The Madness of King Mieszko

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

March 5, 1924
Royal Castle, Warsaw

Your Majesty, it is my duty to strongly advise you to not attend this concert.

Wha? Why is this?

Your Majesty is... um... not fit to be seen in public right now...

Nonsense!

Sire, I beg you...

Just watch me.

Your Maj... Bismillah! Don't just stand, you idiots! Catch the King, before...

But it was too late. Using the Hetman's and his own guard suprise, the King was already half way to the said event, he was supposed to not attend.

The Hetman, despite trying to run as fast as he only could, arrived just in time to see His Majesty Mieszko IV, King of Poland, Grand Duke of Lithuania, Ruthenia and High Khan of the Lipkas (skipping lesser titles), proving to a studded public that kings are no diffrent from other pantless men.

Call the Prime Minister... now!

[FEMA Camp Administrator]

...and he starts another timeline which he will invariably not finish. As I recall, you've only finished one timeline, and that was "Carter out of Field 1980 and onward".

[Jerseyrules]

...and he starts another timeline which he will invariably not finish. As I recall, you've only finished one timeline, and that was "Carter out of Field 1980 and onward".

SSSSHHH!  You can't talk during the movies!!

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Few moments later
Sejm Palace, Warsaw

At the Prime Minister's official office, down the Royal Route, his private secretary received a nervous phone call.

Yes, Sir, the Prime Minister is on his way to Belweder... they are expecting him in about twenty minutes... I understand, I'll call the Belweder right now.

This is Poraziński speaking. The Hetman is on his way to Belweder to see the Prime Minister... No, he can't discuss this matter on the phone, it's too sensitive... of course it's about the King! What the hell did you expect? A f**king Saxsons?


Twenty-two minutes later
Belweder Palace

Officially, the palace has been designated as the "Crown High Chancellor Private Residence", although no one called the place this way anymore, just as it's resident was no longer refereed by his formal title. While Crown High Chancellor was a formal office and "Prime Minister" was a constitutional convention, still not mentioned by any official document, it was the political reality, since "The Iron Duke" consolidated his power and set the precedent.

The Prime Minister exits his car and climbed the residence's stairs. He was exhausted and the only thing he was thinking of right now was a hot bath and a comfortable bed. He spent almost entire day pleading with Grand Mufti, trying to secure his Senate vote for an important bill.

His hopes for a rest quickly collapsed, as he saw his adjutant, wearing a nervous face.

Sir, the Lipka Hetman is on his way here. There's been another... incident.

F**k!, the Prime Minister cursed and then flopped at the couch. This is the last thing I need right now...

I order some coffee, sir.
 

Meanwhile...
The Citadel

The Citadel's Governor watched the cell via peephole for a good two minutes, before acknowledging officer in charge of it's occupant.

Anything unusual, Rotmistrz?

No, Colonel. Everything's normal

So, she refused her walk again?

Yes, sir.

This girl is nothing but a trouble. Can't they keep somewhere else?

Well, sir, the Citadel is an usual place for a prisoners of special significance...

My question was rhetorical, Rotmistrz!

Yes, sir!

A literally-influenced Warsaw called the prisoner the two, Governor and Rotmistrz, were discussing, a "Girl In The Iron Mask", with an obvious reference to a historical Bastille's resident. Of course in modern, "humanitarian", times, she didn't have to wear an iron mask. It was merely required that no one, outside of the Governor and officers directly in charge, would see her.

All right, Rotmistrz. Carry on.

Yes, sir!

As the Governor disappeared from his view, the Rotmistrz grinned and whispered to himself:

Long live the Queen...

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

The Prime Minister watched gloomily as Selim Aga Sulkiewicz, Hetman of the Lipkas, entered his private study.

Prime Minister.

Hetman.

Just a week ago, the Hetman was happy to take a "nice leave in Capitol", when, by the traditional rotation among high officers of the Commonwealth, he was posted to the Royal Castle, to act as Court Marshall. Finally, some time off from an annoying usual work in Bohoniki. Now, he wished he'd stay at this small town, Lipkostan's seat.

All right, we shall drop all conveniences. What's now?

His Majesty ran to the concert with his pants dropped.

Oh God...

I don't understand this... he can act normally all the day and be in a sound mind... and then... well, this happens.

The King is mad, Prime Minister shrugged.

He refuses to see a doctor.

We can't make him see one. There's a constitutional privilege.

Unless the Sejm declared him incapacitated.

Oh, for the love of God... I can't bring this before the Sejm... not now. Piłsudski would skin me alive.

But what if he'll go worse?

[Niemeyerite]

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

...for many patriots, an uprising against foreign powers, that already portioned the Commonwealth twice, seemed as the last resort. For others, however, it would be, in a light of internal divisions and state's weakness, the final blow to the already badly damaged Polish-Lithuanian independence. King Stanisław August literally begged Tadeusz Kościuszko to drop his plans for uprising, but the hero of an American War of Independence was unmoved. Luckily for the "peace" party, just days before we was scheduled to launch an uprising, Kościuszko has been incapacitated due to a sudden stroke, spending his last four years as a living vegetable. Instead, there were a few local "confederations" of a dissident Szlachta, that were quickly put down.

From 1793 to 1807, the Commonwealth continued it's weak existence as de facto Russia protectorate, limited territorially and with previous ambitious reform attempts failed. However, the Napoleonic Wars changed everything. With many Poles actively serving under the "Little Corporal", that crushed Prussian and Austrian powers, the Commonwealth regained lands formerly annexed by the Hohenzollerns and Habsburgs, becoming an important ally of the French Empire.

In 1812, the Commonwealth was a main base for the French invasion on Russia, committing additionally a large number of troops. In result of the Russian defeat, the Commonwealth regained most of it's Eastern territories, previously annexed to Russia. Also, due to a defeat, Russia changed it's strategic policy, directing her interest to the East, while withdrawing from European politics.

In 1814, the last of "free elections" took place. It was merely a formality, as because of Napoleon's influence, his brother, Lucien, was elected King of Poland and Grand Duke of Lithuania. Just a two years later, Sejm agreed to amend the new constitution by abolishing "free election" and making the throne hereditary, therefore installing a cadet branch of the House of Bonaparte.

The enlightement-influenced reform attempts, that failed before, were now widely instituted under Napoleonic influence. For example, apart of the establishment of a dynasty and new, liberal, constitution, the Napoleonic code became a source of law.

Because of the Russian defeat, Poland and Lithuania were able to make up with the Zaporozhian Cossacks, whose autonomy was already abolished by Tsarina Catherine the Great. Ukraine, which heavily supported Napoleonic forces, rejoined the Commonwealth as the third constituent country: Grand Duchy of Ukraine. From now on, Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth became known as Commonwealth of Three Nations with two additional autonomous territories: former Grand Duchy of Courland, that was a crown's vassal, and Lipkostan, created with lands mainly inhabited by Lipka Tatars, whose loyalty to the Crown was legendary.

If one man, outside of Napoleon's good will (supported, undoubtedly, by his political calculations), can be credited for the Polish reconstruction, it was Prince Józef (Józef) Poniatowski, a nephew of the unfortunate King Stanisław August and Marshal of France. Thanks to his political talents and the Emperor's confidence, Poniatowski skilfully managed Polish interests, which earned him a position of the Crown High Chancellor under King-Grand Duke Lucien, who assumed the name of Władysław V.

His Majesty Władysław V (Lucien Bonaparte)
King of Poland, Grand Duke of Lithuania and Ukraine, Duke of Courland and High Khan of the Lipkas

Historically, the Chancellor was responsible for managing the King's chancellery, as well as being in charge of foreign affairs. Because of Poniatowski own position and Lucien's ignorance in Polish affairs, he became an effective Prime Minister, directing nation's policy and selecting fellow ministers as he pleased to. He also created a historical precedent by resigning, after losing an important vote in Sejm. Although he was restored just days later, Polish convention of a parliamentary government, in which the Chancellor wields an effective executive power (theoretically exercised in the name of King), but had to command a confidence of Sejm, was established...

The Iron Prince

[#CriminalizeSobriety]

Simply outstanding, my friend. We don't have many timelines of this variety and you are bringing a new flavor to the board.

As always, good work!

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

The next day
Chamber of Deputies, Sejm Palace, Warsaw

Even before he took his seat, Marshal of the Chamber knew very well his throat is going to hurt as all hell tonight. Frankly, he couldn't expect anything else: another Prime Minister question time. Deputies from both sides, government and opposition, will be yelling and literally jumping at each other. Especially since the oppostion gained a lot of confidence after winning an important by-election earlier this month, and since the government was more and more divided internally.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORDER!

The Prime Minister finished to read his carefully prepeared and, thus, very colorless statement on some minor issue no one really cared about.

Deputy Daszyński.

Ignacy Daszyński, Chairman of the Commonwealth Socialist Party, former Prime Minister himself and currently Leader of the Opposition, rised from the opposition's front bench. With his usual witty style, he attacked the government on rular reform and recent situation in the Ukraine, before proceeding to the matter government was doing it's best to avoid.

OOOOOOORDER! Leader of the Opposition must be heard... Prime Minister?

The Prime Minister rised again from the front goverment bench, called the "chancellor's bench".

I say for the thousand time: so-called "Girl in the Iron Mask" is a journalist invention. This government is too busy dealing with an actual issues to pay attention to a modern legends

Bravo! Vivat!, the government backbenchers were cheering their leader.

Shame! Shame! Resign! Truth!, responded the opposition.'

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORDER!, the Marshal yelled. Deputy Daszyński.

Thank you, Mr. Marshall. Does the Prime Minister deny the fact of an illegal imprisonment of Princess Agnieszka in undiclosed location?.

There is no such person as "Princess Agnieszka"

SHAME!

VIVAT!

Mr. Marshall, we're witnessing not only crisis of this government, that is unable to deal with a simple facts, but also a deeper crisis of our certain historical institutions...

SHAME!

LONG LIVE THE KING!

VIVAT!

RESIGN!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORDER!

And is the Prime Minister aware that His Majesty was not seen in public in four weeks now?

The Prime Minister was about to deliver his ad hoc response, but was saved by his secretary.

Sir, there's been another situation at the Castle.

Saved or not?

[World politics is up Schmitt creek]

More, please!

[Jerseyrules]

More, please!

I second this, though I don't understand much of it