Jon Stewart 2008!

[Akno21]

THE ENTRANCE
"Welcome to the Daily Show for June 24, 2007, I'm Jon Stewart. I am here to announce to you that this will be my last show. (Gasp) Why, you ask? Because I am seeking the Nomination of the Democratic Party for President of the United States. (wild cheers)"

The next day

"Welcome to the 700 Club. I'm Pat Robertson, and we have a special guest on today, Reverend Jerry Falwell." "Thanks Pat. Yesterday, an ungodly man jumped into the race for President. I hope I face him in the General Election. Yes, Jerry Falwell is seeking the Republican Nomination for President."

More to come...

[Alcon]

If there is anyone in the world who would never run for president, it's Jon Stewart.

[Akno21]

If there is anyone in the world who would never run for president, it's Jon Stewart.

Wacky timelines seem to be the fad.

[Akno21]

STEWART CALLS SEN. BAYH A "REPUBLICAN WANNABE"
July 24, 2007
Speaking from Davenport, Iowa today, Presidential Candidate Jon Stewart compared his main rival Evan Bayh to another Indiana Senator, J. Danforth Quayle. He said "When he voted to privatize social security, he was just another Republican wannabe, too scared to break from the party he has held for so long. He compared himself to Bill Clinton yesterday. You know, from hearing him speak, I think he's like Dan Quayle. And I knew Dan Quayle. Senator Bayh, you are no Dan Quayle." The Bayh campaign had no comment as we went to press.

The polls show Bayh in the lead, with Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, and Bill Richardson all close, and Stewart at 1%.

[ilikeverin]

=( Don't diss the Bayh =(

[Alcon]

Have Bayh drop out or something - everyone wants to see Stewart kick Hillary's butt.

[Akno21]

Have Bayh drop out or something - everyone wants to see Stewart kick Hillary's butt.

Ok. I'm not good with humor, so if anyone has any punch lines for either him or Falwell, please tell me.

[Akno21]

BIG ENDORSEMENT FOR FALWELL
July 27, 2007
With his campaign faltering, Reverend Jerry Falwell picked up a big endorsement today in Maryland. Former Senate candidate Alan Keyes offically endorsed Falwell at a rally in a church. Falwell said "I am pleased to have the endorsement of a true American leader, one who cares deeply for all it's citizens, and one who fights for the values we hold dear, our god, and our savior, Jesus Christ. I have this message to all you liberal media outlets out there. You said I couldn't court the black vote. Well, I proved you wrong once more, didn't I?"

Falwell has 10% support among Republicans, trailing Frist, Pataki, and Owens in the race for the Nomination.

[RN]

Mo Rocca should get the nomination.

[Akno21]

A LONG, TALL MOUNTAIN
August 2007
With Falwell trailing in the polls, he went to the one place where he hoped to have better than a snowball's chance in hell. South Carolina. In early August 2007, a debate was held in Charleston between the main contenders.


When an openly gay college student asked Falwell what he thought about his choice, Falwell replied, "Go back in the closet." The crowd erupted in cheers.

The latest Gallup Poll showed a tightening race nationally
Sen. John McCain 32%
Gov. Bill Owens 25%
Sen. Bill Frist 21%
Gov. George Pataki 19%
Rev. Jerry Falwell 10%

Falwell was hurt when, stumping in Iowa, he criticized McCain's patriotism. "This Senator, had the guts to criticize our President. Let me repeat that for you. Criticize our President. Unbelievable. Shocking. I certainly hope Secretary Gonzales investigates."

Meanwhile, on the Democratic side, Stewart was having a hard time distinguishing himself from the Manhattan lifestyle. Chris Matthews reported seeing the candidate walk into a restaraunt in Iowa, ask for Chinese food, while wearing a New York Yankees t-shirt. He had also had an bad run-in with a group on Herbert Hoover Appreciation day in West Branch. Grabbing his bullhorn, he shouted, "You know, that victory was 78 years ago, so what exactly are you celebrating? You are so backward, you should live in a Hoover-ville." A 19-year old who was registering voters approached Stewart, and came back in shock. He confided to Carl Cameron of FOX that Stewart had called Hoover a "bloody bastard" and called him, "such a nerd he would run for President on an internet forum"

The latest poll from the NBC/Wall Street Journal showed a lopside nationally

Sen. Hillary Clinton: 57%
Sen. Evan Bayh: 23%
Gov. Bill Richardson: 13%
Sen. John Kerry: 1%
Mr. Jon Stewart: 1%

Bayh had a 33% point lead in Iowa however.

[MaC]

God, I would love to see the 527 ads the Steward team put out.  He should nominate either Samantha Bee or Steven Colbert as a VP.  Also think it would be great to see him in any debate.  I think we should also have Adam Sandler run as an independent.  In the debate he would respond to one question in complete gibberish, then he'd attack the moderator, then win the election.

[Moooooo]

I dont see how anyone can call Bayh a conservative or dino or republican wannabe.  The guys voting record isnt even close to being conservative.  The only vote that can be stamped as conservative would be the YES to ban partial birth abortion.

[7,052,770]

Samantha Bee's canadian, so she probably wouldn't get the VP nod.

[Akno21]

I need to check out where some these people live, but I have choices for VP set in my mind.

[Akno21]

Did anyone get the parody in the Stewart section?

A ROAD IS BUILT IN THE MOUNTAIN
September 2007
Early in September, Rev. Jerry Falwell announced that he had hired a Iowa campaign manager. "I believe he has demonstrated that he can bring light to his hometown, and he can enlighten the caucus-goers here in Iowa. I am pleased to announce that my Campaign Manager for Iowa is Mr. John Engle!" Soon, yards were full of Falwell signs that read "Vote Falwell: It's your choose"

Meanwhile, Stewart went back to New York for a meeting with Comedy Central Executives. Later that night, a familar face was on The Daily Show. Stewart had found himself a job in which he could be paid a huge sum to promote his candidacy for 22 minutes. A new set was constructed in Des Moines, Iowa, and with his natural comedy and wit, Stewart quickly gained a vast following in the farmland.

However, Stewart was not absent from the campaign trail. He got Ed Helms to roam the streets of Iowa, campaigning for him. Helms often read passages from Rush Limbaugh transcripts, and soon became known as the "Democratic Limbaugh" All he did, day after day, was accuse Hillary Clinton of murder, and it seemed to be working.

The Falwell campaign was pleased to see their poll numbers go up into the high teens, but were ready for a debate on September 18. In it, he and McCain had one of the most memorable clashes of the campaign.

McCain: We must not be swayed by the religous right
Falwell: Why not?
McCain: They are corrupting the party
Falwell: Excuse me, did I just hear you right? This man thinks the bible is corrupting the Republican Party. And he wants to lead this party? What a disgrace, a national disgrace.

A new Iowa poll was out, and it showed a changing race:

Frist: 30%
Owens: 22%
McCain: 19%
Falwell: 18%

Falwell declared, "We are bringing light to Iowa!"