE
Nyman, DC

A letter addressed to The White House was found to be laced with anthrax. The letter said the following, according to Secret Service officials:

And we'll love again, we'll laugh again
We'll cry again and we'll dance again
And it's better off this way
So much better off this way
I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed

And never again, and never again
They gave us two shots to the back of the head
And we're all dead now

The address from where the letter was sent is reportedly that of an abandoned house in Camden, New Jersey.

No deaths have been reported, but an aide to the President that handled the letter is being treated for a potential contraction of the disease.

The President was not harmed, nor did he read the letter, but he has been taken to an undisclosed location at this time.

[Comrade Shmoo]

Mr. Secretary, are all of your username changes coordinated with Atlasian events or...

did you do it?

[Big Wiggly Style]

Mr. Secretary, are all of your username changes coordinated with Atlasian events or...

did you do it?

Nah I just used lyrics from the same song because it's what I was listening to at the time

[ZuWo]

I didn't do it! Even though I have a motive to kill the President because he defeated me in the last election, I can say that anthrax is not my style.

[Big Wiggly Style]

I didn't do it! Even though I have a motive to kill the President because he defeated me in the last election, I can say that anthrax is not my style.

[Fuzzybigfoot]

You guys are just asking for your phones to be tapped. 

[Big Wiggly Style]

You guys are just asking for your phones to be tapped. 

I'm pretty sure I'm already on that list because I listen to Alex Jones

[Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Mr. Secretary,


Your presence is required before the Senate, immediately. I strongly urge compliance with this order within the next 24 hours. The purpose of this is for you to comment substantively an advocacy for a bill you had introduced while still in the Senate.


Senator NC Yankee,
President Pro-Tempore.

When I said I would "still get you", I wasn't bullsh**ttin you.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Ah lawdie lawdie be right there.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Presidential Candidates Announcing Candidacies In Droves
Newark, NJ

Within the past three days, four candidates have announced they will be running for President--with one of them announcing that they would withdraw the same day.

Napoleon, Benconstine and 20RP12 have announced their candidacies for President in June. They join Boss Tweed as candidates for the office.

Many other names are being thrown out as potential candidates, including Senators Clarence, TJ In Cleve, NC Yankee and former Presidential candidate ZuWo.

The diverse group of candidates is set to make this race an interesting one.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Poll Finds That 100% Of Atlasians Disapprove Of Fetal Consumption
Salem, Oregon

A poll recently conducted by the 20RP12 Research Center shows that 100% of Atlasians disapprove of the practice of eating babies, which two of five current Presidential candidates have admitted to doing so, and two others are prospected to have done or do.

The only Presidential ticket that is not being probed for potential consumption of infants is the 20RP12/Windis ticket.

SoIA 20RP12 was quoted saying "it is truly a disgusting world we live in when four people can run for President, garner large support whilst also dining on small children. It's time for a change."

[Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Mr. Secretary,

As soon as you have finished dinning, would you be so kind as to defend the next two of your former bills to reach the Senate floor. You have 24 hours to complete this task or the whole bloody lot is liable to blow up.


Senator NC Yankee,
President Pro-Tempore.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Mr. Secretary,

As soon as you have finished dinning, would you be so kind as to defend the next two of your former bills to reach the Senate floor. You have 24 hours to complete this task or the whole bloody lot is liable to blow up.


Senator NC Yankee,
President Pro-Tempore.

On it!

[Big Wiggly Style]

Oakvale Shakes Up Presidential Race
Detroit, MI

Widely colourful Atlasian political figure Oakvale recently entered the race for President in June, blowing the race wide open. The race was once believed to be at least somewhat Napoleon's to lose. Now, with Oakvale entering, the race is considered anyone's to lose.

Polls show potential strong showings by Senator Clarence, along with Oakvale and Napoleon. However, Ben, Tweed and 20RP12 hope to make the race a bit more interesting.

[Big Wiggly Style]

Average Base Salaries Of Teachers In The Imperial Dominion of the South

Texas

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Texas earns a base salary of about $48,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Texas earns a base salary of about $50,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Texas earns a base salary of about $49,000 per year.

Arkansas

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Arkansas earns a base salary of about $45,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Arkansas earns a base salary of about $45,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Arkansas earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

Louisiana

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Louisiana earns a base salary of about $48,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Louisiana earns a base salary of about $49,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Louisiana earns a base salary of about $51,000 per year.

Tennessee

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Tennessee earns a base salary of about $48,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Tennessee earns a base salary of about $45,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Tennesse earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

Mississippi

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Mississippi earns a base salary of about $44,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Mississippi earns a base salary of about $44,500 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Mississippi earns a base salary of about $45,500 per year.

Alabama

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Alabama earns a base salary of about $46,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Alabama earns a base salary of about $43,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Alabama earns a base salary of about $47,500 per year.

Florida

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Florida earns a base salary of about $49,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Florida earns a base salary of about $50,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Florida earns a base salary of about $51,000 per year.

Georgia

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in Georgia earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in Georgia earns a base salary of about $50,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in Georgia earns a base salary of about $52,000 per year.

South Carolina

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in South Carolina earns a base salary of about $42,500 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in South Carolina earns a base salary of about $47,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in South Carolina earns a base salary of about $42,500 per year.

North Carolina

Elementary School: On average, an elementary school teacher in North Carolina earns a base salary of about $40,500 per year.

Middle School: On average, a middle school teacher in North Carolina earns a base salary of about $41,000 per year.

High School: On average, a high school teacher in North Carolina earns a base salary of about $41,500 per year.

Sources:

http://www.salary.com/ (for various states)
http://www.rileyguide.com/ (for various states)

[Fmr. Emperor PiT]

     I applaud this official recognition of the true name of the Imperial Dominion of the South. Bravo!

[Big Wiggly Style]

     I applaud this official recognition of the true name of the Imperial Dominion of the South. Bravo!

Thank you, Mr. Emperor

[Big Wiggly Style]

JPMorgan Losses Revive Wall St. Regulation Debate
New York, New York

On the heels of the recent report that JPMorgan has lost billions of dollars due to poor fiscal strategy, some Atlasians citizens are calling for stricter regulation on Wall Street. A recent poll indicates that 50% of Atlasians support stricter Wall Street regulations, whereas 47% oppose. Diego Flores, an economics professor at the University of Texas said that putting stricter regulation on Wall Street is "the only way to prevent a further crisis such as this from happening again." However, Professor Bob Bell of Washington State University disagrees. "Imposing tighter regulations on businesses and Wall Street at a time like this would be disastrous for our economy. Businesses cannot thrive with Government breathing down their neck." Regardless, the debate is sure to resurface in the coming Presidential election. No candidate has made any comments regarding the issue thus far.

[Senator Napoleon]

Uh, did we ever find out the cause or is there an investigation?

[Big Wiggly Style]

Uh, did we ever find out the cause or is there an investigation?

I don't believe there was an investigation, but I verified with several sources that their risky fiscal strategy, including poor trading strategies, led to the loss of the money.