Redalgo's Rural Mountain Lair

[Donerail]

Should I win over ninety percent of the vote it is going to look like we're in Cuba.

You can't win over 90% of the vote, you're in the Midwest. To have over 90% you'd either need to get all of the voters for you (a possibility) or have at least 10 people voting

What makes you think there wont be more than ten voters in a region of 20+?

How many Midwest citizens can you name that will vote this election? There's Hawkeye, Marokai, Rooney, Trondheim, Redalgo, Fritz, Kal, BRTD, and dead0. That's 9.

Ilikeverin, Julio, Reginald. Probably Angus and Maxque. Possibly others.

Forgot about those guys. How many of them have posted in this board in the last couple months? The only Midwesterners to have posted in the Alþing since April are Ilikeverin, Fritz, and Hawkeye. The only ones that have been active off the top of my head are those 3, Kal, and Redalgo.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Should I win over ninety percent of the vote it is going to look like we're in Cuba.

You can't win over 90% of the vote, you're in the Midwest. To have over 90% you'd either need to get all of the voters for you (a possibility) or have at least 10 people voting

What makes you think there wont be more than ten voters in a region of 20+?

How many Midwest citizens can you name that will vote this election? There's Hawkeye, Marokai, Rooney, Trondheim, Redalgo, Fritz, Kal, BRTD, and dead0. That's 9.

Ilikeverin, Julio, Reginald. Probably Angus and Maxque. Possibly others.

Forgot about those guys. How many of them have posted in this board in the last couple months?

ILV will probably vote.

[Oakvale]

Endorsed, of course. You will be a great Senator.

[Redalgo]

 

Main Office for Public Affairs
Comrade C. M. C. Cunningham

--- June 17th Press Release ---

Allo there again! There is good news, people of Atlasia! Over the past couple of days the theme of focus for my campaign - “Let’s Touch Each Other” - has been a resounding success. Thanks to you and tens of thousands of our fellow citizens, my chances of securing a landslide victory in the upcoming election are looking sunnier than ever. Aside from shoring up my heartfelt conviction that we Midwesterners yearn for less blarg in our daily lives and more *hughughug,* this resounding outpour of support goes to verify what I have suspected all along: politics is exactly like sex.

Yes, it is precisely like sex, and it is high time that we acknowledge that the common worker does not like to take it stuck between a rock and a hard place every night from insufferably-greedy, rough doms who never take off their formal business attire and refuse to roleplay as anything other than cops. Sure, getting handcuffed to a bedpost and told one is going to be punished for having been very, very naughty can be exciting every once in awhile, but it is not the best for fostering a sense of emotional intimacy between partners unless you happen to really be into BDSM. Which I am admittedly not. But even if you are, you’d have to admit that with years of repetition without mixing it up you would be getting [Inks]ing dissatisfied. Unfortunately, boring and physically (if not also verbally and emotionally) abusive political sex is exactly what my straw-man-opponent-who-does-not-exist has in mind for the Midwest. Elect me, and I promise to be a good switch compared to the status quo. I will give you plenty of chances to take charge and come out on top if you are in turn willing to accept my loving guidance and show a fair measure of trust whenever I get weird. Because let's face it - the typical lefty Senator is not an elitist with a dragon fetish who tends to ignore polling data and approval ratings because it cramps his interpretation of the elected representative as being a trustee first and foremost, as opposed to being a delegate.

That having been said, my liberating message of mutual, intimate contact has its fair share of opponents. It turns out that some people reckon that my intentions threaten to violate them!

Some people do not want to be touched. Or they do not feel comfortable with being touched in certain ways or places... politically speaking, of course. This is an understandable, perfectly natural response for folks to have, and so today I am proud to announce my intention to support Ilikeverin’s proposal to convene a convention for the purpose of debating the contents of and eventually ratifying a Fourth Midwestern Constitution. A fabulous Midwest Emergency Yurt was recently erected in Kearney, Curiosity for the purpose of housing the proceedings yet to come at a date which is currently undetermined. I intend to participate in the process.

There I hope to put forth a Checklist of Untouchable Social Privileges - known in sum as CUSP, for short. I am not prepared to publically disclose the rights and liberties that shall be included in this proposal until a series of drafts are scrutinized by those working at the behest of my senatorial campaign. What I would like to do today is open up the floor for discussion on the subject - providing Midwesterners a good opportunity to voice their concerns, ideas, and help mold my opinions on how best to lay out the foundational values of our people via their constitution. Comments will be gladly received once I have finished issuing statements.

On another note, my most profuse and warmhearted thanks go out to the Liberal Party, which unanimously voted earlier today in support of a movement to endorse my senatorial candidacy. The liberals have strong, unwavering commitment to promoting economic opportunity, usage of the state in moderation as a tool for the benefit of all, freedom from cultural imperialism, strong yet fair markets, progressive forms of taxation, and collaborative work in government to build up a future we can be proud of. I hereby salute your cadres, as well as your noble efforts to enhance the general quality of life for all Atlasians as precious individuals.

I should also set aside a moment to express the joy I felt upon receiving word that I would be endorsed by the recently-founded Atlasian Society of Righteous and Harmonious Fists. Receiving both the political and implicitly spiritual approval of prominent figures like Chris Farley, Eugene McCarthy, and Arthur Darvill is not to be taken lightly, and shall undoubtedly bring immeasurable glory to my name in the Midwestern region! May the innumerable spirit columns of General Washington’s divine, ancestral armies smile upon your ironic nationalism from on high in paradise, and your athletic, surprisingly supple bodies prove to be ever-impervious to nightsticks, flash bangs, tear gas, water cannons, and other instruments of imperialist aggression in the unlikely event a foreign power invades and subsequently occupies our homeland as you satirically struggle for liberty. I’d be right there at your side… though just in spirit because I wouldn’t want to die, be purged, or sent to a forced labor camp at some unspeakably depressing site in Shock. Sorry.

Finally, as the last order of business to cover in this press release, I hereby call upon the Pacific Region with the utmost in urgency and stern, folksy scowliness to honor the outcomes of a December 17th, 2006 vote in the Midwest to approve Proposition 2 of the contemporary session, which demanded the Pacific renounce all claims to the states of Idaho, Utah, and New Mexico - three states lying in the true and rightful jurisdiction of the Alþing. These lands shall be annexed into the Midwest immediately upon the completion of a set of referendums in said states verifying their support of this declaration here to you via the press. In the event these referendums do not succeed - or if you refuse outright to conduct them - I will be left with no choice but to insist the Pacific region transfer control of New Mexico to the Midwest in exchange for us letting you keep Idaho and Utah. In other regions I’ve no interest in championing similar irridentist claims. So the rest of ya’ll are off the hook for now, okay?

Well but seriously, I jest! You didn’t think I really meant any of that, right? Unless you don’t want New Mexico anymore. It’s not like I’m desperate or something - lol - but if you do not want it anymore I reckon it would do quite nicely in the Midwest. Hypothetically speaking, we sure would be willing to take it off your hands! Ahem. *coughs*

This seems like a good place for me to stop. As a kindly reminder, comments on the CUSP Plan and Fourth Constitution of the Midwest will be gladly received at this time if anyone present has some profound advice or insights to offer. That is all!

[Napoleon]

This is one of the coolest campaigns I have seen so far.

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

I have to say, I'm very excited about your campaign, Redalgo. Our party after the embarrassment of the last midterms at last seems to be rising.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

This is one of the coolest campaigns I have seen so far.

This is a Midwestern tradition, being cool.

[Redalgo]

 

Main Office for Public Affairs
Comrade C. M. C. Cunningham

--- June 23rd Press Release ---

Holy [Inks]ing moly, beloved people of the Midwest. It is Election Day! Do you know what that means? My persistent, arduous campaign to be intimate with you is about to culminate in a magnificent, beautiful climax. I am so excited right now! It is as though an overpowering temptation is welling up from within to loose a warm, flooding torrent of praise and heartfelt appreciation at ya’ll, and I don’t know for how long I can hold back! Without you, I could never have honestly hoped to come this far. Surely it is too late for me to pull out now, but then again… why would I ever want to? You can count on me to get the job done, which happens to remind me of something else I wanted to tell you!

Yep. Adept, gentle, tender masters of love-making never neglect to vote in high preference for the Labour cause! Think of all the children you will have, and the kind of future they deserve. Impress and eventually win over the heart of your special lady friend, ultimate man-crush, or sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania by working hard to satisfy their basic needs along with their deepest, most primal desires. Though it often proves to be exhausting, one might go so far as to say it is the kind of agenda I Labour for every day.

That being said, it is only proper that some time be set aside for a response to the recent Presidential debate. Five of the questions and their answers in particular were of keen interest to me. If you would be so kind as to permit, each of them shall be reviewed and then scrutinized in turn by this senatorial contestant. It is my hope to provide you with a stimulating finale to this shameless quickie of a campaign of mine. So, without any further ado, let us relish this opportunity to proceed with vigour and maybe also a cheerful hint of swagger!

How do you feel about our nation getting involved in the Syrian civil war?

Respectfully, all of the Presidential candidates are at least somewhat off mark on this issue. Napoleon and Tweed tell people this conflict is none of our business. Reprehensible! Mr. Oakvale appears unwilling to take a firm, principled stand on this issue. Let’s find a different strategy if that used in Libya is unsuitable! Although Clarence offered us sage words in regards to gathering information and appraising the situation before committing to a particular course of action and in my opinion has the most agreeable stance on the issue, I am still driven by the hints at nationalist sentiments expressed by him - along with the standoffish positions of the others - to offer ya’ll a quote from the inspirational, visionary Eugene Debs:

We were taught under the old ethic that man's business on this earth was to look out for himself. That was the ethic of the jungle; the ethic of the wild beast. Take care of yourself, no matter what may become of your fellow man. Thousands of years ago the question was asked; “Am I my brother's keeper?” That question has never yet been answered in a way that is satisfactory to civilized society. Yes, I am my brother's keeper. I am under a moral obligation to him that is inspired, not by any maudlin sentimentality but by the higher duty I owe myself.

We need to reach out to the Syrian people to whatever extent they support our intervention, bearing in mind that their wellbeing should be our central concern on this issue regardless of which strategies are utilized to neutralize the Assad regime as a threat to the preservation of human rights. That means showing respect for their customs, values, aspirations, and rights to self-determination and freedom from imperialist interests at large. Resolving this humanitarian crisis is a task best done diplomatically, of course, but we should also be prepared and willing to assemble a multilateral coalition, put into motion a UN peacekeeping mission, and perhaps even render aid to the Free Syrian Army should the talks fail to yield substantive progress - which I think is an extremely likely outcome at this point.

Where does each candidate stand on regional restructuring?  Also, what changes should or should not be made to our current tax code?

The question of regional restructuring is one for which I do not have an opinionated answer, which means I am liable to vote as a senator according to the merits of arguments put forth by colleagues and constituents of mine when the topic is broached on the floor.

As for taxation, the recent Polnut budget is acceptable to me in most respects. However, I would like to see lower, flatter rates for corporations to enhance their competitiveness, and provisions for the poor to pitch in their fair share to support expenditures by the federal government as part of their fulfillment of civic duties. Enacting these changes is not a high priority of mine but may be pursued at a later date once I have become much more familiar with the status of Atlasia’s welfare regime and varied social programs. So-called "flat" or "fair" tax strategies are out of the question unless accompanied by universal prebates, a strong safety net, and - among other things - a maximum wage to guard against increased disparity of capital, which I believe can and does inevitably transform into increased inequality of economic opportunity if left unchecked.

I would like to hear your thoughts on ideology. What place does it have in Atlasia? Would you emphasize it? Is Atlasia boring without it? Compared to your opponents, how ideological are you? How would you describe your ideology, and from what principles is it derived?

Ideology is a construct useful for organizing a coherent worldview and ones moral and strategic visions for the future of society into a neat, orderly package of principles suitable for application in politics. Ideologies are important to the political culture of Atlasia because ours is a nation that cannot for long be vibrant, free, and innovative without noble champions of diverse perspectives locked in perpetual combat in a pluralistic, permissive social environment. Ideology is not necessarily dogma. It is a blueprint for building a better world.

Mine is set upon foundations of six virtues: courage, vigilance, compassion, responsibility, modesty, and gregariousness, and assumes the role of state is to mediate several forms of interpersonal conflict for the purpose of fostering living conditions in which people can grow, flourish, and find satisfaction with their lives. From my perspective, public policies should be crafted to promote social cohesion in a secular and respectful manner that fosters solidarity whilst encouraging the people to question all sources of authority; care and uphold rights for the weak, disadvantaged, and those who have been victimized; regard nature as something sacred to protect while making sustainability - not robust expansion - the number one objective for our economic development; and take steps to accommodate people of all cultures to enrich our society, maintaining the domestic peace and bringing ever more glory to our Union’s name. I also believe we need to experiment with new developments in fields of academia - even when it means breaking with traditional prescriptions, adhere to a “good neighbor policy” when it comes to international relations, and perpetually seek to voluntarily bring the peoples of the world together under a globalized economy and one state with a somewhat decentralized, federalist distribution of governing powers and responsibilities.

Some of you might be thinking, "lol, wut?" in response to all this about now.  To be less ambiguous in my phrasing, I will now turn to senseless political jargon and over-generalizing labels! I am quite progressive; a solidarist who combines aspects of liberal and corporatist thought; a market socialist convinced that firms in the current sense of the word should be replaced with worker-owned cooperatives that elect their leaders, receive all profits made by the organization, and vie with the other co-ops in a moderately-regulated, social market economy; and a personist insofar as I support improved animal rights and intend to pursue at least a handful of environmental causes. I am a multiculturalist who believes in letting people do as they please as individuals and endeavor to preserve their respective ways of life... so long as it does not bring a significant measure of harm upon others, and am also a cosmopolitan in that I believe diverse peoples from all around the globe have enough in common - culturally speaking - to consider them a single, extended community of brothers and sisters. Though I am Atlasian on paper, every gal and guy who lives and breathes is a comrade of mine. And so it shall ever be, random friend and prospective voter from the Midwest, and so it shall ever be for me.

Another question: What is the outline your plan for immigration? Do you plan to make any changes? Are you satisfied with the status quo? What role, if any, should regional governments play?

Immigration is a blessing for Atlasia - not a curse cast upon it. Immigrants often diversify our communities, increase the competitiveness of our labour market, reinvigorate neglected neighborhoods, and engage in invaluable entrepreneurial activities. I support unlimited access to student and worker visas, a raised cap on the number of people who may apply for Atlasian citizenship, and amnesty for every one of the millions of immigrants who live and work here illegally who possess no prior felony offenses on their criminal records. If not for certain practical considerations I would be in favor of lifting all limitations on immigration but, in the interest of keeping our country wealthy and harmonious, such an ideal would be unreasonable to codify. You can also count on me to advocate on behalf of refugees and seekers of political asylum alike to receive quick and friendly admission into Atlasia. Otherwise, suffice to say, I am partial to aspects of the responses to this question provided by Clarence and Napoleon. Both of them had great ideas to bring to the table.

[Redalgo]

Do you Support a Balanced Budget Amendment and what spending will you cut or what taxes will you raise to balance the budget?

Rates of taxation in Atlasia have risen to such an extent that I would be extremely reluctant to hike them any further. What we need at this point is a healthy bit of belt-tightening in line with Clarence’s rationale for government that handles its finances like that of a responsible family. I oppose an amendment for the purpose of forcing the federal government to maintain a balanced budget because it would be all but impossible for us to maintain during a major war or unforeseen catastrophe, but in practice I strongly support efforts directed toward the aim of maintaining a balance or small budgetary surplus. Under most circumstances defense spending is my first target when it comes to slashing costs but to be perfectly honest I will need to wait and see what kind of budget proposals arise in the future before deciding what to cut and by how much. Needless to say, there is always more that I would like to spend on than we can realistically afford. So ufda.

But with the polls just hours away from closing it is my sincere hope that these responses will be useful for those of you in the Midwest who are still deliberating whether to vote for me or my ironically dark horse, write-in opponent as of yesterday, Fluttershy. I would also like to commend Clarence on his outstanding performance in the recent Presidential debate. Though I’m all but obliged to endorse and cast my ballot at this time in support of Napoleon based on proximity of ideological views, your positions were insightful, well-articulated, and left me a bit reassured in the sense that a Clarence presidency would not be difficult for this humble, prospective legislator-to-be to work with. Best of wishes to all the candidates, be sure to vote, and may our mighty republics forever grace the Atlasian homeland with fair rules, dignified living conditions, and justice for all!

I formally announce at this time the cessation of my 2012 senatorial campaign’s activities, and shall await the results of this election with solemn gratitude for the love shown to me by my Midwestern supporters. I very much look forward to us touching each other again someday soon, but for now it is important for each to vote in accordance to their own interests. That is to say, proudly go forth to touch yourselves in public! What are you waiting for? Do it! Do it naoughw! For on Election Day, there is no action more intimate than that hastily performed whilst huddled within a voting booth.

[The world will shine with light in our nightmare]

I look forward to working with you, Mr. Senator-elect.

[tmthforu94]

Congratulations!

[Adam Griffin]

Congrats!

[Okay, maybe Mike Johnson is a competent parliamentarian.]

Congratulations to the Party's newest Senator! The voice of the serious Atlasian left  is on the march!

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Congrats on your election to the Senate. I look forward to working with you over the next four months.

[Napoleon]

Congratulations Redalgo, you will make a great Senator! Like the others, I intend to have a one on one discussion with you to organize priorities and hear concerns for your region.

[Kaine for Senate '18]

Congrats on your election, and welcome to the Senate

[Redalgo]

Thank you so very kindly everyone, and for Senator Scott and NC Yankee the sentiments are most certainly reciprocal! It will take my aides and I a few days to adjust to our new surroundings. I will also be spending the next several days becoming a little bit more familiar with the Atlasian constitution, Senatorial procedures, and past Senate legislation pertinent to the areas of policy for which I am especially interested in putting forward proposals. Regularly scheduled press releases shall not resume in this thread until a week or two from today.

In the meanwhile, I welcome President-elect Napoleon's proposition and would like to ask when and via what medium he would like to sit down with me for a one-on-one meeting of the minds. It is imperative that citizens of the Midwest contact me as soon as possible to voice any concerns they may want addressed from the federal level. Otherwise, as your trustee I will be left with only my own interests to pursue - a vision for the Midwest untempered by those of anyone else.

As always, any comments are welcome here and all questions will be promptly answered.

[Southern Senator North Carolina Yankee]

Make sure you check the date modified on the OSPR page you look at. There is an older one that hasn't been updated since 2004. There have been atleast four occassions in the last year when someone was looking at the wrong one. The current one is accessible in the Senate's wiki page.

[Redalgo]

Sure thing - that'll come in handy, I imagine.

[Redalgo]

--- SENATORIAL ASCENSION SPEECH ---

Minneapolis City Hall, Happiness
Comrade C. M. C. Cunningham

--- July 6th Press Release ---

Sisters and brothers, friends and colleagues, volunteers, distinguished champions of labour...

We gather here today in this most magnificent rotunda housed in walls wrought of granite and a sun-kissed roof of copper in the good company of the majestic Father of Waters. Quite a guy, eh? It has been said that giving his largest toe a fond little rub brings a fine bit of luck to ya, but you know just as well as I that luck had nothing to do with the circumstances which culminated in this merry gathering of ours. So I would like to begin by expressing my sincerest gratitude to those of you who have contributed - whether it be through long, tedious hours served on the campaign trail, chipping in some coin, speaking kind words of me, or just getting out the vote - to this momentous crusade.

And it is a crusade. There is no uncertainty about it. For too long the glorious workers of the Midwest have been denied what is rightfully theirs. For too long a veil of complacent indifference has obscured from view sweet visions of what could be. For too long has the old order - a malformed liberal paradigm whose darkness was no stranger to so many of those who toiled away in generations all but forgotten to the People, but not at all distant in their passing if one pauses for a moment to dwell on it - insisted that it is the investor, market, and corporate organism that we most ought to laud for making all the marvels of modern society possible when it is in fact the common folk who in most cases played the most instrumental roles of all. The erection of this wondrous testament to human resolve and ingenuity in which we stand, this splendid city hall, is but a single exhibition of their innumerable hours of exertion.

With the outcome of this election we have struck a blow against the chains which bind us - but those chains are not yet broken. Ours is a struggle that must carry on. I shall make a fair effort to do my part in the Senate. Already in the works are a number of bills that will challenge the very foundations of the political-economic status quo. Though progress will take time and I recommend patience on your part in understanding that no man can on his own move entire mountains, it is time for me to reveal some of the low-lying fruits which I aspire to pick for the benefit of all. Four of them in particular are being eyed at this time.

First amongst their number, we must begin to decentralize the internal power structure of businesses to shift influence away from executives and outside shareholders and towards the workers themselves. This I plan to achieve, if the rest of the Senate shall permit, with the Economic Democratization Act. It shall lay the groundwork for a transformation of the “free” market economy from a perilous battlefield in which exploitation is ruthless, and the leadership of factions alarmingly authoritarian, to one where employees own and are empowered to have a say in the decision-making process, and elect as representatives all of their leaders in the workplace. Such a bill would serve as a cornerstone in founding a system of open, fair-market socialism centered firmly on worker co-ops, not on sprawling, byzantine bureaucracies of big government.

I will also be formulating a Workers’ Liberation Amendment to the Atlasian Third Constitution to abolish all remaining vestiges of slavery in our society, pound the final nail into the coffin of conscription, buttress the rights of employees to organize, expand the suffrage, and commit the state to honoring all our basic rights as human beings - not merely those most convenient to those who’ve privileged access to capital. Such an effort is almost sure to fail given the present composition of the Senate. Some folks may figure me a quixotic fool with delusions of grandeur - a knight errant gone mad all tilting and such at windmills - but it is my position that each of us should be willing to go down with a fight doing what we think is right. Compromise and expedience are the favored paths of blokes weaker than I in heart. You can count on me to put principle ahead of party and political self-interest.

On issues pertinent to foreign relations and job creation that rings true, as well. It is my intention to sponsor a Good Neighbor Resolution - one of many steps I would like to see Atlasia take in the direction of becoming an exemplary model and moral paragon in its dealings abroad worthy of emulation by other countries. With the long-term needs of the public in mind, my sights are also set on investments in science, nationalizing the nuclear industry, and taking other such measures to ensure that all of your children and grandchildren shall be able to enjoy abundant, cheap, reliable sources of growth-fueling energy in the Midwest of tomorrow.

Should sufficient opportunities to act arise while in office I will also work to make the dealings of Congress more accessible and the documentation of legislation more user-friendly for the benefit of laymen; initiate a study into the potential ramifications, for better or worse, of diplomatically endeavoring to establish a North American Union; buttress both the rights of animals and separation of church and state in Atlasian society, examine some measures for checking the power of organized labor to prevent potential abuses and overreaching in negotiations; and encourage global abolition of land mines, cluster bombs, and weapons of mass destruction. And that's merely the start!

There is a world of exciting possibilities for me to explore in the months to come. I hope you will choose to follow my updates and interact with my staff to keep the bond of trust betwixt you and me as solid as the Father’s marble head. Keep me responsible. Keep me honest. Keep me close to your hearts. But most importantly of all, remember that luck is no way out of our collective situation. If there is a better future lying in wait, it is one we must build for ourselves - not loaf around on our cushy posteriors all starry-eyed like in anticipation with an expectation that it will be delivered right into our hands by some sort of god and savior in either a literal or figurative sense. Each and every one of us owes it to ourselves, our prodigy, and yes - even our ancestors - to ensure our lives amount to something satisfactory in the greater scope of things.

Unfortunately, time is running short. At this time there are some closing remarks I would still like to make. For one, it is important I get sworn into office before catching my flight to DC. What better a place for me to do so than right here in my home state of Happiness, at a site a half an hour’s drive off from the exact place of my birth? What better a setting could there be for me at the moment I claim a seat in the Senate than in the company of so many dear friends in what I must admit it is my favorite metropolitan area in the whole of the Midwest? Hell, the city loves me. It even put on a fireworks display in honor of yours truly last night! It was all for me, right?

What? I don’t even get a warm chuckle out of that? Well at least there’s cake. Cake is cool.

At any rate, without further adieu, I - esteemed Labor Party vanguard Christopher M. C. Cunningham - do hereby solemnly affirm that I shall faithfully execute the office of Midwest Senator and will, to the best of my ability and without significant mental reservation, act so as to protect and defend the Constitution of the Republic of Atlasia because I want to, so help me fans of the Happiness Vikings.

*hug, hug, grunt... brohoof* /)*(

Now if you will kindly excuse me, I am going to sneak off with five slices of cake to devour in the cab on my way to Minneapolis-St. Paul International. As it is, I'm already running late for a conference call with the President Elect and still would like to finish eating first. Ya'll enjoy yourselves, be sure to write, and keep a looks-see for new press releases because I can assure you they will not be at all uncommon!

*cues music* Stay solidaristic, my friends! *waves and such*

 

[Redalgo]

 


Sen. Redalgo’s Capitol Office
Comrade C. M. C. Cunningham

--- July 25th Press Release ---

People of the Midwest, let me begin by saying it is too damned hot in Washington. It was bad enough at ground level. But ever since I got prohibited from living in the Hart Senate Office Building and decided to move up to the interior balcony that overlooks the rotunda floor under the Atlasian Capitol Building’s dome, it has been breathtakingly different. No really. I mean it. I can barely breathe up here! I keep trying to talk to Minerva about it but she is apparently either dead or too pissed off at me to respond over me not bringing her a PC of her own to use. Mine now requires over $300 worth of extension cords to reach the nearest outlet. Do not fret though, fellow taxpayers. Imagine how much I save by having a sleeping bag on top of an inflatable mattress and a few fans running up here!

At any rate, please permit me to apologize in the sincerest of terms for my prolonged absence from your company. You will be pleased to hear me report that I have made substantial progress over the past few weeks here in our nation’s capital. Let’s recap!

During week one I managed to express some concerns of mine about the potential danger of former servicepersons being unjustly denied important assistance from the government by The Less Than Honorable Service Preclusion of Benefits Act, which I eventually became the only outspoken opponent of in the Senate. I later introduced The Economic Democratization Act - a broad-sweeping initiative to incrementally transform most of the authoritarian regimes of capitalist firms throughout the land into democratic workers’ cooperatives in accordance with my vision for a free and socialist Atlasia - and proposed The Workers’ Liberation Amendment, which if passed will abolish slavery, solidify the social rights of people at home and abroad, enhance the suffrage, expand the Senate’s responsibilities to maintain critical infrastructure and provide social insurance, forbid the state from conscripting citizens into its service during times of war, and change the flag and national anthem of our great republic to something more becoming of a free society.

More importantly yet, I voted to table legislation that threatened to do away entirely with the Midwest Region. The treachery of the North Carolina Yankee and silence of Senators Clarence and Wormyguy on this matter were disheartening, but I urge the fair people of the Midwest to remain calm in this time of lingering peril, show forgiveness to those who have sinned in these sacred halls of power, and refrain from painting onto these officials’ cars the words “nyuk nyuk” or abducting garden gnomes from the yards of their relatives. This experience has redoubled my resolve to make our region strong and secure from the imperialist ambitions of a deviously conniving minority of our neighbors within our very own Atlasian republic.

So I went out into the woods and fathered with Mother Nature a new constitution for our region!

Okay. Not really. Ilikeverin convened a Fifth Midwest Region Constitutional Convention. But still!

As the prime architect of the new founding document, working in collaboration with and in service to my fellow Midwesterners, I proposed abolition of the Verinship, restructured policymaking institutions, strong foundations for a social democracy in which liberal and socialist factions can continue to vie for influence over the future of the region, and eleven renamed states - including the state formerly-known-as-New Mexico, which was ingloriously captured by the dastardly PRP and must now be reclaimed once and for all to ensure the integrity and territorial wholeness of our nation. Although this so-called Fourth Constitution has yet to be formally ratified, rest assured that substantial progress toward this end has been made. I urge each Midwesterner with reservations about these plans to contact me soon so we can together make things right. In the meanwhile we are still busy at work on smoothing over some differences of opinion and resolving disputes.

During the second week, to go back a bit for a moment, I rubber-stamped all of President Napoleon’s nominees, supported The Saving Over Spending Act of 2012, and took part in the defeat of a completely unnecessary and scurrilous defense accord with Israel. To top things off, I introduced The Good Neighbor Resolution and responded to a handful of Senatorial protests concerning its contents. This legislation aims to make it more difficult for Senators to push through international agendas which jeopardize the general welfare of people in nations abroad, or subjugate the interests of humanity as a whole to those which corruptly align with the desires of a selfish and/or nationalist few.  

Ever since then things have been a tad more boring. You would not want to know much about the debates over new Senatorial committees or judiciary reforms, I reckon, nor do you probably want to hear about the byzantine White House budget, VP reform, or the relatively recent, nasty row underway betwixt Senator Clarence and President Napoleon. Which reminds me, I am proud to announce my list of buddies now includes the good gentleman from the IDS himself, who is also the most powerful Whig to ever qualify for a *hughuggrunt* from me. Also, while still on the subject of friends, I have discovered that tossing candy over the balcony rails for the children wandering roughly sixty yards below is a great way to get people to come upstairs to share in grand feasts of pizza and tap kegs of Dr. Pepper. Well, actually, I’m not allowed to evidently, but would if I could. Maybe the candy will at least give me a five-point bump in some upcoming polls...

Oh hey - my secretary says Ilikeverin is holding on line three. I need to go.  Take care, ya’ll!

[HagridOfTheDeep]

Redalgo--we don't see eye-to-eye much, but I just wanted to say, I really appreciate the way you're conducting yourself in the senate. Keep up the good work.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

You are rapidly becoming my favorite Atlasian politician.

[Grumpier Than Thou]

Seriously, we may differ greatly on the issues, but reading your press releases and whatnot is so awesome. It's like reading a mini-epic.