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Author Topic: Kalwejt summarizes Canadian elections  (Read 565 times)
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Kalwejt
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« on: April 08, 2012, 09:59:13 am »
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Since my British thread turned out to be an utter failure...

1957

As Canada was entering 1957, everybody expected another Liberal victory, since Tories went into hiding in 1935 and their last Prime Minister, R. B. Bennett, escaped as far as England, where he was employed as a janitor in the House of Lords.

In fact, hardly anyone saw a living Tory in over two decades and even if they saw, they were considered extremely unsexy (R. B. Bennett suffered from phimosis: something Mackenzie King did not hesitate to make widely known).

Finally, one living Tory decided to leave his basement. His name was John. He was from the West and poor folks there couldn't afford last names. In order to appear less poor and provincial, he adopted name "DIAF and bake R", after he was told to go DIAF or, eventually, go away and bake some cookies (while "R" stands for Reginald, God knows why).

The election ended with an astonishing upset. Most of the Liberals, believing that all Tories died back in 1940s, did not bother to vote, thus John and other underworld residents, that followed him to the surface, suddenly dominated polls.

Prime Minister Louis St. Laurent concession speech was the shortest in Canadian history, although historians disagree about it precise context, yet, there is unanimous agreement about it's meaning.

1958

Shortly upon becoming Prime Minister, John DIAF and Bake R decided that he deserved a vacation and dissolved the parliament.

Before that, a new Liberal leader, Lester B. Pearson, made a critical mistake in the Commons, by attempting to sit at the government benches, because he liked to observe sexy gals at gallery from this very good position.

"What the f**k are you doing?", DIAF and Bake R asked. "You're in a f**king minority".

"F**k that", Pearson replied. "I wanna sit here and I don't need damn election to do so. Move your ass".

Canadian people, outraged with Liberal attempted grab of the bench, as well as Pearson being too horny, gave DIAF and Bake R the largest mindf**k majority possible.
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politicus
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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2012, 12:05:10 pm »
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Why do you consider the Brit thread a failure? There are more interesting British elections than Canadians, so I wish you would go back to the Brit project.

In case you stick to this Canada thing, do you mind if I try to continue the British?
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Scottish Robb Stark
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« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2012, 01:35:43 pm »
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I liked the UK thread.
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22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

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« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2012, 01:47:20 pm »
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Excellent. I was hoping someone would do one of these. Good stuff so far.
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Kalwejt
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« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2012, 03:06:50 pm »
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Why do you consider the Brit thread a failure? There are more interesting British elections than Canadians, so I wish you would go back to the Brit project.

In case you stick to this Canada thing, do you mind if I try to continue the British?

Well, I'll try to update British thing too.
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« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2012, 04:12:38 pm »
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1962

Despite his mindf**king majority, Prime Minister DIAF and Bake R's government was plagued with problems.

Outside of an usual economic problems, some people were pissed off that he's not pro-American enough, while the other claimed he's just too pro-American.

In addition, U.S. President John Sexgod Kennedy, who was greatly bored with DIAF and Bake R telling him anecdotes about Churchill over a dinner, and thus keeping from important stuff, almost openly declared Lester Pearson is more sexy, which was a great recommendation for the Canadian people, since TV was no longer a rare thing anymore.

However, since DIAF and Bake R's majority was just too freaking large, Pearson was unable to defeat him... yet.

1963

This time, JFK was too busy to repeat his recommendation about Pearson. So, while DIAF and Bake R lost, Pearson had to stick with a minority government.

Despite this, Pearson was extremely pleased he can finally sit at the government bench and wink to the gallery.
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« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2012, 04:24:20 pm »
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That's nice but it would be funnier with more silly ramblings. Things are going a bit too fast. Tongue
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Robb of the House Stark, First of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North



Quote from: IRC
22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

Peppino, from the movie Baaria
politicus
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« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2012, 04:19:45 pm »
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BUMP

The British one was funnier, so please concentrate on that one, but if you should find the time, this was pretty good too.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2012, 04:21:59 pm by politicus »Logged

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