Romney ran as Independent

[Donerail]

Wait, so we'd see the 'severe conservative' running against the 'independent during Reagan/Bush', at the same time?

*popcorn*

Yes, and thankfully Massachusetts is one of the 42, so that he could be the penultimate Massachusetts flip flopper. 5 of the 8 electoral fusion states wouldn't vote for him anyways, so fusion would only save him in South Carolina and Mississippi (Romney doesn't need fusion to win Idaho).

OMG YES YES YES. Can you imagine Mitt Romney running commercials going back and forth with himself? "I'm not trying to go back to Reagan/Bush", "I was a severely conservative governor". What a scenario, somebody should write it out.

What on Earth would the debates look like? "Republican Mitt Romney, you have the floor." "Thank you. I'm a severe conservative." "Independent Mitt Romney, you're next." "Thanks. I'm a severe moderate."

[Donerail]

[ ] Barack Obama (D)
[ ] Mitt Romney (R)
[ ] W. Mitt Romney (I)
[ ] W. M. Romney (I)
[ ] Willard M. Romney (Socialist Labor)
[ ] Willard Mitt Romney (Constitution)
[ ] Mittens Romney (Silly Hats Party)
[ ] Gromit Romney (Libertarian)
[ ] Tree-Loving Romney (Green)
[ ] MITTBOT 2.0 (MICROSOFT VISTA)

[ ] Milton Romney (Reform)
[ ] Mitchell Romney (Americans Elect)
[ ] Mitt W. Romney (Justice)

[Donerail]

*sigh* welcome to this board for the next four months...

The background is perfect. It looks like a purply temporal time void has opened up for the sole purpose of 2012 Mitt Romney debating 1994 Mitt Romney.

[Donerail]

The background is perfect. It looks like a purply temporal time void has opened up for the sole purpose of 2012 Mitt Romney debating 1994 Mitt Romney.

This scenario is now unavoidable. The Mittosis has reached critical levels.

Is Mittosis performed like convention biological organisms undergo mitosis? Or is it more like an exponential increase in production capability, producing rates similar to mitosis?

Picture 1 is Mittosis Theory 1; Picture 2 is Mittosis Theory 2:

[Donerail]

[ ] Barack Obama (D)
[ ] Mitt Romney (R)
[ ] W. Mitt Romney (I)
[ ] W. M. Romney (I)
[ ] Willard M. Romney (Socialist Labor)
[ ] Willard Mitt Romney (Constitution)
[ ] Mittens Romney (Silly Hats Party)
[ ] Gromit Romney (Libertarian)
[ ] Tree-Loving Romney (Green)
[ ] MITTBOT 2.0 (MICROSOFT VISTA)

[ ] Milton Romney (Reform)
[ ] Mitchell Romney (Americans Elect)
[ ] Mitt W. Romney (Justice)

Mitt Willard Romney (Connecticut for Lieberman)

[] Mitt Romney (American Third Position Party)
[] Mitt Romney (CPUSA)
[] Mitt Romney (The John Bolton/Allen West Association for the Advancement of Hawkish Policy Party]
[]Mitt Romney (Write-in)
[]Opebo (Write-in)

[ ] Mitt Romney (Blue Enigma)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Modern Whig)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Republican Moderate)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Alaskan Independence)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Independence)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Aloha Aina)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Moderate)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Populist)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Ecology Democracy)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Grassroots)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Conservative)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Marijuana Reform)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Right To Life)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Taxpayers)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Progressive)
[ ] Mitt Romney (United Citizens)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Liberty Union)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Independent Greens)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Tax Revolt)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Progressive Dane)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Charter)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Rent Is 2 Damn High)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Working Families)
[ ] Mitt Romney (New Progressive)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Popular Democratic)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Puerto Rican Independence)
[ ] Mitt Romney (Movimiento Unión Soberanista)

Really, the only party that he cannot contort his values enough to run in is the Anti-Mormon Party (existed 1841-1844 in Illinois).

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Is Mittosis performed like convention biological organisms undergo mitosis? Or is it more like an exponential increase in production capability, producing rates similar to mitosis?

Picture 1 is Mittosis Theory 1; Picture 2 is Mittosis Theory 2:

Mittosis is a severely aggressive biological process, impacting approximately 1 in 20 severely conservative governors. It would be comparable more to traditional mitosis in the way two Mitt Romneys are in effect created from one. Mitt Romneys are impervious to cancer, which is a symptom of the key underlying mechanism.

Whenever a flip-flop is made by a Mitt Romney, it is viewed by the body much like how a misread piece of genetic information would be read. Instead of causing cancerous tumors in the host Mitt Romney's ideology, however, the resulting error initiates a complex and instantaneous process whereby all the inconsistent positions taken by that Mitt Romney are transferred to the new Mitt Romney.

Whenever a flip-flop occurs, Mittosis occurs. This is a survival mechanism, as any one Mitt Romney actually has only one inconsistency (the initial flip-flop that created the Mitt in question). All of the combined inconsistencies are the cumulative output of all Mitt Romneys. Nobody has truly seen the potential devastation until now.

When the Mitts run out of parties to run in, do we begin to see multiple independent Mitts? Or do they start to create their own parties? Or will they start running for different offices?  How much in additional spending is this projected to cause for various elections departments?

[Donerail]

When the Mitts run out of parties to run in, do we begin to see multiple independent Mitts? Or do they start to create their own parties? Or will they start running for different offices?  How much in additional spending is this projected to cause for various elections departments?

This comes to mind:

This is very much what we are facing. The duplication of Romneys is occurring at a rate far too rapid now to stop. It will only cease when no more positions on issues can be taken. On average, each Mitt Romney is undergoing Mittosis every three days or so. At that rate, we'll have millions of Romneys running around by the end of May.

Imagine the possibilities. They could run for every elected office in the country. Perhaps they'll cooperate on one of the Mitt Romney for President's campaigns and pull out all the stops. Mitt could fire all of his campaign staff and volunteers and replace them with Mitt Romneys.

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I've imagined a much better possibility than wasting them on elected offices. The federal government employs a couple million (I think like 2.6) people. By November, Mitt could run to Ron Paul's right, promising to shrink government by having the President fulfill every single job in the Executive Branch. A chicken in every pot, a car in every garage, and a Mitt in every post office!

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What if the Mitts start voting?

Is that voter fraud?

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What if the Mitts start voting?

Is that voter fraud?

Not if you're rich and white. Plus, each Mitt is a dynamic, unique creation (even the "duplicate Mitts" as mentioned above). Unfortunately, I do not believe each Mitt has his own money.

But only the original Mitt (henceforth referred to as The Original) is rich and white, due to the Mitts not having their own money (or do they have a large collective... reservoir-sized vault, I guess... of money that they share?). Also, could Mitt flip-flop on the issue of race itself, producing many different races of Mitts? Or on gender, making Mittita?

[Donerail]

Mitt probably owns enough homes for each of his incarnations to have their own voting registration address.

Actually (being semi-serious here) if you sold all the 17 or so properties associated with Mitt in recent years, you'd have hundreds of millions of dollars, so yeah, you probably could. It's just a question of whether he sells his MA townhouse, or his CA beachside mansion, or his NH summer home, or something else, just like the average American has to decide every day.

[Donerail]

Is that voter fraud?

Not if you're rich and white. Plus, each Mitt is a dynamic, unique creation (even the "duplicate Mitts" as mentioned above). Unfortunately, I do not believe each Mitt has his own money.

But only the original Mitt (henceforth referred to as The Original) is rich and white, due to the Mitts not having their own money (or do they have a large collective... reservoir-sized vault, I guess... of money that they share?). Also, could Mitt flip-flop on the issue of race itself, producing many different races of Mitts? Or on gender, making Mittita?

Original Mitt owns the money, definitely. Even if he were subsidizing all the other Mitts, by July Mitt's current net worth - divided evenly among all Mitts - would equal less than $1.00 per person. Certainly there's a hierarchy of some sort, though. Respect for the one who gave birth to it.

As far as racial/gender combinations go:



When we're talking about millions of Mitts, there certainly is the possibility of anything. I'm assuming he would have to directly infer that he is a person of another race or a woman, but based on the flip-flops we've already seen, it's certainly possible. Statistically, I would say that most minority Mitts would be male, while most female Mitts would be white. This would be due to the fact that it would be more likely for any given Mitt to refer to itself as a women or of a different race than a woman of a different race.

Probably way under 1% of the total Mitts.

Divided evenly, if there's just a dollar per Mitt, that means there's anywhere from 190 million to 250+ million Mitts roaming the streets... How do we feed them? And what if they turn violent?

And I think it was mentioned earlier that the syndrome affects 1/20 or so "severely conservative" governors... When does my state get overrun by multiple ones of these?



Will the Christie hordes and Walker hordes fight with each other and the Corbett hordes for control of Pennsylvania? Or will the Walker and Corbett hordes fight the Kasich hordes over Ohio? Will the Scott horde begin to flow north into your state, or will it go along the Panhandle into Mobile?

[Donerail]

Not that this would ever happen, but wouldn't someone have to run as the Republican candidate, in this scenario?

RON PAUL NINJA DELEGATES

I like this idea

The Ron Paul ninja delegates shall fight the Romney hordes.

[Donerail]

The Mitts will have to starve. Do not feed the Mitts, before or after midnight. My best guess is that no more stances can be taken after the convention, at which point there will be no other way to get on the Presidential ballot. Mittosis should cease at this point, but we could have anywhere from hundreds of millions to billions of Mitts roaming around. Have you ever seen 100,000,000 tons of rotting Romney before?

Is there any potential for the Mitts to become violent in search of food? If so I'd probably start to make my way out of the Tampa area... And if not, then how would one dispose of the tons of rotting Romney? Dump it in the ocean? Make it into soylent green to feed the hungry? Or does one recycle Romneys?

[Donerail]

The Mitts will have to starve. Do not feed the Mitts, before or after midnight. My best guess is that no more stances can be taken after the convention, at which point there will be no other way to get on the Presidential ballot. Mittosis should cease at this point, but we could have anywhere from hundreds of millions to billions of Mitts roaming around. Have you ever seen 100,000,000 tons of rotting Romney before?

Is there any potential for the Mitts to become violent in search of food? If so I'd probably start to make my way out of the Tampa area... And if not, then how would one dispose of the tons of rotting Romney? Dump it in the ocean? Make it into soylent green to feed the hungry? Or does one recycle Romneys?

Whoops, just updated my post to cover some of that. You keep reading my mind! I had just made a map showing the possibility of land recovery:



I would imagine that the Mitts would become full of angst and fear for a short time, but their prime directive is not in line with direct violence.

Given that a magnitude 5.8 quake can crack the Washington Monument... The demoralization of our nation at the collapse of almost all of our famous buildings. President Biden (sworn in by Chief Justice Kennedy immediately following the quake) would immediately face the job of comforting the nation. To address a local issue, and to commend the convention-holding city, would it be possible to take a small shipment of Romney to make an island in Tampa Bay? See, we're having issues with our baseball team complaining about the distance from populated areas in Tampa with them in St. Pete; a filled-in bay would resolve that, or just a baseball island.

But back on topic. Couldn't that angst and fear, while not leading to violence, lead to an instinct for self-preservation, causing them to either steal, beg, or (god forbid) actually work for things like earned income? Or does the natural persona forbid that?

[Donerail]

For each possible combination of political views and flip flops, the multiverse contains a universe where Mitt Romney has those views. Just think, your favorite candidate could be replaced with a Mitt Romney whose views are your own. We must figure out how to harness the multiverses of Mitt Romneys.

This brings up some interesting points. Perhaps Mitt Romney domestication is possible? Say a family takes in a Mitt Romney and feeds it a good diet of bland starchy foods and milk. Flour and water might work just as well.

You may be able to then proceed to force the Mitt to take on your desired positions. This would be the equivalent of breeding Mitts. In a controlled environment, you become the Mitt's political audience. You can then condition the Mitt into positions where he has to flip-flop, thereby creating another Mitt with a desired result. You can continue this lineage until you have replaced all undesirable positions with desirable ones. The only problem is keeping the Mittosis stable, as it would still continue to flip-flop by default on its own.

Simply after breeding the Mitt to your desired policy positions, try to convince it that it doesn't flip-flop. After this flip-flop causes another round of Mittosis, you have a Mitt that doesn't flip-flop due to its flip-flop on the issue of whether it flip-flops.

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My god, it's affected Newt! Seriously. I wake up and get my local newspaper (Tampa Bay Times) and this is the headline I see:


Gingrich Blames CNN and Liberal Media For Loss in One-Man Debate

ATLANTA — Republican presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich does not deny he lost to himself in a solo debate Monday evening, but claims CNN rigged the results.

Gingrich said he wanted to keep the debate's focus on the nation's economy and a balanced budget, but kept interrupting himself to criticize illegal immigrants, welfare babies, pansy gun control advocates and monogamous people.

"How am I supposed to win a debate when I can't accuse someone of being liberal,'' Gingrich asked. "No politician can do righteous indignation without any opponents, media or followers around. For crying out loud, I'm practically pleasant now.''

Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum said he would pray for whichever Gingrich actually lost.