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Author Topic: Redalgo's Rural Mountain Lair  (Read 2593 times)
Redalgo
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« on: June 16, 2012, 01:18:10 am »
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Main Office for Public Affairs
Comrade C. M. C. Cunningham

--- June 15th Press Release ---


Allo there and such, folks! Yesterday I formally declared my candidacy for a seat in the Senate of the Republic of Atlasia, representing the magnificent Midwest Region. Please allow me to express my heartfelt gratitude to those who have recently been willing to trek far off the beaten path to visit my office in Kalispell, Exhilaration, the hard working volunteers in my campaign, and to Alfred Jones, Sen. Scott, Gov. Napoleon, and Snowstalker for their endorsements. A shout-out is especially owed to Napoleon - without whom this humble public servant would have realized neither the uncompetitive nature of this race nor found within him any desire to exploi- er, graciously explore said opportunity.

My journey in life began in the suburbs of Minneapolis on the cold morn of a Christmas Day. I was adopted by a loving family in the rural Lakes Country of Happiness, and back in the summer of 1997 moved to a new home situated deep in the stony, majestic heart of west Exhilaration. Over the years I transformed into a flawed but fundamentally decent, albeit perfectionistic student of social sciences in the classroom and also - as an author, digital photographer, and amateur bassoonist - one of the arts out of it. Today I pledge to run a corruption-free campaign and hope to serve our beloved Atlasia with honor and integrity.

I stand in solidarity with the Labor Party because I sympathize and genuinely care for the welfare of downtrodden victims in our society - people who oftentimes lack enough good opportunities, are beset with too many injustices, and offered too little generosity. I stand in solidarity with the Labor Party because it is inexcusably wrong that I never had to lift a finger to get what I needed early on in life while so many friends - despite their efforts to work hard and be self-reliant - had to worry about running out of money for food, shelter, education, seeking urgent medical care, and supporting dependent relatives who were out of work - much less their beloved pets. I stand in solidarity with the Labor Party because it is the only in Atlasia whose policies will bring about leaps of progress in terms of enhancing the overall sense of long-term happiness and fulfillment within reach for us all.

With the utmost respect for comrades enrolled in other parties, the Whigs are normatively repressive and ethnocentric. Many Popular Libertines are blind to the solemn reality that our archaic, capitalist order of production is neither meritocratic nor a vigorous engine for nurturing actionable freedom on a person-to-person basis. I suspect that the Imperial Bloc is woefully corrupt insofar as it serves Southern interests instead of those of the People in general - all without espousing any coherent ideology or vision for the nation’s future. To be fair, in the Liberals, Moderates, and some Independents I see glimmers of hope but in the end their efforts seem insufficient to deliver the rights and justice owed to our people. But I still love them anyway.

However, as of today it appears that I am running for this Senate seat entirely unopposed. This lends me a unique sandbox in which to tinker with some very unorthodox campaign strategies, if you would be so kind as to hear me out. For instance, in opposition to all the advice given by my senior aides and staffers, I have chosen a vivid campaign slogan sure to resonate with the hormonal, teen nerd demographic so primaly decisive in the Midwest.

Redalgo 2012: Let’s Touch Each Other

Indeed. Let’s. “But sir,” you might be so bold and inclined as to inquire, “what could you possibly know of sex?” Touché, Midwestern voter, touché. The only retort which comes to mind is that, while this candidate is admittedly a virgin, it just so happens that he has been waiting for that special someone. A very special someone. It is you, beloved Atlasia. I long to grab hold of your smooth, disconcertingly sticky door handles and get a rough pat-down and frisking before shamelessly grinding atop of your rails all gentle and slow, only to rise up from below almost immediately thereafter to penetrate each of those cavernous, sacrosanct halls of yours in turn with wild abandon. Who knew a subway trip from the Hart Senate Building to Capitol could be so sexy?

Although I admittedly lack experience, am overly excitable, and emotionally committed to the Midwest, I pledge to all voters in said region today that - if you say “yes” - I’ll be a tender, loving, and responsive mover and shaker dedicated first and foremost to satisfying you regardless of how hot and bothered either one of us might get in the process. Ideally I would have time enough to initiate and tend to intimate relations with every person in our fair and glorious region. Alas, I am not well-known for my physical stamina and can only stimulate you along with the economy for so long using my gift of an unlimited supply of gaffes and quotes to be taken out of context by political pundits and late-night comedians. So please show some sympathy and forgive me when we cannot bed together under those breathtaking, starry Midwestern skies quite as often as we’d like. It’s not you. It’s me.

Now, to get back on track before any of my volunteers watching this faint in horror, it is my intention to touch y’all in a multitude of ways that are sensitive to your basic desires. “Can you offer some of the juiciest details?” a fetching young lady somewhere out there might ask. My simple, two-word response is, “You bet!”  

In accordance with my visionary goals for Atlasia, if elected to the Senate, I intend to do what is within my power to: (a) begin an economic transition for our homeland from the capitalist status quo to market socialism, (b) grace our constitution with an additional handful of social rights, (c) experiment with a fusion of multicultural and solidarist values, (d) raise government transparency and make it easier for citizens to obtain information on doings of state, (e) respect others’ faiths but insist on secular, wholly irreligious government, (f) pursue a green agenda of expanding energy output from renewables along with a nuclear source of baseload power, (g) protect pristine tracts of wilderness and encourage humane treatment of all sorts of crazy critters, (h) abolish weapons of mass destruction and use a small yet mobile, high-tech military for self-defense and humanitarian assistance, (i) seek foreign policies designed to respect and advance the rights of all, (j) peacefully advocate globalization and world federalism, (k) robustly invest in basic scientific research and a human presence in space, (l) seek a pragmatic balance of interests among unions, firms, and individuals, (m) apply Madisonian concepts to the mediation of human conflicts, (n) found an excellent public news network devoted to the fair coverage of elections, and (o) encourage mainstream acceptance of Dr. Who and MLP: FIM as being [Inks]ing epic.

On a related note, Fluttershy is best-pony. Twilight is, in my opinion, a close runner up.

Ahem.

Now in the interest of transparency let me make it unequivocally clear that I am willing to answer any question here pertinent to my hypothetical performance as a public official. In response to some of the rumors already circulating, I am prepared to go onto the record to admit that I did a lot of stupid, morally dubious sh**t prior to getting out of high school, but at my core had been a decent human being all along. Which is a good reminder, actually, because it is true that for four years I was completely convinced of being the reincarnation of a copper dragon’s soul in a human corporeal shell. Yeah. It is best to let that one sink in for a few moments. I do not own a monocle. And no, contrary to what some would say, I did not knowingly or with malicious intent desecrate that certain sacred object in question on a visit to one of the local Native nations. I feel awful about it. As a matter of fact, I feel pretty [Inks]ing guilty about a lot of things regardless of whether they were actually all that significant in the greater scope of things.

Fortunately, the compassionate, kindhearted, cooperative nature of my personality would be a great asset in office - one which arguably serves as a counterweight to my extensive personal baggage. It is difficult for me to hate anybody, I’m willing to get along well with anyone willing to hold up their end of the tacit agreement of mutual respect, hear out the thoughts and rationales of political adversaries, and I’m polite and courteous under most circumstances. Furthermore, I tend to be intuitive, intellectually curious, well-humored, a visionary, and lover of all people in the same sense that I love a cake instead of reserving my fondness for a single slice of it. You know as well as I that cakes are delicious. To be perfectly honest with you, the only substantive chink in my armor - so far as I am aware - is overestimating the goodness of human nature, and that really is not among the worst of flaws for one to discover in a candidate seeking a lofty public office, wouldn’t you agree?

At any rate, I will now take and personally respond to questions and statements on any matter. Thank you all for your time and also - in spite of me launching the most poorly conceived campaign in recent Atlasian history - for your consideration in the upcoming election!


« Last Edit: June 16, 2012, 01:29:10 am by Redalgo »Logged

"I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to see realized." ~ Nelson Mandela
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« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2012, 01:28:37 am »
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What is the origin of your insignia? does that star have puppy ears?
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Redalgo
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« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2012, 01:40:19 am »
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To address your questions, in the case of the latter banner the letters L, A, and B are in reference to the three-letter abbreviation associated with members of the Labour Party in the Atlas wiki. The layout featured  is vaguely reminiscent of the Midwest region's flag, but in this variation the lower golden section refers to the bedrock, liberal democratic foundations of Atlasian society while the overhanging red section represents the socialist future yet to be built atop of it with features of both being critical to the future success and well-being of the citizenry in generations yet to come. The star featured is merely a modification of that already prominently displayed in the Midwest flag, and the two overhanging objects are a crude depiction of a bro-hoof greeting of solidarity about to take place in a most beautiful and awe-inspiring fashion - because clenched fists are starting to get a bit cliched. Other (pony-reference-free) variations of this standard exist and are likely to be cycled through over time in response to the comments and any possible requests by constituents.
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"I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to see realized." ~ Nelson Mandela
Senator JCL and the geologist
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« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2012, 02:22:20 am »
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So what are your thoughts on a possible Atlasian Glass-Steagall act? Also what are you're thoughts on the Mideast Senate race?
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Congressional Races
Jackie Walorski (R/IN-2)
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Chard Reid (Lib/IN-5)
Luke Messer (R/IN-6)
Tom Massie (R/KY-4)
David Brat (R/VA-7)
Napoleon
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« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2012, 02:25:41 am »
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Endorsed, man. I know you will make a great Senator if the good people of the Midwest are fortunate enough to have you represent them. Good luck!!
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Lowly Griff
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« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2012, 02:34:14 am »
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Endorsed!
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« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2012, 03:53:32 am »
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tl;dr - but it's great to see someone who campaigns in the Midwest!
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Citizen Alfred
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« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2012, 07:53:11 am »
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I like your slogan.
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There is a lot of humor to be mined from this as the mind of LBJ in the body of an 18 month old baby girl is quite hilarious.

Alfred is the Atlasian equivalent of a malevolent deity.

Pope Kalwejt I of Northeast
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« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2012, 08:01:26 am »
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Endorsed.
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SJoyce
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« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2012, 08:16:06 am »
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The Midwest is going to elect a capitalism-hating brony to the Senate. Oh goody.
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Citizen Alfred
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« Reply #10 on: June 16, 2012, 08:56:16 am »
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The Midwest is going to elect a capitalism-hating brony to the Senate. Oh goody.

Have you seen what they do in their spare time?
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There is a lot of humor to be mined from this as the mind of LBJ in the body of an 18 month old baby girl is quite hilarious.

Alfred is the Atlasian equivalent of a malevolent deity.

k-onmmunist
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« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2012, 09:23:28 am »
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The Midwest is going to elect a capitalism-hating brony to the Senate. Oh goody.

Capitalism-hating bronies <3
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« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2012, 09:33:31 am »
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What is the origin of your insignia? does that star have puppy ears?

BROHOOF!

/)*(\
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i like girls but there is NOTHING better then a sexi hott dude
SJoyce
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« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2012, 09:42:48 am »
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The Midwest is going to elect a capitalism-hating brony to the Senate. Oh goody.

Have you seen what they do in their spare time?

Define "they"; in your sentence it could mean Midwesterners, capitalism-haters, capitalists, voters, bronies, Senators, or Redalgos.
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Аverroës Nix
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« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2012, 09:52:31 am »
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That was entertaining. Endorsed.
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PS: I am using my late mother's Facebook account due to the difficulty of changing identities on Facebook. She has yet to complain.
Citizen Alfred
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« Reply #15 on: June 16, 2012, 10:32:25 am »
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The Midwest is going to elect a capitalism-hating brony to the Senate. Oh goody.

Have you seen what they do in their spare time?

Define "they"; in your sentence it could mean Midwesterners, capitalism-haters, capitalists, voters, bronies, Senators, or Redalgos.

Midwesterners. Or capitalism-hating bronies. Take your pick.
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There is a lot of humor to be mined from this as the mind of LBJ in the body of an 18 month old baby girl is quite hilarious.

Alfred is the Atlasian equivalent of a malevolent deity.

Redalgo
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« Reply #16 on: June 16, 2012, 11:10:03 am »
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So what are your thoughts on a possible Atlasian Glass-Steagall act? Also what are you're thoughts on the Mideast Senate race?

I do not currently possess an opinion on that possibility. It is no secret of mine that fiscal policy is not one of my areas of strength or expertise. In the event that such a bill were put forth, I would initiate a sincere effort to obtain balanced, outside consul from fellow legislators, think tanks, and peer-reviewed scholarly journals before drawing conclusions. Though my opposition to capitalism was voiced in previous statements, it is my understanding that more regulation does not always serve the best long-term interests of the people, and for years I have been inclined to break with the official party line if/when I see merit in the positions of my opponents. In any event, this is no cause for concern. One cannot be reasonably expected to possess a fine, commanding quality of knowledge on every subject pertinent to every area of public policy. If you have any thoughts on the matter you would like to convey, please do so and I shall gladly take them into consideration.

In regards to the Mideast Senate race, meanwhile, it is a decision that is obviously best left to the good people of the Mideast region. The lack of a vibrant, ideologically diverse campaign in the region in question does trouble me - suggesting that a sizable portion of the populace there may not be receiving active representation - but at this time I am most inclined to endorse Ben. You strike me as being a wise, knowledgeable contributor to the political process, JCL, but as you are probably already well aware we are unlikely to see eye-to-eye on many controversial issues. However, should you manage to triumph in your bid for the seat I do look forward to working alongside, building up an even stronger sense of respect for, and gaining invaluable insights from you in the many weeks and months that lie ahead.


Endorsed, man. I know you will make a great Senator if the good people of the Midwest are fortunate enough to have you represent them. Good luck!!
Endorsed!
tl;dr - but it's great to see someone who campaigns in the Midwest!
Endorsed.
That was entertaining. Endorsed.

It's so very kind of you to say. You've my humblest gratitude for setting aside time to let me know!


I like your slogan.

Why thank you. I do too, despite my concerns it might spectacularly backfire!


The Midwest is going to elect a capitalism-hating brony to the Senate. Oh goody.

Well in all seriousness, my insistence on dragging MLP: FIM into the public spotlight is mainly a consequence of our greater community's haphazard attempts to sequester discussions of, and even passing references to it in threaded discussions and in the main IRC channel. This makes talking about it something of a forbidden fruit far too tempting for me to just leave dangling on low branches of the tree that is this discouraged forum-going conduct. Incidentally, I am often in the mood for a bit of self-deprecating humor. I'm an pretty odd critter like that.

On the matter of hating capitalism, it is not that I loathe all aspects of the system (mind you, my interpretation of social conflict is neo-Weberian, not Marxist). It is just that I consider the approach as a whole indicative of a base, misguided set of core objectives and moral values. Markets, interpersonal and intergroup competition, private property, and a number of other characteristics of the current economic order have earned their respective places in Atlasia. I will not, however, accept that expanding production, incentives for hard work, and extensive property rights are more important than preserving human dignity, promoting wellness of the individual via a reasonable balance of work and leisure, or enforcing a fair set of rules for the game that is life.

If it is of any consolation though, I happen to be more liberal on most so-called "social issues" than the average Atlasian citizen and, in all likelihood, currently serving senator.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2012, 11:14:15 am by Redalgo »Logged

"I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to see realized." ~ Nelson Mandela
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« Reply #17 on: June 16, 2012, 11:15:02 am »
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Endorsed, by the way. I don't really care that you're a socialist, the Midwest needs revitalization and I trust that you will do that.
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i like girls but there is NOTHING better then a sexi hott dude
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« Reply #18 on: June 16, 2012, 11:37:51 am »
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Endorsed, because you're in the Midwest, active, and there are no other options Tongue
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Redalgo
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« Reply #19 on: June 16, 2012, 11:48:59 am »
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Hopefully more candidates will emerge - if not this go around then for the next one in response to whatever shenanigans I end up involved in during the first term. It is convenient to run alone but it feels dirtier and less honorable than would be a 2-5 person race. If you are uncomfortable with my intentions though, it would be strongly advisable to support a write-in as opposed to reinforcing my legitimacy. Should I win over ninety percent of the vote it is going to look like we're in Cuba. :|
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"I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to see realized." ~ Nelson Mandela
SJoyce
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« Reply #20 on: June 16, 2012, 12:09:10 pm »
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Should I win over ninety percent of the vote it is going to look like we're in Cuba. :|

You can't win over 90% of the vote, you're in the Midwest. To have over 90% you'd either need to get all of the voters for you (a possibility) or have at least 10 people voting Tongue
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Redalgo
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« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2012, 12:19:17 pm »
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lol - ya, I suppose you're right! ^^
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"I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to see realized." ~ Nelson Mandela
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« Reply #22 on: June 16, 2012, 12:19:44 pm »
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The Midwest is going to elect a capitalism-hating brony to the Senate. Oh goody.

I see you're not very familiar with Midwest.
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« Reply #23 on: June 16, 2012, 12:24:05 pm »
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Should I win over ninety percent of the vote it is going to look like we're in Cuba. :|

You can't win over 90% of the vote, you're in the Midwest. To have over 90% you'd either need to get all of the voters for you (a possibility) or have at least 10 people voting Tongue

What makes you think there wont be more than ten voters in a region of 20+?
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When I was in the third grade, I thought that I was Jewish
Because I could count, my nose was big, and I kept my bank account fullish
I told my mom, tears blurring my vision
He said, "Mort, you've loved God since before circumcision"
SJoyce
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« Reply #24 on: June 16, 2012, 12:35:14 pm »
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Should I win over ninety percent of the vote it is going to look like we're in Cuba. :|

You can't win over 90% of the vote, you're in the Midwest. To have over 90% you'd either need to get all of the voters for you (a possibility) or have at least 10 people voting Tongue

What makes you think there wont be more than ten voters in a region of 20+?

How many Midwest citizens can you name that will vote this election? There's Hawkeye, Marokai, Rooney, Trondheim, Redalgo, Fritz, Kal, BRTD, and dead0. That's 9.
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