Me and Michael or How I hate DOMA.

[afleitch]

As some of you will know I've been with Michael, a Pennsylvanian college student since September. He is my everything; since the first day. We are trying to create a home together. There are problems however. He is here on a one year student visa and changes to UK rules means he can't extend. As an actor, he cannot secure 'regular' work that would assist in his favour. Because he has been here less than two years, I cannot sponsor him as a partner.

In order for our relationship to continue, I would have to have a civil partnership. It annoys me to have to do it with a gun to my head and before gay marriage becomes law but if we are to have any chance to work and build or relationship, even if it doesn't work it's something I will have to do. I am running out of legal options.

However as an actor on his Masters degree, I know where his work lies; back home. A civil partnership or a marriage here, even if done in our own time is not thanks to DOMA recognised federally. I cannot be classified as a spouse if I was to move to the USA with him. My residency would be somewhat provisional on that basis and my rights not 'automatic.' I cannot be sponsored for a Green Card

Why is this so f-cking hard? What harm to you does my potential marriage to him do? He needs to go where the work is. He needs to settle where he can work and I want to come with him.

I love him so much. I'd do anything to see him happy and do well. If I can't come with him, or find a way around this I really don't know what to do.

Rant over. I'm sorry.

[Franzl]

What can I say? It's disgusting and absurd. I can't imagine how awful it must be for you. I hope things will change soon, but I doubt it.

[Torie]

Just awful of course. I did a google, and find this however. The trick might be to come to the US, and get married in a state where you can do that, and then just stay. Whether events have superseded it, I don't know. I think what you need is a very good immigration lawyer (sometimes just playing these legal games in one area, gives one insights on how to play them in others after boning up a bit). I would be pleased to help you any way I can, even though I know nothing about immigration law. Feel free to PM me.

Steve

PS:  It is wonderful however that you are so much in love. For many, that never happens in life.

[afleitch]

Just awful of course. I did a google, and find this however. The trick might be to come to the US, and get married in a state where you can do that, and then just stay. Whether events have superseded it, I don't know. I think what you need is a very good immigration lawyer (sometimes just playing these legal games in one area, gives one insights on how to play them in others after boning up a bit). I would be pleased to help you any way I can, even though I know nothing about immigration law. Feel free to PM me.

Steve

PS:  It is wonderful however that you are so much in love. For many, that never happens in life.

That’s very kind I am aware of the challenges to DOMA so perhaps it is just a matter of time. What annoys me is having to dance my way around immigration laws on both sides but somewhat unequally. It’s also affected my friend Jamie and his American fiancé Tim. Jamie had the misfortune of being denied entry to the USA on the visa waver program to visit Tim one summer as they didn’t believe he was going to go back home. It makes re-entering the USA for the same purpose very difficult. As Tim lives in Seattle, Jamie applied and got residency in Canada. He lives in Vancouver and Tim visits him. They will be getting married in Canada, but of course will fall foul of DOMA so can’t settle in the States. Jamie and Tim can go back to Scotland, but their marriage gets downgraded to a civil partnership (for now) It’s all needlessly complicated.

[Franzl]

I'm still surprised that your friend was denied entry under the Visa Waiver program. I mean...what's the chance of that happening? 1 out of 10,000?

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

It looks like DOMA has just been ruled unconstitutional for now....all hope isn't lost,  Andrew

Though the court did stay it's decision, things might be looking up.

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

As someone who worked in the Visa area in Australia that dealt with these types of scenarios... the fact that you've been together less than a year would be a HUGE red flag to them.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

As someone who worked in the Visa area in Australia that dealt with these types of scenarios... the fact that you've been together less than a year would be a HUGE red flag to them.

As in a Milhouse's-rants-type flag?

[Fmr President & Senator Polnut]

As someone who worked in the Visa area in Australia that dealt with these types of scenarios... the fact that you've been together less than a year would be a HUGE red flag to them.

As in a Milhouse's-rants-type flag?

The thing is that immigration goes through 3 phases...

- Visit (student/work visas)
- Permanent residency
- Citizenship

the first and third elements are the easiest to gain, citizenship is actually the easiest... because the mid-phase, the residency phase is incredibly tough. Every element of your relationship will be scraped through, banking, real-estate, bills, etc etc...  and they will certainly look at the time you've been together, and such a short time will raise flags...

A friend of mine from the US came here on a student visa in July 2010... she had met a guy and married him in March 2011 (a move I strongly advised against) and had a baby in February this year... she's being told she needs to get a new student visa and to wait until next March to apply for permanent residency...

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

It looks like DOMA has just been ruled unconstitutional for now....all hope isn't lost,  Andrew

Though the court did stay it's decision, things might be looking up.

As I stated in another thread, I can't see the First Circuit ruling's being upheld without setting a precedent that leads to leads to an effective nullification of all state laws that ban gay marriage.  As a result, I doubt that the Supreme Court will uphold it as written.  Kennedy might buy into an argument that would lead to just DOMA going down, but that ruling ain't it.

[Brittain33]

It looks like DOMA has just been ruled unconstitutional for now....all hope isn't lost,  Andrew

Though the court did stay it's decision, things might be looking up.

As I stated in another thread, I can't see the First Circuit ruling's being upheld without setting a precedent that leads to leads to an effective nullification of all state laws that ban gay marriage. 

But you haven't explained why that should be.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

It looks like DOMA has just been ruled unconstitutional for now....all hope isn't lost,  Andrew

Though the court did stay it's decision, things might be looking up.

As I stated in another thread, I can't see the First Circuit ruling's being upheld without setting a precedent that leads to leads to an effective nullification of all state laws that ban gay marriage. 

But you haven't explained why that should be.

Perhaps I haven't explained it to your satisfaction, I most certainly have explained it.

The decision is based upon an equal protection framework and I don't see any way that it can be upheld without establishing a precedent that could be used to force the states that do not allow for same-sex marriage to recognize the validity a same-sex marriage entered into in another state.

The First Circuit can claim all it wants that their decision is narrowly aimed at the Federal government, but it is not.